Tag Archives: personal reflections

Friendship: pausing to celebrate

About Dorothy,

18th January 1999. I didn’t yet know what a year 1999 would be for me – professionally at least. My involvement in a major research project, looking at what distinguishes the most outstanding teachers in the UK, kept me and my colleagues so busy that we could hardly stand come Christmas. But then, I’m getting ahead of myself.

At about 10.30 a.m. on 18th January 1999 I was struck by the introduction of a particular member of a group of headteachers I would be working with for the next four days. As he described the school he was leading there could be no doubt that it was a highly successful institution. And whilst no personal claim was made about this man’s contribution, there could, equally, be no doubt that these successes were down to the man making his introduction. I wondered, “will his colleagues love him or hate him?” I could equally have asked “will I love him or hate him?”

As the course unfolded it became clear that the answer to the first question was “love”. Behind the scenes the course’s leaders were blown away by the feedback data which showed him to be a highly effective leader. This may or may not have been visible to his colleagues. Still, it became clear that they appreciated his easy informality and his willingness to support them in a variety of ways – as they accessed on-line information, worked through case studies and even by playing the piano one evening as everyone gathered round to sing.

When the course finished we exchanged contact details and, with a major research project coming up into teacher effectiveness, it made sense to take him up on his invitation to visit his school. It was my first visit to school for a number of years and I remember feeling like a schoolgirl again as I sat opposite the ‘headmaster’ in his office.

I also remember how, working as I was in an environment in which professionalism and formality were seen to go hand in hand, I felt uneasy as our contact moved quickly from the professional to the personal and still, Alan quickly became a friend. Three years later, when I set up my own business, it was Alan who would phone me on his way to school to ask “how’s it going?”

This month I have been reflecting on ten years of friendship. This evening I make a note of those things I look forward to celebrating with Alan some time soon and I ask myself “Have I really put up with ten years of the most awful jokes?”

And just in case you’re still wondering about the answer to my second question, stay tuned. I should know the answer by 2019.

Putting modesty to rest

About Dorothy, ,

Sunday. After a packed week of rehearsals (packed around work, that is) members of the London Symphony Chorus join the London Symphony Orchestra and a dazzling line up of soloists (Christine Brewer, Karen Cargill, Stuart Neill and John Relyea) to perform Verdi’s Requiem under the baton of Sir Colin Davis.

The performance is dedicated to the memory of Richard Hickox following his oh so untimely death last November and his family are gathered in the stalls. I was not alone in experiencing moments of deep emotion during rehearsals, wishing for Richard that he does indeed enjoy safe passage to whatever lies ahead and mourning the loss of such a dedicated and inspiring musician. Now though, is not the time to miss an entry to be present to such emotions.

Perhaps it is because of the special significance of this dedication or maybe it’s because Sir Colin has put us through our paces – there will be no complacency here – that our performance blazes a trail through Verdi’s exquisite writing. From the hushed cello entry and the muted Requiem of the chorus at the beginning of the piece, through the fiery Dies Irae to the closing fugue and call to libera me it seems to me that the orchestra, chorus and soloists catch every nuance, doing justice to this magnificent work and to Richard as we bid him farewell.

Two days later, with two more performances to look forward to, I find myself reflecting on my own performance. The Requiem is a demanding sing, requiring stamina and the ability both to give life and volume to many fortissimo passages and still to have the vocal control for the quieter passages. There are some that require the kind of quiet singing at the top of one’s range that can terrify the amateur singer – all the more so when you find yourself in the front row of the chorus singing into the left ear of one of the Orchestra’s fine professional musicians.

I smile as I celebrate my own performance and recognise that, for the time being at least and notwithstanding my lingering cold, I am singing well. Of course I gave my all in the Dies Irae – for high volume and dramatic singing are my forte. And still I managed to sustain my voice and to land quietly and truly on some of the high, quiet phrases. I ponder, wondering what is giving me this ease and joy in my singing.

And I feel so grateful that I have reached a stage in my life when I am able to celebrate in this way, putting modesty to rest and allowing myself to acknowledge fully everything that I bring. Surely this alone contributed to a ‘personal best’ on Sunday.

Richard, I hope you were listening.

Stepping softly into the New Year

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Most years I like to take a few days out over Christmas to reflect on the year just gone and to look forward to the year ahead.

This year was slightly different! Three weeks after I first wondered if I was going to go down with a cold Christmas came and so did my cold, a drawn-out weary affair which was certainly not flu though it came close. After Christmas with family (as it happens, a time to bring our diverse winter germs together and compare notes) I holed up in my London home for a few days to recover. Having listened to my body’s feedback I postponed my time to reflect and took time to relax. It was good to have these few days with absolutely no agenda other than to listen to my inner guidance and to ‘hole up’. Donny Osmond was the perfect companion.

So I have been grateful this week for a relatively gentle start. My coaching appointments have all been over the phone and I have yet to have any early starts. I have been able to send out invoices to those clients who pay me a monthly fee. (I always do this with joy and gratitude, for this exchange is what makes it possible for me to meet my needs whilst also supporting my clients). I have had time to meditate with ease – though not to meditate and to write on my blog (until today). All this has given me time to return to my aims for the year ahead and to begin to shape the two page document which will guide me through 2009.

I confess that for a few days, this experience has knocked me off my ‘smug healthy’ pedestal, reminding me that I am not omnipotent. As Dr. Christiane Northrup so often puts it (in her wonderful books on women’s health), “sooner or later, the body presents the bill”. My diet has played a huge part in keeping me healthy in 2008. Still, I know that I am currently in the midst of a challenging personal decision and that this is taking time and energy. I wonder how much the widespread germs and colds we have been sharing so generously reflect a time of concern – about the economy, about world events. I don’t know.

Still, here it is. 2009. As I step softly into the New Year I do not know what will happen in the world around me. Still, I know where my direction lies. This latter is enough for me.

Celebrating my niece and her work

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Well, it’s already a few months since I signed up, together with my niece Rebecca and my nephew Edward, for a course with the Writers Bureau. (That’s ‘Writers’ with no possessive apostrophe).

We all have different reasons for taking the course. Rebecca is approaching the end of her PhD and a career in scientific journalism is an option for her. Edward is a composer and also a great reader. For him, writing offers the occasional distraction. Belatedly, I have become consciously aware of how much I love to write. The course has become the vehicle for exploring this great love and what I might do with it.

Our first assignment was simple. I decided to submit one of my blog postings and was told I had got off to a flying start. The second assignment requires far more effort – to identify and research a target publication and to prepare an article for submission. I have identified my target publication and await my first copy.

Course or no course, my niece is striding ahead. Today she sent me a link to an article about her PhD research, into the migration patterns of butterflies and moths. You can read it at http://www.lablit.com/article/442#top.

I have no reason to feel proud – her work is all her own – and still, I notice that something in me is bursting forth. I try some words on for size: “It gives me so much joy to see her work coming to fruition”. And somehow, words do not seem enough to describe my sense of celebration.

When work gives way to rest

Coaching,

Whilst most of my clients are sponsored by their employing organisations, Monday is reserved for clients who come to me privately. Some of these are the same senior leaders with whom I work during the rest of the week, except that they choose to pay for their own coaching. Some, but not all. Speaking with these clients on the phone (and with my own coach, Lynne) can make for a busy day with my last session finishing at 7pm in the evening.

Whilst my work with clients can be extraordinary in its diversity, today, I am struck by a common underlying theme. It seems that, as the year draws to its close, we are all ready for a rest. For some, the body has kicked in with messages – more or less robust – that the pace of recent months cannot go on. For others, it is simply that the motivation to move forward, which has characterised much of the year, is suddenly giving way to a gentle trusting, a sense that the time for such assertive action is giving way to a new time, to rest and take stock.

I notice that I, too, am ready for rest and restoration. Even the number of postings I have made this month seems slightly fewer than in previous months. I have started to prioritise those activities I would like to complete before Christmas and to postpone others that can wait until after a break.

I take a moment to ponder the natural rhythms that guide us, recognising a wisdom we all share – if only we take time to listen.

Honouring a national institution

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Woolworths is in the news today. Almost 100 years after the first Woolworths store opened in the UK the creditors are looming and a buyer for this ailing retail chain has yet to appear.

In stores around the country shoppers are emptying the shelves of goods being sold at up to 50% price reduction. The queues are long. Some customers are making their last visit to the pick’n’mix for old times’ sake. For these customers, ‘Woollies’ has been a part of their lives – the whole of their lives.

Thousands of workers face the possibility of a redundancy – just in time for Christmas. My heart goes out to these workers. They have bills to pay. They are entering the job market at a time when jobs are scarce. Whatever emotions they feel are real right now.

And still, I recognise that there are many different ways to look at this event and our emotions come from the way we look at them, rather than from the events themselves. For me, understanding this is key to my experience of the current economic downturn.

It seems that the more I allow that this is a loss AND that there are many possibilities that lie ahead, the more I am able both to celebrate the role this chain of stores has played in our lives over almost 100 years AND to be open to the natural evolution that is manifesting in Woolworths’ current demise.

I hold the past, present and future in my thoughts.

Sitting with the question

Coaching,

I am three days into my trip to Dubai, my third trip in as many months, and I find myself sitting with a coach’s dilemma – yearning to share and committed to confidentiality.

Perhaps dilemma is not the word, for there is no dilemma when you have made your commitment to maintain client confidentiality. Nothing gets shared for which you have not been given permission.

And still, as I reflect, I wonder how to honour my clients in this posting, how to honour the readers of this blog by sharing.

Even as I write I have no answer and simply sit with the question.

TM: Getting started

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When we take on a new responsibility or commitment, there is often a gap between our input and the effects over time that motivate us to get started. We make many visits to the gym before our bodies show the effects of our regular exercise – be they newly-defined muscles, increased stamina or new-found energy. The golfer makes many shots before celebrating a hole-in-one. The salesman or -woman may wear down many pairs of (real or metaphorical) shoes before the results start to show. For this reason, new beginnings require an attention to our inputs ahead of a focus on our outputs or results.

So it is for me as I begin to meditate. Over a period of about six years I have been paying attention to such evidence as I have been able to find, including the testimony of people I have met who meditate on a regular basis. I am already convinced of the benefits of a regular practice of Transcendental Meditation. Still, leaving my initial training programme on Friday, I already know that my first challenge will be to carve out time every day to meditate.

What better test of my resolve than a trip to Dubai, beginning the very next day! I plan ahead of time, deciding to spend half an hour of my taxi journey to the airport “snoozing” and another half an hour on the plane. I calculate the best time to meditate on the plane, leaving a gap between meditations and ahead of the meal that will sustain me through the night. And then, setting my alarm for my first day’s work on Sunday (yes, Sunday begins the working week here in Dubai) I realise that I shall be rising at 2 a.m. UK time. Hey, ho!

I am glad that I am not looking for any immediate results to convince me to continue. It’s enough for me to celebrate these first two days of managing my own meditation practice. I did it! I made time on both days for two meditations a day. I know I am ready to begin this daily practice. To commit.

Preparing heart and mind for a time of recession

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In recent weeks, it seems that every time I speak with a coaching colleague, they ask: ‘Are you noticing a downturn in your business?’ For a while, I was able to take a detached view – my business is holding up and I know from past experience that businesses, as they reshape for leaner times, need fitter leaders. There are opportunities for me in this market as well as challenges.

So, stepping back to take a larger view, I have been wondering about the questions the recession brings. What learnings does this recession point to for us – as individuals, for our organisations, for our economic and social models? Who or what do we want our economy to serve – and do we know? In what way, is the recession just the feedback that we need right now?

Still, increasingly, the recession is coming closer to home. One client organisation – for whom I am not currently doing any work – let me know last week that they are drawing their executive coaching to a close forthwith. My sessions with clients are peppered with talk of the impact of the recession on their businesses. Soon, questions of how to lead their organisations through the teeth of the recession will be top of the agenda for at least some of my clients.

Whilst for some, questions of survival have already started to kick in, I prefer to ask ‘How can I prosper during this time, no matter what?’ Henry Allingham, 112 years old and Britain’s oldest surviving veteran of World War I, gave his own answer in last weekend’s Observer Magazine. He described how he has never worried – not even in the great depression of the 1930s.

Perhaps another way to prosper during this time is to take a close look at our relationship with money – not only at the financial commitments we have made in our lives but also at the way we think and feel about money. Surely, this places Lynne Twist’s wise book The Soul of Money at the top of our reading lists right now. With its wonderful subtitle, Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Life, it delivers what it promises.

Armistice Day: a day to remember the future

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Today is Armistice Day. Ninety years after the end of the war known as World War I we still remember.

My thoughts today are wide-ranging. I think of the small number of men who still live to remember this war, men whose ages break records. I think of the day when, rehearsing to sing in the Flanders Festival in Gent on September 11, 2001, the modern technology of the mobile phone brought the creeping news, mid rehearsal, of the destruction of New York’s Twin Towers. Still in shock, our performance that evening of Verdi’s Requiem was sombre. I think of the Germans of my generation who, born years after the Second World War ended, have been taught to bear a sense of responsibility for the acts of their countrymen – whilst I, in England, have not. I think of the beauty – paradoxical perhaps – of many poems written following the First World War and of Britten’s War Requiem. I think of Sebastian Faulks’ novel, Birdsong, which, more than any other experience I had had prior to reading it, gave me a visceral sense of the experiences of those young men who fought in the trenches in World War I. I think of the men and women who, whether willingly or not, have given their lives, their limbs and so much more in war.

I feel moved to write and still, I wonder where to focus my attention. Until slowly the thought surfaces: what is it that we want for our future? I think of hopes nurtured for many, many years – only last week Barack Obama’s election as first black President of the United States of America gave birth to a hope fulfilled for people – black and white – all over the world.

What then, of those who nurture the hope that we may, one day, live in peace together on this earth? I take a moment to sit with this hope, to cherish it. One day.