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Sharing greetings of the season

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Phew! Today I posted the last of my Christmas cards and sent my final e-mail greetings. I take the scale of this as a sign of the abundance of people who contribute to my life.

You, too, dear Readers. With this in mind, I share my greetings with you. Of course my newsletter (mentioned below) is not attached – still if you would like to receive a copy or to join my circulation list, please e-mail me directly at dorothy@learningforlifeconsulting.co.uk.

“These are days when many are discouraged.
In the 93 years of my life, depressions have come and gone.
Prosperity has always returned and will again.”

John D. Rockefeller
1932

Dear friends

As 2008 draws to a close, we are surrounded by the signs of a deepening and world-wide recession. Whatever our circumstances, whatever our response, 2009 will bring new challenges to us all. For many of us, these challenges will lie outside our prior experience. Perhaps we are young enough to be experiencing the first major recession of our lives. Perhaps our experience of recession is radically different, because of the responsibilities we have now that we did not have last time round.

No matter what our experience of the current recession, we get to choose our response. For this reason, I have chosen in my December newsletter to return to a subject I have written about before and to ask: 2009: a time of scarcity or abundance? I have also invited you to your own personal exploration in my accompanying paper, Whatever the Weather, Choosing Abundance Whatever the Climate. And whether or not you are a regular subscriber, I am choosing to attach my newsletter and accompanying paper.

I close the year with a deep sense of abundance and I want to express my gratitude to you for your role in that. You are my readers: the people who send cheery messages in response to my writing and encourage me to stay in touch. You are my clients: the people with whom I work in coaching partnership to produce major and minor miracles; the people with whom I look across whole organisations to ask, what can we do that will make the difference? And, dare I say it, you are my sales team! For even whilst I continue to explore new ways to help those people to reach me who can most benefit from our work together, the majority of new clients continue to come to me because you choose to refer them to me. I thank you all.

Sending you heartfelt wishes for a Christmas, 2008 and a New Year, 2009, which are happy, abundant and prosperous.

Dorothy Nesbit
Coach to Leaders

Celebrating my niece and her work

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Well, it’s already a few months since I signed up, together with my niece Rebecca and my nephew Edward, for a course with the Writers Bureau. (That’s ‘Writers’ with no possessive apostrophe).

We all have different reasons for taking the course. Rebecca is approaching the end of her PhD and a career in scientific journalism is an option for her. Edward is a composer and also a great reader. For him, writing offers the occasional distraction. Belatedly, I have become consciously aware of how much I love to write. The course has become the vehicle for exploring this great love and what I might do with it.

Our first assignment was simple. I decided to submit one of my blog postings and was told I had got off to a flying start. The second assignment requires far more effort – to identify and research a target publication and to prepare an article for submission. I have identified my target publication and await my first copy.

Course or no course, my niece is striding ahead. Today she sent me a link to an article about her PhD research, into the migration patterns of butterflies and moths. You can read it at http://www.lablit.com/article/442#top.

I have no reason to feel proud – her work is all her own – and still, I notice that something in me is bursting forth. I try some words on for size: “It gives me so much joy to see her work coming to fruition”. And somehow, words do not seem enough to describe my sense of celebration.

Honouring a national institution

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Woolworths is in the news today. Almost 100 years after the first Woolworths store opened in the UK the creditors are looming and a buyer for this ailing retail chain has yet to appear.

In stores around the country shoppers are emptying the shelves of goods being sold at up to 50% price reduction. The queues are long. Some customers are making their last visit to the pick’n’mix for old times’ sake. For these customers, ‘Woollies’ has been a part of their lives – the whole of their lives.

Thousands of workers face the possibility of a redundancy – just in time for Christmas. My heart goes out to these workers. They have bills to pay. They are entering the job market at a time when jobs are scarce. Whatever emotions they feel are real right now.

And still, I recognise that there are many different ways to look at this event and our emotions come from the way we look at them, rather than from the events themselves. For me, understanding this is key to my experience of the current economic downturn.

It seems that the more I allow that this is a loss AND that there are many possibilities that lie ahead, the more I am able both to celebrate the role this chain of stores has played in our lives over almost 100 years AND to be open to the natural evolution that is manifesting in Woolworths’ current demise.

I hold the past, present and future in my thoughts.

Celebrating my readers

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It’s six months today since I wrote my first posting on this blog. This has been a step on the path towards recognising how much I love to write and manifesting my joy in writing in ways which others who want to – many others I hope – can share.

As I sit here today, I am looking forward to all sorts of writing plans for the future. Some of my immediate plans involve technology as much as writing. In 2009 I’d like to pull together some of the writing I am already doing to create a coordinated whole – a new website with links to my blog and also my regular newsletters. Given this and other plans, I shall soon be looking for the right technological partner to work with.

As I write, I notice that whether or not anyone reads it, I am enjoying writing this blog. It gives me so much joy to be able to express myself in this way. I am enjoying using this blog as a repository for all sorts of resources and information. I love the experience of taking a few moments to reflect – be it a late ‘tea break’, the sharing of some new information or a more coordinated series of postings.

And still, even whilst enjoying this lonesome pursuit, I feel so grateful when I think of those people who, together, constitute my readers. You do not know each other. Often I do not know you are reading. Until, that is, you let me know of your struggles to leave a comment or that you know about my recent visit to Dubai, or… or… or… I thank you for your reading, which connects us even when we don’t speak. I celebrate this connection.

We are all connected: but how?

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What a week! In Dubai I have been deepening my understanding of the relationships amongst senior leaders in my client organisation whilst also deepening my understanding of the wider context which is Dubai.

Throughout the week I have been amongst people of many nationalities. I listened to my Pakistani taxi driver tell me last Sunday how much he dislikes Indians. I received a hearty handshake and a warm welcome from my client company’s Sudanese driver on my return. I was astonished by the number of staff members of many nationalities whose faces beamed as they welcomed me back to my hotel and asked me how I’d been since my last visit. I said no to the drink that Peter, a fellow guest whom I met on my last visit, ordered for me – and to the invitations that went with it. This morning, at Dubai airport, I was struck by the graceful beauty of an African woman who, pulling her suitcase behind her, also carried her shopping, hands free, on her head.

Since my visit in October the beginnings of a ripple effect of the global economic situation have become waves. Property prices are dropping and mortgages are going up. There is talk of a shake-out in the banking sector. Construction projects are already being scaled back. Any idea that Dubai might be recession-proof has been shown – quickly – to be untrue. In case we needed a reminder, any idea that national boundaries keep us in any way separate are hard, in this economic climate, to maintain.

And then Mumbai. As if it isn’t enough that the men responsible for a rising death-toll in Mumbai have targeted British and American people, the news is slowly emerging that a number of the men involved in perpetrating the attacks are from Britain. As I left the plane at Heathrow on my return from Dubai, the invitation to anyone who had been in Mumbai at the time of the attacks to speak with police officers on leaving the plane was a reminder of just how small the world has truly become. It’s all so close to home.

We are all connected. But how? And how do we want to be connected in future? I think of the possibilities for a world in which we choose dialogue and understanding above violence and aggression – surely our history is teaching us how little violence brings! I think of the teachings of Mahatma Gandhi and of the work, more recently, of Marshall Rosenberg in the field of nonviolent communication.

And then I come home, knowing that I cannot change the others, I can only choose my own behaviour. The journey towards non-violence begins here, with me.

Getting to know Barack Obama

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In the restaurant in my hotel in Dubai I overhear two colleagues discuss the heritage of a colleague, just back from a visit to see her family in Kenya. “I thought she was from Yemen” says one. “Yes” his colleague replies, “her family is from Yemen. But she was born and brought up in Kenya”.

Born in Kenya, of Yemeni origins, working in Dubai. If, like me, you were born and brought up in one place – one house, even – it can be easy to imagine that such a diverse history is rare. Until you stop to look around you that is.

One man whose personal history includes many threads is the US President Elect, Barack Obama. Born in Hawaii of a white American mother and a Kenyan father, Barack’s upbringing took him from Hawaii to Indonesia and back again. His inner journey of discovery seems also to have spanned significant distances.

Obama came to attention when he was the first black man to be elected to a student post in Harvard. Responding to invitations from publishers to write a book, Obama wrote Dreams From My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance, which was first published in 1997. My copy, ordered shortly after the election, already includes a note of his recent election.

Boarding my flight to Dubai I have already selected Dreams From My Father as my reading for the journey and I continue to read throughout my trip. I experience Obama’s book as a personal memoir and a journey of exploration, the work of a man who is highly articulate whilst also showing great humility. Perhaps, as Obama prepares for the role of President of the United States, this book is essential reading for us all. With or without this significance, it is a thought-provoking exploration of issues of race, inheritance and social change.

TM: Getting started

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When we take on a new responsibility or commitment, there is often a gap between our input and the effects over time that motivate us to get started. We make many visits to the gym before our bodies show the effects of our regular exercise – be they newly-defined muscles, increased stamina or new-found energy. The golfer makes many shots before celebrating a hole-in-one. The salesman or -woman may wear down many pairs of (real or metaphorical) shoes before the results start to show. For this reason, new beginnings require an attention to our inputs ahead of a focus on our outputs or results.

So it is for me as I begin to meditate. Over a period of about six years I have been paying attention to such evidence as I have been able to find, including the testimony of people I have met who meditate on a regular basis. I am already convinced of the benefits of a regular practice of Transcendental Meditation. Still, leaving my initial training programme on Friday, I already know that my first challenge will be to carve out time every day to meditate.

What better test of my resolve than a trip to Dubai, beginning the very next day! I plan ahead of time, deciding to spend half an hour of my taxi journey to the airport “snoozing” and another half an hour on the plane. I calculate the best time to meditate on the plane, leaving a gap between meditations and ahead of the meal that will sustain me through the night. And then, setting my alarm for my first day’s work on Sunday (yes, Sunday begins the working week here in Dubai) I realise that I shall be rising at 2 a.m. UK time. Hey, ho!

I am glad that I am not looking for any immediate results to convince me to continue. It’s enough for me to celebrate these first two days of managing my own meditation practice. I did it! I made time on both days for two meditations a day. I know I am ready to begin this daily practice. To commit.

When a missing ‘t’ makes all the difference

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There was a time in my life when I became known as “Dorothy Nesbit-with-one-t”. For when the majority of people add a ‘t’ to your name that doesn’t belong, why would you not spare them from being corrected by providing guidance ahead of time?

Today, it is a missing ‘t’ that made the difference between meditation and mediation. Yes, meditation, mediation, meditation… it’s all in the ‘t’. For as I write, I am anticipating with a great sense of excitement taking part in a three-day training programme in transcendental meditation, beginning on Wednesday. This has been a long time coming – I booked it months ago. When I mentioned it today in an e-mail to a colleague, she asked me if I had any recommendations for training in mediation – that missing ‘t’! As it happens, I do have some thoughts from the sidelines.

Mediation has as its aim to resolve disputes between parties. Sometimes, this is a way of finding a way forward without going to court. Some people see mediation as a way to reach a compromise, with everything that this word implies: “if I give you x, will you give me y?” The result can be a pale shadow of the outcomes that either party yearned for, even whilst carrying the title “agreement”.

In my view, mediation at its best goes beyond surface demands to understand the deep needs each party brings. Perhaps the business partner who has asked for a 60% payback when his partner insists on selling the business is really wanting recognition for the contribution he has made. Or maybe he wants to express his hurt or anger that his partner has taken a unilateral decision to sell. Perhaps the mother who argues for full custody of her children after her husband has left her is anxious that her now ex-husband will fail to care appropriately for their children if he is granted joint custody. Or maybe she wants understanding for the pain she feels and for which she is holding her husband responsible. When we understand our own deep needs and those of the person with whom we are in dispute we are already nine 10ths of the way towards finding ways in which the needs of both parties can be amicably met.

So, whilst not being an expert in mediation, I offer as a starting point the reading of Marshall Rosenberg’s book Nonviolent Communication: A Language for Life. Understanding nonviolent communication or ‘NVC’ is, in my view, an essential foundation for effective mediation. The Center for Nonviolent Communication also offers training in mediation (see http://www.cnvc.org/ under Conflict Resolution).

Preparing heart and mind for a time of recession

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In recent weeks, it seems that every time I speak with a coaching colleague, they ask: ‘Are you noticing a downturn in your business?’ For a while, I was able to take a detached view – my business is holding up and I know from past experience that businesses, as they reshape for leaner times, need fitter leaders. There are opportunities for me in this market as well as challenges.

So, stepping back to take a larger view, I have been wondering about the questions the recession brings. What learnings does this recession point to for us – as individuals, for our organisations, for our economic and social models? Who or what do we want our economy to serve – and do we know? In what way, is the recession just the feedback that we need right now?

Still, increasingly, the recession is coming closer to home. One client organisation – for whom I am not currently doing any work – let me know last week that they are drawing their executive coaching to a close forthwith. My sessions with clients are peppered with talk of the impact of the recession on their businesses. Soon, questions of how to lead their organisations through the teeth of the recession will be top of the agenda for at least some of my clients.

Whilst for some, questions of survival have already started to kick in, I prefer to ask ‘How can I prosper during this time, no matter what?’ Henry Allingham, 112 years old and Britain’s oldest surviving veteran of World War I, gave his own answer in last weekend’s Observer Magazine. He described how he has never worried – not even in the great depression of the 1930s.

Perhaps another way to prosper during this time is to take a close look at our relationship with money – not only at the financial commitments we have made in our lives but also at the way we think and feel about money. Surely, this places Lynne Twist’s wise book The Soul of Money at the top of our reading lists right now. With its wonderful subtitle, Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Life, it delivers what it promises.

Armistice Day: a day to remember the future

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Today is Armistice Day. Ninety years after the end of the war known as World War I we still remember.

My thoughts today are wide-ranging. I think of the small number of men who still live to remember this war, men whose ages break records. I think of the day when, rehearsing to sing in the Flanders Festival in Gent on September 11, 2001, the modern technology of the mobile phone brought the creeping news, mid rehearsal, of the destruction of New York’s Twin Towers. Still in shock, our performance that evening of Verdi’s Requiem was sombre. I think of the Germans of my generation who, born years after the Second World War ended, have been taught to bear a sense of responsibility for the acts of their countrymen – whilst I, in England, have not. I think of the beauty – paradoxical perhaps – of many poems written following the First World War and of Britten’s War Requiem. I think of Sebastian Faulks’ novel, Birdsong, which, more than any other experience I had had prior to reading it, gave me a visceral sense of the experiences of those young men who fought in the trenches in World War I. I think of the men and women who, whether willingly or not, have given their lives, their limbs and so much more in war.

I feel moved to write and still, I wonder where to focus my attention. Until slowly the thought surfaces: what is it that we want for our future? I think of hopes nurtured for many, many years – only last week Barack Obama’s election as first black President of the United States of America gave birth to a hope fulfilled for people – black and white – all over the world.

What then, of those who nurture the hope that we may, one day, live in peace together on this earth? I take a moment to sit with this hope, to cherish it. One day.