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Welcoming a world that’s different in the morning

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As I write, the full and final results of the American presidential election have yet to be declared. And still, one thing is certain: the victory that, tonight, made Barack Obama President Elect of the United States of America was decisive. Nor could anyone doubt the significance – for African Americans, for the United States of America, for the world – of America’s election of her first African American president.

The road to this election victory has been long and uncertain. It’s not just that the contest between Obama and Hillary Clinton was hard won. It’s not just that Obama’s victory over John McCain could not be taken for granted. Speaking for the first time as President Elect, Obama tonight highlighted the life experience of one of America’s oldest voters, Anne Nixon Cooper. At 106 years of age, Nixon Cooper was born in an era in which, as a woman, and as a woman of colour, she did not have the right to vote. Reflecting on the extraordinary arc of change in her lifetime, it’s interesting to note that she had reached her mid 60s before, in 1968, America’s African American citizens were granted the right to vote. Many black people – perhaps many who turned out in record numbers to vote at this election – did not dare to believe they would get to see an African American president in their lifetime.

A word must go at this time to John McCain. Combative in his election campaign, there was nothing to draw me to him as future president of the US of A. Still, in his concession speech, his congratulations to Obama “on becoming the president of the country we both love” were clearly heartfelt. His wish to find ways to come together was sincere. Seeing for the first time the love McCain has for his country, hearing him recognise the historical significance for African American citizens of this result (“Let there be no reason now for any American to fail to cherish their citizenship of this country”), witnessing his determination to find ways to come together with his political colleagues of both parties, I felt a respect for McCain which his election campaign had failed to engender. I salute him.

Some acknowledgement must also go to the task ahead. As Obama said tonight, “Victory is not the change itself, it’s the chance to make that change”. It was clear from his words that he is fully aware of the scale of the task that lies ahead. Perhaps, too, he was asking the American people to recognise the scale of the task ahead. Even with the significant mandate granted Obama by the American people, there will be work to do.

For now though, I celebrate the election of America’s 44th – and first African American – president. I also celebrate the love shown tonight by both John McCain and Barack Obama, believing this to be a great force for good in the world. As certain as tonight’s election result had become by the time of this election, the deep wave of emotion I felt as Barack Obama walked onto the platform to speak reflects the great historical significance of this moment – for all the world. Because of this result, the world will be different in the morning.

Mad days

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Next week, we shall all have plenty to think about as the US presidential elections take place, whatever the outcome.

In the meantime, we are by no means short of things to discuss. As I pondered the news yesterday at the end of the day, it seemed to me that we live in crazy times:

  • On the morning news, I heard that hedge fund investors had lost the bets they had placed in VW when Porsche announced it now owned 75% of VW. Hedge fund investors had taken a short term position, assuming VW shares would fall in value. However, two days after Porsche’s announcement, VW shares rose to a value of $1,276 making it – briefly – the most valuable company in the world.
  • Throughout the day, newscasts were buzzing with news of an investigation into a broadcast by Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross on BBC Radio 2. The Telegraph’s website reported that the broadcast was pre-recorded and cleared for broadcast by producers. However, 18,000 complaints from listeners were enough to suggest that the broadcast had crossed a line in the eyes of the BBC’s listening audience. Russell Brand handed in his notice and Jonathan Ross is currently suspended. Still I find myself wondering, what is the responsibility of the producers who approved the broadcast?
  • When I left my house in the morning I noticed a car parked outside which had snow on its roof. London’s Evening Standard reported that this was Britain’s first October snow in 70 years.

Mad days.

Sex on the beach in Dubai – a potent cocktail of unanswered questions

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This week I have been in Dubai, flying out on Saturday and returning this morning. This was my second visit and I am beginning to recognise the physical challenges that are involved in taking a 12-hour journey and traversing time zones before joining clients to work in coaching partnership.

My energies have (mainly) been with my clients, getting what rest I need in order to give them the best of my (slightly jet-lagged) attention. I return tired and satisfied, present both to the challenges that coaching can bring and to the great sense of privilege that comes from supporting individual leaders and the organisations they lead in this way.

Returning home, Dubai is in the news as the trial of the infamous “sex on the beach in Dubai” pair, Britons Vince Acors and Michelle Palmer, reached its conclusion. The Los Angeles Times was quick to record the sentence on its blog, reporting that Acors and Palmer were sentenced to three months in prison, fined $272 for drinking alcohol and ordered to be deported immediately upon leaving prison.

As I reflect on the reportage of this case over the weeks since it first broke as news, I recall a great deal of commentary on the clash of values which is embodied in the lives of Western expatriates living and working in Dubai. It’s not just that Acors and Palmer were alleged to have had sex on the beach, something that would surely be as unwelcome in the UK as it was in Dubai. It’s also that they were drunk at the time of the incident and unmarried. Indeed, whilst they have been termed “partners” and a “couple” in headlines around the world, as best I understand it they first met on the day of the incident.

This raises many questions for me, amongst them, what needs were they seeking to meet on that day? And how well did they meet them? Marshall Rosenberg lists “sexual expression” as a fundamental need for physical nurturance in his book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. Perhaps it was enough for Acors and Palmer to fulfil their sexual needs in this way. Perhaps.

And still I wonder. I recall that in 2007, as part of my International Intensive Training in nonviolent communication, I participated in a discussion about sex with a diverse group of men and women. Sharing our thoughts and feelings about this area of our lives it became clear just how many needs – for connection, for intimacy, for fun and play, for love, for self-worth, and many more – we bring to our close relationships, including our sexual encounters. Even putting aside the unintended consequences of their actions, I wonder what needs (if any) Acors and Palmer did not honour, let alone meet on that day in July on a beach in Dubai.

This causes me to reflect on an aspect of our own culture which may have played a part. As much as we describe ourselves as “permissive” in the West, I am not sure we permit ourselves the full truth: that we have needs and that it’s OK to honour them and to meet them when we can. Without this recognition we – as much as people in any other culture – are at risk of choosing poor strategies to meet our needs. And how can we do otherwise? For in order to choose a strategy at all, we are obliged to tell ourselves stories which make our actions OK within our culture, even whilst being unaware that our culture guides us in this way. How can such an approach be effective in honouring and meeting our needs?

As for Acors and Palmer, I wish them well. Whatever choices they make going forward, I would wish for them that they honour themselves, holding themselves as creative, resourceful and whole. I would wish for them that they honour their needs and meet them in ways which bring deep joy and satisfaction. This is no more nor less than I would want for anyone.

School Coach; leaving a positive legacy in education

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Today I return home to pack, ready to fly to Dubai tomorrow. My alarm is set in good time to get ready for my 4.45 a.m. taxi. It has been a busy day – a productive day – spent with my colleagues in the School Coach management team, discussing next steps en route to recruiting a school for a one-year project, beginning in September 2009.

But what is School Coach? I agree to answer this question as succinctly as I can as part of the materials which will in time be shaped into the School Coach website (at http://www.schoolcoach.org.uk/).

Drawing on everything that we have already written about School Coach, as well as on all the learning we have had through our initial project, I make my first attempt to introduce School Coach:

School Coach; leaving a positive legacy in education


Coaching is a powerful vehicle for positive change. School Coach, the most powerful coaching vehicle in education in the UK, exists to help professionals in UK schools to help themselves, making progress towards compelling goals whilst liberating the full potential of school teams.

At School Coach we believe every child deserves an outstanding education, one which enables each child to identify and develop his or her unique talents and which lays the foundations for a happy, healthy and successful life. We believe that professionals in education want to give children this education.

School Coach brings together teams of outstanding coaching professionals to support teaching professionals in UK schools. Working in coaching partnership with project teams in client schools, our one-year projects are shaped to help client teams make accelerated progress towards defined and compelling goals. In addition, working together in this way helps our clients to connect with and leverage their full potential whilst strengthening the coaching skills of everyone involved.

I know that we will review and refine this brief introduction. For now, though, it is enough to have made a start – to have outlined an introduction which is already available, via this posting, to coaching colleagues and to client schools. It’s time to press “publish”. It’s time to pack.

With grateful thanks to the readers of UKHRD

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Six years ago, with bated breath, I left my job with the Hay Group to set up my own business. The deep personal and professional journey on which I was about to embark was as yet unknown to me. The richness of joy and experience that lay ahead were beyond my imagining at that time. I felt fear, excitement. Mostly, I felt fear.

My colleague from way back when, Norman, let me know of a community of professionals with an interest in questions of learning and development, who meet virtually through a daily digest of postings and responses. Back then it was called UKHRD. Since then it has become the TJ (Training Journal) Online Discussion Forum. From the beginning, I found a community of people willing to support each other. From the beginning, I discovered my own joy in participating in the forum. I loved to share and I loved the variety of feedbacks that came my way.

Last Christmas I was blown away to receive a card from Carrie, one of the readers of the Digest, who let me know just how much she enjoyed my postings. Suddenly I became aware of my own joy in writing in a new way. What a paradox! So obvious was it to me that I enjoy writing that it was sitting outside my conscious awareness. I started to ask myself, what do I want to do with this gift that I enjoy so much?

Later, it seemed natural to engage members of the Forum in this question. I spoke with Angie, another member of the Forum, about her own experiences of blogging. Our conversation was more than enough to inspire me to begin this blog even whilst being as yet uncertain about the purposes it would serve and unaware of what it might lead to.

Suddenly, this evening, as I plan a posting which has yet to be written, I think of my colleagues on the Forum with a deep sense of gratitude. From those who have read my postings in silence to those who have given feedback, from those who have welcome my postings to those who have found them harsh or unfair, from those who have sought out my professional support as a result of what they read to those who have offered support in a wide variety of areas. And this evening, I especially think of those whose actions inspired me to begin this as-yet-still-young weblog.

Coaching: a global study of successful practices

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Sometimes, thoughts and ideas come together in new ways.

Every now and again, I send out information and resources that come my way to friends, colleagues and clients with an interest in coaching. Recently I forwarded information about a new study, published in May 2008 by the American Management Association, about coaching. The study does what it says on the tin: it’s a global study of successful practices in coaching.

One of my colleagues dropped me a line and asked: what about forming a shared online resource for coaches? I confess, my heart sank – something else to take care of? No thank you. And still, two days later, I suddenly realise my blog is as good a place as any to post the link. Here it is:

http://www.amanet.org/editorial/webcast/2008/coaching.htm

It’s a chunky read! I look forward to hearing how you get on.

Celebrating your comments

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In recent weeks I have started to share with people details of my blog, still in its infancy. Friends, family, clients and colleagues have been reading, making comments and – with a curiosity I had not anticipated – asking questions. (Why blogging? How many readers do you have? etc.) Some readers have tried to leave postings only to discover they have to register before commenting.

Returning home on Wednesday after the earliest of early starts I notice a first comment on the blog and am surprised to notice the excitement I feel. Hurrah! Yippee! Yeahah!

On Thursday, I take a moment to send a personal thank you to Len, the wise owl, who commented on my posting of Saturday, 12th July. His good wishes bounce back almost immediately.

This morning, I take a moment to record this. I am curious about the comments that may come in future as well as joyful as I think of this first comment, recognising the joy I feel in connecting with other people in a wide variety of situations and by a wide variety of means.

I feel grateful. Blessed.

Celebrating the power of nonviolent communication

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In recent days, my inbox has been peppered with messages from colleagues who, like me, attended an international intensive training in something called “nonviolent” or “compassionate” communication in July 2007.

Nonviolent communication is the work of Marshall Rosenberg and it was Marshall who ran the training. Marshall has dedicated much of his life to evolving a practical approach to communication, which could be seen as the manifestion of the biblical injunction to “love our neighbours as ourselves” or – in more recent times – the injunction of business gurus and psychologists alike to practise “win, win” communication. It has applications in many areas from building relationships that enrich with loved ones, through working with children in schools, through building effective business partnerships to mediation in a variety of settings.

To some, the word “compassionate” might well suggest something soft and woolly – a bit of a “love in”, perhaps! I think of this kind of communication as real or courageous conversations. In practising nonviolent communication I have learned to share myself more fully than I have ever done before, for example, risking whatever response might come my way.

Some relationships have become closer along the way. I also notice I have more and more moments of ease and connection – of intimacy even – with all sorts of people I meet on my way, from colleagues on courses to strangers on buses. Some relationships have ended, too, as the process of exploring reveals needs and intentions that do not sit well with each other. I have never regretted these conversations, nor these endings.

So, as I write, I think of my colleagues from the International Intensive Training and our days together in the beautiful Jura mountains of Switzerland. I celebrate so many moments during this programme that were meaningful to me. I celebrate my colleagues and everything they bring. I connect with the sense of blessing that comes as I think of these colleagues and of these experiences. I connect with the sense of gratitude that is alive in me as I think of everything that Marshall Rosenberg has done to develop this means of communication and to share it across the world. Blessings upon him. Blessings upon my colleagues. Blessings upon us all.

London’s 7/7 bombings

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Wikipedia records how, on July 7th, 2005, at 8:50 a.m., three bombs exploded within fifty seconds of each other on three London Underground trains. A fourth bomb exploded on a bus nearly an hour later at 9:47 a.m. in Tavistock Square. The bombings killed 52 commuters and the four suicide bombers, injured 700, and caused disruption of the city’s transport system (severely for the first day) and the country’s mobile telecommunications infrastructure.

Londoners were already used to the effects of war and the threat of violence. Remembered for their “blitz spirit” during the Second World War, they had also witnessed bombings and threats of bombings by the IRA (Irish Republican Army) between 1971 and 1999. The 7/7 bombings of 2005, detonated by suicide bombers on crowded commuter trains and buses, took violence in the capital to a new level. Wikipedia records: The series of suicide-bomb explosions constituted the largest and deadliest terrorist attack on London in its history. I remember a strange moment when I suddenly looked back on the IRA’s telephoned warnings with gratitude, recognising that lives had been saved by these warnings and by the evacuations that followed.

Today, Londoners remember the bombings of 7/7. Amongst the acts of remembrance is a documentary in which survivors and their loved ones talk of their experiences. The documentary closes with images of Gill Hicks on her wedding day, walking down the aisle just five months after both her legs were amputated below the knee.

Watching their testimony I am filled with love for my fellow human beings. Without exception.

Blogging: another “must do”?

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Travelling home yesterday after my last coaching session of the day I check in with myself. My full attention has been on my client and suddenly I notice how hungry I am – and ready to put my feet up at the end of a full day.

Suddenly I find myself thinking “I must write something on the blog before I make supper” and, almost simultaneously, “when did I decide that I ‘must’ blog every day?” I check in again and recognise that no, this evening I have other priorities.

I am amazed at how quickly my mind has tried to sneak in this blogging rule by the back door. Hah! And grateful to have spotted the little bugger!