All posts by Dorothy Nesbit

Celebrating the postings that have yet to be written

About Dorothy, Alternative approaches, ,

Perhaps – only perhaps – it is because I am still new to blogging that I have yet to experience a “dry season” in my posting, a time when the inspiration to write does not want to come.

Today, I walk to Blackheath where I stop for a drink before picking up my dry cleaning. The sun is shining – as it seems to have done only rarely this summer – and I sit outside in the late summer sunshine. My mind is full of the postings that have yet to be written – about midlife and what it means to have reached “half time”, about – ahead of our forthcoming concerts – the story of the Hebrew slaves that underpins Walton’s Belshazzar’s Feast, about the session of EFT I had yesterday with my friend Alex, about School Coach, about…, about…, about… It seems that there is no shortage of “abouts”.

I take a moment, ahead of writing about School Coach, to notice all the postings that are forming in my mind, all the postings that I have yet to write.

I celebrate them all.

A new term starts at the London Symphony Chorus

About Dorothy

In the life of the London Symphony Chorus a summer holiday is not guaranteed. Sometimes the schedule continues through the summer, with a tour, for example, or preparations for a late summer prom.

This year, it is less than a month since we sang Janacek’s Glagolitic Mass at the Royal Albert Hall and still you would not know it from the buzz and excitement at our first rehearsal of the new season, like the first day of the new school year.

Chorus members greet each other as they arrive with a fresh welcome which will fade to a nonchalant not-you-again hello as the season progresses, exchanging tales of summer holidays as they go. One member sports his new term haircut and another his beautiful legs following surgery on his varicose veins.

There are new kids in class, who shyly introduce themselves and who are taken under the wings of seasoned members of the choir. Joseph, fresh from conducting in Chicago, indulges us by skipping the warm-up (hurrah!) to go straight to a sing-through of Walton’s Belshazzar’s Feast. His stories and comments elicit the exaggerated response of the pantomime audience. There are titters when we are told to quote the code for a forthcoming ticket offer as “London Symphony Chorus members”.

Like the loose community of students who together comprise a school, or maybe the diverse members of an extended family, there are people in the choir who are close, some who see each other only in this chorus and maybe even some who would rather not see each other at all. Still, after a break, we are reminded both of the love of music which brings us together and of the hidden ties which bind us.

Back to school.

Client testimonials – a gift to an unknown future

Clients and testimonials, Coaching, , ,

Organisations (more correctly, individuals who work for organisations) commission coaching for a reason. And the reasons for which they commission coaching are many and varied. One manager sees the potential in a young executive and wants to nurture it. Another leader wants to support their highly skilled technician (lawyer, IT specialist, accountant, actuary) in developing the non-technical attributes needed to progress to a leadership role. Another manager wants to keep the person whose job has disappeared and sees coaching as a way of supporting that individual in making a decision – to stay or not to stay?

Sometimes there are hidden reasons for commissioning coaching and these unfold over time. Perhaps the brittle warmth between the manager commissiong coaching and the person for whom coaching is sponsored (barely) conceals the near total breakdown of their relationship. Perhaps the commissioning manager cannot bring him or herself directly to address the glaring mismatch between the person to whom they are offering coaching and the job they are in. Perhaps the best salesman (or woman) on the patch is at risk of alienating their colleagues or of burnout, or…, or…, or…

Sometimes clients come directly, funding coaching from their corporate budgets or setting aside time and money of their own to address an agenda that requires skills or time that are not otherwise available. The early achiever wonders, now that I’ve fulfilled my aspirations, why am I not happy? The midlife career professional wants to find a way of balancing a successful career with home and family and maybe even having some kind of life. The CEO seeks out a place where he (or she) can ask for challenge as well as support.

And always, quite quickly, two people find themselves alone in a room at the beginning of a relationship that will develop in ways that neither can predict and to do work together whose outcomes are as yet unknown. No matter that the agenda is, on the surface, cut, dried and impersonal. The reality is infinitely personal because, when it comes to making changes in our lives, we cannot change the others, we can only change ourselves.

The hidden depths of coaching are such that clients often want to shout their successes from the rooftops and yet, to do so anonymously. For the coaches, too, who watch miracles unfold and know they have played a role in the unfolding, there can be a wish to shout their celebrations from the rooftops even whilst knowing that such shouting needs to take place within the strict confines of a confidentiality agreement.

I ponder this today as I begin to explore with clients who might be willing to share what with readers of this blog so that, over time, I can say to potential clients: “if you want to know what coaching does for my clients, take a look at my blog”. In this way, client testimonials become a gift to an unknown future – to people as yet unknown, whose reasons for seeking the support of a professional coach have not yet been identified.

And if you are interested to read them, watch this space.

Welcoming Mr. Fox

About Dorothy

During my rural childhood, it was rare to see a fox. More often than not, the presence of a fox was heralded by the loss of a chicken, leaving blood and feathers in the farmyard, or by the sudden cackling of the hens at night. There was no denying the beauty of the fox when we saw one and still they were not the most welcome of neighbours.

In London, foxes are easy to spot. The commuter’s glance will often fall on foxes playing on the banks on either side of the railway tracks. The foxes wander with confidence along London’s back streets at twilight. In the breeding season their sometimes almost human screams can be heard at night. And all the while, they are comfortable amidst their human neighbours, watching from only a short distance.

When I first moved into my current home the springtime often brought a nursing mother and her young into my garden. This changed when the unruly plot of land behind the house became first a building site and then a block of flats surrounded by a garden. I was sad to lose the presence of my urban country friends. This summer, however, has seen the arrival of a new visitor to my garden, a young male fox. Whilst many urban foxes have poor skin and hair Mr. Fox is muscular and sleek.

This evening I complete my last call of the day with my coach and, after a walk, set about preparing supper. Mr. Fox enters my garden as I am preparing vegetables at the sink, nonchalantly exploring my garden and leaving his mark. He stands watching me for a few moments before climbing onto the low wall and then jumping onto the high fence and into my neighbour’s garden. I watch him, too, enjoying his presence in my garden and his masculine beauty.

In this way, my evening begins.

Emotional freedom – stepping gingerly towards a new approach

Alternative approaches, Coaching, Developing as a leader, Emotional Intelligence, Your personal and professional well-being, , , ,

My professional training as a coach, as well as giving me an excellent underpin for my work with my Executive Coaching clients, opened up a whole new world for me in terms of alternative approaches. It’s as if all paths are leading to some emotional and cognitive Rome – from Emotional Intelligence in the field of leadership development, through Neuro-Linguistic Programming in the field of personal and professional effectiveness to… the list is endless.

My friend Alex has been studying something called Emotional Freedom Technique (or EFT) and recently offered me a session. His text reached me whilst I was in Dubai and I have taken a few days to engage with this possibility. This evening I google EFT and find Gary Craig’s website (http://www.emofree.com/) with its introductory video (http://www.emofree.com/splash/video_popup.asp). I have said yes to a session with Alex and I am thinking about what to bring to the session to work on.

I am struck by the range of issues mentioned in the video including a number of health issues – both common and uncommon. In common with many other “alternative” approaches, the video makes a link between our emotional and our physical health. The idea that our emotional landscape plays a role in our physical health can sit uncomfortably with some, even whilst offering great hope to others.

I am also curious about a particular moment in the video when the speaker talks about the effect of using EFT on the blood. Having recently had my blood tested to check the results that are accruing from making changes in my diet, I recognise the differences between healthy and unhealthy blood.

I drop Alex a line with some possible dates to meet. I am curious. And I am definitely up for experiencing this new approach.

Ramadan kareem

Coaching, Developing as a leader, , ,

I am quiet this evening, thoughtful. There have been pennies dropping for me throughout the day.

The time of meeting a potential coaching client, whether an individual or an organisation, is a blessed time for me, knowing as I do how much difference coaching can make both to individuals and to the organisations they work in.

As the day proceeds I get to meet some of the people I may – or may not – work with in coaching partnership. It is a time of exploration. A time of getting to know each other. A time of decision. For my part, it’s important to have some sense, ahead of time, that the investment my client proposes to make in my contribution will indeed add value. I am ready to walk away if my sense is that it will not. It is also an important time for my clients – for the people I meet and for the organisation for which they work. I want to support the organisation and its most senior leaders in moving forward. Still, I do not want for any member of the team that he (or she) feel any sense of obligation to “sign up”.

Sitting waiting for my first appointment, something I knew ahead of time lands with a more visceral force: that if I agree to work with this organisation, I may be signing up to regular visits to the UAE and for some time. The pennies continue to drop throughout the day as I make meaning of my experiences: that I am already supportive of the organisation’s aspirations for change, that I am already committed to the individual members of the senior leadership team, that to engage with this diverse group of leaders is to reach out beyond questions of culture and ethnicity and to engage with each and every member of the team, that to contribute in this way has meaning for me which includes but also goes way beyond the success of the organisation.

Walking at dusk I hear the call to prayer. Every fibre in my body sings in response. Everything is right with the world. As I sit at dinner the excitement of my day gives way to a deep, deep sense of peace. Ramadan kareem.

Ramadan, a time of spiritual reflection

About Dorothy, Your personal and professional well-being, , ,

The sun set at 18:39 this evening, here in Dubai. This is significant, for today is the first day of Ramadan. Sunset is the time when Muslims break their daily fast.

The Gulf News has been preparing for Ramadan. Yesterday it ran an article with advice for those people who, during Ramadan, experience a variety of symptoms which, together, might simply be labelled “indigestion”. The problem, a dietician advises, is not the fasting during the day. Rather, it is the choice to eat high cholesterol foods as part of the evening celebrations. A simple solution is to eat plenty of fruit and vegetables.

The hotel has also been preparing. A single sheet is distributed under doors throughout the hotel on the eve of Ramadan, offering advice for guests on etiquette at this time. The hotel’s restaurants have also been preparing. Even in Dubai’s relatively liberal regime, the bulk of restaurants and cafes are closed during the day throughout the month whilst the hotel has special dispensation to continue to serve its international clientele with certain provisos. (The commercial opportunity that this represents is not lost on the Restaurant Manager). Normally highly visible, the Brasserie has been cloaked with curtains to reduce visibility. The evening buffet will be an Iftar throughout the month of Ramadan.

Some concerns remind me of home. An article this morning, again in the Gulf News, outlines the number of people arrested last year during Ramadan for begging. Some of them were found to be living in hotels. This reminds me of the ongoing debate in London about whether or not to give money directly to the homeless. It seems that here in Dubai, there are people who are ready to come forward to receive the gifts of Muslims at a time when the focus is on acts of kindness.

For the non-Muslim, maybe even for the Muslim, it is easy to be cynical, to make light of everything that Ramadan brings (from the tetchy tempers in the workplace – beware your smoking colleagues at this time – to the fasting followed by – in some cases – excessive consumption), perhaps even to feel anxious: there are so many ways as an outsider, unknowing, to offend.

I take time to reflect on the purpose of Ramadan, recognising the opportunity it represents for a spiritual homecoming, a time to reflect on one’s values and what they mean in practice, a time of kindness and charity. And as I reflect I wonder if, whether Muslim or not, we are not all alike in grappling with the fundamental question: “How shall we live?”

Senior Leadership Teams: what it takes to make them great

Coaching, Developing as a leader, , ,

Tomorrow, I meet my clients here in Dubai. Our focus will be on Executive Coaching as a support to the development of the organisation’s Senior Leadership Team.

Synchronicity is a wonderful thing. Over morning coffee with my valued colleague Patricia Marshall, I mention this forthcoming trip and she offers me a copy of the recently published Senior Leadership Teams: What it takes to make them great. I have been taking the opportunity to read this book, with its veritable roll-call of authers (Ruth Wageman, Debra A. Nunes, James A. Burruss and J. Richard Hackman) by way of preparation.

Based on their research into leadership teams in a wide variety of organisations, the authors lay out six conditions which differentiate outstanding teams at Senior Leadership level. They describe the first three as essential and the second three as enablers. On the surface, the conditions have a whiff of cliche: don’t we all know that the best Senior Leadership Teams have a compelling purpose and direction? And isn’t it axiomatic that you have to have the right people with the right capabilities for the team to succeed? Notwithstanding the authors explore their research with a degree of precision which adds great depth and illustrate it with many examples. It helps, too, that their research is based on work with a list of client organisations that many coaches, consultants and advisers could only admire – maybe even envy.

In my role as Executive Coach, I find good news and bad. Team coaching for the Senior Leadership Team is highlighted as one of the six conditions, an enabler. The authors tell their CEO readers, “Do not skimp on coaching”. Still, coaching alone cannot make up for the absence of other conditions (though it may help the team’s leader to identify and address their absence). What’s more, the authors highlight a surprising finding: that teams do not improve markedly even if all their members receive individual coaching to develop their personal capabilities. I find these pointers thought-provoking and helpful ahead of a meeting to explore my client’s expectations of coaching.

And what would I say to the CEO, pondering whether or not to read this book? If you are sleeping soundly at night in the full knowledge that your Senior Leadership Team is delivering way beyond your expectations you may find better ways to use your time. If, however, you have any sense at all that the team of which you are leader has more to give, if indeed you are tearing your hair out as you wonder why such a talented group of people behave like children in the board room, this book is an invaluable read. Its systematic exploration of its territory offers a way to diagnose the issues you face as well as guidance on how to address them.

Please let me know how you get on in turning your team from good, bad or indifferent to great. Truly great.

Bonjour Dubai

About Dorothy

Even at 7am in the morning when my plane lands the heat is fierce in late August in Dubai, providing confirmation – in case I need it – that I will not be seeking out the midday sun.

It is my first visit to Dubai. I have been reading my guidebook on the way and am ready to find out which of Dubai’s myths are grounded in truth. One bare fact is that 20% or fewer of Dubai’s residents are originally from Dubai, whose phenomenal growth in recent years has been fuelled by immigrant workers, from the armies of builders working in the fierce heat for fewer than 175 US dollars per month to a diverse population of foreign national executives who are here to help Dubai execute an ambitious commercial strategy.

I decide to test the reality of this and, wherever I can do so whilst seeming polite, I ask the people I meet where they come from. My taxi driver from the airport is from Pakistan, soon to reach the end of his three year visa. The young man who serves me lunch with impeccable manners and a winning smile is from Nepal. In the textile souk which I visit on my first day, Indians abound.

Evidence of the executive diversity in Dubai greets me in the form of a large weekend lunch party on the table next to mine. An American shares his store of favourite local phrases. “You know when you ask a Brit how they are and they answer ‘I’m fine'” (there is laughter, perhaps at the dour tone he adopts to say “I’m fine”) “the locals say ‘I’m on top of the palm trees'” (The voice is upbeat. More laughter). “I really love that phrase”. An Indian talks about the latest outsourcing venture in India and I have to listen to his unfolding narrative to believe my ears: did he really say “rent a womb“?

Welcome to Dubai.

Beginnings, middles and endings

Coaching, ,

Today I field an enquiry about coaching from a reader of my postings on a forum for fellow professionals. I remember her vividly even though we have never met – I was touched to receive a card from her a few months back telling me how much she enjoyed my writing. It didn’t escape me that she’d gone to the trouble of going to my website to get hold of my address in order to send me a card. Her card also prompted me to reflect on my love of writing and to begin to explore it more consciously. This blog is one fruit of that conscious exploration.

I take time to respond to her e-mail and it occurs to me to include a testimonial from a client with whom I have recently finished working. I have a sense of a handing over of some metaphorical baton – from a client with whom my work is complete (at least for now) to someone who may or may not become a client in the future.

Working as a coach, my life is populated with such beginnings, middles and endings. It always gives me joy when I hear from someone who is considering investing in coaching – whether or not I end up working with them as a result, their reaching out marks a moment of decision, a first step towards some outcome that they yearn for and in which they want to invest. Such reaching out also marks a step into the unknown – an unknown which, in my experience, often goes way beyond anything people imagine in advance.

What can I say about my coaching “middles”? Many of my clients are senior leaders working in corporations. Some are fellow coaches. A few are fellow entrepreneurs. All are human beings. The dryest of business goals quickly give way to something more personal – the highs, the lows, the times of feeling stuck, the times of moving forward, the times of breakthrough and momentum. Oftentimes, such close teamwork brings me an enormous sense of privilege.

And what about the endings? These are a time to review progress and to formulate a forward path. To do this is often to sit up and take notice of – to celebrate – the progress that has been made. They are a time to mark the completion of a phase of coaching. This is not always welcome: some clients somehow never quite make time to book a final meeting, as if to do so is to recognise that yes, our coaching is over. Sometimes an ending gives way, in time, to some new beginning as former clients return to resume our work together.

Beginnings, middles, endings… I celebrate them all.