All posts by Dorothy Nesbit

The joy of blogging

About Dorothy,

It does me good to get out every now and then, both literally and metaphorically.

This weekend I celebrated the marriage of my dear friend Kenny Tranquille to his soulmate and partner Karen, now Karen Tranquille. They married in the walled garden of the Rowhill Grange Hotel in Kent, a wonderful setting for the most personal of ceremonies. As I write this posting I get to celebrate all over again.

Whilst I was there, I had a conversation which – to keep things uncharacteristically brief – led me on my return to go Googling to learn more about a man called Hugo Schwyzer. I discovered Hugo has a blog and I dived in. A fairly random browse quickly led me to the discovery that he has been married and divorced three times and is engaged to be married for a fourth time. His blog also had an index of postings so, curious, I looked for “divorce” and read what he had to say about this.

Now, following the conversation I mentioned, I had hoped to hear Hugo speak this evening at the Kabbalah Centre in London. However, by the time I got home to check my diary I remembered that I’ve already arranged to have supper with my friend Andy. This is tucked between my return from Japan and his departure for Australia and something I don’t want to miss.

Still, reading Hugo’s blog reminded me of the facility to label postings so that readers can easily search for topics of interest at a later date. This is the first posting I am labelling in this way.

I am curious about the what this might lead to in time.

Coaching: a global study of successful practices

All articles

Sometimes, thoughts and ideas come together in new ways.

Every now and again, I send out information and resources that come my way to friends, colleagues and clients with an interest in coaching. Recently I forwarded information about a new study, published in May 2008 by the American Management Association, about coaching. The study does what it says on the tin: it’s a global study of successful practices in coaching.

One of my colleagues dropped me a line and asked: what about forming a shared online resource for coaches? I confess, my heart sank – something else to take care of? No thank you. And still, two days later, I suddenly realise my blog is as good a place as any to post the link. Here it is:

http://www.amanet.org/editorial/webcast/2008/coaching.htm

It’s a chunky read! I look forward to hearing how you get on.

Blood test “before and after” – the results speak for themselves

Alternative approaches, Your personal and professional well-being, , ,

Today I received my photos following my visit to see Kate A’Vard. Kate is helping me to make a transition towards an alkalarian diet. My aim over time is to eat about 75% vegetables. It’s an “up and down” journey for me, so it was encouraging to get her feedback when I met with her recently.
I feel excited when I look at the difference between the photos from my first visit (above) and the photos from my second visit (below). Something I’m doing is obviously working.
I especially feel excited as I think about becoming healthier and healthier as my life progresses.
I am celebrating as I write.

Following your bliss

Emotional Intelligence

There are times in our lives when we are called to step forward to embrace something new. Perhaps “new” is the promotion we didn’t think we were capable of taking on and which still seems to be calling us. Perhaps “new” is the approach or behaviour that we know is needed if we are to be successful yet which stimulates fear or “just doesn’t feel like me”. Perhaps “new” is to recognise the relationship that isn’t working or the time to move on.

Amongst the most challenging callings is the call to recognise the need not just for a minor tweak in our lives but for a major re-examination. Such times have included the moment of recognising that all the actions you have taken have done nothing to make your unhappy marriage a place of mutual understanding or the moment of recognising that no amount of success in your current career has stilled the voice that is calling you to something different and, as yet, unknown. Sometimes the calling is to recognise that it’s time to stop thinking that it is a change in your outer circumstances (new job, new partner, new body parts…) that will make the difference that you yearn for and to start addressing what you bring that creates a repeated pattern of unhappiness.

The moment of recognition can bring fear and excitement in equal measure: fear to that part of us which yearns for stability, safety, security; excitement to that part of us which yearns to embrace and express our full potential, that part of us which knows what it means to be alive. Of course, it’s easy to dismiss one part or the other, to be guided by the fear or by the excitement alone. In truth, both parts have a role – a part – to play.

I think of this this today as I reflect on the day’s coaching appointments and the challenges my clients are currently facing. And I smile as I recall the phrase that Joseph Campbell uses in his powerful book The Power of Myth. In this book he describes the process of responding to your inner calling and the quality of living that can follow when you are guided by your inner voice, calling on a wide range of mythological stories to illustrate his point of view.

For Campbell, to respond to your inner calling is to follow your bliss, a phrase which needs no further explanation.

The Spice of Life: where Monday night is feast night

About Dorothy

Almost twenty years after moving to Lewisham, the Spice of Life Indian restaurant remains a firm favourite. In recent years, the Spice has established Monday night as feast night, turning an otherwise quiet night into a busy local attraction. On feast night visitors enjoy a starter, main course, vegetables, rice and bread – not to mention the restaurant’s usual friendly and efficient service – for a special price of just ten pounds a head.

During the summer, my nephew Edward has been living with me whilst preparing his final portfolio of music as part of the MA he has been taking at the Guildhall School of Music. We have been regular visitors during his stay to the Spice and this evening we enjoy feast night.

Our conversation is wide-ranging. The food, by contrast, speaks for itself.

When feedback provides motivation for the journey

Alternative approaches, Emotional Intelligence, Your personal and professional well-being, , , ,

I am both a new hand and a longtime journeywoman on the road to alkalarianism. On 25th March of this year I had my first consultation with Kate A’Vard* who is providing support as I gradually adopt a new way of eating. The journey that led to this first consultation has included many choices and a great deal of research and exploration over a number of years.

On the long journey of life it’s easy to focus so much on the width of the gap between where you are and where you want to be that the gap itself seems insurmountable. So, as I approach my second consultation with Kate, I wonder what changes will show up in my blood tests. I am realistic – my diet is currently a mix of new habits and old and I’ve just returned from Japan where vegetables don’t seem to feature much on any menu. Still, I know I will feel disappointed if the changes I have made so far are not reflected in the health of my blood.

Kate begins by asking me how I’m getting on and what changes I’ve noticed. In recent months I have lost some of the extra weight I am carrying, my skin is baby soft and I am increasingly aware that my skin improves greatly when I don’t eat dairy products. Even as I think of this I feel a sense of encouragement. Returning from Japan my clothes tell me have put on a pound or two and yet I feel confident that I know what to do to restore my diet and my weight. This knowledge alone gives me a great sense of power and optimism.

Blood tests don’t lie, so I’m eager to see the results and just a little anxious. What if they’re just the same? Kate is able to show me a highly magnified version of my live blood cells and to compare them with photos from our first session. (How cool is that!) She highlights the improvements she observes and identifies my key area of focus for the months ahead. As she talks I can see for myself how perky my blood cells are. I feel a surge of excitement and I know that this alone is providing motivation for my forward journey. I feel ready to punch the air as I leave.

Rushing from my appointment with Kate to a rehearsal I celebrate with a rushed meal that is definitely “off target”. I can afford to treat myself from time to time. Still, fully aware of the benefits that are accruing over time, I am glad to resume my diet today and to celebrate my progress with renewed vigour and commitment.

*Take a look at Kate’s website if you’re interested to know more. You’ll find a link to the left of this posting.

Coming home

Emotional Intelligence,

There are times in our lives when those things that are calling for our attention give us a nudge.

In 2006, during the months after the death of my father, my energy dropped for a while so that I chose to say no to some things to which I would normally say yes. This was a time when I learnt which relationships supported and nurtured me and which relationships asked more of me than they gave to me. This was a time when I learnt which people looked to me for help and support at a time when I couldn’t give it – and couldn’t take no for an answer.

Returning from holiday and in the midst of jetlag something similar seems to arise. Six months after my cleaner moved away from London I already had a creeping awareness that it’s time to find someone to replace her. Coming back into the house on my return from holiday this gentle awareness is replaced by a sinking of the heart as I see how neglected my home seems. And finally, in the midst of pouring rain, I call Paul the roofer to make an appointment for him to take a look at my roof.

Working with clients in coaching, as I do, I am aware that the issues that greet us in these moments can vary hugely. They include all the gently nagging questions in our lives. Am I in the right job? Should I stay in my marriage and make it work or leave and face the consequences? Will I ever get the promotion I am seeking without the support and sponsorship of my boss? There are of course many ways to avoid these and other questions, from the circular inner dialogue that keeps us just where we are, through the arguments with our loved ones that keep our eye away from the key issues, right through to the glass of wine that dulls the senses.

So, in these moments of coming home, we have the choice – whether or not to come home. In these moments we decide whether or not to come home to ourselves and to be present to what’s truly alive in us and asking for our attention.

Saying goodbye to Japan

About Dorothy

4 a.m. on Tuesday. Whilst my alarm is due to go off at 4.30 a.m., my body’s inner clock kicks in and I wake up in advance, no doubt fearing that I’ll fail to get up in time for the series of trains that will take me to Tokyo airport to catch my 10.30 a.m. flight.

Once aboard my flight, the weather deals a Joker. We sit on the tarmac amidst rain, lightening and thunder. Three hours later, when the weather has cleared, we return to the stands for refuelling. It’s best not to have the “time to refuel” red light come on in mid air.

My neighbour on the flight is a young Japanese man. The Japanese are said to be shy and still he greets me in English and later in French. He asks me how I got on with chopsticks and later he asks me for a tutorial in using a knife, fork and spoon which I gladly give him. It’s his first visit to Europe and I’m glad to help him to prepare.

He tells me about a new trend amongst the older people of Japan. Choosing to leave their homes so that their children can move in, they have nowhere to go, so they commit crimes that will land them in jail where the accomodation is free of charge. So widespread is this practice that some prisons are adapted for the elderly, with railings, for example, to support inmates in walking.

Our flight arrives late in Paris and I have missed my connection. The ground staff arrange for me to stay over and I rise at 4 a.m. to prepare to catch my 7.30 a.m. flight to London City Airport. It’s Thursday morning and I’m nearly home.

I savour the experiences I have had during my stay. I smile especially as I think of the children we have encountered: the two small girls in Nakamachidai who greeted Judy and I with a look of shock and then kept popping their heads around the door of the shop we were in to say “goodbye”; the little girl at the train station who asked my brother if he was in Japanese. It has been a visit rich in new experiences.

It’s time to say goodbye. Goodbye Japan. I wonder whether I am saying au revoir.

Taking the waters in Japan

About Dorothy

Whether visiting the museums and memorials of Hiroshima or the temples, pagodas and shrines of Nikko, there is one sure way of winding down at the end of the day. A visit to an onsen.

The onsen is a bath, which may be a public bath or a smaller, more intimate affair. It is a product of the volcanic activity which continues across Japan, producing many hot springs as well as the occasional earthquake. It is also reflected in the landscape which is flat with hills and mountains rising up from the flatlands – like Holland with hills.

Once you arrive there is clear etiquette. Bathers are expected to wash down before getting into the bath. The bath is not a place for washing in! Showers are provided with low stools to sit on, soap and shampoo. Only then is it time to join other bathers in the deep hot waters of the bath.

In our ryokan – a small hotel or guest house – in Hiroshima, the onsen are public baths, with separate bathing for men and women. Even the route to and from the baths are different, with men invited to take the stairs to their baths on the 4th floor, and women invited to take the lift to their baths on the 5th. As newcomers we are learning from a group of young Japanese women and observe what they do discreetly. They, however, show signs of embarrassment and uncertainty which suggest that they, too, are learners.

In Nikko, our small hotel has small baths with room for one or two bathers. The water is naturally hot spring water for which we pay 150 yen spring water tax. The water has a buoyancy which takes me by surprise. As do the queues – it seems there is always someone waiting to take the waters.

Friday night is kimono night

About Dorothy

Returning from a visit to Kamakura I board the train at a small local station. Together with Judy, my sister-in-law, I return to Kamakura, thence to Yokohama and on to Nakamachidai.

From the moment we board our first train, we are struck by the number of women who are wearing kimonos, the traditional robe that Japanese women wear with an elaborate arrangement of cloth around the waist (the word “belt” does not begin to describe what we see). I have seen these throughout my visit and still we are curious to see how many women are dressed in this way. On the train to Yokohama we also see a man dressed in a yukata. To Western eyes, he looks for all the world as if he has stepped straight from his bathroom onto the train. Both men and women wear traditional wooden clogs.

The word “traditional” evokes a bygone era and could suggest to the reader that these are men and women of mature age. But no, these are young men, young women. Their traditional clothes are also worn with the accoutrements of fashion. Men and women alike sport hair gel, jewelry and mobile phones. Some have dyed hair.

Searching for a reason for the number of young men and women dressed in this way we wonder. Could it be that Friday night is kimono night in Japan?