All posts by Dorothy Nesbit

Paying it forward

About Dorothy, ,

It’s not often I have cause to mention my local supermarket on my blog, even though I am cared for like a princess by staff who see me pop in on a regular basis. Today, though, I am celebrating the law of unintended consequences and an opportunity to ‘pay it forward’.

Now, in case you haven’t come across the ‘pay it forward’ idea, I commend you to watch the film of the same name with Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt and Haley Joel Osment. In this film a young boy comes up with the idea as his response to his teacher’s invitation to students to create something that will make the world a better place. The idea? Do someone a favour and ask them not to pay it back but to pay it forward.

Now, when I first saw this film, the young man who served me at my local video rental shop (those were the days!) gave me a very strange look and – if I remember rightly – described the film as decidedly “cheesy”. Needless to say I didn’t tell him that I was planning to watch it as one of our optional “homeworks” with fellow students on my NLP Practitioner programme.

But what of my local supermarket? Well, if you shop at Sainsbury’s and you are a Nectar Card holder you may have noticed the recent introduction of a natty little box that dispenses small slips of paper with special offers when you pay for your shopping. More than once, my special offer has been an inducement to spend £40.00 or more – something I rarely do given that I live so close and hardly ever do a “big shop”.

Yesterday I had one of these slips in my purse when I popped in to Sainsbury’s. I knew it was reaching its sell-by date and I had only a small number of things to buy so I was delighted to offer it to the woman in front of me at the check-out. This meant that she got £4.00 off her shopping – about 10% – and I had the satisfaction of knowing that this little slip of paper didn’t end up unused in my bin.

Now, it’s a strange thing, but I sense that the impact of this small gesture on both of us – who knows, maybe even on those who observed it – was disproportionate to its monetary value. The woman offered to pay me the £4.00 she’d saved and I was delighted to say no – all the more so because I could see she was doing the family shop. She was clearly touched by the kindness of a stranger. I was touched in turn knowing I had made this gesture and been seen. And when two strangers show kindness to each other, the world always becomes a safer more comfortable place.

What of Sainsbury’s? I am guessing that this interaction isn’t what they planned when they set up their boxes full of inducements to buy. And still, I’d like to think that if their marketeers were sitting round imagining the impact on local communities of many ‘brief encounters’ like this one, they might chose to say, “yes! let’s do this and celebrate our role in making the world a better place!”

Sometimes, it’s all in the framing

About Dorothy

Show me a man who says he doesn’t like classical music and I’ll show you someone who doesn’t yet know what he likes. Why else would ‘Carmina Burana’ be so widely used by advertisers and television producers? Why else were the ‘three tenors’ so popular when they came together in 1994 to sing in concert?

We all like classical music. As a member of the London Symphony Chorus I can tell you that you wouldn’t always know it when you’re in the concert hall at the Barbican: so many audiences are white, middle aged and middle class (yes, I guess that’s me!) It’s hardly a representative cross-section of our deliciously diverse population.

So I loved the video that reached me this week (thanks, Arabella!) of a live opera performance in a market in Spain, the Opera en el Mercado. I confess that to watch it touched me – brought tears to my eyes.

And I smiled to read the banner which was raised at the end of this brief performance: Ves como te gusta la opera? See how you like opera?

Sometimes, it’s all in the framing.

Motivation: the case for knowing the science

Developing as a leader,

A while back I wrote about Alfie Kohn’s book Punished By Rewards, which makes the case – based on a thorough review of the science – that using a “carrot and stick” rewards-based approach is ineffective in a wide range of settings.

Recently, author Dan Pink has picked up this baton and published the book Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. Pink also made a 20-minute presentation on this topic to a US audience which is available via www.TED.com. (TED is a great resource, sharing ‘ideas worth talking about’ in a simple and accessible format). If you don’t have time to read the book it’s well worth taking time to hear Pink’s clear and succinct case for intrinsic motivation. At the heart of Pink’s message is the observation that what science knows is not what business is doing.

In case you’d like to explore further, here’s a link to an on-line interview with Pink about his book which also offers a link to Pink’s presentation: Blog – Just Ask Leadership, Executive Coaching – CO2Partners: Dan Pink – Interview on Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us

Managing your mailing lists

Coaching

Have you noticed how many more organisations are harvesting e-mails from websites and using them to send unsolicited mail? Most days at the moment I spend time unsubscribing from a newsletter that I didn’t elect to join.

MAPS have some clear guidelines for managing e-mail list which are worth reviewing if you are sending out a newsletter or any other kind of e-mail circulation. You’ll find these guidelines at http://www.mail-abuse.com/an_listmgntgdlines.html. MAPS is a major anti-spam blacklist service.

What is a ‘coaching culture’?

Coaching, ,

Sometimes my colleagues ask the most stimulating questions via discussion groups and this one (on the Coaching at Work group on LinkedIn) intrigued me: what is a ‘coaching culture’?

Amongst the many environments I have worked and played in, I think first and foremost of my experience as a member of a number of resource teams with ITS (http://www.itsnlp.com/). In this context, I was a volunteer working with other volunteers to support our trainers in delivering various trainings in neurolinguistic programming (or NLP). As volunteers we were all interested in furthering our learning as well as supporting the learning of others. You could call this a ‘coaching culture’.

What was the culture in this environment? This was an environment in which team members embraced each other fully, understanding that we are all learners. Anyone seeking support for their learning would be welcomed by other members of the team. Whenever there was friction or misunderstandings feedback was given openly and directly, and both parties understood that they might have something to learn from this exchange of feedback. And when team members had a ‘gripe’ with another member of the team it was typically well understood that this was a signal to the ‘griper’ that he or she might have something to learn. Team members tended to view each other – and programme participants – as resourceful, whole and able to learn (even if they hadn’t learnt yet!). There were high levels of trust and flexibility.

What about work in this environment? Whilst there was considerable flexibility and a willingness to cut each other some slack, we still worked to high standards across a whole range of tasks, from sorting the stationery cupboard to supporting participants. Over the life of a team (twenty days over five four-day modules) we got to know each others’ strengths and to work to them as well as to our own. Work was a joyful experience.

How might this translate into the workplace? Correspondents on the Coaching At Work group highlight that organisations aspiring to a ‘coaching culture’ at work might have many definitions of this phrase and as I write I wonder how many definitions would fall well short of the ‘ITS experience’. How many organisations would welcome the level of intimacy involved in working together in this way?

I also wonder which is chicken and which is egg. For, on the surface, it seems to me that the culture of the resource teams was only possible because team members were chosen with great care. At the same time, I think of Douglas McGregor’s famous ‘XY Theory’ which proposed that managers tend to adopt one of two fundamentally different approaches to managing their people. Is it possible that, over time, an organisation in which leaders believe in the importance of learning (who engage in their own learning and support the learning of others) will, over time, attract precisely those employees who wish to work in a ‘coaching culture’?

Oskar Schindler: an unlikely hero

All articles,
He who saves a single life, saves the world entire

From the Talmud

In 1993, when Steven Spielberg’s Schindler’s List was released, I was well aware of its phenomenal success and still, it largely passed me by. It was only recently, fresh from my visit to Cracow, that I picked up a copy of Thomas Keneally’s book Schindler’s Ark at my local discount bookshop. This is the book on which Spielberg’s film is based.

The story of Schindler’s war-time activities is an astonishing one, minutely researched and conveyed by Keneally. For in a period in which between 11 and 17 million people were killed, including 6 million Jews, Oskar Schindler became increasingly determined to save as many Jews as he could from the death camps. As the war proceeded he took increasingly significant risks to this end. No wonder then that, with the end of the war in sight, members of the camp gave up remnants of jewellery and even gold teeth in order to make a gold ring for Oskar, bearing the inscription from the Talmud: He who saves a single life, saves the world entire.

Schindler challenges us in many ways. Keneally’s account of Schindler’s life tests simple views, for example, of what is good and what is evil. For whilst his growing passion to save the Jews in his workplace marks him out as a hero, he also carroused on a regular basis with all sorts of members of the Nazi party. And whilst some of this activity can be firmly put down to the kind of political awareness that made his commercial and other enterprises possible, other activities are not so easily explained away. Throughout his marriage, for example, he made no secret – not even to his wife – of his extra-marital affairs.

Schindler also challenges modern concepts of leadership and especially the idea that once you have acquired the skills of leadership you will always remain a leader. In the early part of the war, for example, Schindler enjoyed a large measure of commercial success. Towards the end of the war he gave this up in favour of guarding the Jews in his care (his factory in Brinnlitz did not produce a single shell and was funded entirely by the profits from the early years of the war). Following the war Schindler’s business enterprises were largely unsuccessful and his home, when he died in 1974, was a small apartment near the railway station in Frankfurt.

In a similar way, Schindler’s heroic acts of leadership on behalf of the ‘Schindler Jews’ during the war brought them to the point of freedom but no further. Keneally gives an account of the speech Schindler made both to the Jewish inmates of his factory camp and to the SS men who were responsible for guarding the camp following the announcement of the end of the war. This was a speech that was finely judged and not without risk – the kind of speech that defines leadership. By his words Schindler secured the peaceful departure of the SS guards and invited the suriving Jewish men and women to act in a humane and just way.

As an account of the extraordinary acts of the most unlikely of heroes, Schindler’s Ark is a ‘must read’ book. At the same time it raises challenging questions about what it means to be a leader, a hero, a ‘good man’.

Empathy’s natural, nurturing it helps

Emotional Intelligence, ,

Research into ’emotional intelligence’ highlights the importance of empathy – the ability to identify and connect with the feelings and experience of another. This is not quite the same as sympathy, when an individual recognises feelings in another which they also hold. When we are sympathetic, those with whom we sympathise can experience confusion and frustration (“hang on, is it me or you we’re talking about here?!”). When we are able to demonstrate empathy, we are able both to hold another in a safe emotional space no matter what their emotions – a wonderful skill for a parent, manager, coach etc. – and to understand the effect our actions might have or have had on another.

In short, empathy provides the basis for creating a particular kind of environment – followers of non-violent communication might call it a compassionate environment – in which individuals are able to attend to each others’ feelings without judgement. In this environment, it is more likely that everyone’s needs will be understood and respected. This in turn makes it more likely that everyone’s needs will be met.

At the same time, whatever our innate ability, it does seem that many of us lack the skills of empathy or fail to exercise them. Today, I was curious to receive a link to an article about empathy in the New York Times, entitled Empathy is natural, but nurturing it helps. Reading this article raised several questions for me.

My first question is this: to what extent is it possible that an individual might have no innate capacity to develop the skills to empathise with another? The article mentions those people who have autistism or schizophrenia and suggests they may be wholly or partially lacking in this innate ability. As I write I wonder if a key challenge for the majority of people with limited innate ability is not so much the total inability to empathise as the failure to learn the skills of empathy. For whilst well-meaning parents, teachers and other adults may well invoke the need to show consideration, not all of them demonstrate empathy (‘lead by example’) and fewer still are able to break empathy down into its component parts.

As I second question, I wonder: to what extent are there people who, lacking skills in empathy, do not have the capacity to acquire them later in life? In truth, I am more optimistic than not that for many – the majority? – of adults it is possible to acquire them. For some, this will involve undoing the damage caused by growing up in an environment in which emotions were discouraged or dismissed. For many, it will involve becoming aware of abilities they already have and of which they were not aware. Approaches ranging from therapy through neurolinguistic programming and nonviolent communication right through to business approaches such as Roger Schwarz’s skilled facilitator approach all help individuals to develop self empathy and empathy towards others – skills that go hand in hand.

And what of those people who, on the surface, ‘can’t’ develop empathy skills? I would hazard a guess that, for the vast majority of these people the ‘impossible’ is perfectly possible and begins with a very simply step: believing they can. For once this belief is present, it is a matter of exploration to discover new ways of doing things and to develop new skills.

Singing with passion

About Dorothy

Performing the world premiere performance, in April 2008, of James MacMillan’s St. John Passion was an exhilarating experience – how often does one get to perform a work of such magnitude knowing that every single performer is performing it for the very first time? MacMillan’s rhythms terrified me, his harmonies challenged and at times entranced me, the rich textures of his music stimulated as many responses as there were chorus members across the London Symphony Chorus.

Returning two years later to rehearse this piece marked the beginning of an altogether different experience. For whilst the piece is no easier to master second time around, it has something of the ‘known quantity’ about it. By the time we embarked on our tutti rehearsals with Sir Colin Davis and the London Symphony Orchestra I had a sense of confidence – not so much that I would get everything right but that, at least, I knew what I could handle and where my challenges lay.

By Sunday’s performance I was delighted to discover that there were passages I could sing almost by heart, leaving me free to keep eyes glued to Sir Colin’s beat as he guided us through MacMillan’s alternate accelerandi and rallentandi. And with less energy metabolising in the form of sheer fear, my attentions were able to wander more broadly across the music and my experience of it.

I am no music critic. And so I say with all humility how much I admire MacMillan’s ability to echo the tradition and beauty of liturgical chant through his setting of the narrative for a small chamber choir whilst also bringing great drama and a thoroughly modern idiom to the orchestra and to the voices rendered by the large chorus. This is a work of great beauty and dramatic intensity. Midway through the concert I suddenly recognise the likelihood that this will, in years to come, inhabit a place in the repertoire alongside many other choral greats.

And as I write I reflect on what it takes to embark on the path MacMillan has followed let alone to have reached this point, recognising the deep commitment that is needed to tread this path and how little certainty there is of finding one’s way. For this act of faith – and for the many small acts of faith that follow on from this single act or decision – I celebrate MacMillan, alongside those composers who precede him and those who are already following him.

Playing to win

Emotional Intelligence

Every now and again life’s well-laid plans suddenly seem inappropriate and a new plan – radically different from the old one – seems appropriate. This could be your plan for the week, month or year. At mid-life it could be your plan for the whole of your life. Sometimes, the invitation beckons and you get to choose – do I sign up for the big change or do I stick with the old plan? Part of signing up to the new plan is acting in faith. Often signing up to the new plan involves embracing uncertainty.

This has been my own experience at the start to 2010, when a few chance conversations have set me off in new directions. One of these has been to bring forward my plans for embarking on the journey towards applying for my accreditation as a Professionally Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation. The second has been my decision to sign up with Kathy Mallary to her programme for coaches (see http://www.spiritspring.com/2010-empowerment-program), a chance to step back from the day to day running of my business and to take a fresh look at my sales and marketing. Other plans have been put on hold.

Kathy’s programme is framed by her passion for ‘playing to win’. By chance, one friend recently described the midlife crisis as ‘playing to win (whilst weeping)’. Another colleague recently described how, at midlife, a window opens up – a time in which the healing of old wounds is possible – and later closes down. If our inner work is not done during this period, the opportunity may be lost.

Whether at mid-life or not, I enjoyed Kathy’s description – as part of her information about the programme she is offering – of playing to win. I reproduce it here, with her permission:

When you’re playing to win:

  • You’re centered and clear;
  • You’re feeling confident, resilient and empowered;
  • You’re in the flow; life is happening for you rather than to you;
  • It’s easier to have faith;
  • You have more freedom;
  • Your capacity for abundance, success and joy is expanding;
  • Your relationships are more harmonious;
  • You’re using your values to help you make important decisions;
  • You’re inspiring others around you to play to win;
  • You’re having fun!

You know you’re playing to lose when:

  • You hold back and play it safe;
  • You’re afraid to let go of control;
  • You hide your feelings;
  • You worry that there’s not enough (money or time – or whatever);
  • You feel defensive, resentful or resigned;
  • You don’t keep your agreements;
  • You put things off until later;
  • You get hung up on perfectionism;
  • You feel overwhelmed or trapped;
  • You think you need to avoid, deflect or prevent something.

And lest you, dear reader, are ‘hung up on perfectionism’ as you read this, I’d like to add that playing to win is a matter of degree. So whilst you not be all the way there yet, each small step you take has the potential to bring you closer to playing to win.

Measuring the return on your investment in coaching

Coaching,

When it comes to learning and development – be it through training, coaching or some other activity – businesses struggle to assess the return they get from their investment. And many professionals offering learning and development services don’t know how to help clients to measure the return on their investment either.

For professionals (trainers, coaches, consultants etc.) part of the problem is that they are already sold on the benefits so that their focus is on providing the services they feel so passionate about. At the same time, even for the most commercially-focused service provider, measuring ROI is a complex area.

With this in mind, I was interested to read the posting below by Jane Massy, CEO of abdi (www.abdi.eu.com) in response to a posting on the Training Journal Daily Digest. abdi describe themselves as the experts in evaluating learning and development. I reproduce Jane’s response with her permission:

It’s always interesting to read these discussion and I’d like to add a few thoughts from our side and hopefully dispel a few myths! My comments are based on the experience of carrying out and/or supporting L&D professionals in the evaluation of about £2bn of investment in workplace learning and development and nearly two decades of calculating business impact and value!

Firstly, any ROI (based on the traditional formula of dividing the money value of net benefits by full costs) can only be derived from the data about business metric improvements. Some of these business metrics will be convertible into money, and can be used in the calculation and some won’t (what are called ‘intangibles’). Furthermore, there is no way to show direct cause and effect in these human capital (and in fact in any) type of investments – it simply isn’t possible.

What is possible is to build a chain of impact through collecting data throughout each of the (Kirkpatrick/Phillips) levels. Data in the chain of impact includes engagement, learning, performance change and business impact data. Understanding each of the results as well as their relationship is essential to confirm the chain of impact. Our experience is that most L&D and HR people don’t actually understand the nature of these data items, don’t analyse them and don’t explore the relationships between the data items at different levels.

All investments need to be planned with this chain of impact outcomes in mind. Investing without measurable documented outcomes agreed at all levels and deciding to see if it was worth it without this advance planning is both unprofessional and also inefficient and ineffective. Part of planning is establishing baseline data and planning for isolation as well as forecasting costs.

You can isolate for the influence of other factors and you should definitely do so if you wish to calculate the ROI – otherwise you will look like a fool and your report will not be credible in front of the senior management/board who will have a clear idea of what influences business metric improvements and will want to know you have taken these into account when doing your calculation. I recommend you read Jack Phillips’ Return on Investment. If you want a copy, e-mail me and I’ll happily arrange for one to be sent to you free of charge!

I would add that the ‘me’ in that last sentence is Jane – you can reach her at jane@abdi.eu.com.