Category Archives: Coaching

Coaching presuppositions 2: We can’t change the others, we can only change ourselves

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Be the change you want to see in the world.
Mahatma Gandhi
Oftentimes our culture teaches us to take responsibility for the impact we have on other people and it follows that other people are responsible for the impact they have on us. In the English language this idea is embedded in such everyday phrases as “he made me really angry” or “she made me laugh out loud”. This language reduces a complex process into cause and effect and places our experience at the effect end of the equation.
There are times when those we coach – be they the clients we coach as professional coaches or the staff we coach as leaders in the workplace – hold the belief that their experience is the outcome of the actions of those around them. This belief can limit personal effectiveness dramatically: as long as an individual’s focus is on identifying those things others should do differently, it is unlikely that anything will change in his life. Lives begin to change when we recognise and act on the belief that – no matter what behaviours others demonstrate towards us – we can’t change the others, we can only change ourselves.
The leader as coach often meets a different presupposition in those he coaches. How often do those we lead focus on the words and actions of others when we seek to engage them in a discussion about their own contribution? How often do they look to us to provide a solution to their desires, e.g. for a promotion or payrise? The leader who shares the belief in his responsibility to make his staff happy is likely, over time, to miss many opportunities to help staff members to help themselves.
The coaching leader, on the other hand, knows that his words and actions have a significant impact on those he leads. And still he recognises that the way his words and actions are received is also a function of the individual with whom he is speaking (of their thoughts, beliefs, values etc.). As a coach, he holds the belief that the outcomes his staff members achieve come from their ability to manage themselves, rather from any ability to change others. By coaching from this belief, he invites staff to focus on those areas in which they can make changes and in this way he helps them to help themselves. In the language of leadership, the word “empowerment” is often (maybe over-) used to describe this phenomenon, whilst professional coaches talk of clients as being “at choice” or even “at cause”.
For a leader to be credible in helping his staff to act from this presupposition, he needs to act from the same belief himself. By focusing on those areas in which he can take action and by choosing his actions with care – as opposed to making vocal complaints about those actions he expects of others that haven’t been taken – he leads by example. This is pacesetting at its most powerful and compelling. And herein lies the paradox that sits behind Mahatma Gandhi’s often repeated invitation to be the change we want to see in the world: that it is by the example we set that we have the greatest influence on the behaviours of others.
If you would like to learn more about the presuppositions that underpin coaching or to undertake exercises to test and develop your own presuppositions, keep reading. In the coming days, I’ll be exploring additional presuppositions and offering exercises for you.

Coaching presuppositions 1: We are creative, resourceful and whole

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In the field of professional coaching, the coach’s ability to recognise his or her clients as naturally creative, resourceful and whole is a matter of scrutiny. The International Coach Federation, for example, includes this belief as part of its definition of coaching and looks for evidence of this belief when assessing coaches for the different levels of professional credentialling that it offers.

Why does it matter that coaches hold this belief? Coaching aims to help individuals to access their own inner resources in order to achieve the goals they set out for themselves and to overcome the challenges that they face along the way. In other words, coaching aims to support the coaching client in finding his or her own way, rather than to foster a dependency on the coach. Since research demonstrates that our beliefs are self-fulfilling, it helps to adopt a belief about the client that benefits the client and raises the effectiveness of a coaching partnership.

Perhaps there’s another side of the coin – it matters that coaches hold themselves as creative, resourceful and whole. The coach who doubts his own capability may use his time with his clients to generate and gather evidence about his own capability rather than in support of his client’s agenda. In this way, coaching becomes a support to the coach and there is every risk that the client loses out.

How does this presupposition apply when the coach is a line manager, using the coaching style of leadership to support a member of staff? One manifestation of this style illustrates very powerfully the issues involved. When a leader is faced with poor performance, the belief that the leader and the member of staff concerned are both creative, resourceful and whole enables the leader to differentiate between the person concerned and his or her performance. With this distinction in mind, the leader is able to speak openly about performance issues and, for example, to say:

“There are aspects of your performance in this job that aren’t meeting the standards we need. Perhaps this is the right job for you and you need help to develop the skills you need to succeed. Perhaps this just isn’t the right job for you and you need help to find out what is the right job for you – and to move into that job. Either way, in the coming days and weeks I’ll be working with you to support you in finding the right way forward”.

Many times, in interviewing outstanding leaders, I have observed that a statement like this one – rooted in firm beliefs – builds trust and enables the leader and the person concerned to work in coaching partnership to find an effective way forward. Whether the outcome is a change of performance in the job or a change of job, the individual being coached comes out a winner. In this way, the leader is able to execute his responsibilities to the organisation he works for whilst also helping the individual to succeed.

If you would like to learn more about the presuppositions that underpin coaching or to undertake exercises to test and develop your own presuppositions, keep reading. In the coming days, I’ll be exploring additional presuppositions and offering exercises for you.

Developing a coaching mindset

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This week, I am putting the final touches to my quarterly newsletter. This goes out on behalf of my business, Learning for Life (Consulting). This month, the main article is aimed at senior leaders who want to develop a coaching culture across their organisation.

Amongst the challenges we face when we set out to create the culture of an organisation are the hidden presuppositions that inform that culture. How do we root them out and examine them when we don’t even know they are there? How do we exchange one set of presuppositions for another? And if we want to develop a coaching mindset, what presuppositions might we want to adopt?

A coaching culture is founded on presuppositions, values and beliefs that support the idea that people want to develop and have the capacity to do so. In a coaching culture, whether our conversation is with ourselves, with those we lead or with others with whom we interact, conversations are informed by a number of presuppositions. These include the following:

  • We are creative, resourceful and whole;
  • We can’t change the others, we can only change ourselves;
  • There’s no failure, only feedback;
  • Every behaviour has a positive intention.

As I write, I wonder how these presuppositions land with my readers and I make a note to write about each one in the course of the coming days.

I also wonder, what presuppositions would you add to this list?

In the Pink – Introducing Daniel Pink

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I first heard of Daniel Pink after he spoke to coaches from across the world at a conference of the International Coach Federation about the research that underpins his book A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future.

Reading his book, I experienced his writing as a welcome window on a changing world. I was curious about his thesis that the age of “left brain” dominance is over and I enjoyed his introduction to six “right brain” capabilities that underpin professional success and personal satisfaction in the twenty-first century. His descriptions resonated with me given my work in the field of leadership, including my involvement over the years in research into what makes for an outstanding leader. And even whilst making links between Daniel’s ideas and my own experience of working with leaders, I found Daniel’s ideas stimulating, insightful and fresh. I made contact with Daniel and we have become occasional e-correspondents.

Guess what! Daniel is due to speak in London in December at the International Leadership Summit, Leaders in London. I asked him, “could I include a brief interview with him on my blog?” and he said yes. I’m excited about this and looking forward to posting this brief interview in the coming days.

Oh! And by the way, if you want to hear Daniel speak, you’ll find more information at http://www.leadersinlondon.com/

Coaching: the Rolls Royce of personal development experiences

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I have a reciprocal arrangement with a coaching colleague, whereby we interview a percentage of each other’s clients at the close of a coaching relationship. This supports the process of drawing coaching to a close and yields valuable feedback which helps us both to continue to learn and grow.

Recently, I completed my coaching with RN, a senior leader in his organisation with a European remit. I am grateful to him for allowing me to share his testimonial following our work together. He told my colleague:

“My goals for coaching have been 100% met. I have adopted a more conscious approach to work and career decisions and I am more aware of options. Coaching has enabled and accelerated my ability to identify my values, priorities and options in my work life. I am more energized and happier and so more productive – and this has spilled into my private life too. This is more than I expected when we started.

“In the initial opening session we discussed coaching and set the scene and it went well from there. Dorothy had a positive attitude and was a good listener. She was always challenging and asked me questions that opened up new perspectives for me. I found coaching action-orientated – it was not relaxing at all and at the same time it’s a very selfish thing, wonderful to have someone there to talk to where it is all about you. I liked the length of our sessions: they gave time to get to the bottom of things but not be tired. The frequency was adapted to my priorities. Also, when I sent e-mails in between sessions I always got a quick happy, and positive response from Dorothy.

“What would I say to anyone who was thinking of investing in coaching? It is the Rolls-Royce of personal development experiences. I would recommend it absolutely”.

As I review R’s comments I celebrate our work together – including so many details about our coaching partnership and about R’s commitment to coaching which I am in no position to share.

And I also extend an invitation to you: if R’s testimonial describes an experience you would like to have, or if you know someone who may be interested to work with me, please contact me directly via dorothy@learningforlifeconsulting.co.uk.

Emotional Freedom Technique: trying out a new approach

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A good coach, in my view, is also a committed learner. After all, whether your clients are senior executives, Olympic sportsmen and women, or any other man or woman who (like you and me) is trying to find their way in life, who wants to work with a coach who lacks the wisdom that comes from engaging in their own learning?

When my friend Alex invited me to a session of Emotional Freedom Technique, something he has recently invested in learning and is now beginning to practice with clients, I am aware of all the experiences that have prepared me to try out this new technique. I am also comfortable to try something that is as yet unknown to me.

This proves to be just as well, not least because we hold our session in the open air outside the Royal Festival Hall. I am comfortable that passers by may see – watch even – a process which involves tapping on my hands, face and body, like acupuncture without the needles. I am also comfortable that, should the process stimulate emotions in me (which it does), passers by may see – watch? – as I sit with them.

On the surface, the issue I choose to work with is not close to the emotional bone. In the summer of 2007 I started to experience some physical discomfort in my left knee which has not completely disappeared. Still, as the session progresses I start to make some connections. A penny drops as I realise this started less than twelve months after my father died. Is there a connection? I also realise that, whether or not there is some causal link, I have made a link in my mind, fearing that this is the beginning of a journey towards a debilitating old age. No wonder I am impatient and anxious when I think of my knee.

As the session progresses Alex asks me what’s coming up for me so that I am able to share the thoughts, the emotions and the physical sensations I experience as we go. Throughout the session he is ready to go with the flow, adapting to whatever comes up along the way. At the end of the session I am experiencing no changes in the physical sensations in my knee, though I am open to the possibility that change may occur and I have made some connections along the way.

Over the weekend, as I go about my usual activies (walking to Blackheath and back to collect my dry cleaning, digging in the garden, etc.) I notice the sensations in my knee. There are moments when the pain shifts to another part of the body altogether. There are moments when my knee is quite comfortable. Above all, my relationship with the discomfort I experience is changing. I know that the changes I am currently making to my diet are likely, over time, to create the optimum environment for good health in the second half of my life, I know that my father’s experience in old age need not be mine, I know that – whether the pain goes or stays – I can handle whatever comes my way.

Client testimonials – a gift to an unknown future

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Organisations (more correctly, individuals who work for organisations) commission coaching for a reason. And the reasons for which they commission coaching are many and varied. One manager sees the potential in a young executive and wants to nurture it. Another leader wants to support their highly skilled technician (lawyer, IT specialist, accountant, actuary) in developing the non-technical attributes needed to progress to a leadership role. Another manager wants to keep the person whose job has disappeared and sees coaching as a way of supporting that individual in making a decision – to stay or not to stay?

Sometimes there are hidden reasons for commissioning coaching and these unfold over time. Perhaps the brittle warmth between the manager commissiong coaching and the person for whom coaching is sponsored (barely) conceals the near total breakdown of their relationship. Perhaps the commissioning manager cannot bring him or herself directly to address the glaring mismatch between the person to whom they are offering coaching and the job they are in. Perhaps the best salesman (or woman) on the patch is at risk of alienating their colleagues or of burnout, or…, or…, or…

Sometimes clients come directly, funding coaching from their corporate budgets or setting aside time and money of their own to address an agenda that requires skills or time that are not otherwise available. The early achiever wonders, now that I’ve fulfilled my aspirations, why am I not happy? The midlife career professional wants to find a way of balancing a successful career with home and family and maybe even having some kind of life. The CEO seeks out a place where he (or she) can ask for challenge as well as support.

And always, quite quickly, two people find themselves alone in a room at the beginning of a relationship that will develop in ways that neither can predict and to do work together whose outcomes are as yet unknown. No matter that the agenda is, on the surface, cut, dried and impersonal. The reality is infinitely personal because, when it comes to making changes in our lives, we cannot change the others, we can only change ourselves.

The hidden depths of coaching are such that clients often want to shout their successes from the rooftops and yet, to do so anonymously. For the coaches, too, who watch miracles unfold and know they have played a role in the unfolding, there can be a wish to shout their celebrations from the rooftops even whilst knowing that such shouting needs to take place within the strict confines of a confidentiality agreement.

I ponder this today as I begin to explore with clients who might be willing to share what with readers of this blog so that, over time, I can say to potential clients: “if you want to know what coaching does for my clients, take a look at my blog”. In this way, client testimonials become a gift to an unknown future – to people as yet unknown, whose reasons for seeking the support of a professional coach have not yet been identified.

And if you are interested to read them, watch this space.

Emotional freedom – stepping gingerly towards a new approach

Alternative approaches, Coaching, Developing as a leader, Emotional Intelligence, Your personal and professional well-being, , , ,

My professional training as a coach, as well as giving me an excellent underpin for my work with my Executive Coaching clients, opened up a whole new world for me in terms of alternative approaches. It’s as if all paths are leading to some emotional and cognitive Rome – from Emotional Intelligence in the field of leadership development, through Neuro-Linguistic Programming in the field of personal and professional effectiveness to… the list is endless.

My friend Alex has been studying something called Emotional Freedom Technique (or EFT) and recently offered me a session. His text reached me whilst I was in Dubai and I have taken a few days to engage with this possibility. This evening I google EFT and find Gary Craig’s website (http://www.emofree.com/) with its introductory video (http://www.emofree.com/splash/video_popup.asp). I have said yes to a session with Alex and I am thinking about what to bring to the session to work on.

I am struck by the range of issues mentioned in the video including a number of health issues – both common and uncommon. In common with many other “alternative” approaches, the video makes a link between our emotional and our physical health. The idea that our emotional landscape plays a role in our physical health can sit uncomfortably with some, even whilst offering great hope to others.

I am also curious about a particular moment in the video when the speaker talks about the effect of using EFT on the blood. Having recently had my blood tested to check the results that are accruing from making changes in my diet, I recognise the differences between healthy and unhealthy blood.

I drop Alex a line with some possible dates to meet. I am curious. And I am definitely up for experiencing this new approach.

Ramadan kareem

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I am quiet this evening, thoughtful. There have been pennies dropping for me throughout the day.

The time of meeting a potential coaching client, whether an individual or an organisation, is a blessed time for me, knowing as I do how much difference coaching can make both to individuals and to the organisations they work in.

As the day proceeds I get to meet some of the people I may – or may not – work with in coaching partnership. It is a time of exploration. A time of getting to know each other. A time of decision. For my part, it’s important to have some sense, ahead of time, that the investment my client proposes to make in my contribution will indeed add value. I am ready to walk away if my sense is that it will not. It is also an important time for my clients – for the people I meet and for the organisation for which they work. I want to support the organisation and its most senior leaders in moving forward. Still, I do not want for any member of the team that he (or she) feel any sense of obligation to “sign up”.

Sitting waiting for my first appointment, something I knew ahead of time lands with a more visceral force: that if I agree to work with this organisation, I may be signing up to regular visits to the UAE and for some time. The pennies continue to drop throughout the day as I make meaning of my experiences: that I am already supportive of the organisation’s aspirations for change, that I am already committed to the individual members of the senior leadership team, that to engage with this diverse group of leaders is to reach out beyond questions of culture and ethnicity and to engage with each and every member of the team, that to contribute in this way has meaning for me which includes but also goes way beyond the success of the organisation.

Walking at dusk I hear the call to prayer. Every fibre in my body sings in response. Everything is right with the world. As I sit at dinner the excitement of my day gives way to a deep, deep sense of peace. Ramadan kareem.

Senior Leadership Teams: what it takes to make them great

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Tomorrow, I meet my clients here in Dubai. Our focus will be on Executive Coaching as a support to the development of the organisation’s Senior Leadership Team.

Synchronicity is a wonderful thing. Over morning coffee with my valued colleague Patricia Marshall, I mention this forthcoming trip and she offers me a copy of the recently published Senior Leadership Teams: What it takes to make them great. I have been taking the opportunity to read this book, with its veritable roll-call of authers (Ruth Wageman, Debra A. Nunes, James A. Burruss and J. Richard Hackman) by way of preparation.

Based on their research into leadership teams in a wide variety of organisations, the authors lay out six conditions which differentiate outstanding teams at Senior Leadership level. They describe the first three as essential and the second three as enablers. On the surface, the conditions have a whiff of cliche: don’t we all know that the best Senior Leadership Teams have a compelling purpose and direction? And isn’t it axiomatic that you have to have the right people with the right capabilities for the team to succeed? Notwithstanding the authors explore their research with a degree of precision which adds great depth and illustrate it with many examples. It helps, too, that their research is based on work with a list of client organisations that many coaches, consultants and advisers could only admire – maybe even envy.

In my role as Executive Coach, I find good news and bad. Team coaching for the Senior Leadership Team is highlighted as one of the six conditions, an enabler. The authors tell their CEO readers, “Do not skimp on coaching”. Still, coaching alone cannot make up for the absence of other conditions (though it may help the team’s leader to identify and address their absence). What’s more, the authors highlight a surprising finding: that teams do not improve markedly even if all their members receive individual coaching to develop their personal capabilities. I find these pointers thought-provoking and helpful ahead of a meeting to explore my client’s expectations of coaching.

And what would I say to the CEO, pondering whether or not to read this book? If you are sleeping soundly at night in the full knowledge that your Senior Leadership Team is delivering way beyond your expectations you may find better ways to use your time. If, however, you have any sense at all that the team of which you are leader has more to give, if indeed you are tearing your hair out as you wonder why such a talented group of people behave like children in the board room, this book is an invaluable read. Its systematic exploration of its territory offers a way to diagnose the issues you face as well as guidance on how to address them.

Please let me know how you get on in turning your team from good, bad or indifferent to great. Truly great.