It takes practice to develop your flexibility as a leader

• Learned behaviours are often unfit-for-purpose:  Many of us have learned from role-models whose behaviours were, at times, ineffective.  The more you draw unthinkingly from learned behaviours, the less likely it is you will achieve your desired outcomes.  Instead, whether in your professional role or in your family life, you may find that situations turn out in just the way you’re trying to avoid, without even knowing that your choice of behaviour has played a role;  

• Different situations require a different approach:  If your top sales-person refuses to come to team meetings (or your teenage son, come to that, refuses to come to the dinner table) you may be tempted to go for the “do it or else!” approach – but this has the effect of backing you and your sales-person (or teenage son) into a corner and it may not give you the outcome you most desire.  You need to draw on a broader repertoire of behaviours in order to achieve your desired outcome;

• Choosing ineffective behaviours creates struggle:  The more you choose unconsciously and from a limited repertoire of behaviours, the less likely you are to achieve progress, momentum and favourable outcomes.  Instead, your choice of ineffective behaviours reduces ease and increases struggle for you and for those you interact with;

• You can’t change the others… How often have you found yourself complaining about someone else’s behaviour and lamenting others’ lack of insight or unwillingness to change?  Even when you are dealing with someone who lacks every skill needed for the job in hand, the option you have is to change your own behaviour.  Developing your repertoire of behavioural skills is about equipping yourself to handle difficult people or situations because you can’t change the others, you can only change yourself.

If you don’t want to find yourself running from pillar to post in response from the dictat from above or to find yourself bumping up against barriers of your own making, what do you do instead?  And how can you increase your behavioural repertoire whilst remaining true to who you are?

• Focus on outcomes first and consider how best to achieve them:  The more you can identify clearly what outcomes you want to achieve and then think about how best to achieve them, the more you will naturally build in behavioural flexibility;
• Don’t confuse your behaviour with your sense of who you are:  Nothing limits you more than holding the belief that you are what you do:  it helps to keep an open mind about who you are.  When you find yourself saying “I couldn’t possibly do it any other way!” or “that’s not me!” it’s time to pause and remind yourself that you’re far more than the sum of your behaviours to date.  Be ready to try new behaviours in order to increase your personal effectiveness whilst also staying true to who you are;
• Observe what people do that works:  In organisations, the “competency model” or “competency dictionary” is a way to capture the best of what works in particular roles or across the organisation so that people can increase their personal effectiveness in particular roles.  Equally, whether in your personal or professional life, you can observe yourself and others to see what works and use your observations to adjust your own behaviour;
• When at first you don’t succeed, try something different:  Don’t be like the proverbial Englishman who, when not understood, speaks a bit louder.  When you do something and you don’t get the outcome you want, think about how you can adjust your approach in order to succeed.  Use all the information available to you to help you make more informed choices;
• Seek help and support:  The yoga teacher helps the student to make tiny adjustments which lead to disproportionate improvements in results.  Don’t be afraid to seek support – from a good coach or mentor, from writers, speakers etc. – to help you make tiny adjustments that greatly improve the outcomes you are able to achieve.