Sometimes, testimonials come totally unsolicited as a joyful surprise. This is one of them, from Rob Mesrie on Facebook BranchOut.
I confess I didn’t know BranchOut existed. I do, though, know Rob. During our work together as volunteers for Ian McDermott at ITS’ NLP and Coaching trainings, I came to hold Rob with high regard. I count him as a dear friend and join him as a member of the mutual admiration club.
This is what he wrote:
“Top rate coach. Never falters from creating a space that gives you access to a way of thinking you had never even considered.”
Tag Archives: coaching
Creating the climate for success
Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis and Annie McKee, in their book The New Leaders, identify the range of leadership styles that leaders draw on and highlight those styles that create a climate for success. This is what they call “resonant leadership” and they contrast this with the use of styles which, if overused, create “dissonant leadership”. The key here is “if overused” – all the styles identified in the research have a role to play when used effectively.
Developing a repertoire of leadership styles and the capability to use them effectively is not easy. Many of us lack strong role models to emulate so that we just don’t know what “highly effective” looks like when it comes to leadership. Perhaps we will copy leaders (from our parents, teachers and other childhood figures to our managers at work) without even recognising the implications of their chosen approach. By copying poor role-models in this way we repeat the behaviours that were not effective first time round. Perhaps we will try hard to do anything but what they did. This carries a particular challenge: whilst we may know what we don’t want to do, how do we know what to do instead?
At the same time, making effective adjustments to our approach can yield benefits all round, as the testimonial below highlights. I’m grateful to Fabienne Luisetti, with whom I worked in coaching partnership during 2010, for sharing her experiences. If you’d like to know more about how I work with clients please follow this link for details of how to contact me to arrange a complimentary consultation.
Meantime, this is what Fabienne had to say about her experience of working with a coach:
There came a point where my reputation of being a fair but tough leader became an obstacle to both my career and my well-being. Whilst projects were completed and goals achieved, people were bruised along the way and, at times, I would be living with negative feelings in the evening from my interactions with others during the day. Having gone through all the leadership programmes available in our company, I decided I needed a more focused one-to-one coaching programme and this is when I started working with Dorothy.
Right from the start Dorothy was very professional in her approach and created the right environment of trust for me to express my feelings, thoughts and reactions. She challenged a few pain points and also helped me to distil feedback from others and my own work into key areas to focus on. Her willingness to share theory and to describe others’ experiences helped me to place my situation in perspective. I am delighted to provide this testimonial.
How has coaching worked for me? A 1:1 coaching program with set milestones was particularly motivational. At every meeting, I wanted to show progress. Therefore, in between two coaching sessions, I tried a few new strategies to be able to report upon. When I realised they were working well for me and the people around me, I was motivated to try further. This is the way I achieved my three personal coaching objectives; I am now engaging people and teams in a more collaborative manner; I can feel people contribute to my projects in a more spontaneous way not because they have to but because they want to. And I feel good about progressing projects, keeping within deadlines in a much softer way.
Fabienne Luisetti
Coaching: opening up new perspectives
Sometimes, the fact that we are doing our job well and enjoying it can blind us to the potential we have for a role which takes us (to borrow from Gay Hendricks in his book The Big Leap) beyond our “zone of excellence” to explore our “zone of genius”. This is what I sensed in Graham Parris when we began our work together in coaching partnership.
To find ourselves in our zone of excellence and with more to give does not always mean that we need to jump ship in search of something new. Rather, it often implies checking in, taking stock, beginning the process of tuning in to our intuitive voice – what some call our inner wisdom and guidance. Often, the job we already have takes on new meaning and significance when we can see it in the context of the larger picture of our lives.
I was thrilled to meet Graham at a time when there was scope for him to look at this bigger picture and to support him in taking a step back from his immediate concerns and to begin to ask: what do I really want from my career going forward? This is what Graham said about our work together:
When I started working with Dorothy I didn’t expect to be changing jobs immediately. Even so, Dorothy challenged me to look at what I really wanted in my life and career so that when I then needed to look for a new job I had already started to develop a different perspective on what I wanted and I had begun to imagine what it might feel and look like when I’d got there.
Coaching has been the most personal developmental opportunity I’ve ever had – intensely personal. For me, it’s been an opportunity to find and try out new approaches to things I’ve done all my life and an opportunity to identify and address areas where I’m holding myself back. So coaching has been timely for me with the biggest outcome being that I’ve given myself permission to think about things differently if I want to.
As my coach Dorothy supported me in working from the assumption that I have the answers within me and that has worked well for me. She set the scene well at the beginning of our work together and she challenged me in ways which have left me more empowered. As well as paying attention to the coaching process – showing up on time, helping me to set goals, checking in with me etc. – she brought immense coaching skills. I also enjoyed the way she wrote blog postings as a way of offering more content when it was helpful.
Graham Parris
White Consultants (WCL)
From the club of mutual admiration
It was my great pleasure recently to meet Sean Conrad. I first met Sean when I interviewed him, in 2005, for a post with MunichRe. It was clear to me then that I was interviewing someone of great talent. I felt moved to offer to recommend Sean on LinkedIn. This is what I wrote:
When I conducted an executive assessment of Sean on behalf of Munich re in 2005, I discovered a young man who combined both the deeply technical skills of his profession and the depth and breadth of competency (or emotional intelligence) needed to progress way beyond the role for which he was applying. His ability to think strategically and to see the big picture stand out as an asset for a future senior executive. Though you probably won’t hear it from Sean, you can expect him to make a great contribution and to go a long way. It’s my pleasure to watch him progress.
Sean had also valued the experience, recognising and valuing the investment MunichRe had made in him whilst he worked with them. He gave the following recommendation which now sits on my own profile on LinkedIn:
I met Dorothy during my interview process at Munich Re and continued working with her through the company’s management development program. Dorothy is very perceptive which makes her a valuable resource in the interview process, able to indentify whether a candidate possesses the key attributes necessary for a specific role. In her role as an executive coach, she challenged me in an encouraging way and her personal interest made me feel like she was invested in my success. I have enjoyed working with Dorothy and am confident she would add value and insight to any individual or team she works with.
Sean Conrad
See LinkedIn for Sean’s profile
Thank you, Sean! As I write I am raising a metaphorical glass to you!
Receiving the waves of gratitude
Do you have people in your life with whom you share membership of the Mutual Admiration Club? These are people you hold in high regard and who hold you in their hearts in the same way. Dorota Godby is one of these. Through our participation in several learning events we have had the opportunity to support and be supported by each other and in this way to witness and benefit from each other’s skills.
In June I observed how Dorota was able to be present to the needs and feelings of others at Vicky Pierce’s Barn – how she took time with people to explore with them what feelings were arising in the moment and supported them in connecting with their underlying needs. This was empathy as a high art and I watched with admiration as well as experiencing the sense of deep peace that can come when I am in a space of such intimacy, trust and presence.
I also benefitted from Dorota’s support myself as I explored some of my own feelings about being single. Dorota showed the same sensitivity, supporting me as I connected with a yearning for the level of intimacy that is possible in a committed relationship. Later, she brought a playfulness to our conversation about the man I would love to meet. I haven’t met him yet though I’d love to.
I was thrilled when Dorota asked me for some support in August, when we were both at NVC (that’s Nonviolent Communication) Summer Camp together. We took some time on the last day of camp to do some work which was deeply personal to Dorota. I felt the same sense of privilege that I always feel when I am both coach and witness to people in support of their progress towards lives that are more authentic, easy and fulfilling. It was a further blessing to receive Dorota’s update to me which I share (with her permission) below:
Now I’m talking to you, I want also to share my joy and gratitude following the mediation space you held for me on the last day of the NVC camp. I hope that you’ve been receiving the waves of gratitude I’ve been sending your way non-verbally but I’ll articulate it here too.
I’ve seen such changes in and around me as a result of our work. It’s been integrating into my normality and making it a richer, sweeter and more satisfying experience compared to previous exhaustion and harshness. The most recent experience of it was on a work project in Oxford last week. In the 4 days of space clearing and emotional support that went with it, I was able to navigate the process with spaciousness and compassion and not a bunch of well meaning but oppressing “shoulds”. It was a big difference for me: instead of the lever being stuck on “maximum performance maximum of time”, it went with what was needed, how much and when and both me and my client were delighted with the process.
Dorota Godby
Relationship communication coach
Coaching? My personal experience was so good I’d like to carry on
Often, organisations sponsor coaching for individuals and only rarely does it take place in the context of a wider programme, despite the benefits that can come from developing the skills and raising the performance of whole teams. Jo Vigor was my coaching client in one such programme and had first-hand experience of coaching as well as indirect experience of the impact of coaching on her staff. In her testimonial she mentions the overall impact of the programme whilst focusing on her own experience of coaching:
In the workplace – organisationally – the coaching programme helped everyone, enriched staff and the team so that we are working better.
In my own coaching the biggest goal was to take stock and give me confidence and I give this a big tick. Working with Dorothy helped me to consolidate and gave closure after some important life events (my divorce and the death of my father) so that I have been able to let go of baggage and I am now able to look forward.
At work, I understand my role and I see myself as a professional in my own right and a confident leader – my confidence has grown. I am more outspoken and willing to challenge the Board of Directors. Also I have made changes in the way I handle challenge in personal relationships. At the same time, I’ve learned not to take myself so seriously.
In addition, we took time to reflect on where I am now and where I might be going next. Coaching has changed how I see myself for the future – I have an expanded view of what’s possible for me and I have been “trying it on for size”. Our coaching left me with some questions I’d like to explore further about what next.
Personally, I appreciated Dorothy’s style. On the one hand, her professional management of our coaching was good – she contracted well so that I knew what I was signing up for, she was prompt and well organised and the homeworks she gave me were good. On the other hand, she was able to engage both as my work coach and with me as a person. Within three minutes of meeting me she had asked the searching questions. She was able to work with my style – she let me let off steam and then we would explore. In short, it was like having an “adult parent” – going back to see your Mum but having a confidential adult conversation.
Coaching? My personal experience was so good I’d like to carry on.
Jo Vigor
WCL Consulting
And I also extend an invitation to you: if Jo’s testimonial describes an experience you would like to have, or if you know someone who may be interested to work with me, please contact me directly via dorothy@learningforlifeconsulting.co.uk.
Coaching: switching on a light
The ability to step back and observe ourselves is one that is highlighted by a variety of thinkers. Eckhart Tolle, for example, in his book A New Earth, highlights this ability as one which enables us to go beyond ego to connect with our authentic self. It is this ability that enables leaders to develop self mastery and the ability to act for the greater good.
Often the most significant outcome from coaching is the development of this inner observer. I am grateful to John Woodford, my client at MunichRe, for sharing this testimonial to coaching and to the inner observer:
What did I learn from our coaching? Working in partnership with Dorothy helped me to recognise my habitual behaviours and to become more self-aware: are they the behaviours I want to take forward? Our coaching helped me to develop a greater understanding of the impact I have on those around me and to develop greater empathy and understanding – for myself and others.
Perhaps the greatest learning for me has been to learn to stand outside of myself and look at me. Learning to observe myself in this way has given me new information which I can use to choose my responses and to get better outcomes. This is helping me to be more effective in managing my relationships with others and opening up new possibilities – perhaps to speak publicly, to build my profile, to be more confident and to have more gravitas.
What have been the benefits from coaching? My learning has had great application around the office. Recently, for example, I met someone for the first time. When I found their behaviour very strange, I become curious rather than reacting immediately. Coaching has helped me in managing people, hearing, listening and questioning and also in developing these skills in my staff so the whole team is getting better at understanding what people want. As a service organisation this has value.
What – and how – did Dorothy contribute? Dorothy asked lots of questions which were really tough and made me think very hard. She listened to my answers and followed up with a very sharp and targeted question. Sometimes the questions were much broader and these were the tough ones. If you like, she made me think and opened my mind – this switched on a light for me.
She was also very warm and made me feel very much at ease. She was a good listener and I valued her empathy. She was also very flexible. Our sessions were held at a time and a place that were convenient to me and the duration was just right – I never felt under pressure to cut our sessions short. After a while our fortnightly sessions turned into monthly sessions, evolving naturally into something that met the need.
Would I work with Dorothy again? I felt I got to a point where I had got the best value. Still I have lots to learn and will take it up in the future when I am ready for the next phase.
John Woodford
MunichRe
Don’t miss Dorothy!
Over the years it has become increasingly apparent to me that the people in the field of human development (trainers, consultants, facilitators, coaches…) who have most to offer their clients are those who are most committed to their own learning.
Attending The Skilled Facilitator Approach programme with Roger Schwarz and his colleagues in December last year was a reminder of this on many levels. I noticed, for example, how much I felt drawn to Roger, to Matt Beane and to Annie Bentz who facilitated the programme with such commitment and skill. I am delighted to have been able to offer recommendations to Matt and to Roger on LinkedIn.
As a learner I experienced both joy and pain in my own learning. How wonderful to find adjustments I can make that bring me closer to communicating in ways which are true to my values! How painful to have invested so much and still to have so much to learn! I have chosen this path and tread it with full commitment – and still, sometimes it’s a hard path to walk.
Something of this is reflected in the recommendation Matt Beane was kind enough to write for me which you’ll also find on LinkedIn. This is what he wrote:
Don’t miss Dorothy! In the little time I worked with her, it became clear that she is a truly dedicated professional, constantly seeking to improve her clients’ condition. She demonstrated courage, skill and talent as she examined how she had been unintentionally contributing to her clients’ challenges, and she helped us all laugh whilst we learned. Dorothy attended an intensive workshop on Group Process Facilitation that I co-led with Roger Schwarz, author of “The Skilled Facilitator”.
Matt Beane
Principal Associate and Head of Sales and Marketing
Roger Schwarz and Associates
January 25th, 2010
An authoritative and professional consultant and coach
I had an e-mail recently from a potential client who had been referred to me by one of my coaching clients. His questions made me wonder if I am offering information about my work as an executive coach at the expense of sharing information about my broader offering in the field of leadership development. In truth, I have played a role over the years in helping many organisations to build their leadership bench strength as well in helping individuals to develop their own capability as leaders. I made a note to balance the referrals that I am sharing to give a broader view.
It made sense to ask my friend, colleague and client Alan Roach, Executive Principal of the Basildon Academies, for permission to reproduce a referral which has already been published elsewhere, not least because Alan has seen the breadth and depth of my work since we first met in 1999. Before I share Alan’s words, I offer some background information about our contact over the years.
Our first meeting took place when Alan participated in the national Leadership Programme for Serving Headteachers, when I was responsible for accrediting the trainers delivering the programme. Over the years, I have known Alan in a variety of contexts. I have been Entrepreneur In Residence at the schools which have recently become the Basildon Academies, a role which often involves acting as a sounding board for Alan. We have been fellow national judges for the Teaching Awards. Occasionally, the Academies have been my client – last year, for example, I conducted some work to help clarify roles and responsibilities in the newly formed Academies. Occasionally, I have conducted work on behalf of other organisations as a result of Alan’s referrals.
This is what Alan had to say:
Dorothy is an authoritative and professional management consultant and executive coach. Dorothy’s intellect, clarity and experience have enabled her to make a strong contribution to developments in the world of education. Her influence and support over the years, through consultancy and through her voluntary work have helped our schools to build social capital and to succeed in transformation. Her ongoing commitment to supporting us as our schools become Academies will ensure that our new systems are robust and that our aspirations are met.
Alan Roach
Executive Principal
Basildon Academies
Connecting – via the written word
Recently I have wondered whether to put my name forward to join the published list of NVC (that’s nonviolent communication) trainers in the UK. I am not a certified trainer and don’t plan to become one – at least for now. And still, I’d enjoy having some coaching clients coming my way who are interested to develop a compassionate (‘nonviolent’) approach. Equally, since I work extensively with clients in corporations, I’d enjoy having someone – an HR Director, perhaps – contact me one day and ask to talk about the use of nonviolent communication in organisations.
What better way, I thought, than to seek the view of people who are already listed? So I put out an invitation to my colleagues to share their thoughts. One e-mail touched me deeply – I had the sense of being seen at my very best. It also reminded me of the power of social media, coming as it did from someone I have yet to meet and whose impressions of me come largely via the written word. With her kind permission, I share it with you.
This e-mail came to me from Jo McHale, whose business (at http://www.talking-truly.com/) focuses on converting conflict into connection. Here’s what she wrote:
Dear Dorothy
We haven’t met yet – and I trust we will before long – yet I feel moved to respond to your e-mail about joining the NVC-UK trainers list.
I have read your contributions to the NVC-UK group’s discussions. I have heard your voice on the conference call. I have read your response to a thread on the LinkedIn Coaching At Work group in which you commented on something Bill Tate wrote (Bill is my partner). I’ve also read your website/blog. And let’s not forget I first encountered you in the UKHRD Forum [now the Training Journal Daily Digest].
From each of these I have a sense of someone who is grounded, compassionate, passionate, thoughtful and wise. I find it easy to listen to what you say with an open mind and open heart, and to trust the place you’re speaking from.
It would indeed gladden my heart if you were to join the list. My understanding of the procedure is that you need the endorsement of three (not sure of the number of) people who know you and are prepared to ‘speak’ on your behalf. If my words contribute to this, I’m very happy for them to be used.
In anticipation of future connections,
Jo
Jo McHale