Category Archives: Developing as a leader

On the path to greater ease – knowing what you want

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Alice:  Would you please tell me which way I ought to go from here?

The Cheshire Cat:  That depends a good deal on where you want to get to

 Lewis Carroll

Alice in Wonderland

I’ve been thrilled to get back to work this month – coaching at the Sunday coaching clinic in Harley Street as well as a raft of feedback sessions for participants on a High Potential development programme and their managers.  This is work I love – getting beyond symptoms to help people to identify and address core issues.

It happens that, in coaching, the most fundamental question often addresses clients’ core issues.  The question?  What do you want?  The issue?  Do people know what they really want?  Of course, this question gets dressed up in many ways.  It also applies in many areas.  And still, it applies.

As a leader, the question of what you want can be extra tough.  Not only do you need to find your own direction but also you need to find everyone else’s.  Because, make no mistake, everyone is looking to you for direction.

The challenge of knowing what you want

In saying this, there’s something I want to make clear to you.  If you find it difficult to know what you want, if you feel confused or anxious, frustrated, lost or even at a loss, you’re not alone.

Recently, for example, one client told me how angry he has been feeling for months on end.  Angry.  Out of sorts.  And he didn’t know why.  His situation is not uncommon and may even have some resonance for you.  You find yourself feeling strong emotions which sometimes take you by surprise and yet you can’t connect them to anything you recognise.  You know you’re experiencing strong emotions but you don’t know what you really want.

Why is it so difficult to know what you want?

Over the years, I’ve discovered that there are all sorts of reasons why people struggle to know what they really want.  It’s not that they never know what they want (though it might be). Still, there are challenges we all face when we try to answer the question “What do you want?”  I wonder if any of these apply to you?

You’re supposed to be the leader, and yet, somehow, you’re not in charge.  Remember that “go for growth” agenda you were working towards?  Just as your team members were really starting to make progress you hit a major barrier.  In the old days, it was a new emphasis on quality or a failure by your colleagues in manufacturing to respond to demand.  More recently it was a major world recession.  Perhaps now, it’s a new CEO with a new agenda or, worse still, with no agenda, so that you find yourself in a holding pattern whilst you wait to hear about his or her conclusions from yet another major review.  Any which way, just as you felt you were really making progress you found you were moving in the wrong direction.

Perhaps, though, the issue is not a change in direction from the top.  No.  In a world which emphasises selflessness, commitment to your employing organisation or some other form of looking after somebody else’s needs, you’re struggling to muster a kind of inner permission to attend to your own needs – openly, honestly and fully.  You’re feeling out of sorts and you know things aren’t working for you but you don’t know what you really want.  Your career direction is unclear.  You’re struggling in your relationship with your boss, your spouse or even your children.  And because you don’t know what you want, you can’t begin to make progress in the right direction.

Maybe, though, the thing you wanted turns out not to be the panacea you thought it was.  You got the promotion you have been working towards for years and still, you’re not happy.  Your partner agreed to the move you discussed for weeks and weeks on end but you find that what should have been an exciting adventure is at the cost of a frosty silence between you which leaves you feeling angry, anxious or dismayed.  Your boss has responded to requests you made and has followed through to make things happen and still, somehow, you feel uncomfortable and you know your needs are not being met.  The bottom line is this:  you thought you knew what you wanted but you weren’t happy when you got it.

Sometimes, it’s hard to reach agreement with your colleagues about a way forward for your organisation.  Equally, at times, it’s your own inner team which is not pulling in the same direction.  Some part of you is pushing for action, progress, results… and yet, in practice, you are not taking some of the actions you know are key to success.  You shout louder at the part of you that is saying no to those actions… and meet more and more resistance.  You know what you want and feel frustrated and angry – with yourself.

As much as you want to know what you want, you also need compassion for the not knowing.

The world in your hands

At the turn of the millennium, I was heavily involved for a while in developing leadership in schools.  As a member of a team of people accrediting trainers on a national leadership programme for serving headteachers, I sometimes felt I was meeting a whole generation of headteachers.

Many of them were weighed down by the number of directives from the government of the day.  They felt that their autonomy was slowly being removed – they were increasingly responsible for results and yet they had less and less choice about how to achieve them.

Not every headteacher felt that way.  I remember one who told me that, faced with a new government white paper he would take a look at what was coming his way.  “We’re told we’re being consulted,” he said, “but you know that what’s in the paper will ultimately be implemented”.  His response?  To think about how he could use new developments in government policy and legislation to serve his own agenda.

It seems to me that whilst many of his colleagues carried the weight of the world on their shoulders, he carried the world in the palm of his hands.

What the headteacher knew

I’m not sure he even reflected on it, but this headteacher knew, by his experience, how much easier life can be when you know what you want.  He knew his purpose as a headteacher was to serve a community of children.  He wanted to help them to reach a level of educational attainment that would support them in finding employment and in leading meaningful lives.  He wanted to build the sense of self-belief and the emotional intelligence they needed as a foundation for success.

Having this level of clarity about what he wanted in his role as a headteacher meant that Arthur (let’s call him Arthur) had a basis for making decisions.  If he felt that serving on xyz committee would support him in supporting the children in his care he would say yes – but he could, equally, say no.  If he spotted an opportunity to serve the children more effectively he would pursue it with vigour.  Faced with a new government paper he would – rather than feeling crushed by the weight of yet more legislation – ask “how can I position this to serve the children?”

Arthur’s vision was simple, and at the same time, it made life easier for others in the school, too.  Arthur constantly spoke about activities in the school in the light of this vision.  How would a new project support the school in serving the children?  What more could staff do to support the children?  Over the years, the school’s ongoing policies and practices – which were often seen as highly innovative – were designed to support the children.

This kind of clarity attracted like-minded people to serve on the school’s staff whilst repelling others.  It was hard to feel comfortable in the school if you didn’t share such a clear agenda.  It was a source of energy and engagement.  It was a source of ease.  It’s not that people didn’t work hard – they did.  But they had clarity, focus and direction.

On the path to knowing what you want

Arthur knew what he wanted and he’s not alone.  In business, as in the world of education and elsewhere, some people seem to have a clear and unfailing idea of what they want.

Many do not.

To be more precise, for most people, knowing what you want is a path of learning and exploration.  It requires skills.  It requires attention.  And because what we want in one moment may be different from what we want the next it requires presence.

This quality of presence helps us to understand both the big “what do I want?” and how our most fundamental vision can be manifest at particular moments in time.

As I draw to a close, I wonder, what do you want?  More precisely, I wonder, to what extent do you know what you want?  I invite you to take a moment to check in with yourself:

  • What mark out of ten would you give yourself for the clarity of your vision in your role as a leader?
  • What mark out of ten would you give yourself for your clarity of vision for your life as a whole?
  • What mark out of ten would you give yourself for how clearly you know what you want right now?

Perhaps, like Arthur, you know what you want.

But if you don’t, I invite you to bring compassion to your unknowing and to everything that comes with it.

And in case you don’t, I want to say that to learn to connect with what you really want is also to release struggle and to move towards greater ease.

Welcome.

From frustration to empowerment on the road to leadership

All articles, Developing as a leader, Your personal and professional well-being

Recently, I was delighted to celebrate with a friend who has been waiting for some time for the right job opportunity to open up at his place of work.

It’s been a long wait.

He’s not alone.  Recently, I’ve noticed how many people I encounter who feel stuck in a rut as they try to open up their first opportunity to lead others.

You want to lead… but how do you secure your first leadership role?

Maybe you, too, have struggled on the road to leadership.  If you have, perhaps you’ve encountered some of the problems my clients are facing right now.  Perhaps, even, the memory alone is enough to make you wince.

Firstly, if your employer is up to scratch with modern methods of assessment and recruitment, they probably have a well-designed competency model and some ways to find out to what extent you have the competencies you need to lead others.

This is all very well, but as you seek to open up your first opportunity as a leader, this can leave you feeling concerned and anxious about the vicious circle that faces you.  How can you develop your competencies as a leader without having the opportunity to lead?  And how can you open up the opportunity to lead in a system which expects you to have the skills you need before you take on your first leadership post?  Already, you’re feeling frustrated.

Maybe, you’re working in an area where leadership roles are particularly hard to come by.  In one organisation I work for, for example, my clients in HR joke about just how senior they can become without ever having held a line management role.  But it’s a hollow joke.  It leaves people feeling very vulnerable when, already senior and highly visible, they suddenly become a line manager for the first time.

And you?  Maybe you’re working in a highly specialist area where teams are small and the opportunity to take on a line management – let alone leadership – role is rare.  You’re ready and eager, but you’re having to wait.

It doesn’t help that, in straitened times, the number of opportunities has reduced.  You have to wait longer for the next likely opportunity to open up.  You look around you and you realise that, well, everyone else is waiting, too.

You could look beyond your own organisation, though if you’re like the friend I mentioned right at the top of this posting, you may know you’re working in an organisation you really enjoy – you don’t want to move.  Or maybe (do not pass go, do not collect £200.00) you realise that if you can’t persuade your current employer you can lead, you’ll have even more difficulty persuading a bunch of total strangers.

As time goes on, you become more frustrated.  As time goes on, you become more disheartened.

Thank heavens you don’t need a job as a leader to learn to lead

Yes, that’s right.

Thank heavens you don’t need a job as a leader to learn to lead.

More than anything, I’ve noticed that people feel most disempowered on the road to leadership when they believe they have to be in some kind of leadership role in order to learn to lead.

It isn’t true.

Meditations on a butternut squash

131016_butternutsquash

If you’re a regular reader, you may recognise this photo.  You may even recognise the heading – back in October I wrote a blog posting entitled Meditations on a butternut squash at a time when I was feeling particularly exhausted.

The thing is, I’m not really a gardener, or at least, I didn’t think I was.  Even so, I did something this spring which – in a modest way, at least – turned out quite well.

Firstly, I had the idea that if the butternut squash I buy from my local market grow from seed and contain seed, perhaps I could grow a plant from the seed inside of one of those butternut squash.  I started my experiment by harvesting the seed (so many of them!) from a squash I bought and laying them out on a small cardboard tray to dry.

Do you remember how cold it was last winter?  I didn’t start planting until late in the season – it was too cold, I knew I would be away just after Easter, and besides, I was planning a *ahem* fiftieth birthday party in April.  Still, after my birthday, I planted a few of the seeds and, when they had grown into plants and were a few inches high,  planted them in my garden.

The butternut squash in the photo is the result of this experiment.

Leadership – growing from seed

Leadership is not like a butternut squash and still… if you’re feeling frustrated on the road to your first leadership role, it’s worth remembering that leadership does develop over time rather than overnight.  It’s also worth remembering that you don’t need to be in a leadership role to develop your competency as a leader.

Talking to some of the people I have been working with of late who want to turn high potential into evidence they can lead, we’ve talked about three ways they can begin to develop as leaders without any hint of a leadership role in sight:

  • Use what opportunities you already have to develop as a leader:  If you’re good at delivering (it’s been your trade-mark, right?) you may be overlooking the opportunities to develop your leadership skills.  Remember that piece of work you did with your junior colleague when you had to dive in at the last minute and sort out the mess?  That happened because you didn’t stop to think, when you divvied out the work, what level of supervision you needed to give to help him (or her) so he could get the work right.  This is just one example of the kind of opportunity you may be overlooking;
  • Increase your opportunities to develop as a leader:  As long as leadership equals the next promotion in your mind, you’ll miss any number of opportunities to develop your leadership skills.  Perhaps you could ask for the opportunity to lead a particular piece of work or project team.  Perhaps you can take on the role of interim manager to cover someone else in absentia.  Perhaps there are opportunities outside work for you to take on leadership responsibilities.  (If ever you meet my cousin James, for example, you can ask him about his time as Chairman of the London Symphony Chorus.)  Sports clubs, charities and other ventures need leaders.
  • Learn from other leaders:  Of course, you are probably already learning about leadership (for better or for worse) from your line manager.  There are many more ways to learn about leadership from other leaders.  Look across your organisation, for example, as there anyone you admire as a leader?  Many mentors are chosen by the people they support because they embody the skills people want to develop.  There are, of course, biographies and autobiographies to read and films to watch.

Take a couple of minutes now – just two to five – and find yourself a piece of paper and a pencil (or your digital equivalent).  Start by listing any opportunities you already have and are overlooking to develop your leadership skills.  If you still have time, think about how you can increase your opportunity to develop as a leader.  And if all else fails, brainstorm ways you can learn from other leaders.

If you’re planning your development for the year ahead, you can use this five-minute brainstorm as the basis for a discussion with your line manager or even for drafting your developmental goals.

Leaders – made not born

As I draw to a close I find my long-standing resistance kicking in to the idea that leaders are born and not made.

What rubbish!

The recently-departed Nelson Mandela was 76 years old when he became South Africa’s first democratically elected president.  It’s not that this was his first leadership role – but he was, as president, a long time in the making!

My friend, recently, promoted, had to wait for a long time for the right role because, at his level of seniority, suitable opportunities are rare.  Still, I’ve watched him grow as a leader through a succession of roles in the fifteen years since I first assessed him on behalf of a client.

For you, too, your current challenges – with all their attendant frustrations – are just a beginning.  I wish you well.  Please stay tuned if you want to continue to learn.

I’d love to hear what challenges you face as your journey continues.

Leadership and your relationship with your staff

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Last month was Berlioz month for members of the London Symphony Chorus.  This year the ladies of the London Symphony Chorus had a gap of notable proportions in the schedule (no prom concert this year, and a – men only – performance of Verdi’s Rigoletto to start the season).  Our first concert in the series, on Sunday 2nd November – a performance of Berlioz’s Damnation of Faust – was my first concert since we sang Mark-Anthony Turnage’s At Sixes And Sevens at the Guildhall in July.
Many conductors – most conductors – make time for what’s called a “piano rehearsal” with the chorus.  This gives conductor and chorus the opportunity to prepare before the tutti rehearsals, in which everyone involved – conductor, orchestra, soloists and chorus – comes together for rehearsal.
This time, our first rehearsal was a tutti rehearsal with chorus, orchestra, conductor and soloists.  I was glad of the extra time which I packed with any number of chores before making my way to the Barbican for our first tutti on Saturday afternoon.
Getting on the wrong side of the class
It’s not unusual for the first meeting between the Chorus and their fellow musicians to stimulate discussion about the conductor’s leadership style and this, in turn, can lead to a discussion about events outside the chorus.  Sometimes, these events bear no relation to what’s going on inside the concert hall;  instead, they reflect a universal concern to be led in ways which are comfortable, constructive and productive.
 
This time was no exception – on the way to rehearsal on the Sunday morning, I found myself in conversation with one of my colleagues, a teacher by profession, who described the experience that every teacher has from time to time, of getting on the wrong side of the class.
 
You know you’re on the wrong side of the class because pupils start to misbehave.  It’s a wearisome experience and difficult to come back from – as you’ll know if ever you’ve been there.  It’s particularly difficult because, often, the misbehaviour of your team can be hard to pin down or even to describe as misbehaviour.  Maybe your team members start to turn up on time – but never early.  Maybe they do a full day’s work – but don’t go the extra mile.  Maybe the number of doctor’s appointments goes up in your team.  Over the years, I’ve noticed how creative people can be in signalling to their leader that (s)he’s on the wrong side of the class.
In your heart of hearts, you know that you’ve lost the support of your team but there’s nothing you can easily criticise: from time to time, everyone needs to take time to go to the doctor, right?
 
It’s all about relationship
In the corporate environment in which I mostly work, very little emphasis is placed on the quality of relationship between a leader and his or her staff.  Notions of what’s professional can get in the way of an open acknowledgement of the importance of relationship.  There’s a risk that, because the central role of relationship in the workplace is not acknowledged, it is, equally, not cultivated.
 
And yet, it is relationship that keeps you on the right side of your class.
 
Members of your team will go the extra mile when they sense that they matter and their contribution is valued.  Insofar as you cut them some slack based on an understanding of their real needs or a recognition that everyone makes mistakes, they will cut you some slack, too.  If you cover their backs, they will cover your back.  The list goes on.
 
There are big questions involved if you want to cultivate a relationship with your staff which is both professional and fruitful for everyone involved.  Perhaps the mother of all questions is this:  are you ready to give up “being in control” for an approach based on mutual learning and respect?  I say this because research tends to show that the use of a command-and-control approach to leadership tends to undermine staff engagement and motivation.
 
At the same time, an approach based on mutual respect demands more of us in terms of relationship.  It requires of us that we put out what we want back – giving respect, for example, where we want respect, or investing in our staff insofar as we want them to give their heart as well as their professionalism to their work.  Sometimes it requires us to have faith in our staff and their potential even when they have yet to deliver to a standard we require.
 
And it requires dialogue – a willingness to listen as well as to talk.
 
Cultivating a fruitful professional relationship with your staff
When your style of leadership is well-established, it can be difficult to know whether or not you’re cultivating the kind of relationship that keeps you on the right side of your class.  For this reason, your first steps need to be about bringing into your awareness the nature of your relationship with the people you lead.  Here are three things for you to reflect on as a way to get started:
  • What are your aspirations for your relationship with your staff?  To what extent do you aspire to work in partnership with your staff based on a relationship of mutual trust and respect?  It may be that your relationship with your staff is not even on your leadership agenda.  Perhaps, though, you do want to have a relationship with members of your team and words like “trust” and “respect” feel comfortable to you – something you aspire to and enjoy when it happens;
  • What words would you use to describe the relationship you have with members of your team and with your team as a whole?  To what extent do these words suggest that your relationship is in line with your aspirations?  As a member of the Chorus, for example, I have worked with a wide range of conductors with diverse styles and I notice how clear my personal preferences are.  I want to know that I’m working with someone who has a real passion – love, even – for the music they are conducting and who works to high standards.  I prefer to work with someone who works with me rather than with someone who takes out his (or her) frustration on me or who is, even, simply absent.  For me, this implies relationship – a relationship between a conductor and those (s)he conducts.  Relationship, building over time, is the accumulated effect or outcome of shared experiences;
  • To what extent do you cultivate a relationship with your staff in which you receive feedback as well as giving it?  And what feedback do you get from your staff?  It’s easy as a leader to focus on the limitations of those you lead.  It takes more courage to say “how am I communicating such that they are behaving in this way?”  It takes both courage and maturity to ask members of your team about their experience – and to be able to listen to whatever answers they give you.
 
And Berlioz?
I still remember singing Berlioz’s Trojans for the first time in the early 1990s.  This, too, was with the London Symphony Orchestra and Chorus, with Sir Colin Davis.  It was not my first experience of Berlioz (I had, after all, been singing the Shepherds’ Farewell since childhood) but it was my first experience on such a grand scale, and a truly magical one at that.
 
I did not know it but our conductor this time, Valery Gergiev, like Sir Colin, has been a life-long admirer of Berlioz.  On 10th October, writing in the Observer, Ed Vuillamy’s article was headed by the quote, “Berlioz inspired me long before I ever dreamed I would conduct.”
Our first concert, on Sunday 2nd November, was greeted warmly by the audience.  If the audience applause at the end of the concert was anything to go by, it was a performance of considerable aplomb.  For me, there was a vigour in the performance which was lacking at rehearsal (or perhaps – as one chorus member remarked wryly – we had friends in the audience).
Some critics were not complimentary.  Sebastian Scotney, for example, writing for The Arts Desk, use the word “perfunctory” in the course of his review and Mark Valencia, writing for What’s On Stage, highlighted something of which members of the chorus were only too painfully aware – the absence of our much-loved Sir Colin Davis.  He said of the chorus:
Most disappointing of all was the London Symphony Chorus, normally a tower of strength.  Their succession of soldiers, students, peasants, gnomes, sylphs, demons and ‘the damned’ were under-characterised and apparently under-rehearsed.  In Part Two the male drinkers seemed to frequent a very sober tavern and would have been more at home at a game of skittles than an orgy, while in Part Four the ladies of the Chorus (to the mirth of some sitting behind me) diligently checked their copies before delivering a single, hellbound scream.
Not every critic agreed.  Colin Anderson,writing for Classical Source, said (of the second performance, on Thursday 7thNovember):
It was the London Symphony Chorus that in many ways stole the show with focussed and unanimous singing that survived every microscopic detail that Gergiev (and Simon Halsey, chorus director) extracted from it.  Distinctions between soldiers, students, peasants and others may not have been that obvious, but the preparation and delivery was top class.
By the time chorus members finished five performances of Berlioz’s Damnation and Romeo and Juliet, critics were fulsome in their praise.  Nicolas Grienenberger, writing forClassiqueNews.com, said of the ensemble:
On ne peut que saluer l’engagement total du chef, attentif à tous les plans sonores, variant ici une dynamique, là un vibrato, et entraînant tous les musiciens vers une palette de nuances proprement stupéfiante, leur faisant oser des pianissimi impalpables à la limite de l’inaudible, forçant ainsi l’assistance au silence le plus absolu, et demandant à l’ensemble des spectateurs un présent devenu rarissime : leur écoute. Prodigieux également, le chœur du London Symphony Orchestra, d’une cohésion sonore et d’une clarté dans la diction exceptionnelles, d’une délicatesse dans le murmure qui n’a d’égale que l’intensité de leur éclat. A leurs côtés, les jeunes chanteurs formant les Guildhall Singers ne sont pas en reste, commentant l’action d’une superbe pâte sonore au phrasé élégant.
You don’t need to speak French to notice such words as “délicatesse” and “élégant”!
I was not at these subsequent performances and can only wonder; do these diverse critiques reflect the different tastes of the critics or did the quality of performance build over two weeks, in which the chorus sang five performances of Berlioz’s Damnation of Faust and Romeo and Juliet?  I don’t know.
I do, though, believe that – in business as much as in the concert hall – it takes time to build a relationship with your colleagues and, equally, with the work you are doing.  In short, whatever your work environment, it takes time to sing your way into the totality of the piece. 

Your personal need for integrity

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What has this tea pot got to do with integrity?

 

For me, it all began with a tea pot.

In February of this year, I bought a tea pot in my local Oxfam shop in Blackheath.

Let me tell you, I had no need of a tea pot.  But I loved this one so much – the vibrant colours, the weight and the feel of it – that I decided to buy it, along with six bowls in the same pattern.

It was a chance purchase, which opened up a whole new hobby for me…  I started to look for items to match this tea pot and discovered eBay.  I decided to make my collecting habit self-funding, selling items for which I no longer have a use and beginning to buy and sell items from Greenwich Auction House and the market at Lee Green.

This was a new habit for me, and at the same time, wholly familiar.  I have always been drawn to objects of beauty.

Owning my personal “quirks”

Such is my love of beauty and order that, sometimes, it is the object of some hilarity.

Last week, for example, I was in Germany, running a development programme with a group of colleagues.  My colleagues were quite taken aback when I realised that my outfit for Day 2 was a terrible match for the name badge I was wearing.  I was able to laugh with them at just how much it meant to me… and still, it did mean something to me.

I can’t help but tidy up the displays when I’m looking for books in shops.

If I decide to do something – learn a language, play a game, write a report, sing, whatever – I want to do it well.

In the language of Hogan’s MVPI (motives and values) questionnaire, I have a primary value, which Hogan calls aesthetics.  This is defined as “focusing on innovation, style and appearance”.  Low scorers care about functionality;  high scorers care about creative self-expression and the look and feel of their work.

Knowing this has helped me to make connections between a wide range of activities in my life… it’s the reason, for example, I’ve gravitated towards roles at work which involve quality in some shape or form… a curiosity about what it takes to be effective as a leader, a desire to embody fully my values around communicating in ways which honour everyone’s needs, a desire to help others – especially people in leadership roles – to find greater ease.  I could go on…

It also shows up all over my private life…  it’s the reason I love to take a house in disrepair and turn it into a place of beauty, or prefer to have a statement “sculptural” set of shelves in my kitchen (thank you, Gary) than yet more cupboards… even though I need the storage space.  It’s the reason for my long-standing relationship with the London Symphony Chorus.  It’s the reason why writing a blog-posting is, for me, a pleasure rather than a chore.

Not only has knowing this helped me to make sense of my past, it is also helping me to plan for my future – to move increasingly towards living my life in line with my values.

Your personal need for integrity

Whatever the pros and cons of employing people with integrity in an organisation, you may already be aware of your own deep need for integrity – a need to live your life in line with your own values.

You know when you’re living your life in integrity with your values.

When you are, you feel comfortable and at ease.  You experience moments of deep satisfaction.  Your life is peopled with activities that you enjoy.  If your values are people-based, your life is peopled by people you enjoy.

There are moments when you feel deeply uncomfortable, too.  Perhaps you are finding no joy in the life you are leading.  Maybe you are doing things in your personal and professional life which lack meaning for you, because they have no connection with your values.  Worse still, maybe you are really struggling with aspects of your life, because those aspects – activities, people, job – stand squarely in opposition to everything you hold dear.

What’s more, we do not live in isolation.

Not just a benign force – values and the amygdala hijack

As we came away from our course in Germany, my colleagues and I took time to review the feedback from participants.  One participant’s comments clearly got under the skin of one colleague – why on earth would anyone say that about the principal trainer?  How could it possibly help?

Our principal trainer was unmoved.

My colleague was expressing one of her most important values – yearning for recognition for her colleagues as much as for herself.  It was not, though, a high value for the trainer himself.

I can claim no moral high-ground when it comes to the amygdala hijack.  Only recently, I was shocked to be on the receiving end of an approach which was the antithesis of everything I aspire to in terms of leadership and communication.

Truly shocked.

And I let that person know.

The thing is, I suspect that the same person who was behaving in ways I found so unacceptable was also responding to her own amygdala hijack.  I had trodden on her toes – her values – by mistake.

It wasn’t pretty.

It’s easy to condemn the amygdala hijack.  Daniel Goleman, in his books on emotional intelligence, highlights the primitive part of the brain which is the seat of the amygdala hijack.  When we “act out” in response to such a hijack, we are likely to do things we later regret.

At the same time, the amygdala hijack tells us – loudly – that some value is not being met.  Sometimes, it’s telling us about something immediate, something about the here and now.  Equally, a clash of values can be a long, slow burner which leads us slowly towards major decisions… can you continue to work for a boss or an organisation which does X, Y or Z without thinking of the consequences?  How can you sustain a marriage with someone whose values, you discover, are so different from your own?

Moving towards greater personal integrity

If you want to move towards a life of greater personal integrity, you need to understand what’s important to you.

The Hogan MVPI is one tool I use in my work with clients.  When I first took it myself, I had been through so many psychometric tests I doubted I would learn anything new.

Its effect has been profound.

If you would like to explore options for you or for others in your organisation, please contact me.

You can though, move towards a greater understanding of your own most personal values without investing in coaching or the results of a questionnaire.

Instead, try these questions on for size and see what they tell you:

  • When have you been most happy in your life?  Your moments of greatest satisfaction tell you a lot about what’s important to you.  Take time to reflect on events and experiences that have stimulated the greatest sense of joy, contentment or meaning for you.  Notice what themes there are across these events – what is it that made you happy?  In my work with leaders, for example, I have seen how some love to develop their people and others to knock targets to smithereens.  What is it for you?
  • When have you been most angry in your life?  Say hello to the amygdala hijacks in your life – they have a lot to teach you about what’s important to you.  Notice what themes there are at times when you’ve been most angry.  Notice what themes unite the themes.

Me and my tea pot

I hope that, by now, you understand the relationship between a humble tea pot and personal integrity.  For me, the Denby arabesque tea pot speaks to my love of beauty.  Your values will certainly be different and have different manifestations even if they are the same.  But I tell you this, the more you are living your life in integrity with your values the more you will find pleasure in life.

It’s interesting, too, that when you are living life in integrity with your values you will, increasingly, take pleasure in the tiniest of things.

Coaching: when you need help to find your own way

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By the time she reached her thirty-fifth birthday, Clare had established a strong reputation as a lawyer with a top flight London law firm.  Married to someone she had met via her firm, she had laid the foundations for her home life.  Her friends thought she had it all.
Soon after her birthday, two things happened that sent Clare into something of a spin.  She was asked by her firm to take on the management of a team of lawyers.  The request came to her just two days after she discovered she was pregnant for the first time.
Even without the pregnancy, the prospect of taking on a leadership role raised plenty of questions for Clare.  She was good at what she did and felt anxious about taking on a leadership role and about the possibility she might fail to deliver.  As she looked around her for role models, she realised she was struggling to find leadership role models she could relate to – over the years she and her friends had had bruising experiences in the hands of their managers and she didn’t want to follow these managers’ examples.  At the same time, she didn’t know what she might do differently and with what consequences for her career… she was not confident that her firm was ready for a different approach.
Then there was the pregnancy.  Clare knew she would be asked to decide about the job in a matter of days.  She was under no obligation to tell her firm that she was pregnant but feared some backlash if she took on the role and then revealed in a few weeks’ time that she was pregnant.  She faced personal questions, too – did she want to handle two challenging transitions simultaneously?  And if she said no to this leadership role, how long would she have to wait until the opportunity might come again?  She wondered whether she should discuss her situation with her firm and at the same time feared that she would be seen differently as a result of her changing situation.
Two common ways of handling dilemmas… and why they don’t work
 Clare talked with her husband and close friends about her situation.
As a colleague in the firm, her husband was also concerned about the firm’s reputation of handling everything by the book (they were lawyers, right?) and at the same time gently and subtly side-lining women mothers.  At the same time, he faced his own dilemma… he wanted to protect his own career and also to know that his child would receive the care he or she needed.  He was torn between meeting his own needs and giving advice that would support his wife.  This new situation threw up a new level of challenge in their relationship and communication.
Clare’s friends were passionately supportive of her.  One friend told her that she had every right to enjoy both a new role and motherhood and that, to guard against any possible discrimination, she should keep quiet about her pregnancy until the question of her potential new role was settled.  Another friend told her that times were changing and she should speak openly with her colleagues as a way of establishing a relationship of openness and trust.  Another friend told her that taking on her new role and becoming a mother was just too much.
Clare felt she had to choose between handling decisions all by herself or doing what other people told her but neither of these options was working for her.  Listening to friends she became increasingly confused and uncomfortable.  On her own, Clare found her thoughts going round and round in circles.  She couldn’t get her friends’ contradictory arguments out of her head and found it increasingly challenging to connect with her own deepest desires.
In thinking in this way, Clare was making a classic mistake:  used to giving advice in her role as a lawyer, she thought that seeking help means taking others’ advice.
Coaching:  a third way
One of my favourite books on leadership is Sir Clive Woodward’s Winning!  in which he tells how, as coach to the England rugby team, he led the team to victory in the 2003 World Cup.  As an example of what leadership involves, I find it full of useful information.  It’s striking for example, how Woodward knew that it would take total commitment to translate a vision of success into World Cup glory.  I was also struck by his attention to the tiniest of details, including commissioning the redesign of the team’s rugby shirts to make it harder for opposing teams to impede team members’ progress by grabbing their shirts.
Even if you are not a follower of sports, it’s possible that your concept of coaching reflects some knowledge of the sporting world.  Perhaps you think of the coach as the person who has all the answers, who barks out instructions and who provides the motivation, discipline and accountability for his or her players.
Outside the sporting world, coaching is seen differently.
At the time of writing, for example, the International Coach Federation (ICF) describes coaching in the following way:
ICF defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximise their personal and professional potential.  Coaches honour the client as the expert in his or her life and work and believe every client is creative, resourceful and whole.
Coaching has the potential to help Clare and others like her precisely because it focuses on helping clients to discover what is most important to them and to find ways to move towards their desired outcomes.
How does coaching work?
Coaching can take any number of forms.  In my own business, for example, I offer face-to-face coaching in client’s organisations and at my Sunday coaching clinic in Harley Street.  I also coach clients by phone.  Most of my coaching is with individuals though some is with groups or teams.  (You can find out more about this by visiting my website).
With so much diversity, you may be wondering what these different kinds of coaching have in common.  Here are just a few things to look out for:
  • A coach works with clients based on a clear agreement:  even when an organisation sponsors coaching for an employee, for example, my client is the individual employee;
  • A coaching agreement identifies the client, focuses on their desired outcomes and on how coach and client will work together:  a key aspect of coaching is the focus on clients’ desired outcomes – helping the client to clarify his, her or their desired outcomes and agreeing how coach and client will work together to support the client in making progress;
  • The coach helps clients to find their own answers:  Coaching is about helping clients to generate new insights and self-awareness and this, in turn, opens up the possibility for the client to identify his or her strategies, solutions and next steps;
  • The coach helps to create a safe space in which to explore:  Whether the coach is working with an individual or a group, he or she plays a major role in creating a space within which clients feel safe and can, as a result, raise and explore issues, thoughts or feelings that might otherwise be overlooked;
  • The coach helps clients to be responsible and accountable for their own progress:  The coaching process is designed to help clients to focus on what they can take responsibility for and to follow through to make things happen.
Clients report a high level of satisfaction with coaching which helps them to develop the confidence and behavioural capability needed to achieve their goals.  This in turn has a significant impact on “hard” measures of work performance.  Latest research from the ICF suggests that 99% of clients report positively about their experience of coaching. 
And Clare…?
Like many clients, Clare’s experience of coaching was transformational.  Coaching helped her to identify and prioritise the key questions she was facing and then to work through them one by one.  On close inspection, what started out as an apparently simple question (“shall I accept this job?”) proved to be a series of questions which related to deeply-held values of which Clare had not been aware.  Her coach helped Clare to clarify her values and then to use them as the basis for addressing each question as it arose.
Clare was astounded by the results of her coaching.  Much clearer about what she wanted from her life as a whole, she was able to consider her job offer as one part of a larger whole and also to clarify the kind of relationship she wanted with her current and any future employer.  This gave her confidence to talk to her employer openly and without fear of the consequences – she knew that if she didn’t have her employer’s support, it would be time to think again about her forward career path.
Clare’s coach also helped her to get clear on her aspirations for her relationship with her husband and on the need to discuss with him the implications of becoming parents.  Her coach supported her as she thought about what she wanted to say to her husband and how she wanted to say it and this, in turn, led to a deepening in their relationship.
Coaching helped Clare to deal with the immediate issues she faced, yes.  Far more than this, it opened up new learning that Clare could apply in a wide range of new and as yet unforeseen situations.
You can find out more about coaching here on this blog or at the website of the International Coach Federation (ICF).  If you want to know about the services provided by me at Learning for Life (Consulting) click here or, if you’re ready to talk, please contact me.

Preventing employee suicide

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In one of life’s strangest coincidences, Sarah spent a good chunk of the week of 8th to 14th September, 2013, in her local Accident and Emergency department.  You may or may not know that this was National Suicide Prevention week in the UK.  It was also the week that Sarah, in the grip of suicidal thinking, took a number of actions which were designed to give her relief from her unrelenting thoughts and to keep her from committing the ultimate act of self-harm.
If you’d asked me a year ago about my experience of suicide, I would have had to stop and think hard.  In recent weeks, however, I have come to understand how close to home suicide – and the risk of suicide – actually is.  My brother reported two suicides this year within a mile of his home.  One man threw himself under a train, struggling to cope with his own illness and his wife’s dementia in old age.  Another man killed himself with a sword, leaving behind his wife and young son.  Looking back, I remember the shock we experienced as a family when the son of a friend committed suicide.  I experienced the same level of shock as a member of the London Symphony Chorus when one of our members took his own life.
Let me pause here, and invite you to reflect on your own experience.  How often has your train been delayed for reasons which are unknown or, quite clearly, for a fatality?  When you survey your family tree, or your wider friendship group, is there someone – often overlooked or maybe actively pushed out of view – who committed suicide?  Have you ever known of someone in your workplace who has attempted to commit suicide?
What’s the scale of the problem?
In the UK, the Samaritans report that 1 million people across the globe die by suicide each year.  That’s one suicide every 40 seconds.  They also report that more people die by suicide each year than by murder and war combined.  They see these statistics as conservative – many suicides go unseen.  Suicides go unreported because of social stigma or because the cause of death is given as something else, such as a road traffic accident or drowning.
Suicide is the second largest source of death worldwide amongst 15-19 year-olds.  It’s not, though, only a young person’s problem.  The Samaritans report that male suicide rates are on average 3-5 times higher than female rates and say men aged 30-44 are in the group with the highest rate of suicide.  Both male and female suicide rates are increasing.  Anecdotally, I know of more men than women who have committed suicide and it does seem that men who attempt suicide use methods which ensure their success – though I struggle, in this context, with the word “success”.
Suicide and the work-place
Sarah’s recent experience made me reflect on suicide and work-related stress.  It didn’t take much research to find the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention, which highlights the workplace as one of the key environments affecting mental health and well-being:
The workplace is one of the key environments affecting mental health and well-being.   Gainful employment provides experiences that promote mental well-being through the provision of structured time, social contact, collective effort and purpose, social identity, and regular activity.  Unfortunately, the workplace can also be the source of non-productive stress leading to physical and mental health problems, including suicidal thoughts and behaviours and suicide.
It’s clear to me that if you’re a manager or working in HR, you’re in a privileged position as the first port of call for people in distress and even if you’re not, you need to know how to respond if a friend, family member or colleague comes to you for support.
Equally, if you are under stress and having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, you need to know what to do next.
If you’re in distress
If you’re in distress, you need to turn – as soon as you can – to appropriate professionals.  These professionals are likely to be outside the workplace and include your GP and local mental health services and voluntary organisations, such as the Samaritans.  Make an appointment to see your GP as soon as you start to experience suicidal thoughts or, if you’re struggling to resist the call to self-harm, go immediately to your local Accident and Emergency department.  Call the Samaritans at any time of day or night.
I want to say to you that I hear your “buts” and I know how hard it can be to reach out.  My heart goes out to you for everything that you are experiencing right now.  I don’t know what to say to you that will help you to reach out except this:  please, seek help.
Responding to someone in distress
Whether you are a line manager, working in HR or in some other role, if you want to provide support, you need to be alert to clues that an employee is in distress and to take those clues seriously.  It is not enough to encourage people to “push through” whatever difficulties they may have:  you need to know that people may come to you for help and to be ready to talk openly with them and without judgement about what they are experiencing.  People who are experiencing extreme distress may find it hard to speak openly about their experience but they do give clues and you need to follow up by asking – openly and directly – if an employee is having thoughts of self-harm.
Nor is it enough to think that you can provide the appropriate support.  Adrianna Scott, in an article for the American Society for Human Resource Management about how to deal with suicide in the workplace emphasises the limitations of the HR professional’s responsibilities and the need to seek out professional support.  She writes:
Marina London, spokeswoman for the Employee Assistance Professionals Association, based in Arlington, Va., says labelling employees as having a mental illness is on her list of HR “no-nos.”
 
“It’s not the HR person’s job to diagnose the person who is clinically depressed or bipolar,” London stressed. “The HR position should be supportive of the employee and get them to a professional.”
If you want a happy ending for employees in distress, you need to act sooner rather than later and to know your own limitations as a line manager or HR professional.  In time, you may be able to help employees to find better strategies than suicide or self-harm for handling stress.  First though, you need to support employees in distress in finding the right professional help.
Life beyond suicidal thinking
The Samaritans report that between 10 and 14% of people have suicidal thinking throughout their lifetime and approximately 5% of people attempt suicide at least once in their life.  Some people don’t make it.  Some people (including – so far – Sarah) do.
What happens once the immediate crisis is over?  I hope that, for many, therapy of various kinds can be transformative.  I have, for example, been drawn to revisit an approach called “family constellations” via a core text:  Love’s Hidden Symmetry:  What Makes Love Work in Relationships, by Bert Hellinger, Gunthard Weber and Hunter Beaumont.  I remembered that Hellinger and his co-authors had touched in this book on connections between family dynamics and suicide and I found, on re-visiting this book, a wealth of wisdom and examples in a field which is about resolution – finding ways to resolve unconscious family dynamics so that family members can embrace life fully.
Suicidal thinking is characterised by extreme black or white thinking and a lack of connection with one’s most essential needs – perhaps even a lack of permission to have needs.  For this reason, I find myself wondering how much the workplace has to contribute – way before an employee reaches crisis-point – by nurturing the emotional intelligence and thinking skills of employees.  As a line manager, for example, any investment you make in coaching members of your team can be an investment in their mental health as well as contributing to their effectiveness at work.  Equally, the skills of empathy and the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes and to see things from their point of view can be essential for the manager dealing with an employee in distress.  The same skills can also transform a sales process or create bridges between departments which are otherwise entrenched in silo thinking.
Being a witness to Sarah at a time of extreme distress has been a humbling experience for me and still, I want to make it count.  I thank you for reading this article and reaching this point and I hope that in ways I cannot yet foresee it might make a difference to you or to someone you know at a time of crisis.
I wrote this article for Discuss HR blog where it was published on Monday 21st October, 2013.

When you hesitate to show compassion in your role as a leader

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Do you feel comfortable to show compassion in your role as a leader?

If you’ve ever had a tough time in your career, you’ll know how much you yearn for compassion.  Perhaps you’ve had difficulties with a colleague or you’ve made a great howler of a mistake and are afraid of the consequences.  Perhaps you’ve had challenges at home – when someone you love has had an accident, been ill or died, for example, or when your marriage has been in trouble.  You’ll probably recognise times in your life when you have been in need of empathy and compassion – but did you get it from the boss?  In my experience, many people turn to their colleagues when they are in need of compassion in the workplace.
As a leader yourself, you may have hesitated to give empathy to your staff.  Sometimes, your judgement may have got in the way of your compassion (“What would make someone get upset about such a minor thing?”) or perhaps you fear the outcomes from showing compassion (“How can I show compassion for such a stupid mistake and still hold him accountable?”).  Roger Schwarz, in his recent article for the Harvard Business Review blog, entitled What Stops Leaders from Showing Compassion, outlines key reasons why leaders hold back.  Roger also shares a recent paper which tends to suggest that compassion creates positive outcomes in organisations.  The paper is entitled Compassion Revealed:  What We Know About Compassion At Work (And Where We Need To Know More) and it builds on a great deal of earlier work.
If you want to get geaky, follow up on this paper.  As much as anything, it has a long list of references including some of my own favourites (look for Boyatzis, Goleman and McKee).  But even if you don’t want to get geaky, I invite you to take a moment to reflect.  How comfortable do you feel to express your compassion for those you lead?  What supports you in expressing compassion?  And what, if anything, holds you back?  My own experience, from interviewing hundreds of men and women in leadership roles over the last twenty years, is that those who are most effective have a heart.  The respond with compassion to their staff in a wide range of situations and regardless of the rights of wrongs of a situation.  What’s more, they do so with skill.
I’d love to hear from you.  Yes, how comfortable do you feel about responding with compassion to those you lead?  But also, how confident do you feel that you have the skills you need to express your compassion in the workplace?  What support do you need to increase your ease and skill in responding with compassion to those you lead?

When it’s time for a break

Developing as a leader
I’m away this week.
I haven’t gone far.  Together with my dear friend Andy, I have gone to Oxon Hoath in Kent, where we will spend the week catching up (Andy lives in Sydney now, so there’s lots of catching up to do), doing gentle yoga practice, meditating, eating the wonderful food that will be prepared for us (hopefully by chef Paul Smith – he’s a favourite of mine), listening to talks by Alistair Shearer (another favourite of mine) and walking around the beautiful countryside that surrounds the house.
I won’t be checking my e-mails (OK, maybe enough to clear out any junk and catch anything urgent).
I won’t be taking any calls.
Probably, I won’t even be thinking of my clients.
I won’t be writing any blog postings (this one has been written in advance).
I won’t be looking at ‘to do’ lists, let alone adding anything to them or ticking anything off.
I won’t be sending any invoices or chasing for payment.
I won’t be paying my suppliers.
The list goes on and on…
It’s not, though, that these things don’t matter to me.  They matter a great deal.  Instead, it’s because I know that, if I am to be present to my clients and able to support them, I need also to take care of my needs for rest, nurture, companionship and more.  It’s because my needs are met and my heart is full that I am able to give so much to others.
I hope that you, too, are taking a break some time.
   

Seven steps towards taming your inner critic (and one sure fire way not to)

Developing as a leader, Emotional Intelligence,

Have you noticed how, just when you’re trying to muster a bit of confidence, your inner critic steps in and pulls the rug right out from under your feet?

Perhaps you’ve just started a new job – you’ve had a promotion or moved to a new company.  You’re doing your best to focus on how to succeed in the job and all the while, your inner critic is telling you that you don’t have what it takes, with full and vivid detail of the reasons you’re unlikely to succeed.

Or maybe you’ve taken on new responsibilities at work – they’re everything you’ve been campaigning for and you know you have everything you need to deliver and still, your inner critic is ready to wade in the minute you get what you want with objections and concerns.

It seems there’s no end to the situations in which your inner critic can find fault.  Some are in your professional life and some are in your personal life.  What’s worse, it seems that the closer you come to realising your goals, the more the voice of your inner critic is amplified.  At times, it’s so overwhelming that you’re paralysed with fear and you wonder if you’ve made the right decision.  Maybe you’ve already started to look for the sign marked “exit”.

One common approach to taming your inner critic… and why it doesn’t work

Over the years of dancing with my own inner critic and of working with clients, I have found that the most common approach to taming your inner critic simply doesn’t work.

What’s the approach?  Put simply, it’s to dismiss the concerns of your inner critic – and maybe your inner critic him- or herself – using every means at your disposal.  One way is to use rational persuasion (“You say I can’t do X but I did X last week and it worked really well”).  One way is to dismiss your inner critic with anger, hatred and disdain (“Why won’t you leave me alone?  I’m not listening to you!  You talk such rubbish!”*)  When I ask clients how well these strategies are working for them they tell me, without exception, that they’re not.

Why not?  The answer is simple.  Your inner critic is a guardian for you of particular needs.  The more you ignore your inner critic, the more he or she fears that your needs will not be met… and the more s/he turns up the volume to make sure s/he gets heard.

If you can’t go to battle with your inner critic and win, you may find that the only alternative you can find is a sense of inner collapse.  In this state, you wonder if you really should have taken on the job, you tell yourself you’re bound to fail, you find no way forward.

There is though, a way forward.  You simply need to take a different approach.

Seven steps towards taming your inner critic

Even when the voice of your inner critic is overwhelming, there are ways to move beyond fear to achieve an inner calm.  These are seven steps towards “taming your inner critic”:

  • Step 1, step outside and say hello:  Have you ever noticed how, when your inner critic is active, his thoughts are your thoughts?  His fears are yours?  Especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed, it can help to step out of being the inner critic.  Step out of your inner critic – stand up and shake yourself down, for example, leaving your inner critic behind on the chair.  Or hold out your hand and look at your inner critic – and take a moment to say hello.  Your hello is a way of recognising your inner critic and engaging in dialogue;
  • Step 2, get curious:  Far too often, when you do battle with your inner critic, you lose sight of an important principle – that she loves you and wants to do you good.  Your relationship with your inner critic starts to transform when you start to really understand what she wants for you, so ask her!  Keep asking (“what is it that you really want for me?”) until you get under the skin of particular strategies (“I want you to say no to the job”) to the baseline need she is trying to protect.  This is usually about safety, security… she wants to keep you safe;
  • Step 3, acknowledge your needs:  When you dismiss your inner critic, you arouse his fear that you don’t care about your needs for safety and security so that he redoubles his efforts to protect you.  It helps to let him know that you, too, want to be safe.  No ifs or buts – just let him know that for you, too, safety matters;
  • Step 4, say thank you:  Take time to thank your inner critic for her good intentions.  Thank her for being the guardian of your safety and security throughout your life.  If this sticks in your throat it may help to separate in your mind her good intentions and her ways of trying to meet your needs – there’s no harm in saying that you’ve really struggled with her way of supporting you and still, you’re beginning to understand how much she has always meant well;
  • Step 5, notice his skills:  Your inner critic brings a great deal of skill to the task of taking care of you.  When you try to dismiss him, you’re likely to dismiss his skills… his ability to think ahead and to see all the potential pitfalls, his imagination in conjuring safe alternatives.  The more you notice and acknowledge these skills, the more you can begin to see how it might be helpful to have these skills on your team and to collaborate with your inner critic;
  • Step 6, share with her your other needs:  Your inner critic may be the guardian of your safety and security but you also have other needs – the kind of needs you meet when you take on a promotion, or new responsibilities or, in your personal life, embark on a new relationship or take on a bigger mortgage.  It’s never your needs that are in conflict – only the strategies by which you seek to meet them.  So, when your inner critic has been heard, she may be ready to hear you.  Let her know what other needs you want to meet – over the years, clients have talked about freedom, autonomy, self-fulfilment, intimacy and many more;
  • Step 7, invite collaboration:  When you are confident that you have heard your inner critic’s need for security and that your inner critic has also heard your wider needs, ask him if he would be willing to collaborate so that you find ways to meet all your needs.  When you hear a yes, you have reached a point of departure – a moment where creativity begins.  At this point, you have moved from struggle into a creative embrace of “how can we collaborate to make sure all our needs are met?”

In truth, these steps are not so much about “taming your inner critic” as about building a different relationship with the guardian of your safety and security.  And it is a relationship rather than a once-and-for-all way to rid yourself of fear.  One implication is this – that the more you learn to engage in constructive dialogue with your inner critic, the more you can work with him or her to balance your need for safety with other needs.

(*And in case you’re reading this and looking over your shoulder – pretending you don’t talk to yourself in this way – well, I want to let you know that in my experience, we all do.  Healthy people have a rich inner community of parts, including their inner critic.)

When does your inner critic shout the loudest?  And what has worked best to help you to move out of overwhelm and into inner calm?

Making the transition from expert in your field to leader

Developing as a leader
Recently, I spoke with a client who is struggling to make the transition from being an expert in his field to effectively leading others.  It is a common challenge for people who, in the beginning of their careers, have invested time and effort to develop their mastery of their chosen field – the law, engineering, IT, accounting… the list of such jobs is long.

Perhaps you are already familiar with this transition and all its challenges.  You’ve invested significantly in developing your skills.  You know what you need to do in a given situation in your field.  Now, though, you have staff to manage and instead of doing everything yourself, your primary role is to help members of your team to deliver.

Why is it so challenging to move from expert to leader?

I don’t want to understate the challenges that come with making this transition.

Firstly, you were so good at being an expert.  Of course you were!  You invested years in developing the skills and knowledge that made you an expert in the first place.  Now, as a leader, you recognise that you face many situations in which you don’t know what to do and in which, what’s more, the connection between what you do and what transpires seems increasingly tenuous – outside your control.  You try something – and you do try – and it doesn’t work.  You make the case for the next level of investment in your team and it gets turned down.  You delegate an important project to a member of your team and it doesn’t quite turn out.  You want to make it work and when it doesn’t your instinct is to withdraw back to the work you do so well.

And yes, there is the whole issue of standards.  It’s all very well trying to achieve results through others – delegating to your team or collaborating with your peers – but sometimes you wonder if anyone’s standards match your own.  How can you do this leadership thing without presiding over the decline of standards?  For surely, when your standards are so much higher than anyone else’s, you have to let them slide a little or drive your team to distraction with your feedback.  As you try to balance allowing people to do things to their own standards and giving feedback you sometimes wonder if it wouldn’t be easier to do things yourself.

You may not notice and still, there’s a third challenge that may be keeping you stuck.  It’s the challenge of embracing a bigger agenda.  As an expert, you were charged with things to do – projects perhaps, case files, bridges to design.  The projects got bigger, they may even have been called “programmes” and still, they were projects.  Now, as a leader, the performance of your team is your task, your project… but there is a risk that you haven’t spotted it yet.  What’s more, there’s a risk that you’ve spotted it and yet, when things get tough, you find it easier to get stuck in to the work of your team because that’s where you know you can succeed.

Making the transition – some “how tos”

How then, can you break the cycle of taking action to move forward, struggling with the results and retreating to your old ways before taking action again?  Here are just a few things that may work for you, because they’ve worked for others in your situation:

  • Remember you’re not alone:  It can feel as though you’re moving from a relatively private success into a hugely public arena of failure when you take your first steps as a leader.  When it does, it helps to stop, breathe and remember – you’re not alone.  You are not the first person to have grappled with this transition and you won’t be the last;
  • Find a reason to stay the course:  For some people, leadership is its own reward.  It comes with all sorts of bells and whistles they have longed for and finally get to play with.  For the expert, leadership can bring a sense of loss or sacrifice – unless you have a compelling reason to make the transition.  Perhaps you realise that you can no longer do everything yourself.  Perhaps there’s a vision you have that you can’t deliver alone.  Whatever your reason, it’s your reason to stay the course – so think about what you’re trying to achieve, especially when you feel the lure of your expertise;
  • Make time to lead:  Especially in your first leadership role, you may struggle to balance your technical contribution to the team with your role as leader and it could go either way.  Is it your leadership agenda that will give way to immediate projects or vice versa?  You choose.  Choose a percentage of your time that you will spend on the larger agenda of leading your team.  Think about when and how you will spend that time.  The more you have made plans to spend time and know what you want to do, the more likely you are to choose to lead;
  • Cut yourself some slack:  In your early days as a leader, it’s unlikely that you will show the same level of skill in your leadership role as you will as an expert.  Perhaps the biggest challenge you face is dancing with the voice of your inner critic.  He or she is vocal enough in your area of expertise but, hey!  s/he’s louder still when it comes to your first steps as a leader.  Learning to hear your inner critic without being overwhelmed is a skill in itself – one that’s worthy of at least one posting on this blog (look out for it during the days ahead);
  • Build a support team to help you through:  It may be that you have the best boss in the world  – or wife or husband – who can support you in making this transition.  It’s likely though, that you could do with more help.  Perhaps there are areas in which you need to develop a new kind of expertise – in how to influence others, for example, or how to get the best out of your staff.  It could be that you need new skills in self management.  Your boss, your colleagues, a mentor, a coach… make sure you have all the help you need.

If you’re in the midst of making the transition to leadership, I’d love to here from you:  what is your biggest challenge?  And if you are looking back and thinking “yes, I remember it well…” please share your experiences and especially the lessons that made it possible for you to make the transition from expert to leader.