Category Archives: Developing as a leader

Compassion: fuel for progress and accountability

Clients and testimonials, Developing as a leader, , , ,
It has long been my view that accountability – including accountability to ourselves – works best when it rests firmly on a compassionate foundation.  It’s all very well to harangue ourselves when we are not making the progress we crave or think we ought but somehow, the haranguing doesn’t make the progress any faster.  Indeed, it tends to depress our spirits and to make us more cautious about or resistant to taking our next steps.
Given this view, I am not the best coach for any client who wants to be “whipped into shape”.  When it comes to checking progress at the top of a coaching meeting I tend to prefer curiosity over any metaphorical flagellation.  If a client hasn’t taken the steps they thought they would (maybe if they still haven’t taken they steps they thought they would) I prefer to explore than to judge or condemn.  Often, the exploration brings new clarity or insights.  Perhaps a client needs help to overcome some inner resistance or to plug a gap in their skills or resources.  Perhaps s/he needs to check if a course of action really does hit the spot.
It’s always a matter of celebration for me when this philosophy is reflected in feedback from a coaching client, as it is below.  For why would we take the hard road when there is a more compassionate route which takes us more quickly to our destination?  And who wouldn’t want a client to achieve outstanding results within a framework of compassion?
This is what one client said about her experience of coaching:
I signed up for weekly telephone coaching with Dorothy following a recommendation from one of her clients who is also a friend of mine.  Initially I thought we’d work for three months or so but several times I extended the coaching and we ended up working for about eight months.
Dorothy facilitated the coaching each week, helping me to identify areas in which I most wanted help.  I thought coaching would be far more instructive than it was but it was me who came up with the answers and next steps.  I valued her empathy – she was extremely caring and supportive which, in hindsight, I needed more than a “crack of the whip”.  She was objective and constructive, and helped me to get clear on what I needed and to take steps forward.  I particularly valued the way she helped me to notice and congratulate myself on some of my achievements, which gave me added motivation and momentum.
As a result of our work together, I’m much clearer than I was about the kind of culture that I want to work in.  I decided to move from a contracting role to a senior corporate role where I’m now adding value and feeling good about myself.  I’ve also taken a look at the leadership qualities I want to exhibit and am taking steps to develop in key areas.
Celestine Hyde
Vice President
Investment Banking

The new rules for getting a job

Developing as a leader

Just how much are the rules of job-hunting changing?  I see great variety of ways in which people are setting about getting a new job.  The one thing I know for sure is that this is a hot topic for discussion.

The Harvard Business Review knows this, too.  They’re running a whole series of postings on the subject this month – just follow this link.

I’m smiling, recognising the diversity of my clients’ strategies for moving through their career.  I don’t believe there is one single “right way” to manage your career path and still, I hope there are right ways for you.

Learning leadership from role models

Developing as a leader, ,

Harvard Business Review’s Morning Advantage came up with another neat article recently.  What did HBR say about the article?


Do you subscribe to the notion of “born leaders?” Or do you believe that the ability to lead is derived from a set of psychological properties that can be learned? The answer to that question, says Art Markman, goes to the heart of how much you’ll be influenced by role models. Not surprisingly, the more you think that leadership skills can be acquired, the greater the positive influence of others on your behaviour. Markman’s belief is that we can all learn — at the very least, improve — our leadership skills. Thus, those of us who don’t seek and study role models are missing an important opportunity.

Click here if you’d like to read the full article which is offered by Psychology Today.

Savouring a ‘thank you’

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I’ve had a busy start to the year.  As well as working with a portfolio of coaching and consulting clients I have been on the steep uphill curve of ‘project mobilisation’, conducting a number of assessments for a new client on behalf of my former employer, The Hay Group.  This has meant getting up to speed on a new process and report format with more tiny details than I handle with ease – details which, in any case, have been subject to adjustments along the way.

Last week, I had my final debrief (for now) with one of the people I assessed.  He thanked me for my time and gave unsolicited feedback which he subsequently shared in an e-mail with his line manager and with my colleagues at the Hay Group.  The next day, our project manager sent an e-mail saying thank you to the whole team.

In the midst of so many thank yous I have taken time to reflect on the team of which I am a member.  The central project team have liaised with me to arrange dates, manage the flow of information so that I have everything I need for each assessment and so that our clients get their reports exactly when they need them.  Members of the Hay QA team have provided an essential point of reference as we calibrate our scores across the team and between our own team and our client’s other main provider.  Members of the wider project team have liaised with the client at a high level to clarify what’s needed and provided a flow of information which has also supported the process.  I could go on…

I have also taken time to reflect on my own contribution.  There have been calls ahead of assessments to clarify the context for the assessment and ensure I am well-briefed.  There have been early-morning starts, travelling to meet with clients and conduct interviews and, afterwards the writing of reports and debriefs with assessment candidates and their line managers.  I have employed many skills I have (including interviewing, analysing, writing, coaching) and some I don’t (it’s a miracle I manage to arrive in the right place at the right time – such organisation is a learned rather than a natural skill for me).  I like to think I have done good work and I’ve certainly done it with the intention to add value to each client as well as to support an organisational (promotion) process.

One thing I do notice is this:  that our project manager, rather than say ‘well done’, said ‘thank you’.  Oh!  How sweet this is to my ears!  Perhaps it’s only me and still, I’d much rather hear someone’s appreciation of my work and the difference it has made to them than I would hear someone’s judgement.  To me, the work I do has meaning because it makes a difference to someone or something and this is what I hear in a thank you.

Do you say ‘well done!’ or ‘thank you’ to those you lead?

The dance of honesty – being honest with others

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It’s taken me a while to get to this posting, in which I want to explore what it takes to be honest to others.  Having written three postings on what I’m calling the dance of honesty I am aware that this is a vast subject – I shall touch it lightly today.

Let’s do this together.  Take a moment to think of something you’d like to share with someone at home or at work – something you’d like to share but hesitate to mention.  Notice what you feel when you think about sharing it.  Perhaps it’s irritation because you feel the other person “ought to know”.  Perhaps you feel concerned when you think the other person might be hurt or anxious when you think they might be offended.  It is these feelings and the thoughts that sit behind them that are holding you back.

Having checked in with your feelings, notice the thoughts that accompany them.  Often, when we hesitate to share some truth, it is because we have a sense that there’s some risk involved.  Perhaps there is a risk – you might know, for example, how critical your boss is of anyone who doesn’t share his view.  (I once worked with a leadership team who all told me how they’d stopped sharing ideas with their boss because his ideas always prevailed.  The boss thought his team had no creativity at all).  Perhaps your thoughts echo some old theme in your life, usually from childhood – you always feel anxious about sharing your feelings or expressing an alternative point of view.

This difference – between some objectively identifiable risk and some old fear is important.  If it’s the latter, it may be especially important that you start to take steps which will help you to differentiate between situations you faced way back when and what is true in the here and now.  (That’s a whole other posting in itself).  Either way, though, telling the truth depends on your willingness to face consequences that are – as yet – unknown.  So, right now, thinking about the thing you have not yet said, just notice how willing you are to face unknown outcomes.  It isn’t always easy.

It may not be wise.  Before you speak your truth, you may like to ask yourself, what outcome am I hoping for?  Let’s take the example above – your boss is pursuing a proposal you think is bad for your organisation.  At the same time, you know he’s slow to take on board the ideas of others.  You may have more influence over the outcomes if you take time to think through how best to convey your ideas so that he will hear you.  Perhaps you need to address his main concerns when you share your views – showing, for example, how another strategy may be more effective in boosting sales or reducing staffing costs.  Perhaps you need to speak quietly with others to whom he might listen more willingly – his most trusted colleagues in the business.

If you do decide to speak with him directly, you could do worse than follow some simple guidelines – which I combine from a number of sources (including Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication:  A Language for Life and Roger Schwarz’s The Skilled Facilitator):

  • Build and maintain connection – especially when you’re sharing something difficult for both parties, it’s important to remember to build and maintain rapport.  You can do this in many different ways – by checking in (“how is this landing with you?”), by gently mirroring body language and tone of voice, by seeking to understand what’s important to him or her.  Begin by holding the intention to connect and remind yourself of this intention if things get tough;
  • Focus on interests, not positions – be clear on what needs you want to meet by being honest and be open to the needs of others.  Do what you can to share your own needs and to hear and understand the needs of the other person.  Then you can explore strategies – a path of action – that meets everyone’s needs;
  • Share observations and avoid judgements – you’ll make it easier for the other person to hear you if you share relevant information in the form of observations (“when you said ‘X…'”) rather than presenting your conclusions as the truth.  This might include sharing your thoughts and feelings as observations – there’s a big difference between saying “You’re getting this completely wrong” and saying “I’m telling myself that you’re getting this completely wrong and that makes me feel anxious”;
  • Make clear requests – be clear what response you want and ask for it.  Be ready, too, to accept a “no”.  Equally, be ready to receive requests from the person you are talking with and be ready to say “yes” or “no”.
Whether you are speaking honestly at work or in your private life you may or may not get to an outcome that meets your needs well.  Being honest, though, helps you to test what’s possible.  It may open up a far better outcome than you expected – or provide information that tells your needs won’t be met in the way you hoped.  This, too, opens up the opportunity to explore alternative ways to meet your needs.
I wonder, how does this land with you?

The dance of honesty – being honest with yourself

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In recent days I have been writing about honesty and its opposite – lying, deception, call it what you will.  I recognise in this subject a double bind:  it’s hard work to maintain a lie, it’s hard work to be honest.

Today, I thought I’d say a few words about what it takes to be honest with ourselves.  What immediately springs up for me is compassion.  The more we judge ourselves, the more likely we are to be dishonest with ourselves.  You think you have to be a fully formed Director from the minute you step into the role?  It’s going to be hard for you to be honest about areas in which you don’t yet have the skills you need.  You think you have to be good at managing people?  You may find it hard to own how hopeless you feel when you try to address performance problems in your team – the easy way out is to blame your under-performers.  You think the delays in progress towards your targets are unacceptable?  You could end up blaming all the external factors that have a bearing on results and lose sight of any power you have to make a difference.

At the same time, compassion does not equate to zero accountability – paradoxically, I’ve often found the opposite is true.  If we can show ourselves a level of self-acceptance and compassion, we are often better able to take action.  To take an example from above, if you know you are new to the role of Director and you accept that you will have some learning to do, you will find it better to take action to identify those areas in which you need to learn and to seek out your learning.

One of the most powerful forms of self honesty is the kind of honesty that comes when we attend to our own actions and inner dialogue.  Roger Schwarz, author of The Skilled Facilitator, calls this your “left hand column”.  Here’s an example from one leader from a meeting in which he is practising for the first time attending to his left hand column:

“John puts forward his ideas and I immediately hear judgements in my head.  ‘Here we go again… we’ve been through this a million times and John still doesn’t get it!’  I can feel my temperature rising and my face is getting more red.  I notice that John  has said several things that I haven’t heard because I’m already thinking about how I want to respond.  For the first time, I take a pause before responding – letting him finish.  I feel something new – something I haven’t felt before – humble or embarrassed or something… because for the first time I recognise that I’m not listening.  I always thought the problem was with John and now I realise that I am part of the problem…”

Are you ready for this kind of self-honesty?  Are you ready to be the observer of your own inner dialogue?  Here’s an exercise for you in case you are:

  • Take time alone – thirty minutes or so – with a pen and paper or your notebook or computer;
  • Take a moment to identify a time when you were in your flow – a time when things were going well for you and you were at your best.  Spend ten minutes making notes on your inner dialogue during that time.  Try to capture as much information as you can – about your thoughts, your feelings.  One way to do this is to have separate columns on your piece of paper (a) for what you said and did, (b) for any actions by others, and (c) for your inner dialogue;
  • After ten minutes stop and take a two minute break.  After your break, do the same thing again but this time for a time when things weren’t working for you.  Go through the same process, noting everything you can remember about the event.  Stop writing after ten minutes and take a two minute break;
  • In the remaining six minutes, make notes about your inner dialogue.  Notice what parts of your inner dialogue contributed to your success.  Notice what parts of your inner dialogue contributed to any problems you experienced.  Notice any inner dialogue you have in response to your new insights;
  • Before you finish, take a moment to acknowledge yourself for the work you’ve done and for your self-honesty in the process.

  

Being at choice

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The kitchen is finally moving towards completion.  Gary has put together his “Schindler” of all the things that need to be done before we can say it’s finished.  I am looking forward to populating the cupboards which need to be painted inside before I can finally move in (meantime, Gary and Wills have been making liberal use of them for tools and other items of their trade).

Wills was full of cold at the beginning of last week and I, too, succumbed so that on Friday I caught myself reflecting on all the reasons why I might have caught the cold – catching it from Wills, the impact of the long hard slog of accommodating work in the kitchen, the cold weather…

…and then I caught myself in the act of thinking that somehow the cold had “happened to me”.  To a degree it had of course.  Henry Dreher, in his book The Immune Power Personality (which I’ve mentioned before on this blog), talks of breakthroughs in 19th century science, when “the researches of German physician Robert Koch and French physician Louis Pasteur led to the theory of specific etiology – the idea that diseases were caused by a single microorganism and could be eradicated by a single strategy for destroying the invader”.

Dreher also talks, though, of the work of Claude Bernard, the mid-19th-century French physiologist.  To quote briefly from Dreher’s already much abbreviated description of Bernard’s work, “Health was predicated on balance, and disease was a by-product of imbalance in the interior environment”.  Germs were not so much omnipotent as ready to to take root when the conditions were right.  Reflecting on my own health at this time brought home the tiny deteriorations in my normal health regimes in recent months – drinking far less of my usual “Supergreens“, overlooking my usual vitamin supplements, a diet that isn’t quite up to par, less walking… I knew I was reaping the results of small changes I was already aware of.  I have been telling myself that I’ll get back on track when the kitchen is done.  This is true – and still, the accumulation of small changes is also the sum of my own decisions in recent weeks.

At one level, I’m talking about a common cold.  At another level, I’m also talking about the wider question of what mindset we bring to our lives.  When something goes wrong, do you focus on what has happened to you?  Perhaps wish things were different that are beyond your control?  Or do you focus on your own contribution – what you have done that has made a contribution and what you can do to move forward?

There is a phrase used by some coaches (and no doubt others, too) – “being at choice”.  We are at choice when we focus on our own choices rather than seeing ourselves as the helpless victim of circumstance.  Others use the term “in your own power”.  Over the years I have seen how successful leaders have mastered the art of being at choice.  These are the leaders who use their power of choice to achieve outcomes they desire.  They are often optimistic and resilient in the most difficult of circumstances.  Rather than expend energy in wishing (fruitlessly) that things were different, they harness their creativity to the question “what can I do?”

And lest you are beating yourself up right now or yearning to do things differently and not knowing how, I hasten to add that this isn’t an “either/or” scenario.  Most of us have moments when we are at choice (standing in our power) and others when we are not.  Moving to a more powerful position is something we do one step at a time.  For me, in recent days, just noticing that I am not at choice has opened up possibilities to make different choices.  

The leader’s new clothes

Developing as a leader,


On Friday, a late cancellation afforded me the opportunity to have a late breakfast, watching Andy Murray and Novak Djokovic at the beginning of the men’s singles semi-finals in the Australian Open.  After finishing an assessment report I returned over lunch to watch the end of the match.  It was tantalisingly close.  At times Djokovic – currently world number 1 – was clearly the better player.  Even so, there were moments when Murray’s performance had me thinking it might be possible, just possible, that he might steal the match.

Coming on the back of so many assessments – interviewing men and women on their path to greater seniority at work – I found myself wondering about Murray’s self image at this stage in his career.  Because – as W. Timothy Gallwey pointed out in his book The Inner Game of Tennis, winning at tennis depends significantly on what is going on in the player’s head.  The same is true for the leader, so that perhaps it should come as no surprise that Gallwey’s book has been an enduring hit with men and women in business since it was first published in 1974.

What do I mean by “self image”?  The following comments are adapted from Wikipedia:

A person’s self image is a mental picture, generally of a kind that is quite resistant to change, that depicts not only details that are potentially available to objective investigation by others (height, weight, hair colour etc.) but also items that have been learned by the person about him or herself, either from personal experiences or by internalising the judgements of others.  A more technical term for self image is self-schema.  Like any schemas, self-schemas store information and influence the way we think and remember.  For example, research indicates that information which refers to the self is preferentially encoded and recalled in memory tests.

Thinking of Andy Murray I wonder, does he think of himself as a world number 1 in the making?  This is important because it will influence many choices that he makes both off the court and on:  choices that, in time, may lead him towards – or block his path to – his first Grand Slam title.

Men and women in leadership roles face the same issue.  Each new promotion brings with it a new set of responsibilities which may challenge their self image.  Perhaps the newly promoted leader asks “am I really up to this?” or “is this really me?”  Perhaps s/he seeks to play down the change by imagining that no promotion or other change makes any difference because “I am who I am”.

A successful transition includes the integration into the leader’s self image of beliefs which support success and which also have a basis in reality.  Such a belief might be “I can engage others in a common vision and work with and through others to achieve our goals”.  Of course, the newly promoted leader needs to show that this is actually true – hence my phrase “a basis in reality”.  And there may need to be some interim belief such as “I can learn to engage others in a common vision and to work with and through others to achieve our goals”.

Paradoxically, individuals who are confident in themselves are often better able to integrate new concepts, precisely because they have a strong self image and are not afraid of losing themselves in the midst of changes and adjustments.  Of course, it also helps if they have a clear understanding of what’s needed in their new role, so that the adjustments they make support their success.  In some ways, as we adjust our self image we are like scientists, observing ourselves and identifying what is working for us and what is not as well as studying the differences between our previous role and the new role we have taken on or to which we aspire.

And of course, the need to adjust and adapt our self image is a constant through life as we meet many changes – moving from adolescence to adulthood, from being single to being married, to being a parent, to being old.  These and many other changes demand that we revisit our self image.

How Iceland bounced back

Developing as a leader, ,

Recently I discovered PopTech and via PopTech a talk by Iceland’s current President, Olafur Grimsson, about how Iceland bounced back following the stark economic crisis of 2008.

Iceland’s experiences illustrate some general principles of the modern world.  The first of these is this:  that we – whether “we” equals country, company, society or some other entity, are subject to the effects of events beyond our control.  In Iceland’s case, even before it fell prey to the effects of a global economic crisis its economy was severely affected by the eruptions of the Eyjafjallajokull volcano.  As leaders we are naive if we fail to understand that our plans will be affected by events outside our sphere of influence.

Grimsson’s talk suggests, for me, a second important principle:  that our success as leaders lies as much in how we respond to events as it does in the events themselves.  Watching Grimsson’s 20-minute speech I am particularly struck by the way he interrogates the events that affected his country in order to identify the key questions that needed to be answered in a time of major upheaval.

In case you missed the link to Grimsson’s talk, click here.  And if you’ve been following my recent series of postings on developing your ability to think strategically, add this one to your list – it’s a neat example of stepping back to see the big picture.

I welcome your comments and responses:  what comes up for you when you watch Grimsson’s speech?

When there isn’t enough time in the day

Developing as a leader

I don’t know about you but for me, 2012 has got off to a whirlwind start with new projects alongside my ongoing coaching commitments.  I have found myself squeezing things into the diary – booking phone calls over time booked for other work and then having to work out when to do the work.  I have had early starts and late finishes.  I’ve dropped a (small) ball here and there.  I’ve had to say no when I’d like to say yes.  I have struggled to find time to do the ordinary, everyday things.  I know I can handle this pace for a while – quite a long while, even – and still, it’s not the way I want to live my life.

It is the lot of a coach to find him- or herself working with clients who are grappling with the very issues the coach is working through.  At the moment, for me, it’s time management.  I am fortunate right now that my client base is growing and I’m running to keep up (remember those days?).  My clients are experiencing a range of issues that make it hard to manage their time.  One issue that is making all our lives increasingly challenging is technology.  Recently I have found myself waking up to the alarm on my mobile and – oh!  finding myself looking at e-mails before I’ve even got out of bed.  Especially when clients work in global organisations there is always somebody sending an e-mail.  This is particularly challenging because, if we’re not careful, we are always just a little “wired”:  ready to respond and never fully relaxed.  Clients also find it hard to manage their time in times of change, or after a promotion.
If you’re struggling with time management what can you do to come back into balance and productivity?  Here are a few thoughts from me:
  • Take time out to dream:  You may think I’m crazy and still, this is my number one recommendation.  If you want to create something different, you need to know what it is you want to create.  Put aside all questions of how you might get there and ask yourself what might be true when you have got it right on the time management front.  You’ll probably find it surprising just how much this reveals;
  • Set your sights at the right level:  Especially when you’re newly promoted, you will need to  recalibrate your sights.  Maybe it used to be your role to manage the big projects, but now it’s your job to work out which projects need to be managed – and delegate.  Maybe it used to be your job to make sure everything got done, but now it’s your job to set the direction of your area and to engage others in your team in how to make progress in that direction… you get the gist; 
  • Set some boundaries:  As long as the amount of time you are willing to work is infinitely expandable you will find yourself giving more time than your contracted hours.  (My brother, currently working in Japan, wrote a blog posting recently – The salaryman – about habits in this area in Japan).  Decide what hours you are going to work and when and then use this as your guide.  The question then becomes:  how can I best use the time available to achieve my aims? 
  • Organise, develop or expand your resources:  You may need to take a long hard look at what’s possible in the area of resources.  Maybe you have all the people you need but lack a structure (organisational design, clarity of roles and accountability, ways to monitor progress etc.) that supports effective working.  Maybe you need to expand your resources in one area or more.  Maybe you need to develop the capability of your staff.  Sooner or later you need to come to a view on what you can do and with what resources and establish boundaries for your team as well as yourself;
  • Identify and address the big agenda items:  Some of these may well emerge from your dreaming (above).  They may be significant in scope and require effort across the whole team:  if only, for example, you could establish the reputation of your team with your key customer group, you would have clients in the business who gladly come to you rather than making the case for using contractors to do the work of your team.  Or perhaps they’re more limited in scope and still they eat up your time:  if only, for example, you could get John to perform effectively in his role, you would free your own time and that of others to do the job they are paid to do.  I don’t know what the big ticket items are in your area – do you?
  • Chip away:  This last suggestion reflects the possibility that there may be all sorts of small things you can do differently in order to achieve a whole set of results without risking burnout for you or your team.  If this is the case, you might like to spend a period of time experimenting with changes you can make or you might want to open up this question to your whole team.  The more you ask the question, the more you will find all sorts of changes you can make including small changes that make a big difference.
Your ideal path to balance and productivity may include some or all of these – or other options that I haven’t listed above.  Either way, I’d love to read your comments on time management.  What’s working (or not working) for you?