Where ‘life’ and ‘executive’ coaching meet

Coaching

Since I started to place coaching at the centre of my business I have learnt that, when I say I am a coach, people will often ask: “Are you a Life Coach?” I have also learnt that, for some people at least, the term ‘Life Coach’ carries less-than-positive connotations. So, having fielded this question once again, I decide to pick at it a little here on my blog – and maybe not for the last time.

Of course, the question implies that there are differences between ‘Life’ and other forms of coaching. And since I call myself an Executive Coach I wonder how to differentiate between the two. Perhaps the most obvious thing to say is that Executive Coaching is for Executives and has as its point of departure questions relating to the Executive and his or her work. Most of my clients come to me because of my reputation for working with senior leaders in organisations, hence “Executive Coach”. Life Coaching, by contrast, is for anyone and has as its point of departure wider questions pertaining to the individual’s life as a whole.

What does this mean in practice? Perhaps it’s worth saying that Life Coaching will often embrace questions of work whilst Executive Coaching will often embrace the wider questions of life. This can happen both in a personal and in a wider sense. Beginning with a personal example, it’s often true that when an Executive faces up to a new challenge or sets out to learn something which will support his or her career progress, the same challenge or learning need is likely to show up in all sorts of areas. Perhaps the leader who finds it difficult to place limits on the freedoms afforded to staff will also have difficulty saying ‘no’ to his or her children. Or maybe the Executive who decides to address problems in his or her marriage finds over time a renewed passion for work as things get better at home. It’s always been my experience as a coach that the questions we ask ourselves about our work have resonance elsewhere in our lives.

And in case we think that work is something separate from life, it may be worth asking ourselves what our current global economic and political situation is here to teach us. As Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s government today investigates the role U.K. bank directors have played in creating our current economic situation it seems to me that one question is waiting to be asked: how do we want our business and organisations to contribute to our lives? Maybe we would also do well to ask whether our goal is to create businesses and organisations which serve us in creating lives worth living or whether our goal is to devote our lives in service of our businesses and organisations.

And as I write I recognise that this posting opens up a subject whilst leaving many questions unanswered. What, for example, distinguishes the ‘Executive’ from the ‘Life’ Coach? Why does the term ‘Life Coaching’ have less-than-positive connotations for some? And does that imply that Executive Coaching is in any way superior?

And since these and other questions are going to wait for another day I invite you to add your questions to this list via the comments link below. I’d love to answer them – in good time.

When feedback delights

About Dorothy, ,

Feedback, with its power to nourish or to test, is a wonderful thing. Sometimes, it just takes you by joyful surprise.

Yesterday, at my regular rehearsal with the London Symphony Chorus, I was blessed with a double whammy of the nourishing variety. Midway through our first rehearsal of Berlioz’ Te Deum, Lorne leant over from the tenors to tell me how fabulous my singing was. Did I lap that feedback up? You bet I did! (And was I aware that, for some reason, I was singing from the very depths of my heart and soul? Yes, that, too).

I was also delighted when Elizabeth, talking to me about wrinkles and face-creams, guessed my age at anywhere between 35 and 41. Let me tell you I love my wrinkles! I wouldn’t lose a single one of them! And still, as I approach my 46th birthday, I’m quite content to know that I look (to some eyes, at least) a little younger than I am.

This is not the first time of late that I have enjoyed a comment about my age. Only a week ago a colleague of my niece asked me if we are sisters. I told him no and thanked him for his comment. This took him aback I think – it was not intended as a compliment, he said. He was quite sincere. I only regret I didn’t think to say that yes, it was precisely because I knew his question was sincere that I enjoyed it so much.

Mr Fox’s new home

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Yesterday, the snow fell all day in London, with a variety of – predictable and less predictable – effects. Travel was difficult. I had a meeting by phone that we’d planned to have face to face. Many of my local shops were closed. Londoners, who normally avoid eye contact with strangers, were cheery in sharing their comments about the snow. And of course, Radio 4 featured the inevitable discussion this morning about the extent to which roads were cleared and whether or not we should invest more in order to be equipped for events that happen so rarely.

This morning the snow is still deep and there were warnings on radio and television to expect roads to be more dangerous than yesterday as a result of the ice. The sun is shining, adding to the beauty of the snowy London scenes whilst also causing snow to fall from trees and rooftops.

Today, the snow has also given me the answer to a question I have been asking myself since I first noticed Mr Fox showing an interest in the compost heap at the bottom of my garden. It happened that I noticed him take a look at this spot and begin to dig underneath the mottly heap of vegetable peelings. I have looked at the hole without being able to see if he actually moved in. Yesterday I looked for signs in the snow. There were none.

This morning, though, I woke to the clear signs that an animal – I think a fox – had left the hole to wander round the garden, lingering around the bushes and maybe even wandering into the neighbours garden. I wonder if (hope that) I will get to enjoy the beautiful sight of a fox walking through the snow.

Nighttime musings

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Every now and then, when something is on my mind, I wake in the middle of the night. Tonight is one of those nights. I have learnt to get up and make myself a hot drink, to read for a while before returning, easily, to sleep.

Tonight I decide to write a few lines on my blog. I am aware that I wrote less often in January than I aim to. I began the month by resting as much as I could to support my body in recovering from a lingering winter bug and then entered a busy couple of weeks.

Waking in the middle of the night I look out on the nighttime beauty of the snow that started to fall in the early evening and is now several inches deep. The light has a quality all of its own as all light reflects from the bright untrodden snow. I enjoy this winter scene.

And before returning to sleep, I take a moment to celebrate my brother, Alan, who is fifty today and my mother, who gave birth fifty years ago to her first child.

Creating the climate for success

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Amongst my e-mails today is one from Gina Lawrie and Bridget Belgrave. Gina and Bridget are amongst the foremost trainers in the UK in the field of nonviolent communication, an approach that is dear to my heart. As well as sharing their training programme (which you can find at http://www.NvcDanceFloors.com) they share a quote by Carl Rogers, from his book A Way of Being:

“My experience has shown that another paradigm is far more effective and constructive for the individual and for society. It is that, given a suitable psychological climate, humankind is trustworthy, creative, self-motivated, powerful, and constructive – capable of releasing undreamed-of potentialities.”

Carl Rogers has been a significant influence in 20th Century thinking and his work continues to guide professional coaches as well as his fellow therapists. Surely this is also the paradigm that Douglas McGregor outlines as “Theory Y” in his seminal book, The Human Side of Enterprise.

I take a moment to reflect on this quote and to celebrate my work as a coach, which is my way of supporting individual leaders in creating a psychological climate – for themselves as well as for those they lead – that supports the powerful, constructive and purposeful use of our abundant creativity. I feel so blessed in this work, in its contribution to those with whom I work, to the businesses they work in and to the wider world.

New Year’s Resolutions: friend or foe?

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I was struck today by the following request made on the Training Journal Daily Digest:

“Now that we are mid-way into January, we here at the Training Journal wondered how many of you have managed to stick to your New Year’s resolutions about continuous personal development?”

What does it say about New Year’s resolutions – or about those of us who make them – that they so famously fall by the wayside by the end of January?

Now, one could write a book on this subject – there’s far more to say than I am going to say in this posting. Today, I’m going to confine myself to just two observations.

The first is this. How many of us make our New Year’s resolutions from a place of “should” and “ought”? I should give up smoking. I ought to lose weight. I must go to the gym. These are the resolutions we are most likely to sabotage. Perhaps we don’t get started. Perhaps we make a token effort and quickly stop taking action. Maybe we even carry out those resolutions by the letter – but not by the spirit. This latter seems to be particularly true when our half-hearted resolutions are to provide support for others. Have you ever, for example, been so frustrated by the spirit in which your spouse (or kid) carries out an agreement (to unload the dishwasher, pick up the kids, etc.) that you’ve asked them to stop.

Now it may be that the thing you feel you ought to do is the thing you really want to do. And this brings me to my second observation about New Year’s resolutions. Often, between the recognition that you want to do something and the actions needed to carry it out, there are a number of steps needed to create the inner resolve needed to take action. So if you’ve moved straight from “wanting to get fit” to “going twice a week to the gym” you may have overlooked key factors that are standing in the way. Why, for example, did you not go twice a week to the gym last year? Here, too, I could say a whole lot more than can be said in a single posting.

So I close with an invitation, which is to notice how gladly you feel about doing those things you’ve resolved to do this year. As a coach, I often invite my clients to give a “mark out of ten” as a way of gauging where they’re starting from. If your mark is anything less than ten, even if you yearn to achieve your intended outcomes, perhaps you need to pay attention to the inner resistance that’s holding you back as well as to take action towards your goals.

Perhaps, even, with the help of a coach…

Congratulations, Mr President

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20th January, 2009. The day of the inauguration of Mr. Barack Hussein Obama as the first African American President of the United States of America. It is not by foresight that I have no appointments this afternoon and still, I seize the opportunity to watch the inauguration as it unfolds.

Obama’s election to the Presidency has been widely hailed as the fulfilment of Martin Luther King Jr’s dream and so it is. Luther King’s dream was both simple and audacious, a dream that America’s African Americans would be afforded the same opportunities as his white brothers, in line with America’s founding creed that “we hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal“. At the time he made this speech, in 1963, this level of equality was way outside the experience of many African Americans. It’s hard not to notice that, for many African and non-white Americans, this is still true today. Still, the election of Barack Hussein Obama today seems to be the embodiment both of America’s dream and of the dream of Martin Luther King – a symbol of hope.

If America’s African Americans are emotional today as they witness an event their grandparents could barely imagine, so am I, white British, citizen of a world in which we continue to view others – from our brothers and sisters to people of other nations and creeds – as our enemies. It seems to me that by electing Obama to the post of President of the United States of America the people of America – people of diverse ages and ethnicities – have finally been able to embrace each other fully and to ask, without prejudice, “who is the right man or woman for the job?” And this, in turn, gives me hope that, increasingly, America’s politicians might step out onto the world stage with the ability and the will to embrace their brothers and sisters around the world in a new way. Not as enemies, always as brothers and sisters, though sometimes as friends they haven’t made yet.

Listening to every part of the inaugural ceremony, there are signs of this intention. Amidst the many themes in Obama’s speech (which will no doubt be analysed and commented on around the world) I take comfort when I hear Obama say:

“We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus – and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.”

The idea that we might, around the world, come to see and respond to our common humanity is echoed in Elizabeth Alexander’s poem as she asks “What if the mightiest word is love?” More than anything, this is what I wanted to hear.

There is a moment as I watch and listen when I feel drawn to America and to contribute to the embodiment of this dream. I say this in all humility. For I count it as a great blessing to be a student of Marshall Rosenberg’s nonviolent communication and I live in the belief that, were we all students of this language, we would have the means to usher in this new era of peace. The campaign to gather ideas for change in America has already afforded me an opportunity to contribute, by voting for ideas rooted in nonviolent communication (see http://www.change.org/ideas/view/bridging_the_empathy_gap_-_yes_we_can).

And perhaps as I close, with so much to digest, there’s just one more thing – for the time being – for me to say. For as I think of Obama’s call to the citizens of America to take personal responsibility I want to recognise the huge contribution that we make when we choose a philosophy and an approach which is rooted in nonviolence. Perhaps, above all else, it is when enough people make this choice that America will indeed embody its creed that: “we hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal”.

Friendship: pausing to celebrate

About Dorothy,

18th January 1999. I didn’t yet know what a year 1999 would be for me – professionally at least. My involvement in a major research project, looking at what distinguishes the most outstanding teachers in the UK, kept me and my colleagues so busy that we could hardly stand come Christmas. But then, I’m getting ahead of myself.

At about 10.30 a.m. on 18th January 1999 I was struck by the introduction of a particular member of a group of headteachers I would be working with for the next four days. As he described the school he was leading there could be no doubt that it was a highly successful institution. And whilst no personal claim was made about this man’s contribution, there could, equally, be no doubt that these successes were down to the man making his introduction. I wondered, “will his colleagues love him or hate him?” I could equally have asked “will I love him or hate him?”

As the course unfolded it became clear that the answer to the first question was “love”. Behind the scenes the course’s leaders were blown away by the feedback data which showed him to be a highly effective leader. This may or may not have been visible to his colleagues. Still, it became clear that they appreciated his easy informality and his willingness to support them in a variety of ways – as they accessed on-line information, worked through case studies and even by playing the piano one evening as everyone gathered round to sing.

When the course finished we exchanged contact details and, with a major research project coming up into teacher effectiveness, it made sense to take him up on his invitation to visit his school. It was my first visit to school for a number of years and I remember feeling like a schoolgirl again as I sat opposite the ‘headmaster’ in his office.

I also remember how, working as I was in an environment in which professionalism and formality were seen to go hand in hand, I felt uneasy as our contact moved quickly from the professional to the personal and still, Alan quickly became a friend. Three years later, when I set up my own business, it was Alan who would phone me on his way to school to ask “how’s it going?”

This month I have been reflecting on ten years of friendship. This evening I make a note of those things I look forward to celebrating with Alan some time soon and I ask myself “Have I really put up with ten years of the most awful jokes?”

And just in case you’re still wondering about the answer to my second question, stay tuned. I should know the answer by 2019.

Putting modesty to rest

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Sunday. After a packed week of rehearsals (packed around work, that is) members of the London Symphony Chorus join the London Symphony Orchestra and a dazzling line up of soloists (Christine Brewer, Karen Cargill, Stuart Neill and John Relyea) to perform Verdi’s Requiem under the baton of Sir Colin Davis.

The performance is dedicated to the memory of Richard Hickox following his oh so untimely death last November and his family are gathered in the stalls. I was not alone in experiencing moments of deep emotion during rehearsals, wishing for Richard that he does indeed enjoy safe passage to whatever lies ahead and mourning the loss of such a dedicated and inspiring musician. Now though, is not the time to miss an entry to be present to such emotions.

Perhaps it is because of the special significance of this dedication or maybe it’s because Sir Colin has put us through our paces – there will be no complacency here – that our performance blazes a trail through Verdi’s exquisite writing. From the hushed cello entry and the muted Requiem of the chorus at the beginning of the piece, through the fiery Dies Irae to the closing fugue and call to libera me it seems to me that the orchestra, chorus and soloists catch every nuance, doing justice to this magnificent work and to Richard as we bid him farewell.

Two days later, with two more performances to look forward to, I find myself reflecting on my own performance. The Requiem is a demanding sing, requiring stamina and the ability both to give life and volume to many fortissimo passages and still to have the vocal control for the quieter passages. There are some that require the kind of quiet singing at the top of one’s range that can terrify the amateur singer – all the more so when you find yourself in the front row of the chorus singing into the left ear of one of the Orchestra’s fine professional musicians.

I smile as I celebrate my own performance and recognise that, for the time being at least and notwithstanding my lingering cold, I am singing well. Of course I gave my all in the Dies Irae – for high volume and dramatic singing are my forte. And still I managed to sustain my voice and to land quietly and truly on some of the high, quiet phrases. I ponder, wondering what is giving me this ease and joy in my singing.

And I feel so grateful that I have reached a stage in my life when I am able to celebrate in this way, putting modesty to rest and allowing myself to acknowledge fully everything that I bring. Surely this alone contributed to a ‘personal best’ on Sunday.

Richard, I hope you were listening.

Stepping softly into the New Year

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Most years I like to take a few days out over Christmas to reflect on the year just gone and to look forward to the year ahead.

This year was slightly different! Three weeks after I first wondered if I was going to go down with a cold Christmas came and so did my cold, a drawn-out weary affair which was certainly not flu though it came close. After Christmas with family (as it happens, a time to bring our diverse winter germs together and compare notes) I holed up in my London home for a few days to recover. Having listened to my body’s feedback I postponed my time to reflect and took time to relax. It was good to have these few days with absolutely no agenda other than to listen to my inner guidance and to ‘hole up’. Donny Osmond was the perfect companion.

So I have been grateful this week for a relatively gentle start. My coaching appointments have all been over the phone and I have yet to have any early starts. I have been able to send out invoices to those clients who pay me a monthly fee. (I always do this with joy and gratitude, for this exchange is what makes it possible for me to meet my needs whilst also supporting my clients). I have had time to meditate with ease – though not to meditate and to write on my blog (until today). All this has given me time to return to my aims for the year ahead and to begin to shape the two page document which will guide me through 2009.

I confess that for a few days, this experience has knocked me off my ‘smug healthy’ pedestal, reminding me that I am not omnipotent. As Dr. Christiane Northrup so often puts it (in her wonderful books on women’s health), “sooner or later, the body presents the bill”. My diet has played a huge part in keeping me healthy in 2008. Still, I know that I am currently in the midst of a challenging personal decision and that this is taking time and energy. I wonder how much the widespread germs and colds we have been sharing so generously reflect a time of concern – about the economy, about world events. I don’t know.

Still, here it is. 2009. As I step softly into the New Year I do not know what will happen in the world around me. Still, I know where my direction lies. This latter is enough for me.