A visit to Auschwitz

About Dorothy

The term “Holocaust denier” is used with great contempt by many in modern Western society and still, visiting Auschwitz for the first time, I am reminded of Elisabeth Kubler Ross’s work on grieving and the spotlight it shines on denial. For even with the weight of history – with all the evidence we have already seen and are about to see during our visit – it is hard to believe the acts of violence that were perpetrated against men, women and children at Auschwitz, Birkenau and other camps during the Second World War.

We start our visit at the main gate to Auschwitz with its sign (recently stolen and replaced) which carries the legend “Arbeit macht frei” (“work will make you free”). A number of the camp’s buildings have been made into displays so that, over time, it is possible to build up a picture of the 1.5 million men, women and children (of whom 90% were Jews) who lost their lives at Auschwitz and Birkenau at the hands of the Nazis.

Amongst the displays that strike home I am particularly touched by an expanse of human hair and a roll of the cloth into which it was woven as just one way of exploiting the Jews. In another, my mother notices a suitcase which bears the maiden name of my great grandmother. In a third, the focus of which is women in the camp, there are photos of naked women after four months of intensive treatment following the end of the war. The narrative gives their bodyweight: one woman weighs as little as a third of her pre-war weight.

We go to Birkenau and visit the gas chambers which the Nazis sought to destroy at the end of the war. At the main gate we see the railway lines by which so many thousands of people were transported to the camps. Throughout our visit to Birkenau I am struck by the number of signs of remembrance – flowers, candles and other items have been lain on the ground or attached to pictures. Somehow, they evoke a sense of connection with those people whose lives were so cruelly taken.

For my mother, who grew up in Cornwall whilst the war was waging across Europe, our brief visit is long enough and more. For all of us it raises many questions. My mother asks: “How could men have done something so evil?” As a rhetorical question, this question is at risk of being – in itself – a form of denial. At the same time, for academics and scolars it signals a primary area of study since the war.

The Jews in Krakow

About Dorothy

When my friend Mark hears that I spent Christmas in Krakow his first reference is to the Second World War, when Nazi forces established Krakow as a centre for their attempts to eradicate Jews as part of the so-called “Final Solution”.

Prior to the war, the Jewish population in Krakow was in the region of 68,000. Whilst estimates vary, this population constituted between a quarter and a third of the city’s population. Reading from her guidebook during our visit Judy, my sister-in-law, shares an estimate of just 300 Jews living in Krakow today.

The most limited research suggests a mixed history for the city’s Jews. On the one hand, it’s clear that they contributed significantly to establishing Krakow as a wealthy city. On the other hand there are reports over a number of centuries of tensions between Jews and non-Jews in the city. One report suggests that even today there are up to 1,000 Jews living in the city of whom about 800 choose not to identify themselves as part of the Jewish community.

We visit the Jewish quarter of the City on Saturday, 26th December. The main square is quiet though we catch glimpses of a number of boys playing outside one of the synagogues. We leave my nephew Edward in a cafe to read, returning to join him for lunch after walking round and visiting a former synagogue which has been turned into a museum. The factory owned by Schindler and at which “Schindler’s List” was filmed is not far away.

The cafe is next to the former bath house in the main square. Formerly three shops it is furnished with reminders of its history. One part of the cafe has two sturdy woodworking benches as tables, another has a sewing machine, a third has musical instruments.

My mother’s presence with us is a reminder that the events of the Second World War are within living memory – at least for some. I wonder what it must be like to be a Jewish resident of the city. I wonder what it must be like to be a non-Jewish resident who grew up in the midst of World War Two.

Christmas at Greg and Tom’s

About Dorothy

Recommendation is a wonderful thing. Months before our visit to Krakow Judy, my sister-in-law, receives a recommendation for Greg and Tom’s Hostel and this is where we stay.

The staff have gone to great lengths for us, allocating rooms in an apartment away from the main hostel. We join our fellow guests for breakfast and at other times enjoy our own family space.

In mainland Europe Christmas is often celebrated on Christmas Eve with a family meal followed by Midnight Mass. Poland is no exception. Along with other guests we are invited to join staff at the hostel on Christmas Eve for supper “on the house”.

The kitchen and lounge are full. We are about twenty-five guests in total. We range in age from the early twenties to the late seventies. Guests are from Europe, the Americas and Asia. The curiosity of the traveller is such that we make easy contact and share stories and information about our visit here to Krakow and our lives back home.

The staff have prepared a variety of traditional Polish dishes and we eat abundantly. After supper Peter prepares vodka shots and I can’t quite believe it when my mother is persuaded to down a shot in one.

Rebecca, my niece, yearns for some traditional carols and my mother, nephew and I agree to sing a few in the kitchen. The room quickly fills with guests as we sing and, in time, other guests coyly agree to share something in their own mother tongue. Christmas is portable, after all.

At 10 o’clock we leave in haste and make our way to see the nativity story played out in the open air. We may not understand Polish but we enjoy the story with which we are amply familiar.

A first visit to Krakow

About Dorothy

After a longer journey than we had planned to reach our destination, my mother and I reach Krakow where we join other members of the family.

Alan, my brother, Judy, his wife, and Edward, their son have already had the chance to do a ‘reccy’ and to experience the cold. Since their arrival the temperature has increased dramatically and the virgin snow is increasingly grey and beginning to melt.

Walking from our hostel we quickly arrive at the city’s main square. Throughout our stay we return to the square again and again and enjoy its festive offerings as well as its physical beauty. St. Mary’s Church towers over the square and every hour on the hour a lone trumpet player marks history, reminding the city of an attack by the Mongols in the 13th Century.

Two days in a row I am entranced by three accordion players who, at the entrance to the square’s Cloth Hall, play renditions of classical music which defy any stereotype I bring of the accordionist’s art. Together with the family I stop to listen and enjoy. Perhaps my delight reflects my surprise at the commitment that has gone into shaping Vivaldi for accordion and playing it so well.

It is Christmas and the Christmas market reflects the season. My brother has already discovered the local smoked cheese which is available as a snack – toasted and with cranberry preserve. It goes well with Krakow’s mulled wine which is also available in the market square.

Though I am no fan of the cold, I am delighted that my first visit to Krakow is at Christmas.

Christmas in Krakow

About Dorothy

It’s a number of months now since my niece Rebecca (whose many strengths include great organisation skills) extended the invitation to meet her somewhere in Eastern Europe on her way back from a three-month overland trip to China. Ideas were exchanged and airline timetables consulted before we decided to meet in Poland, in Krakow.

I travel with my mother ready to meet other members of the family. Leaving on Monday, 21st December, we expect to reach the family later the same day and get more than we bargain for, though not as much as Rebecca’s fiance Phil whose flight is cancelled and who is offered 3rd January as the next available date to fly.

After an initial delay we are loaded onto the plane and then off again when, waiting for the use of Heathrow’s de-icing equipment, the aircraft’s crew reaches the legal time limit they are allowed to work before taking a break. By the time we reach Prague we have missed our connection and no alternative arrangements have been made. Even though I decide to play the age card (my mother is 80 and telling us to go find something to eat and come back at 6am to see what’s possible just doesn’t seem enough) it is 4am local time before we get to speak to staff at the transfers desk. Hey, ho! That’s Czech Airlines for you.

Finally we arrive at Krakow in the mid afternoon the next day. My brother Alan meets us at the station having arrived with his wife Judy and son Edward on Sunday. His daughter Rebecca and Suzannah her travelling companion have also arrived.

Christmas starts here.

Sending Christmas greetings to you

Clients and testimonials, ,
Dear friends

“To top off my year my company is closing down. I have been made redundant and my last day will be on 31st December. Thankfully, I have not gone into panic mode. I am very calm and looking forward to another new door opening in my life. I don’t believe I would have this outlook to my future if I had not experienced coaching with you and the support and guidance of my good friend Antoinette, for which I am extremely grateful to you both”.

Sarah Phillips

As Christmas approaches and the year draws to an end I thought I’d take a moment to drop you a line.

What a year it’s been! Currently my life is peppered with people whose jobs have been made redundant and who face the prospect of finding new jobs in a challenging market. Amongst those who are at work some are adapting to significant change and some are anxious about the future.

Of course, in the larger scheme of things, hard times – including the current economic downturn – come and go. And even in the downturn I am constantly reminded that we are not the victim of circumstances – unless we choose to be. I notice how some people are thrilled to face the challenges the recession is bringing and I notice how others, whilst far from thrilled, bring a deep sense of knowing – that they have all the resources they need to face whatever comes their way.

So, as I write, I celebrate you and the support you have given me in 2009. Amongst the resources I treasure are the many people who play a role in my life. Thank you. And I also send you my heartfelt wishes for Christmas and the New Year. May you know at every step on the way that you have all the resources you need.

Warm regards

Dorothy

Developing your “match fitness”: celebrating success

Emotional Intelligence, ,

Several weeks into starting her new business, Barbara was feeling down. She had yet to land her first contract and felt fearful when she looked ahead, worried that her first sale would not come in time for her to meet her financial commitments. The more she felt this way, the harder she found it to take action towards her goals.

Some people tell themselves that focusing on the gap between where they are and where they want to be will provide the motivation to move forward. Barbara’s experience, however, suggests that the opposite is true. In a business which depends on building relationships over time, it was realistic that it would take several months for her to land her first contract and Barbara had made plans for this. At the same time, as long as she focussed on “winning the contract” as her only measure of success, she found it hard to get started in the morning and even harder to find the motivation to take action towards such a distant goal.

Barbara’s motivation improved dramatically when she started to celebrate each small step towards her goal, including the steps that others took on her behalf. This change of emphasis meant that she could take time at the end of each day to notice and celebrate her successes. Even steps she judged to be unsuccessful were nonetheless steps. Celebrating in this way helped Barbara to become “match fit” to take action towards her goals.

Here are some questions to help you to explore the extent to which you are able to celebrate success:

  • What is the balance of your attention at present and how much of it goes towards those things that are moving you in the right direction?
  • What credit do you give yourself for those actions you take towards your goals?
  • To what extent do you celebrate those actions others take that help you to move forward?
  • To what extent can you celebrate success without hearing an inner voice that judges you or seeks to guide you in some other direction?

What additional questions come up for you when you think about the extent to which you celebrate success?

Developing your “match fitness”: voting for what you want

Emotional Intelligence,

Several years after he had embarked on a career with an international firm, Shaun had enjoyed a series of promotions and was travelling extensively in his job. The feedback from the company’s directors suggested he would be in line for a promotion to the senior levels of the firm’s management.

Shaun had set out to contribute through his work to the well-being of his family. He had seen how distant his parents had become and had felt the impact in his own childhood. He was determined to do it differently. As well as contributing to the finances of his family he wanted to maintain a loving relationship with his wife and to be present as a father to his children.

At the same time, the further Shaun climbed the career ladder, the more his relationship with his family was becoming strained. His wife felt the burden of looking after their children whilst Shaun was away on business and their relationship with each other was beginning to suffer. The children were showing signs of “treading on eggshells” around their parents. Shaun was feeling low.

Shaun had set out to place his family at the centre of his concerns and yet, over time, he had lost sight of this aim. He had started instead to vote for career progress. It was time for him to start voting for what he really wanted.

Voting for what you want is about taking actions that support your most valued intentions. This may be about taking steps towards your goals. It may be about behaving in line with your values. It is certainly about how you spend your time.

Here are some questions to help you to explore what it means for you to vote for what you want:

  • To what extent does the way you spend your time match those things you most want in your life?
  • To what extent are you guided in your choices by a clear sense of what you want?
  • What are the areas in which there is a gap between what you want and the choices you’re making?
  • What needs are you meeting by the actions you take in those areas in which you are not voting for what you want?

I wonder, what other questons are waiting to be explored by you in the area of voting for what you want?

Developing your “match fitness”: learning to learn

Emotional Intelligence,

As an employee, Alex was beginning to feel a sense of desperation at the number of times he’d given generously to employers only to see how they promoted others ahead of him. The voice in his head told him he was being taken for a ride. What’s more, Alex noticed that those colleagues who were being promoted ahead of him were people he didn’t rate. He couldn’t see what work they were doing and they seemed to be taking all the glory.

Alex was married with young children and he was beginning to feel particularly sour about the impact on his wife and children. He felt he deserved faster promotion and higher pay. One day, when he shared his feelings with a colleague, his colleague asked him if he’d made any enquiries to find out what was slowing his promotion prospects. Only then did Alex think to ask his manager what he could do to achieve promotion.

Whilst Alex was nervous about asking for feedback, the feedback his manager gave him enabled him to understand some of the assumptions he was making and to adjust his approach in the light of new information. For Alex, this was the beginning of learning to learn.

The committed learner brings an approach to all situations which is open to learning. This approach presupposes that fears are there to be faced, that those people whom we find most challenging are our best teachers, that those situations we find most difficult provide opportunities to learn. These are the people who, in our current recession, are looking for the learning that adversity can bring.

Here are some questions to help you to explore how “match fit” you are in the area of learning:

  • As you look back over recent years, what have been your biggest areas of learning?
  • What does your learning in recent years tell you about your readiness to learn – or learning “muscle”?
  • To what extent do you look for the learning in situations you find challenging or when faced with people you find difficult?
  • How would you describe yourself as a learner?
  • How does learning support you in making progress towards your aspirations?

What additional questions would you offer in relation to learning to learn?

Developing your “match fitness”: making adjustments en route

Emotional Intelligence,

When Jamie took on the leadership of a team of colleagues in her accounting firm, she was given a thorough briefing by her predecessor-in-role about each member of her team. She used this briefing to decide on her initial strategy for managing the team and members of the team.

She knew that her predecessor saw one member of the team (John) as a poor performer. He had described John as lazy and told Jamie how often he’d had to check that John had completed his work. Although she listened carefully to this diagnosis, Jamie made a note to be curious and to reach her own conclusions.

Initially, Jamie observed how meticulous John was in his work. His clients spoke highly of him and Jamie observed how he completed his work on time and to a high standard. She was increasingly mystified by her predecessor’s observations. About two months after she took on her leadership role, however, she had a letter from a client who had asked John to complete a piece of work. The client had not heard from John and he hadn’t received the help he’d asked for.

Jamie decided to share the letter with John and ask for his observations. As John talked, Jamie observed changes to his body language and wondered what they signified. She decided to ask him straight out. John told her that when he’d received the letter from the client he’d looked at his diary and realised he couldn’t do the work on time and meet his other client commitments. He’d used the team’s allocation system to ask for help and the work had been passed to another colleague. It was his understanding that the work was in someone else’s hands. At the same time, this wasn’t the first time he’d been hit with a surprise of this sort.

Jamie decided to look into the way the allocation system was working and discovered a political issue of which she’d been unaware. The person responsible for tracking the flow of work through the department and re-allocating work when necessary had made a number of errors over time. She learned that her predecessor had been aware of this and chosen to turn a blind eye. Jamie decided it was time to stop focussing on John and to start focusing on the wider context in which he was working.

Whilst Jamie’s approach looks straightforward on the surface, she did something that many people overlook – at times if not all the time – by remaining curious, inviting new information and adjusting her approach in the light of new information. The results of her efforts were a number of changes to a system which just wasn’t working.

Here are some questions to help you to identify the extent to which you are curious, inviting new information and adjusting your approach in the light of what you learn:

  • How open are you to new information about the effectiveness of your approach, including feedback about others’ perceptions?
  • In what ways do you proactively seek out new information?
  • To what extent do you build in ways to get feedback as part of planning your approach?
  • How willing are you to make adjustments to your approach in the light of new information?
  • In what ways has your willingness to seek information and adjust your approach contributed to your effectiveness, happiness and well-being and over what period?

What additional questions would you offer in relation to making adjustments en route?