Coming alive

Developing as a leader, Emotional Intelligence, , ,
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Howard Thurman

I am savouring this quote this morning, which speaks to so much that I hold to be true.

Perhaps one of the most important decisions we make in our lives is this:  do we act in the belief that we need to shape ourselves to what the world wants if we are to meet our needs, including our most fundamental needs for safety and survival, or do we act in the belief that we are part of something larger than ourselves, that we are called to contribute to this larger whole and will be supported and sustained as we explore and manifest our greater contribution?

As I write I reflect on the many men and women I have interviewed over the years to assess their suitability for senior leadership roles.  There are some who act in the awareness of this larger whole and of the contribution they are called to make.  Their energy is infectious – engaging and inspiring.  These are the men and women I feel drawn to spend time with.

As a coach to senior leaders, I notice how much I feel drawn to work in partnership with those men and women who, in some way, are manifesting the energy which might be called the living energy of their true self.  It could be that they are already in touch with this energy or it might be that this energy is shining through them despite their best efforts to overlook it.  Still, it is there.  How wonderful to work in partnership with clients as they learn to connect with their inner wisdom and guidance – to trust themselves – and in this way to uncover their true path.

And what about you?  It’s possible that these words have no resonance for you – perhaps you have already ceased to read.  Maybe you have questions, such as “how can I know that one or another belief is true?”  The answer is – you can’t.  Each belief is just a belief.  And given that it is just a belief, you might as well choose the belief that serves you best, right now, in this moment.

And in case you’re wondering which belief to choose I offer you this question to guide you:  which belief is most likely to help you to come alive?

Being a great leader starts with being yourself

Coaching, Developing as a leader, ,

Recently, I amended the brief description that sits under the heading “about me” at the top of my blog to read:

Being a great leader starts with being yourself. I am a holistic coach to senior leaders. I help men and women in senior leadership positions find and walk their true paths in line with natural laws – what works.

This statement reflects my growing understanding of my niche – those clients with whom I most enjoy working, those clients with whom I do my best work.

Perhaps there’s a paradox that sits underneath this statement.  On the one hand, I have been involved over the years in a great deal of research into what makes for the most outstanding leaders.  This research, which had been reflected by Goleman in his books The New Leaders and Working with Emotional Intelligence suggests that there is a common recipe for all leaders and, within organisations, a variation on this recipe which is distinct for a particular organisation.  A common criticism made of this work is that this suggests the “cookie cutter” leader – and we can all see that leaders vary enormously in their personal style and effectiveness.
 
On the other hand, it’s my view that the path to personal effectiveness – mastery – as a leader is a highly personal path which varies enormously from person to person.  It involves understanding and accepting oneself as well as making adjustments to improve effectiveness.  The changes we make don’t stick unless they are congruent and aligned to who we are and to what we want.  This is why I enjoy my work so much – because I take great pleasure in supporting the path of the individual towards his or her personal recipe for success.
 
There is another paradox here.  Oftentimes, when organisations are involved in discussing the competencies they most yearn to see in their leaders there is one that comes up again and again, labelled as “integrity” or “honesty”.  At the same time, many people walk through their careers in the belief that they need to “play the part” in order to succeed.  At best, this reflects insight into what does and doesn’t work in a particular organisation and an informed choice to work in ways that are effective.  At worst it is the stuff of deep personal stress as we worry that we will not be fully accepted in the workplace unless we play our part well. 
 
And the bottom line is this:  no matter how hard we try, we don’t get to hide.  Our true self creeps out around the edges.  If we have a level of self mastery this can be a great gift to self and others because we all have skills, competencies and other attributes that are of great value in the world of work if only we can find and claim our rightful place.  On the other hand, as long as we are trying to be someone we are not we may struggle to succeed, for the effort of maintaining the facade is great and ultimately ineffective.  It’s just as well that the journey to authenticity and self mastery, whilst challenging and at times painful on the one hand, is also liberating for ourselves and for those we lead on the other – a “win, win” all round.
 
I wonder, to what extent would you describe yourself as bringing your best self to work?  As authentic?  As knowing what works?  A “mark out of ten” will give you a crude measure of your own authenticity in the workplace. 
 
PS Just to let you know, as a member of Amazon Associates UK, I shall receive a referral fee for any books you buy using the links in this posting.  

Defining my niche

Coaching,

Have I shared with you that I have been working this year with Kathy Mallary, a coach who specialises in helping coaches to market their services?  Kathy has been putting me through my paces in recent months as I seek to define my niche.

Another way of putting this – and perhaps a bit more appealing for those of us who enjoy saying it as it is – is that Kathy has been helping me to understand what’s true about those people I most enjoy working with so that I can speak to them (you) in particular through my blog, newsletter and other marketing.  In time, I’d like to think that everything I write (my “marketing”) is a gift to those people I most enjoy working with and whether or not they choose to work with me.  This way I get the “triple whammy” of (a) knowing that when people are looking for the kind of services I most enjoy providing they’ll know to contact me, (b) knowing that my readers will point people in my direction who might be interested in what I have to say and (c) knowing that there are plenty of people who will never become my clients who still enjoy and benefit from reading me.

Now, along the way, I’ve discovered something about myself and my approach to marketing that has been passing under the radar – almost.  I’ve discovered that there’s been a gap between the language I speak when I’m talking about coaching with commissioning managers in organisations and the language I speak with my clients in the privacy of our one-to-one coaching relationships.  It as if, for me, the best kept secret about corporate or executive coaching is that whilst the organisation benefits – and that’s why coaching is worth investing in on behalf of the organisation – the person seeking coaching (or “coachee” or “coaching client”) benefits tenfold.

Kathy has encouraged me to “come out” and cry this from the roof tops.  So I have been putting together a statement of my niche and getting ready to make this the focus of many, many postings in the future.  If you’d like a sneaky peek, why not come back tomorrow?

In the spirit of celebration

About Dorothy

What do you do when you’ve topped your career by winning a lifetime achievement award?  Tony Maxwell, national winner in 2003 of the Teaching Award’s Award for Lifetime Achievement returned to roots he first laid down in the ’60s, when he sang and played guitar and harmonica in Manchester as a member of the band The Sink.  Following his retirement from 37 years at St Michael’s RC Secondary School, Stockton-on-Tees, including eight years as Head Teacher, Tony took up the opportunity to appear at the Hartlepool Jazz Club and responded to requests for a CD of his music by recording a disc with the Jeremy McMurray Quartet.  His decision to contribute any profits to the Help for Heroes charity reflects the spirit of public service which is so often seen amongst Teaching Awards winners.

Tony gives a brief plug to this project at the beginning of the Teaching Awards’ national judges meeting, before we begin the business of the day.  Today’s meeting is the culmination of the 2010 judging process.  Judges have read thousands of nominations and visited schools across the country to determine the regional winners for 2010 and awards ceremonies have been held in each of the country’s seven regions.  Judges at national level have selected their winners from the region’s winners and we are ready to share our decisions with our colleagues on the judging panel.  The winners will, of course, be announced at the national awards ceremony at the end of October.

The panel meeting is unlike meetings I have attended elsewhere in my life.  The focus is on the many aspects of regional winners’ contribution that were celebrated at regional level and it’s clear that the national judging teams have struggled at times to place the metaphorical cigarette paper between regional finalists to decide on the national winner.  I experience a rush of fellow feeling when one of my colleagues on the panel shares how he “blubs so much more easily” now that he is older and another colleague describes a moment on one visit when she was moved to tears.  As the meeting progresses the sense of celebration builds around the room and I find myself wondering, as I leave the meeeting, how would life be different if it were in our wider culture to look for the things that are working and celebrate them as we have been doing here today?

I am aware that the Teaching Awards is offering an opportunity for celebration and, in this way, opening up possibilities for a shift both in our culture in schools and in our wider culture.  As Tony Maxwell says about the music he has chosen to record on his CD:  “The world is there to be changed and there is no age barrier to being involved in that process”.

I look forward to seeing you at the Awards ceremony in October.

   
  

Choosing our forward path

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It is seventy years since the start of what has become known as the Blitz, a period beginning on 6th September 1940 and ending on 10 May 1941 during which the German Nazi Luftwaffe bombed towns and cities across the UK.  By the time the Blitz was over, more than  43,000 civilians, half of them in London, had been killed by bombing and more than a million houses were destroyed or damaged in London alone.

On Wednesday, home late after my rehearsal with the London Symphony Chorus, I watch ITV’s Words of the Blitz, in which footage of the Blitz is accompanied by readings from the diaries and letters of the men and women who experienced the attacks and their aftermath.  The people reading these letters include some who wrote them, and the descendants of some who wrote them.  Even knowing how unlikely it is that I will see what I seek, I find my eyes scanning the footage for a glimpse of my grandfather who, as a conscientious objector during World War II, chose to support the war effort by staying in London during the Blitz whilst his wife and children, including my mother, evacuated to Cornwall where they spent the war.  I wonder, too, about the full depth and breadth of experiences of my family during this time.

It is also nine years since the day that has become known as 9/11.  At home on the ninth anniversary I choose to watch Channel 4’s 9/11:  State of Emergency.  This minute-by-minute documentary combines both footage of the day and present-day testimonial to show how the day unfolded.  As it draws to a close, the narrator emphasises the thousands of decisions that were made that day and which, for many, meant the difference between life and death.

As I head towards bed, I ponder our present-day choices.  For it is one thing to look back on these events and reflect and another to make choices, based on our reflections, which shape our forward path.  I think of the men and women who have protested against plans to build an Islamic Centre and Mosque close to Ground Zero, the area that remains following the destruction of the Twin Towers on 9/11.  I think, too, of the US pastor who has made world news after saying he will burn a copy of the Koran in protest at the proposed Islamic Centre.  I know that each man and woman is making the best choices he or she knows how and I feel humble, knowing that I cannot know what choices I might make in their shoes.  And still, I yearn for choices that will move us towards – rather than away from – the outcomes I desire most.  Towards peace.  Towards understanding.  Towards compassion.  Towards harmony.

Seth Godin, formidable marketeer, puts it this way in his blog posting of Saturday, 11th September, 2010:

Lately, some marketers would like to push us to move from fear to hatred. It makes it easier for them. We honor and remember the heroes who gave everything, the innocent who were lost, the neighbors who narrowly escaped. A day to hate? I hope we can do better than that.

Empathy and 21st Century Enlightenment

Developing as a leader, ,

The RSA is a charity which encourages the development of a principled, prosperous society and the release of human potential.  As a Fellow, I appreciate the RSA’s ongoing programme of talks and occasionally dine in the RSA’s wonderful restaurant even whilst being aware that I am barely scratching the surface of what the RSA has to offer and of what I have to offer to the RSA.

I was curious this week to receive a link to a talk by Matthew Taylor, the RSA’s current chief executive, about 21st Century Enlightenment.  This is available on the RSA’s website and on YouTube.  It’s not only that the visual image which accompanies Taylor’s presentation is an intriguing live illustration by cognitive media (which you can download at their website at http://www.cognitivemedia.co.uk/).  It’s also that the substance of Taylor’s presentation is highly thought-provoking and intriguing.

Above all, I take from his presentation the question of the role that empathy has to play in shaping the world we live in as we go forward.  As an admirer of Marshall Rosenberg’s work in the area of nonviolent communication as well as through my work as an Executive Coach I am used to exploring the role of empathy and how to develop empathy in the context of the individual and his or her interactions with others.  Taylor’s presentation raises a much larger question for me:  what role does empathy play in the way we shape our society, including social policy and the way we live?  What role should it play going forward?

What are your thoughts?

Making my first visit to Belfast

About Dorothy

Occasionally my commitments take me beyond the boundaries of London where I live and mainly work to other parts of the UK and Ireland and this is where I was last week, making my first ever visit to Belfast.

I was there to visit the LILAC Team at Fleming Fulton School, who provide highly tailored support to schools across Northern Ireland to help them to meet the needs of children with various physical disabilities:  to enable access to the full experience of education, to support their achievement in school and to prepare them for life after school.  My visit was one of a series of visits to schools across Great Britain in my role as national judge on behalf of the Teaching Awards.

This was part of a process by which judges decide on the national winner for this year in the category of Outstanding School Team of the Year.  Following our visit we hole up in our hotel, the Park Avenue Hotel, to make our final decision.  I return to London to write a report on behalf of the team.  We will share this with our fellow judges at the end of next week.  After this, it will be under wraps until the national awards ceremony in October.

I am pleased to be able to make a flying visit to the City as a whole with one of my judging colleagues.  Following our arrival and on the way to dinner we ask our taxi driver to give us a quick guided tour of the City.  It is much changed since my colleague last visited some years ago.  “The Troubles” are mainly past and many of the old walls have come down.  Some remain and act as stark reminders of years gone by.

I am intrigued when our driver shows us a place where children still come to throw stones at each other across sectarian divides.  He tells us that he knows they text each other in advance to say that they are coming.  I wonder what needs are met by this strange ritual.  Perhaps they are honouring the past and in doing so honouring their parents.  Perhaps this is the way they have learnt to engage with each other.  Perhaps… perhaps…

I come away with a great curiosity about the city which clearly has a great deal to offer the visitor including and beyond its history of 20th century divide.  I also celebrate the LILAC team and all the other teams we have been able to observe at regional and national level on behalf of the Teaching Awards. 

Autumn

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By the time September starts autumn is already well on its way.  No matter how much the sun shines the mornings and evenings are fresh and the sky has a deep hue which signals a change of season.

There is a fullness as so much comes to fruition even whilst the signs of decay are already apparent.  The trees are laden with fruit.  The bushes, too.  I think of the daily crop of field mushrooms I loved to pick when I was growing up on my parents’ farm.  There is no doubt at this time of nature’s abundance.  So much is on offer that seems to have come by magic and without the efforts of human hands.  This is nature’s harvest.

 At the same time, the days are already shorter as they march slowly toward winter.  The trees are beginning to shed their leaves.  The temperature is dropping so that I am aware that soon I shall be closing doors and windows and turning on the heating.  Already I have raised the temperature of my morning shower.

 I find myself wondering what parallels there are in this change of seasons to our human experience.  How many of us harvest the fruits of our lives even as we are becoming aware of the passage of time towards our middle and even old age?  How many times, too, do we harvest the crop of one stage of our lives even as the signs are there that this stage is over.  How many of us miss this rich harvest of our Autumn as we connect with the fear evoked by our own slow march toward the winter of our lives.

 Each year I welcome the autumn with its fresh air, abundant fruits and deep vibrant colours.  May I also thrive in my own autumn seasons.

Returning from NVC summer camp

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It’s my second day back in the office after returning from NVC summer camp.  Nonviolent communication (also NVC or compassionate communication) starts from the intention of connecting with others and seeking to find ways in which everyone’s needs can be met.  In my own work as a coach I aim to hold people as resourceful and whole:  NVC does the same.

And yes, it was a busman’s holiday for me.  Some of my most precious moments were moments of connection and conversations in which I was able to draw on my skills as a coach in support of my friends and colleagues on the camp.  You know you are doing the work you love when you do it whether or not you are being paid.

I return with such a sense of nourishment and celebration.  I enjoyed connecting with people I know well and people I met for the first time at camp.  Opting for the “glamping” option (staying nearby in a house rented for the occasion) I cherish the community of women and children in the house.  I wonder whether Mark, who joined us several days in, is an honorary woman or an honorary child – maybe both.  I also celebrate the men on the camp and especially those moments when I witnessed the men supporting each other in the fulness of emotions that can arise when we commit to live from the heart.

Even as I write I feel the fullness of my heart and I experience this as a state – a way of being – that I want to maintain.  It’s not always easy in the busy-ness of everyday life.

My thanks to Des and all the team at the Rainbow Mill for making it possible to come together in this way.  Words aren’t quite enough to express the depth of gratitude I feel when I think of the many needs met and the fullness of a life lived in this way.

Chocolate, beetroot and the god of small things

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It’s holiday season and I am following the example of our new PM and holidaying at home in the UK.  As I write I am both celebrating my recent break (with my mother, my brother’s partner Arabella and my nephew Joel) and looking forward to joining my colleagues in the community of nonviolent communication at summer camp in Norfolk.

My mother, approaching her 80th birthday, came laden with vegetables from her allotment and with the intention of setting to work to strip my stairs.  We started, though we didn’t finish!  My nephew, Joel, soon to turn five, is outgoing and energetic and I enjoyed our time together as well as the stillness that descended after he left.  Arabella, who usually carries the weight of responsibility for responding to her son’s yearning for company was able to rest a little and I was able to experience the pleasure of spending time with her after Joel went to bed.  Today, a week after they all went home again, I am pausing to savour the pleasure of sharing time with them and the many needs met – to contribute and be contributed to, for connection and love, for fun and laughter and many more.  These are precious moments.

Mum brought beetroot with her, ready cooked, and Joel and I together made Chocolate and Beetroot Cake from Green & Black’s wonderful book of chocolate recipes – with Joel sifting the floor and chocolate powder, cracking open eggs and stirring the mixture.  The result was super-moist, highly tasty and a deep colour from the mix of chocolate and beetroot.  A great success.

And in case you’d like to try it, and until such time as Green & Blacks ask me to take the recipe off my blog and tell you to go and buy the book here it is:

Preparation time:  30 minutes
Cooking time:  50 minutes
Use:  18cm (7in) round cake tin
Makes:  8 slices

Ingredients

100g (3.5oz) drinking chocolate
230g (8oz) self raising flour
200g (7oz) golden caster sugar
100g (3.5oz) dark chocolate, minimum 60% cocoa solids, broken into pieces
125g (4.5oz) unsalted butter
250g (9oz) cooked beetroot
3 large eggs

To serve

Icing sugar for dusting
Creme fraiche

Preparation

Preheat the oven to 180deg C/350deg F/gas mark 4.

Butter and flour the cake tin.

Sift the flour and drinking chocolate together, then mix in the sugar.  Melt the chocolate and butter together in a heatproof bowl suspended over a saucepan of barely simmering water.  Puree the beetroot in a food processor.  Whisk the eggs, then stir them in with the beetroot.  Add the beetroot and the chocolate mixtures to the dry ingredients and mix together thoroughly.

Pour the mixture into the cake tin.  Bake for 50 minutes or until a skewer inserted into the centre comes out clean.  Remove from the oven and leave the cake to stand in its tin for 10 minutes before turning it out on to a wire rack to cool.  Serve dusted with icing sugar and some creme fraiche.