All posts by Dorothy Nesbit

Coaching presuppositions: an exercise in raising awareness

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If you’ve been reading my postings in recent days, you may be wondering what you can do to become more aware of presuppositions and how they inform our behaviours. I thought I’d take a moment to offer an exercise to help you – with more to come over the coming days.

This exercise is a brief exercise which can be carried out at the end of the day – perhaps as you travel home or for a few minutes of quiet time in your office. It is an exercise in observation – and this in turn can be an exercise in bringing into conscious awareness those things of which you are already aware at some unconscious level. You can take 5 minutes or 50 as follows.

Notice two or three key conversations you have had during the course of the day. If possible choose a variety of conversations with different people. Review each conversation in turn and ask yourself:

  • What did each one of us say and do during that conversation?
  • What did our words and actions presuppose? How do I know?
  • What was the impact of our presuppositions both during our conversation and on the outcomes from our conversation?

If you can, notice the difference between those conversations you view as successful and those conversations you view as unsuccessful.

It can also add to the richness of this exercise if you work with a study partner. If your study partner took part in the same meetings and conversations as you, take time together to ask these questions. If you work in different areas, take time to review one conversation each. In this latter case, when you are observing the observer, notice any presuppositions your study partner may be making as they review their conversation. What do you notice that perhaps your study partner doesn’t?

Repeating this exercise over a number of consecutive days can raise your awareness of the role that presuppositions play in our conversations and of the presuppositions that you and others hold. Over time, you are likely to notice the presuppositions that prevail in your work culture.

Coaching presuppositions 4: Every behaviour has a positive intention

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As I write I am reflecting on the various work environments I have encountered during my life to date. These include environments in which I have been an employee and environments in which I have been a trainer, consultants and coach. They include environments in which I have been a leader and environments in which I have been a member of a team. They include environments in which I have been a volunteer – an unpaid contributor – as well as environments in which I earn my living. What has characterised those environments in which I have felt most free to give of my best? I especially think of those environments, as I ponder this question, in which the prevailing belief has been that, no matter what people do, they do so with a positive intention.

Perhaps it helps to reflect for a moment on those cultures in which this belief is not held. In these environments, the question “why did he do that?” may well be asked. And still, this question does not always imply a desire to understand. Indeed the question may well be discussed around the business without any direct conversation taking place with the individual concerned – without an honest sharing of experience. In this culture people talk about each other but not with each other.

I think with gladness of those environments in which the general assumption is that, no matter how we experience others’ behaviours, every behaviour has a positive intention. I have experienced these as environments in which people look for the good in those they work with, acknowledging their colleagues and everything they bring. I have experienced these as environments in which people take responsibility for their needs, talking with colleagues, giving direct feedback and making clear requests when they would like something to change. It’s not that requests are always granted. And still, I have observed how interacting in this way builds trust and understanding. And I notice that I have had much more fun in these environments even whilst achieving results.

How, then, does this connect with coaching? In what sense is this a valuable presupposition for a coach to adopt? As a starting point for exploring the many outcomes that come from holding this presupposition, I would suggest that, by holding this presupposition about the person (s)he coaches, the coach invites the person seeking coaching to a better understanding of himself. For when we understand the needs we try to meet by our behaviours – including behaviours we may ourselves find frustrating – we open up new options which better meet those needs. This is especially important when we experience inner conflict – for how can we satisfy apparently opposing needs when we don’t know what they are?

Just as understanding their different needs helps those we coach to find new ways to meet those needs, understanding the needs of others with whom they work can help them to find different strategies for communicating with their colleagues. In this way, coaching from the presupposition that every behaviour has a positive intention can be a way of helping those we coach to focus on those areas in which they can take action and to identify those actions they want to take. I would add that, as with other presuppositions, our own integrity in holding this presupposition sets a powerful example to those we coach.

How, then, can you identify the presuppositions you hold or to take action to develop new ones? Keep reading. In the coming days, I’ll be offering some exercises for you in response to these questions.

Coaching presuppositions 3: there’s no failure, only feedback

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David Whyte, in his book The Heart Aroused, tells the story of a conversation between Thomas Edison and his foreman at the time they were working on ways to produce a filament for a lightbulb. Whyte writes:

“Late in his life, Edison was working on a problem of illumination: how to construct a filament for his brand-new electric light bulb, one that would not burn out, as every material he tried seemed to, in the briefest of instants. He had teams of experimenters working on the problem around the clock for months. Finally, the foreman of the works came to him, cap in hand. ‘Mr. Edison, I am sorry to say we have done a thousand experiments and worked thousands of hours to find this filament and I am afraid to say, it has all been for nothing.’ Edison looked back at the man and said, ‘Nonsense, we know a thousand ways in which it doesn’t work!’”

For the foreman, the numerous experiments had all been for nothing – a failure. For Edison, each experiment had yielded new information, providing valuable feedback on ways that didn’t work and allowing the team to focus their attention on finding new approaches.

As much as any other story, this anecdote illustrates what it means to live from the belief that there’s no failure, only feedback. When we allow ourselves the option to try with no guarantee of success, we are likely to be more open to trying out new approaches and to testing whether or not they work. Over time, we become more flexible and adventurous in our approaches and more open to change. Clearly, these are qualities that many employers yearn for in their staff. What’s more, to be able to live with ease at the thought of trying something and finding it doesn’t have the outcome we intend is to create a platform for sustainable health and high performance.

As coaches – whether professional coaches or leaders in the workplace – understanding the principle that there’s no failure, only feedback allows us to come to coaching with an open curiosity. What outcomes is the person seeking coaching wanting? What actions do they want to take? Which of these actions works and which doesn’t? And what’s next? Rather than put those we coach in the wrong, we are able to explore their experiences with them in ways which invite new insights and open up new avenues of exploration.

Coaching from the belief that there’s no failure, only feedback also implies being open to a variety of outcomes from our coaching. If we do not have a need to be “right”, for example, we can give feedback and make observations without any attachment to a particular response. Sometimes the immediate response to feedback may well be a denial or blank incomprehension – to begin with. Given space to reflect, though, as well as a license for our observation to be true and for the individual still to be OK, the person receiving our feedback may well come back and say, yes, I thought about it and I think you may be onto something.

If you would like to learn more about the presuppositions that underpin coaching or to undertake exercises to test and develop your own presuppositions, keep reading. In the coming days, I’ll be exploring additional presuppositions and offering exercises for you.

Coaching presuppositions 2: We can’t change the others, we can only change ourselves

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Be the change you want to see in the world.
Mahatma Gandhi
Oftentimes our culture teaches us to take responsibility for the impact we have on other people and it follows that other people are responsible for the impact they have on us. In the English language this idea is embedded in such everyday phrases as “he made me really angry” or “she made me laugh out loud”. This language reduces a complex process into cause and effect and places our experience at the effect end of the equation.
There are times when those we coach – be they the clients we coach as professional coaches or the staff we coach as leaders in the workplace – hold the belief that their experience is the outcome of the actions of those around them. This belief can limit personal effectiveness dramatically: as long as an individual’s focus is on identifying those things others should do differently, it is unlikely that anything will change in his life. Lives begin to change when we recognise and act on the belief that – no matter what behaviours others demonstrate towards us – we can’t change the others, we can only change ourselves.
The leader as coach often meets a different presupposition in those he coaches. How often do those we lead focus on the words and actions of others when we seek to engage them in a discussion about their own contribution? How often do they look to us to provide a solution to their desires, e.g. for a promotion or payrise? The leader who shares the belief in his responsibility to make his staff happy is likely, over time, to miss many opportunities to help staff members to help themselves.
The coaching leader, on the other hand, knows that his words and actions have a significant impact on those he leads. And still he recognises that the way his words and actions are received is also a function of the individual with whom he is speaking (of their thoughts, beliefs, values etc.). As a coach, he holds the belief that the outcomes his staff members achieve come from their ability to manage themselves, rather from any ability to change others. By coaching from this belief, he invites staff to focus on those areas in which they can make changes and in this way he helps them to help themselves. In the language of leadership, the word “empowerment” is often (maybe over-) used to describe this phenomenon, whilst professional coaches talk of clients as being “at choice” or even “at cause”.
For a leader to be credible in helping his staff to act from this presupposition, he needs to act from the same belief himself. By focusing on those areas in which he can take action and by choosing his actions with care – as opposed to making vocal complaints about those actions he expects of others that haven’t been taken – he leads by example. This is pacesetting at its most powerful and compelling. And herein lies the paradox that sits behind Mahatma Gandhi’s often repeated invitation to be the change we want to see in the world: that it is by the example we set that we have the greatest influence on the behaviours of others.
If you would like to learn more about the presuppositions that underpin coaching or to undertake exercises to test and develop your own presuppositions, keep reading. In the coming days, I’ll be exploring additional presuppositions and offering exercises for you.

Coaching presuppositions 1: We are creative, resourceful and whole

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In the field of professional coaching, the coach’s ability to recognise his or her clients as naturally creative, resourceful and whole is a matter of scrutiny. The International Coach Federation, for example, includes this belief as part of its definition of coaching and looks for evidence of this belief when assessing coaches for the different levels of professional credentialling that it offers.

Why does it matter that coaches hold this belief? Coaching aims to help individuals to access their own inner resources in order to achieve the goals they set out for themselves and to overcome the challenges that they face along the way. In other words, coaching aims to support the coaching client in finding his or her own way, rather than to foster a dependency on the coach. Since research demonstrates that our beliefs are self-fulfilling, it helps to adopt a belief about the client that benefits the client and raises the effectiveness of a coaching partnership.

Perhaps there’s another side of the coin – it matters that coaches hold themselves as creative, resourceful and whole. The coach who doubts his own capability may use his time with his clients to generate and gather evidence about his own capability rather than in support of his client’s agenda. In this way, coaching becomes a support to the coach and there is every risk that the client loses out.

How does this presupposition apply when the coach is a line manager, using the coaching style of leadership to support a member of staff? One manifestation of this style illustrates very powerfully the issues involved. When a leader is faced with poor performance, the belief that the leader and the member of staff concerned are both creative, resourceful and whole enables the leader to differentiate between the person concerned and his or her performance. With this distinction in mind, the leader is able to speak openly about performance issues and, for example, to say:

“There are aspects of your performance in this job that aren’t meeting the standards we need. Perhaps this is the right job for you and you need help to develop the skills you need to succeed. Perhaps this just isn’t the right job for you and you need help to find out what is the right job for you – and to move into that job. Either way, in the coming days and weeks I’ll be working with you to support you in finding the right way forward”.

Many times, in interviewing outstanding leaders, I have observed that a statement like this one – rooted in firm beliefs – builds trust and enables the leader and the person concerned to work in coaching partnership to find an effective way forward. Whether the outcome is a change of performance in the job or a change of job, the individual being coached comes out a winner. In this way, the leader is able to execute his responsibilities to the organisation he works for whilst also helping the individual to succeed.

If you would like to learn more about the presuppositions that underpin coaching or to undertake exercises to test and develop your own presuppositions, keep reading. In the coming days, I’ll be exploring additional presuppositions and offering exercises for you.

Developing a coaching mindset

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This week, I am putting the final touches to my quarterly newsletter. This goes out on behalf of my business, Learning for Life (Consulting). This month, the main article is aimed at senior leaders who want to develop a coaching culture across their organisation.

Amongst the challenges we face when we set out to create the culture of an organisation are the hidden presuppositions that inform that culture. How do we root them out and examine them when we don’t even know they are there? How do we exchange one set of presuppositions for another? And if we want to develop a coaching mindset, what presuppositions might we want to adopt?

A coaching culture is founded on presuppositions, values and beliefs that support the idea that people want to develop and have the capacity to do so. In a coaching culture, whether our conversation is with ourselves, with those we lead or with others with whom we interact, conversations are informed by a number of presuppositions. These include the following:

  • We are creative, resourceful and whole;
  • We can’t change the others, we can only change ourselves;
  • There’s no failure, only feedback;
  • Every behaviour has a positive intention.

As I write, I wonder how these presuppositions land with my readers and I make a note to write about each one in the course of the coming days.

I also wonder, what presuppositions would you add to this list?

Calling all leaders: what are you reading?

Developing as a leader

Well, I’ll let you into a little secret. Just recently, I signed up to a course with the Writers Bureau (see http://www.writersbureaucourse.com/). This is a way of exploring my gifts as a writer – something you (as readers of my e-mails, newsletter and blog) have encouraged me to do.

Right (or should I say “write”?) from the beginning, the assignments are focused on the end goal. My second assignment is to choose a publication for which I would like to write an article and to do just that – with the appropriate research and forethought.

So I’m just wondering: as leaders, are you reading about leadership? And what publications are you reading? My list so far is short – the Harvard Business Review, and Sage Publications’ Management Learning and Leadership.

If there are any additional publications you’d suggest I add to the list, please let me know. You can add your comments directly on this blog or send me an e-mail.

Teaching Awards: an opportunity to celebrate ourselves as well as others

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Today I return from the Teaching Awards’ tenth national celebration of excellence in the teaching profession across the UK. 142 teachers, teaching assistants, governors, headteachers and whole schools came together to celebrate the awards they received across Wales, Northern Ireland, England and Scotland.

There were many times when there was not a dry eye in the house. At the national awards ceremony on Sunday afternoon, people dabbed their eyes as their loved ones – be they beloved spouses or cherished colleagues – learned they had won a national award. And total strangers were quick to recognise in the winners an example of the profound contribution an adult can make to the current and future life of a child.

At the gala dinner there were more tears as Lord David Puttnam made his farewell speech, more than ten years after the idea of celebrating the best in teaching was first conceived. For some these were tears of loss, for David’s contribution to the Teaching Awards has been immense and he is dearly cherished. At the same time, there were tears of celebration and gratitude for everything that it has taken to turn the idea of an “Oscars” for teachers into a thriving reality.

In recent years it has been my privilege to be a member of the nationwide judging team that supports the work of the Teaching Awards. The judges are volunteers who want to give something back. Often we take something away – from the full heart that is blessed to witness what it can mean to be an outstanding teacher, to the idea that can be converted into something useful for one’s own classroom. It seems that we all benefit from being in the presence of excellence. What’s more, we all recognise the gift to our children of excellence in the classroom.

This weekend, as I often have before, I wonder why some winners find it so hard to celebrate themselves in the way they willingly celebrate others and I reflect on a culture in which we are apt to see a recognition of self as vanity or arrogance. I am grateful to David Miller, winner of the Guardian Award for Teacher of the Year in a Secondary School, whose speech on receiving his award shows how much it is possible both to be grateful to others for all they have done and to recognise oneself: more than once he mentions how much the contribution of others has helped him to become “as good as I am”.

Returning to my office I celebrate David and I recognise that he brings something that I would want for every winner of a teaching award, past present and future: the ability fully and easily to recognise what he brings as well as to celebrate the contribution of others. For by loving ourselves and each other in this way, by connecting with the best of that we bring, we open up new possibilities, both to meet our own needs and to contribute to the needs of others. In this way, more than in any other, we make the world a place worth living in.

I wonder, what better example can a teacher offer to the children in his care?

Sex on the beach in Dubai – a potent cocktail of unanswered questions

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This week I have been in Dubai, flying out on Saturday and returning this morning. This was my second visit and I am beginning to recognise the physical challenges that are involved in taking a 12-hour journey and traversing time zones before joining clients to work in coaching partnership.

My energies have (mainly) been with my clients, getting what rest I need in order to give them the best of my (slightly jet-lagged) attention. I return tired and satisfied, present both to the challenges that coaching can bring and to the great sense of privilege that comes from supporting individual leaders and the organisations they lead in this way.

Returning home, Dubai is in the news as the trial of the infamous “sex on the beach in Dubai” pair, Britons Vince Acors and Michelle Palmer, reached its conclusion. The Los Angeles Times was quick to record the sentence on its blog, reporting that Acors and Palmer were sentenced to three months in prison, fined $272 for drinking alcohol and ordered to be deported immediately upon leaving prison.

As I reflect on the reportage of this case over the weeks since it first broke as news, I recall a great deal of commentary on the clash of values which is embodied in the lives of Western expatriates living and working in Dubai. It’s not just that Acors and Palmer were alleged to have had sex on the beach, something that would surely be as unwelcome in the UK as it was in Dubai. It’s also that they were drunk at the time of the incident and unmarried. Indeed, whilst they have been termed “partners” and a “couple” in headlines around the world, as best I understand it they first met on the day of the incident.

This raises many questions for me, amongst them, what needs were they seeking to meet on that day? And how well did they meet them? Marshall Rosenberg lists “sexual expression” as a fundamental need for physical nurturance in his book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. Perhaps it was enough for Acors and Palmer to fulfil their sexual needs in this way. Perhaps.

And still I wonder. I recall that in 2007, as part of my International Intensive Training in nonviolent communication, I participated in a discussion about sex with a diverse group of men and women. Sharing our thoughts and feelings about this area of our lives it became clear just how many needs – for connection, for intimacy, for fun and play, for love, for self-worth, and many more – we bring to our close relationships, including our sexual encounters. Even putting aside the unintended consequences of their actions, I wonder what needs (if any) Acors and Palmer did not honour, let alone meet on that day in July on a beach in Dubai.

This causes me to reflect on an aspect of our own culture which may have played a part. As much as we describe ourselves as “permissive” in the West, I am not sure we permit ourselves the full truth: that we have needs and that it’s OK to honour them and to meet them when we can. Without this recognition we – as much as people in any other culture – are at risk of choosing poor strategies to meet our needs. And how can we do otherwise? For in order to choose a strategy at all, we are obliged to tell ourselves stories which make our actions OK within our culture, even whilst being unaware that our culture guides us in this way. How can such an approach be effective in honouring and meeting our needs?

As for Acors and Palmer, I wish them well. Whatever choices they make going forward, I would wish for them that they honour themselves, holding themselves as creative, resourceful and whole. I would wish for them that they honour their needs and meet them in ways which bring deep joy and satisfaction. This is no more nor less than I would want for anyone.

School Coach; leaving a positive legacy in education

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Today I return home to pack, ready to fly to Dubai tomorrow. My alarm is set in good time to get ready for my 4.45 a.m. taxi. It has been a busy day – a productive day – spent with my colleagues in the School Coach management team, discussing next steps en route to recruiting a school for a one-year project, beginning in September 2009.

But what is School Coach? I agree to answer this question as succinctly as I can as part of the materials which will in time be shaped into the School Coach website (at http://www.schoolcoach.org.uk/).

Drawing on everything that we have already written about School Coach, as well as on all the learning we have had through our initial project, I make my first attempt to introduce School Coach:

School Coach; leaving a positive legacy in education


Coaching is a powerful vehicle for positive change. School Coach, the most powerful coaching vehicle in education in the UK, exists to help professionals in UK schools to help themselves, making progress towards compelling goals whilst liberating the full potential of school teams.

At School Coach we believe every child deserves an outstanding education, one which enables each child to identify and develop his or her unique talents and which lays the foundations for a happy, healthy and successful life. We believe that professionals in education want to give children this education.

School Coach brings together teams of outstanding coaching professionals to support teaching professionals in UK schools. Working in coaching partnership with project teams in client schools, our one-year projects are shaped to help client teams make accelerated progress towards defined and compelling goals. In addition, working together in this way helps our clients to connect with and leverage their full potential whilst strengthening the coaching skills of everyone involved.

I know that we will review and refine this brief introduction. For now, though, it is enough to have made a start – to have outlined an introduction which is already available, via this posting, to coaching colleagues and to client schools. It’s time to press “publish”. It’s time to pack.