All posts by Dorothy Nesbit

After a racist thought, what do we do next?

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Well!  Diane Abbott does seem to have put her foot in it!  A quick Google search threw up an article by The Telegraph which highlighted reports that forty people complained about her comments to the Metropolitan Police, which is probably the least of her troubles.  All in all, we’ve all had a field day discussing this particular gaff.

As it happens, I had a curious experience over the weekend.  By way of background, I have a neighbour – a few doors down – who likes to play his music very loud and often late at night.  At times I’ve knocked on the door to ask him to turn it down – usually unheard above the music.  At times I’ve asked for help from the “noise patrol” of the local council.  At times I’ve resorted to using the earplugs that are supplied occasionally when I’m seated by the organ speakers at a concert when I sing.  I have managed to speak with my neighbour a couple of times and, most recently, agreed that next time it happened I would send him a request, by text, that he turn the volume down.

So it was that at about 1.30am on Saturday morning I texted him with said request when his music woke me up.  I was half asleep and eager not to wake up any more fully than necessary.  I sent the text, turned off my phone and was successful in going back to sleep.  In the morning I woke up to a couple of text messages.  The first let me know he’d got my text and had turned his music down as well as wishing me a Happy New Year.  The second was a response to my lack of response and included the following:

….given the fact that u find it difficult 2 reciprocate a simple happy new year has made me realise ur colonial mindset which ur apparently unwittingly a victim of n probz dont even realise it to the point of even feeling justified.

I am so unused to being spoken of in this way that I chewed it over in the morning with Edward, my nephew and Gary, who is working in my kitchen at present.  Of course, it would be easy to go to precisely the place my neighbour describes – the place of feeling justified.  It seems so obvious to me that my neighbours don’t want to hear too much noise that I feel some anxiety when I listen to Radio 4 in the summer whilst gardening – how does my neighbour not understand this, too?

Maybe one of the reasons – the reason, even – that Diane Abbott’s Tweet stimulated so much discussion is precisely because it offered an opportunity to accuse the accuser.  No matter what atrocities our ancestors may have committed or we may commit now, we don’t like to be seen as racist.  Ms. Abbott’s misfortune was to show her own biases even whilst being known for campaigning against the biases of others.  And perhaps at a deeper level her misfortune was this, to have imagined that racism is the sole domain of any particular racial group.

Coming as this does in the aftermath of the trial and conviction of Gary Dobson and David Norris for the murder of Stephen Lawrence I tread with care, recognising just how much people can – in the words of my neighbour – feel justified in carrying out the most awful acts of violence.  The murder of Stephen Lawrence has been a bitter reminder of this fact throughout the last eighteen years.  At the same time, it seems to me that we need to show ourselves – and each other – enough compassion to recognise that we are all, more or less, racist:  to see the differences in the “other” is the natural response of one who fears.  For me, the important question is this:  having had a racist thought, what do I do next?  And equally, how do I respond to the racist thoughts of another?

I responded to my neighbour’s text as best I could and with the intention of keeping the door open to communication and understanding.  This was not because I have an intrinsic need to be on good terms with this particular neighbour or even because I’d like to be able to talk to him about the noise he makes.  Rather, I recognise that his comments may well be a sign of how tender issues of race are for him and, whatever my own perspective, I want to see beyond my own response to understand a fellow human being.  

Emotions after the event

About Dorothy
Amidst the various commitments I have today – coaching calls, project calls – I am expecting a visit this afternoon from PC Jane Kilduff of Lewisham Police.
Jane called me last week to follow up the photos I submitted following the riots on 8th August last year.  She wanted to get some details from me in order to prepare a statement which I shall sign today.  After her call I sat down and read the posting I wrote at the time, entitled There were riots outside my front door today.  I realise that the notes I captured in that posting are, perhaps, a useful addition to anything I could say now, offering testimony written so soon after the fact.  I also realise that none of the sentiments I expressed at the time have changed.
In our call, Jane asks me questions about what happened that day and I notice something happening as our call proceeds, a rising of emotion that I didn’t feel at the time of the riots because – I knew it even then – I was in shock.  When I put the phone down I sit for a few moments with the emotions – not fear, not anger, but grief, sorrow…
As I write I am aware of the way the work of Elizabeth Kuebler Ross has been used in businesses to describe our natural responses to change in the workplace.  My own response is part of the same cycle.  In this moment, though, I simply write in the awareness that something happened last August which changed my world and which stimulates some sense of loss in me.  I can seek to rationalise that – to understand what it is that I feel so sad about and still, I can only approximate.  I decide not to rationalise in this way and take a moment to sit with the emotions.
UPDATES: Riots in Lewisham

Finding the points of leverage in your life

Developing as a leader, Emotional Intelligence,

Last year, several times, I mentioned Richard Rumelt’s book Good Strategy Bad Strategy as part of a series of postings on developing your strategic thinking.  I feel drawn to his book as the New Year begins.

In particular, I feel drawn to return to the concept of leverage.  Rumelt defines this in various ways, pointing to what he calls the “pivot point” that will magnify the effects of focused energy and resources.  His examples include President Ronald Reagan’s speech on 12th June, 1987, at the Brandenburg Gates in West Berlin.  Reagan – knowing of the gap between Mikhail Gorbachev’s claim that the Soviet Union was liberalising and the facts on the ground – took the opportunity to say:  “General Secretary Gorbachev, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe, if you seek liberalisation:  Come here to this gate!  Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate!  Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”  His speech had the effect of highlighting to Western Europeans the imbalance that existed between a system that allowed free movement of people and one that had to restrain its citizens with barbed wire and concrete.  This in turn gave political leverage to Reagan.

In my own life, I am often delighted by small acts which have a disproportionate effect.  In 2007, for example,  I was contacted by a former colleague who had been asked to join a project team as a coach.  She wasn’t available to say yes but she thought of me and passed on my name.  I worked extensively with the team’s client that year and one of the people I coached has often referred potential clients to me since.  This simple act on the part of my former colleague continues to make a big difference in my life.  In similar fashion, I have written before on this blog about the ease of giving vouchers from my local supermarket – incentives to spend more money in exchange for extra reward points – to people who are already spending that amount of money at the till.  Sometimes this small incentive clearly makes a big difference to someone for whom money is tight.  Always it brightens the day both of the giver and the receiver.

It’s not that I want to focus in this posting on giving and receiving.  Rather, if you are wanting to take some of the hard work out of achieving results – to achieve more and with greater ease – looking for and acting on the points of leverage in your life can yield a bonus prize of easy results.  Perhaps you are spending a disproportionate amount of your time and energy on managing someone who you know, in your heart of hearts, is in the wrong job.  Tackling the issue head on takes time and energy and still, in the longer term, you know it will benefit you and the person concerned.  Perhaps in your own work you are holding on to a task you really hate when actually, delegating it to a member of your team could support their development and free your time to leverage your natural strengths.  Perhaps as a parent you are constantly trying to steer (control?) the activities of your teenage child when actually it’s time to loosen the rein a little, saying your piece and being ready to support whilst recognising you cannot protect them from all the dangers of the world.

I wonder if this idea of leverage has any resonance for you, right now.  Are there areas in which you find yourself expending time and effort with little by way of return?  Are there opportunities you’re currently missing to take some small action that will make a disproportionate impact in your life or the lives of others?  As you enter the New Year I invite you to take five minutes to identify five fruitless activities you need to let go of and five easy wins you have yet to harvest.  Please share them here.

Happy New Year.  

Go big or go home – starting the year with lessons from Lady Gaga

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Lady Gaga in that dress

It’s January, 2012 – the beginning of a new year.  The turning of the year is often a time for reflection – a time when we look back at the year just gone and forward to the year ahead.

Lady Gaga’s rise to fame reminds us just how much can change in a short space of time.  You may not remember – believe, even – that as recently as the autumn of 2008, Lady Gaga was the little-known supporting act to a reunion of the erstwhile boy-band, New Kids On The Block.

Recently I was intrigued to come across a case study (from the Harvard Business School, no less) exploring the decisions Team Gaga faced when an untimely action by rapper Kanye West put Gaga’s future at risk.  In a summary of this case, the heading Go big or go home highlights the decision that opened up in what could well stand as a lesson in how to assess and manage risk.

“But let’s keep it light” you may say, “and step gently into 2012”.  So for now I offer this question as you look forward to the year ahead:  what’s your ‘go big or go home’ decision for 2012 – the one that could transform your future?

If you’re willing to share, please use the comments box to do so.  If you prefer to read about Lady Gaga, click here.

Putting a smile on the face of life in 2012

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2012.  Some people believe that the world ends this year – based on the prophecies of the Mayans, whose calendars extended as far as 2012.

Maybe it will, though it doesn’t need to end without humour, as some of our colleagues in the marketing industry have been reminding me with the Lynx 2012 ad.  In case you haven’t seen it yet, take a moment to watch it by following this link.

Whether you’re celebrating the beginning of a new year or anticipating the end of the world, I hope life puts a smile on your face in 2012 – or that you put a smile on the face of life.

Asking the right questions as the year draws to a close

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This was my last posting of the year for Discuss HR and also published on the HRUK group on LinkedIn.  As the year draws to a close I thought you might enjoy it here, too:


Recently I came across a talk by Icelandic President Olafur Grimsson, describing how Iceland bounced back after firstly the world financial meltdown of 2008 and then the Eyjafjallajokull volcano sent Iceland high-speed into economic meltdown.


It’s easy to forget the drama of Iceland’s experiences (unless, of course, you had money invested in Iceland’s apparently safe and secure economy) in the light of the wider events of 2011 – the deaths of Osama bin Laden and Colonel Gaddafi, dramatic events in a number of Middle Eastern countries, freak weather events in Japan, Thailand, Australia… to name but a few.  More locally, Berlusconi finally stood down as Italy’s long-standing Prime Minister and, in the UK, London saw anti-cuts protests, protests against plans to raise tuition fees and protests – together with people in countries around the world – against capitalism and its effects.  In the summer riots shocked the nation – one of them right outside my front door.  As I write, the fate of the Eurozone is still in the balance.

UPDATES: Riots in Lewisham


Outside my front door, Monday 8th August, 2011



Some alternative thinkers see these and many other events as part of a significant transition to a new epoch.  A number of authors have written about the Mayan prophecies for 2012 and one of them, Diana Cooper (in her book Transition to the Golden Age in 2032:  Worldwide Forecasts for the Economy, Climate, Politics and Spirituality), points to a twenty-year period of transition before we enter a new, “golden” era in 2032.


All this probably seems more or less remote from our day to day world of work:  what, you may ask, does any of this have to do with HR?  As the year comes to a close, I come back to the talk I mentioned at the top of this article.  Watching it, one of the things that strikes me is how, in responding to the events that befell Iceland in 2008, Grimsson – as new President – identified and responded to some of the key questions that were raised by those events.  Grimsson highlighted the social unrest that followed the world economic events in a country that had a lasting history of peaceful democracy and which threatened that democracy:  Iceland’s response – to initiate and execute comprehensive political, judicial and social reform – was borne out of the conviction that the issues of the day required an appropriate response and that anything less would not be sufficient.


Writing the last pre-Christmas posting for Discuss HR, I find myself wondering what are the key questions for you as 2011 draws to a close – what are the issues you face and what would be a sufficient response?  Some of these questions will be key for you as an individual.  Some of them may be key questions for you as an HR Practitioner and even for HR as a whole.  I hope you’ll share some of those questions as comments (and perhaps your answers) below.


For my part, I wonder if the key questions that face us all are the questions that connect us both with our heads and our hearts.  These are questions which, whilst stimulating thought and reflection, remind us of what really matters to us in our work and our play.  For this reason, my own key questions at the end of the year are these:

  •  As the year draws to a close, what has been most significant for me about 2011?
  •  What do I celebrate about this year – what needs of mine have been met?  What do I mourn – what are the needs I really want to meet that have yet to be fulfilled?
  • Looking forward, what’s it time for – in my life, in the life of my business?  What are the outcomes I most desire in 2012?
  • What are the implications of my desires and aspirations in terms of where I invest (my time, money, energy and other resources) in 2012?
  •  What factors in the world around me are most significant for me in 2012?  What challenges will I need to overcome in order to make progress towards my desired outcomes?
  • What resources do I have that will help me to meet those challenges and to make progress towards my desired outcomes? 

Saying goodbye to 2011

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Today I post my last post of 2011 before enjoying a full ten days’ holiday.  My first posting of 2012 (and my second, and third…) is already written and scheduled for publication.

In the period prior to Christmas I have been sharing tales of my new kitchen and these continue.  The process has been slower than I anticipated (and I knew it would be slow) with the usual knock-on effect of unanticipated delays.  In particular, the new door to the back of the house has not yet arrived which means that the current back door has to be kept in use.  This, in turn, means delaying the conversion of this back door to a window and – until this conversion can take place – building the units along the side wall.

It’s a curious reminder of one of life’s inconvenient truths:  sometimes things just take longer than we anticipate.  When we understand this we can bring compassion and humour and adapt to new realities – though some prefer to find someone to blame than to accept what is true.  It seems to me that it’s a good thing to be reminded of this truth as we enter a time of reflection – moving from the end of one year to the beginning of another.

So, I close by reiterating my best wishes to you for the end of 2011 and for 2012.  And by sharing just a few photos from the kitchen at 14 Albion Way.

So much of the kitchen is currently in the dining room…


…or outside in the garden…


…whilst work in the kitchen goes on

Sending seasons greetings

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The year is drawing to a close.  I am grateful that my work is quieter than usual in the week leading to Christmas, especially as the work in my kitchen continues.  It’s been a challenge to work effectively against a backdrop of noise and dust.

The work is, though, turning a corner.  Some of the noisiest work – stripping back the fireplace and making a hole for a new back door – is done now.  Wills has been plastering the new ceiling which gives a first glimpse of the kitchen as it will be in future.

In the midst of a busy day I take a moment to think of all the people who – well, people – my life.  I have been busy sending cards and greetings and still, this is not enough to reach everyone who matters to me.  I feel playful, and take the opportunity to write my good wishes on the last of the old paper in the kitchen.  Soon it will be gone, though my good wishes remain.

In words often attributed to Confucius (see this interesting explanation of the origins of the phrase) we do indeed live in interesting times.  Our futures – individual and shared – are uncertain.  The kind of material prosperity we have come to take for granted may or may not be ours – may be some of ours but not all of ours – in the years ahead.  As I write I wish you prosperity of other kinds – prosperity in your own resourcefulness, spiritual prosperity, prosperity of wisdom, prosperity in love, friendship and the richness of emotions experienced fully as well as prosperity of many other kinds.  May you find you have everything you need to enjoy 2012, whatever it may bring you.  

Helping leaders who want to take some of the hard work out of achieving results

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It’s still all change at 14 Albion Way.  The back of the house is changing dramatically as the kitchen window is replaced with doors.

This week Wills has been removing brick work so that on Wednesday night I slept with a hole in the back of the house.  It was covered with large sheets of board, which made me realise just how much insulation the bricks provide.

Yesterday (Thursday) morning the window came out leaving the kitchen exposed to the elements.  Leaving the house at 11am to conduct an assessment I dusted myself off – the dust is everywhere! – and walked away not knowing quite how much progress would be made during the day.  I was, though, confident that supper would be very simple!

I started this series of postings with the intention of celebrating so many people who have contributed to my life since I set up my own business in 2002.  Today I am celebrating Jason Stein at Heart of Business in the US.  Jason has been an extraordinary source of support this year as I explore how best to market my work.  I want to make it easy and simple for those people to find me who most value my help.  With Jason’s help I have come to the simple statement to describe my niche:  that I help leaders who want to take some of the hard work out of achieving results.  It’s so simple that I have been hesitating to put it out there.

I wonder, how does it land with you?

Taking a moment to reflect

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The kitchen is not photogenic right now.  The kitchen sink has been moved temporarily.  There will be a new sink in the position it now holds – but not yet.  The fridge has also been moved though not yet to the position that will be occupied by the new (larger) fridge.  Gary and Wills are rearranging the plumbing to be ready for the new layout.  They have also been building the frame of the new door that will be at the end of the kitchen.  This is the stage where the old kitchen has largely been dismantled and foundations are being laid for the future building of the new kitchen.

I have been happily working around this, though it does present challenges.  Gary and Wills have been understanding about the need at times to avoid the noisy work so that I can field coaching calls.  At times I, too, need to understand that in my normally peaceful home office I will hear the background noise of a kitchen in progress and field the occasional interruption.  As I write I hear the noise of a drill.  We are getting clever about filling the kettle ahead of turning the water off and I am enjoying the excuse to nip out at lunch for a sandwich (though M&S’ salmon and cucumber is beginning to wane).

I have adapted my pattern of work to some degree and am going gently on myself:  this is not the time for radical new thinking or for projects that demand deep concentration.  Instead, I take a moment to reflect.

I am so blessed in my work.  Yesterday the opportunity to explore with one client her response to the conclusions of an assessment I conducted recently – and this in the supportive frame of helping her to progress her career.  The day before working in partnership with coaching clients, fielding and and working with whatever comes.  Some are looking for practical ways forward with the knotty issues of their lives as leaders. Others are looking for someone to witness and support their inner process.  All are looking to move forward in their lives.  It is still amazing to me that I can be paid to do something I feel deeply privileged to do.

As I sit and reflect – and even in the midst of drilling and background banter – I sink into the experience of needs met.  In this moment I feel a deep sense of gratitude and peace.  It’s always available to me.