Ouch!  I’ve been surprised this week by the responses of colleagues to something I wrote on the Training Journal’s discussion forum, asking one of my colleagues if he intended his posting as self-advertising (which is against the rules of the forum).  Three members of the forum found my posting “patronising” and the person I addressed added that he found my suggestion “offensive” and “narrow”.

It would have been easy to dismiss the feedback or the people giving the feedback.  Even as I write I’m tempted to highlight some of the things I noticed about these responses – and the people who wrote them.  I could point to my in-tray and to the support I have received behind the scenes.  I could, I could, I could… but to do so would be to fall into the trap of believing I am right and failing to ask myself, “is this wise?”

Feedback – a nugget of gold

The more senior we become, the harder it becomes for those we lead to give us feedback.  Who wants to tell the man (or woman) who has the power to decide on your next performance rating, salary increase or promotion that he’s getting something wrong?  It’s possible that our peers will also respond by talking about us rather than to us.  They may think you’re impossible and still, they need you to complete the order for a major client on time and they don’t want to upset you right now or maybe, don’t want the potential drama associated with giving and receiving feedback.

And let’s be clear, your colleagues may fall short in the accuracy of their perceptions.  Perhaps they’re failing to see some positive attribute that you bring to your work – your ability to get things done quietly and invisibly, with little fuss is, by its very nature, a hidden talent.  Perhaps they are expecting something of you that you can’t possibly give – how often do your direct reports expect you to know just what support they want, for example, without ever having to make a request of you?  Perhaps your colleagues are confusing their own judgements and inferences for something that actually happened.  The list goes on…

No matter whether your colleagues’ perceptions are accurate or wholly mistaken, just or unjust, they are nonetheless perceptions.  The map may not be the territory and still, your colleagues may still be navigating using a particular map.  For this reason, I decided that, no matter how I might feel about my colleagues’ feedback or about the way in which they expressed it, I needed to pay attention.  The issue was not “am I patronising?” or even “did I intend to patronise?”  The issue for me is this – did my colleagues see me as patronising?  And what are the implications for me of this perception?

Perhaps there’s a paradox here.  For as long as I see my colleagues’ perceptions as incorrect, I am unlikely to change my behaviour.  Recognising my colleagues’ perceptions, regardless of their accuracy, opens up choices for me, based on a whole range of decisions – what impact do I want to have in a particular situation or with a particular person or people?  How do I need to adapt my style to achieve my desired outcome?  What other considerations do I want to bear in mind?  In short, as a leader, understanding the way you are seen opens up options that can make you more effective.

Asking for feedback in your leadership role

Once, as part of a team of assessors, I interviewed a number of members of a very senior team to assess their capability to handle the challenges ahead.  Their CEO, who commissioned the audit, was concerned that there might be significant gaps in the capabilities of team members – and there were.  In addition, we uncovered some serious concerns amongst team members about the behaviours of the CEO.  As a team, we were able to identify themes and to share them with the CEO, giving him an opportunity to adjust his behaviour.

Asking for feedback from those you lead can give you valuable information about how you’re perceived.  Few leaders do this proactively, however, so that many such opportunities are lost.  One reason for this is the myths associated with authenticity (being yourself) as a leader – as if you have no choice in the strategies you use to lead your team and team members must simply accept you as you are.  More often, though, it simply isn’t on a leader’s agenda to ask.

How can you ask?  In many ways.  If the levels of trust are high between you and those you lead, you have the basis for open and direct conversations about what you’re doing that team members value and what more you could do to help them succeed in their work.  The success of such an open approach probably reflects the levels of trust in your team, your levels of self confidence, and some clear and effective ground rules.

As an alternative, many psychometrics are designed to elicit feedback from others which you can also compare with your own self image.  Some are designed to help you understand your own preferred style and how this may be received by people with other preferences.  Using a psychometric test and/or channelling feedback via a skilled third party can give increased safety both for you and for others who provide feedback, as well as placing it in the context of a useful model.

Taking the learning from the feedback you receive

You may be wondering what I did with the feedback I received from my colleagues and I have to say to you, it’s still a work in progress.  One thing I did do, though, was go back to my Insights profile – Insights is a relatively new psychometric test which draws on a long tradition to identify different types of personality.  Reading through my profile, I asked myself what it could tell me about my style and approach and how it might be received by my colleagues on the forum.

One line in my summary profile reads “She tends to appreciate tradition and is interested in maintaining established rules and procedures”.  I recognise this to be true:  whilst some members of the forum value my concern for the rules of our community, I have decided to speak out less often and trust in the wider membership of the forum to express a view on postings which seem out of line with the agreed rules of the forum.

Other aspects of my profile highlight my preference for straightforward and open communication.  This is expressed in summary in the following way:  “When she turns her highly honed critical appraisal skills on the people around her, honesty may be translated into unintended hurtfulness”.  I recognise the report’s description of me as someone who combines strong thinking skills with strong opinions and a preference for truth and high ideals.

A key area of consideration for me is what happens when these strengths are over-played.  I know my own high standards have earned me my living and, at the same time, I can find it hard to step back and accept lower standards from others.  My profile lists as weaknesses that I “don’t suffer fools gladly” and can get bogged down with tradition and the status quo.

But the most fundamental issue is this:  how can I adapt my style to communicate effectively with those members of the forum who found my posting or see me as patronising?  And do I want to?