Recently, I wrote a posting for Discuss HR entitled To what extent is it really OK to be human in the workplace? My aim was to explore the extent to which we feel able to express ourselves fully and authentically in the workplace and to explore some of the reasons why we don’t. In this posting I highlight what I’m calling “Reason 1” and expand on it.
I found a first clue as to why we might not feel fully at ease in being human in the workplace in my experience of joining the workplace: one thing I took from my upbringing was the idea that there was a “right” and a “wrong” answer to everything – and the idea that often I was wrong. I entered the workplace (as much as the rest of my life) with a fear of learning that yes, I was indeed wrong. This did not make it easy for me to share my fears and to seek the help and support I needed early in my career. Another way of putting this is to say, if you are afraid of being wrong AND you fear that being wrong in this particular instance means there’s something wrong with you then the stakes are high when you express yourself honestly: you risk finding out that you are indeed, fatally flawed. (Kathryn Schulz talks about this on www.TED.com. I wrote about her recently in a posting entitled On being right – or wrong where you will also find a link to her talk).
One factor that contributes to this is our tendency to compare our own inner turmoil with the apparently serene exterior of others. If you take a moment to imagine two swans gliding across the surface of life whilst frantically paddling beneath the waters, you can begin to imagine what this might be like: one swan knows he is paddling away under the surface and yet he doesn’t imagine that his mate is doing the same because he cannot see beyond his friend’s serene appearance. Moreover, for fear of being judged, he is also doing his best to look serene.
And yes, I’m not sure that swans think in this way – though I do know that humans do. I remember, for example, a conversation I had with friends towards the end of our university studies when I shared how scared I’d been on arrival of not being good enough. A number of people looked totally surprised – they’d never guessed. One by one we shared our feelings and realised that, yes, we’d all felt that way and done our best to hide our fears. We had been afraid to share ourselves fully. It took many experiences for me to learn, finally, that I was not alone in putting on a brave – but not entirely authentic – face. For a while, it seemed to me that everyone had it sussed – everyone but me, that is. I wonder how many others would share similar experiences – if only they dared – of hiding their human face because their upbringing and education has not prepared them to show themselves fully at work.
The implications in the workplace are profound. The very people who enter the workplace with this fear of being found out (some people call it the “imposter syndrome”) rise through the system to become our most senior leaders. When this happens, the culture they create supports the idea that there is a right and wrong answer (and, by implication, that they are the owners of the right answer) and this in turn creates a climate of fear as well as organisations whose performance is way below their potential. The result – if nothing serves to intervene – is a system which perpetuates the problem.
I wonder, what has been your experience in this area?