There is no doubt that networks are fundamental to good business and can also contribute a great deal to learning. I have to confess that I have a personal interest in studying communities of practice, as the body of evidence is growing that high quality collaboration is becoming increasingly relevant.

The issue with any network for me is that it depends on the quality and integrity of the people included in the network – Why are they there? What do they want? What do they contribute? Do I trust them? Do I trust myself? What are my motives? and in the end, summarised by – Is this network nurturing me and being nurtured by me in appropriate quantity? Am I both giving and receiving in a balanced ecology?

As a self-employed consultant, I’ve joined and left many virtual and real networks over the years. One that I have stayed constant with is TJ Discussion Forum, (formerly known as UKHRD). I can’t trace how long this has been part of my mostly daily routine, but my hunch is eight years or so? (is it – I don’t know but I think so).

As a virtual community and internet forum, I find it constantly fascinating how we reveal ourselves by our written responses to each other. I also find it a welcome break to be able to communicate in a considered fashion, being able to take time to let things land and settle and process the response I wish to make. I find that this encourages my reflective practice and then the sharing adds another dimension to my learning by the responses I create.

One of my favourite co-contributors is you Dorothy. I think that if we met, we would become firm friends and stalwart colleagues. So, what do I value about you…?

I find your postings and way of conducting yourself to be extremely gently mannered, generous and gracious – you pay attention to the little things like thanking people and acknowledging them which I value. You are impeccable with your words and insightful in what you pick up from others.

I also experience you working to really hear people – you hold a space, (even in cyberspace), for others to do their own realising, without shunting solutions at them (which some others are inclined to do). Your style comes from your mastery of the incisive question, which in turn comes from an ability to listen properly. I know that the ability to do this is connected to allowing space for ourselves, which is the result of a high level of self awareness and work on ourselves. It’s the ultimate ability to recognise that less is more. I like that about you because it resonates with my own practice aspirations. I have a hunch that this is your coaching style too.

You clearly have a good development pedigree and sound body of knowledge with the Hay Group, ITS and NVC, that I know about from your sharings, but it’s more about how you use your knowledge to integrate these into your practice extremely elegantly. You manage the combination of intellect and feelings in a fine balance I think. You are a good example for NVC and in walking the talk about your beliefs and values in supporting people without sucking their power by over-helping.

You are also clearly cultured and share this without being a snob or making other people feel “less than” – which is also elegant in my book. I have a strong sense of being “equal” with you and that I could push and pull and that you would flex with me. I would actually trust you to coach me personally, and I can count on a very few fingers that people that I would say that about – and that is partly about skill, but more about shared values and the ability and strength to manage our own truths.

These are my experiences of you and it is a pleasure to share them with you. I am so glad that you asked – asking for what we want is a strength in itself.