Tag Archives: developing leadership intelligence

Leadership and the Anatomy of the Spirit

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It’s Friday night in the run-up to a concert.  Tutti night, when the chorus and orchestra get together for the first time to prepare for a concert on Sunday.  Even though I know there won’t be much down-time in this particular rehearsal, I have my book with me in the hope that I might be able to continue my reading.  Part-way through the rehearsal one of my colleagues leans over and asks to take a look.  I send the book down the row, marking a page I think might be of particular interest.  I don’t see it for the remainder of the rehearsal.  When it comes back she comments:  “It should be essential reading”.

The book’s author, Caroline Myss, is – it seems to me – an extraordinary woman who has become what is known as a “medical intuitive”.  With very little information about the individuals concerned, Myss found she could diagnose illnesses and pinpoint the causes of those illnesses and the energetic or spiritual challenges faced by the individuals concerned.  It wasn’t always that way.  In the preface to her book she charts her transition from newspaper journalist to theology student to founder of Stillpoint publishing company to medical intuitive.  This latter is not something she sought out.  Her initial experiences in this area left her confused and a little scared and it was a while before she met C. Norman Shealy, M.D., Ph.D and began to support her intuitive abilities with an intensive study with him of the physical anatomy of the human body.

In her book, Anatomy of the Spirit:  The Seven Stages of Power and Healing, Myss sets out to teach the reader the language of energy with which she works, offering a summation of her fourteen years of research into anatomy and intuition, body and mind, spirit and power.  She draws on a number of spiritual traditions including the Hinda chakra, the Christian sacraments and the Kabbalah’s Tree of Life to present a new view of how the body and spirit work together.  In reading Myss’ book, I was fascinated by the model she outlines, charting the energetic content of each chakra, its location, its energy connection to the emotional/mental body, primary fears, primary strengths, sacred truths and more.  This is a map of the spiritual challenges we face in our lives in which Myss also shares many stories from her work which illustrate the implications of embracing – or not – those essential human challenges.

For those already familiar with the world of energy and comfortable with the language of the spirit, Myss’ book is a fascinating read and a reference to return to again and again.  At the same time, Myss’ book is not only for the spiritual seeker.  In the often more guarded language of the business world, Myss is addressing aspects of what is often called emotional intelligence.  Many books for example, (including Alfie Kohn’s Punished by Rewards and more recently Daniel Pink’s Drive:  The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us) highlight research findings which demonstrate unequivocally that we give our best performance when we are driven by our own intrinsic motivation rather than by external punishment and reward.  In the language of the spirit this is about our intuition and inner guidance – something Myss covers amply throughout this book.

As I read what I have written so far, I also think of the need for leaders to be able to uderstand themselves, to understand others and to understand the context in which they work – the organisational and wider culture.  I think of how often my own work as executive coach supports individuals in facing the very challenges Myss outlines in this book:  what would it mean for leaders to be able to support themselves and others in the same way?  Myss’ book offers powerful and intriguing insights for the leader from the world of (as it has become known) alternative medicine.

PS  Just to let you know, as a member of Amazon Associates UK, I shall receive a referral fee for any books you buy using the links in this posting.

The dance of acceptance – at work

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What does it mean to “see” another and to “be seen”?  How do we know when we are being seen?  And how does this link to meeting our need for acceptance?  Last week I wrote a posting in which I attempted to address these questions and to describe what I called the “dance of acceptance”.  But what of the dance of acceptance at work?

The person who has not yet learnt to accept him- (or her-) self will do his best to put on a good face at work.  He’ll think hard about what others want to see and do his best to deliver against his best understanding.  At the same time, his best understanding and its execution may be poor because of the great fear he has of asking what’s needed or – worse still – of asking for feedback about how he’s doing in practice.  (One of the reasons I know this is because I was this person earlier in my career).

If he’s successful in covering his tracks he risks being seen as arrogant by others who are taken in by his brilliant facade.  More likely others will see all sorts of clues which creep out around the edges.  Either way, the effort it will cost him will be significant – and draining.

This person will have a manager and may be a manager.  As a manager he may look to blame others for anything that goes wrong – heaven forbid that any sign of imperfection should end up on his desk!  Whilst he’s managing his own fears his staff may develop high levels of anxiety in their turn.  He may be seen as a bully.

If he is lucky, his manager may have a finely honed level of self acceptance such that he is not, in turn, on the receiving end of his own approach.  Such a manager may well perceive the root cause of behaviours that are not serving him or helpful to the business.  He may be able to strike the delicate balance between accepting him as a person and managing his behaviour – this depends on his manager’s ability to see beyond the current manifestations of his fears and to trust to his learning and progress.

Ultimately, even if his manager has to address his behaviour and their impact on the performance of his team, he will be able to do so from a place of acceptance.  Such a manager is likely to say:

There are some problems with your performance at this time and I need to address these with you.  I’m not sure whether you’re in the right job and need some learning and support or whether you’re in the wrong job and need to move on to one that suits you better.  Either way, it’s my job to help you to find this out and to support you in getting to a point where you are performing in your job.  It may be this job, it may be another job.  I’m here to support you.

In my years of interviewing leaders for jobs or as part of research into what makes the most effective leaders it’s rare that I come across a leader who can separate the man (or woman) from his (or her) performance in this way.

This is just one example of the dance of acceptance in the workplace.   

Coming alive

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“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Howard Thurman

I am savouring this quote this morning, which speaks to so much that I hold to be true.

Perhaps one of the most important decisions we make in our lives is this:  do we act in the belief that we need to shape ourselves to what the world wants if we are to meet our needs, including our most fundamental needs for safety and survival, or do we act in the belief that we are part of something larger than ourselves, that we are called to contribute to this larger whole and will be supported and sustained as we explore and manifest our greater contribution?

As I write I reflect on the many men and women I have interviewed over the years to assess their suitability for senior leadership roles.  There are some who act in the awareness of this larger whole and of the contribution they are called to make.  Their energy is infectious – engaging and inspiring.  These are the men and women I feel drawn to spend time with.

As a coach to senior leaders, I notice how much I feel drawn to work in partnership with those men and women who, in some way, are manifesting the energy which might be called the living energy of their true self.  It could be that they are already in touch with this energy or it might be that this energy is shining through them despite their best efforts to overlook it.  Still, it is there.  How wonderful to work in partnership with clients as they learn to connect with their inner wisdom and guidance – to trust themselves – and in this way to uncover their true path.

And what about you?  It’s possible that these words have no resonance for you – perhaps you have already ceased to read.  Maybe you have questions, such as “how can I know that one or another belief is true?”  The answer is – you can’t.  Each belief is just a belief.  And given that it is just a belief, you might as well choose the belief that serves you best, right now, in this moment.

And in case you’re wondering which belief to choose I offer you this question to guide you:  which belief is most likely to help you to come alive?

Being a great leader starts with being yourself

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Recently, I amended the brief description that sits under the heading “about me” at the top of my blog to read:

Being a great leader starts with being yourself. I am a holistic coach to senior leaders. I help men and women in senior leadership positions find and walk their true paths in line with natural laws – what works.

This statement reflects my growing understanding of my niche – those clients with whom I most enjoy working, those clients with whom I do my best work.

Perhaps there’s a paradox that sits underneath this statement.  On the one hand, I have been involved over the years in a great deal of research into what makes for the most outstanding leaders.  This research, which had been reflected by Goleman in his books The New Leaders and Working with Emotional Intelligence suggests that there is a common recipe for all leaders and, within organisations, a variation on this recipe which is distinct for a particular organisation.  A common criticism made of this work is that this suggests the “cookie cutter” leader – and we can all see that leaders vary enormously in their personal style and effectiveness.
 
On the other hand, it’s my view that the path to personal effectiveness – mastery – as a leader is a highly personal path which varies enormously from person to person.  It involves understanding and accepting oneself as well as making adjustments to improve effectiveness.  The changes we make don’t stick unless they are congruent and aligned to who we are and to what we want.  This is why I enjoy my work so much – because I take great pleasure in supporting the path of the individual towards his or her personal recipe for success.
 
There is another paradox here.  Oftentimes, when organisations are involved in discussing the competencies they most yearn to see in their leaders there is one that comes up again and again, labelled as “integrity” or “honesty”.  At the same time, many people walk through their careers in the belief that they need to “play the part” in order to succeed.  At best, this reflects insight into what does and doesn’t work in a particular organisation and an informed choice to work in ways that are effective.  At worst it is the stuff of deep personal stress as we worry that we will not be fully accepted in the workplace unless we play our part well. 
 
And the bottom line is this:  no matter how hard we try, we don’t get to hide.  Our true self creeps out around the edges.  If we have a level of self mastery this can be a great gift to self and others because we all have skills, competencies and other attributes that are of great value in the world of work if only we can find and claim our rightful place.  On the other hand, as long as we are trying to be someone we are not we may struggle to succeed, for the effort of maintaining the facade is great and ultimately ineffective.  It’s just as well that the journey to authenticity and self mastery, whilst challenging and at times painful on the one hand, is also liberating for ourselves and for those we lead on the other – a “win, win” all round.
 
I wonder, to what extent would you describe yourself as bringing your best self to work?  As authentic?  As knowing what works?  A “mark out of ten” will give you a crude measure of your own authenticity in the workplace. 
 
PS Just to let you know, as a member of Amazon Associates UK, I shall receive a referral fee for any books you buy using the links in this posting.  

Empathy and 21st Century Enlightenment

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The RSA is a charity which encourages the development of a principled, prosperous society and the release of human potential.  As a Fellow, I appreciate the RSA’s ongoing programme of talks and occasionally dine in the RSA’s wonderful restaurant even whilst being aware that I am barely scratching the surface of what the RSA has to offer and of what I have to offer to the RSA.

I was curious this week to receive a link to a talk by Matthew Taylor, the RSA’s current chief executive, about 21st Century Enlightenment.  This is available on the RSA’s website and on YouTube.  It’s not only that the visual image which accompanies Taylor’s presentation is an intriguing live illustration by cognitive media (which you can download at their website at http://www.cognitivemedia.co.uk/).  It’s also that the substance of Taylor’s presentation is highly thought-provoking and intriguing.

Above all, I take from his presentation the question of the role that empathy has to play in shaping the world we live in as we go forward.  As an admirer of Marshall Rosenberg’s work in the area of nonviolent communication as well as through my work as an Executive Coach I am used to exploring the role of empathy and how to develop empathy in the context of the individual and his or her interactions with others.  Taylor’s presentation raises a much larger question for me:  what role does empathy play in the way we shape our society, including social policy and the way we live?  What role should it play going forward?

What are your thoughts?

Developing your empathy: learning from intimate relationships

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Recently I wrote at length about empathy and made a mental note to write about the “how” of empathy – both of giving and receiving empathy and of how you develop it if you’re not there yet.  I haven’t yet fulfilled this promise I made to myself so, when I was sent a link to a podcast by Kelly Bryson I took time to listen.

Kelly is talking about empathy in the context of intimate relationships, including sexual relationships.  And let’s be clear, if ever there’s a context in which challenging emotions and emotional pain are triggered it’s in our most intimate relationships.  Over the years, our failure to “mop up the mess” of our misunderstandings can drive us apart or create an inbuilt “toxicity” in our relationships.  Kelly’s podcast talks through some of the elements of Nonviolent Communication and how they can be used in intimate relationships to give and receive empathy.  In this way we can clean up the messes as they occur and – over time – build, restore and maintain trust.  It also completes with two exercises for giving and receiving empathy and building connection.

What is the relevance of this in our professional lives?  I could say so much about this.  Firstly, insofar as we carry the hurt of our unmet need for empathy in our private lives, we are likely to be sensitive in our professional lives – and so are others.  This is a common human experience, encoded in the most ancient parts of our brains.  Learning to give ourselves empathy or to ask for the empathy we need makes us more able in our work to be present in the here and now rather than to be triggered by “old stuff”.  As leaders, it helps to know that this is true for those we lead, too.  With this understanding we can see and respo9nd to the behaviours and responses of our staff in their wider human context.

And what else?  Well, for now, perhaps it helps to know that the skills for giving and receiving empathy are the same no matter what the context.  For this reason I share Kelly’s podcast as a resource for all my readers.  And if you do choose to listen to it, will you let me know what you take from it?  I’d love to see your comments below. 

Empathy in practice: free of enemy images

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I am grateful to Bridget Belgrave, certified trainer in Nonviolent Communication, for sharing this link to a video taken from the security camera of a mobile phone shop in the US.  The video shows how the shop’s manager, faced with a would-be armed robber, engages him in conversation and shows she understands what he is going through.  At the point at which she tells him that she will have to make up any shortfall that results from a theft he decides to leave.

The manager is showing one of the fundamental qualities of empathy – the ability to connect with their shared humanity and to engage with him as a real person rather than from a place of fear.  Her care for the would-be thief is striking.  In the case of this young manager it seems to be her Christian faith that inspires her, though this does not mean you have to be a Christian or have any religious faith to provide empathy.

So, if you are seeking to develop your ability to show empathy, take a look at the video on this BBC News Page.  To what extent are you able to engage with other people in your life from this place of seeking to understand them as fellow human beings?

Feeling your way into your perfect job: a powerful question to bring your dreams alive

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In recent days I’ve been exploring ways to feel your way into the perfect job for you, recognising that the more you have a felt sense of your perfect job the more likely you are to be inspired to find it.

In this last posting on this topic (OK, at least for now) I offer the simplest of questions which you can ask yourself about the job you really yearn to do – and perhaps the most powerful.  This question comes from my NLP trainings and is the number one question for coaches everywhere (and no doubt others, too):  what do you want?

Well, actually, there’s a supplementary question, too.  And it’s this little supplementary question that gives the first question its power and that is:  what would that do for you?  So, what do you want in your new job?  (Let’s say:  “I want to lead a business out of the current recession”).  And what would that do for you?  (“It would give me the thrill of turning around a business which otherwise could go under”).  And what would that do for you?  (“It would meet my need to contribute to our economic recovery”).  And what would that do for you?  (“I just want to make a positive difference to people, to conribute, to offer hope…”).  You get the gist!

This powerful little question takes us from the surface manifestation of a dream to the underlying needs that would be met by fulfilling that dream.  In the language of Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication:  A Language for Life, this is the difference between recognising the strategy by which we meet meet a need and connecting with the need itself.  You know you’ve connected with the core of your dream when you feel you’ve connected with your dream – everything in your body changes at this moment of recognition.

Several things happen when we explore this question which are invaluable to the job hunter (and to anyone else come to that):

  • Firstly, as we get closer and closer to recognising the needs we think our dream job will meet we experience a felt sense of this perfect job.  This is, if you like, another way of “trying it on for size”.  In terms of the way we feel, connecting with our needs in this way is pretty much as good as meeting them!  At least in this moment of connection we experience the quality of feeling we would like to experience in our lives on an ongoing basis;
  • Also, recognising our underlying needs can open up new options as we realise “Ah!  If that’s the need I’m trying to meet, I could do it in this way, too, and this way…!”
  • Occasionally, as we connect with the need we recognise that our initial choice of how to meet the need was, frankly, way off beam.  If caring for your family is your number one priority for example, maybe the high flying job that takes you all over the world supplies the money you want to earn …but not the opportunity to stay closely involved and connected with your loved ones in your every day lives.

 So, I invite you to try on this powerful pair of questions and of course, be sure to let me know how you get on.

PS I love Rosenberg’s book!  So much so that I’ve set up this link so that, as a member of Amazon Associates UK, I shall receive a referral fee if you buy this book using the link in this posting.

Feeling your way into your perfect job: trying it on for size

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If you’ve been reading the posts I’ve already written this week it’s possible that you’ve already spent time connecting with the life you most want to lead and also with the full arc of your career.  If you haven’t done these things yet please do – your perfect job sits in the context of your perfect life and is part of a career whose overall timespan may well get longer and longer in the coming years.

For now, though, let’s do something very simple, called “future pacing” in the world of neurolinguistic programming (or NLP).  Imagine the job you most yearn to do and simply try it on for size.  This goes beyond thinking about it to experiencing it in your body as if you were already doing the job.  You can do this with your eyes open or closed.  You can do it standing or sitting…  you get the drift!

As you do this, notice what’s true of the job you are trying on:  give yourself full scope and permission to create your dream job in the present moment.  No need to force or push:  just let it unfold.  (And yes, if a part of you raises any objections and tries to bring you right back into another reality – especially a “that’s not possible” reality – you might like to cut a deal with that part and agree to come back to all the objections a little later).  At the same time, notice what’s alive for you as you try the job on for size.  What are the features of the job that really energise you?  What do you really relish?

A couple of notes for you.  Firstly, you can do this at any point in the process of seeking out your next job.  You can do this in your current job to see if, with the odd tweak, it could become your perfect job:  try on your current job with a few “it would be perfect if…” tweaks and see how it sits with you.  Then you can think about whether those tweaks might be things you can move towards.  You can do it when you’re first starting to ask yourself the question “what is my perfect job?”  This can help you expand your search as well as to develop a felt sense of and pull towards the job you desire.  You can do this as preparation for a interview, so that you walk through the door with a sense of confidence in your ability to do the job you’ve applied for.

Oh!  And note two:  trying things on for size this way is not confined to your perfect job.  You get to use this approach for absolutely anything in your life.

Be sure to let me know how you get on. 

Feeling your way into your perfect job: walking the full path of your career

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Whether you’re in a job or out of it, when you’re thinking about your next career move it can help to take a walk along the full length of your career in order to step more fully into the role that’s right for you now even as you start to explore what that next role might be.  In neurolinguistic programming (or NLP) this is called “walking your timeline”.

I have found it helps to do this physically so that the length of your walk or the different points along the way act as a metaphor for the different points in time that you are seeking to embody.  You can do this in your office or living room.  My favourite choice is to take a long walk and keep going for as long as I find helpful.  Just take yourself right back to the beginning of your career and try it on for size as if you were still that young man or woman embarking on your career.  Keep walking through your career and notice what is true for you along the way.  Here are some questions you might like to ask yourself:

  • At the beginning of your career walk:  What am I doing now that points the way to my perfect future career?  What are the high points for me and what are they telling me about my natural gifts and inclinations?  What are the things I do so well and with such ease that I almost take them for granted?  What do I bring that others value in me?
  • In the middle of your career walk (including where you are now in “real time”):  What did I learn in the early part of my career that is serving me now?  What challenges or hardships did I face and what did they bring that has served me in my career?  What did I take with me that is best left behind now?  What did I leave behind that I could have usefully carried forward?  What am I ready for now as a result of everything I have done so far?  What can I learn from my ups and downs that might ease my path as I go?
  • As you walk through the next phase of your career:  What am I doing now that I am in this next phase of my career?  What am I bringing that is ensuring my success?  What am I doing that is making me thrive?  What is calling me as I move forward?  How am I feeling as I walk through this next phase of my career?  What am I seeing?  What am I hearing?
  • Looking back on the whole of your career:  At this point you might like to find a comfy seat with a long perspective (metaphorically and/or literally), to look back and to reflect on some additional questions:  how do I view my career now that it is over?  What do I most celebrate and enjoy?  What do I know now that would most have helped me along the way?  What does this “me” now most want for the “me” I was in 2010?

These are just a few of the questions you might ask yourself as you walk – or entrust to your coach or walking companion.  Be sure to be in the present at every point on your timeline.  This exercise is not about being in 2010 and looking back or forward – it’s about stepping back into the present and forward into the present and trying it on for size.

Do let me know how you get on.