Category Archives: Developing as a leader

Coaching, therapy and the outstanding leader

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Autumn is meeting time for many as people return from holidays and begin to shape an agenda for the year ahead. Coaches are no exception. On the one hand, coaching clients return to coaching after their summer break. On the other hand, commissioning clients often ask to explore what role coaching can play in supporting the corporate agenda.

As I prepare for one such meeting, I am invited to share information in response to a range of questions. How do you work with clients? What are your aims and objectives? What is your coach training, knowledge and background? What arrangements do you have in place for your continuing professional development? What types of coaching intervention do you offer and to whom? How do you measure results? Can you share a typical coaching programme, including details of any questionnaires or tools you might use? Can you share your CV?

As I prepare my responses to these questions, I notice that I pause – only for a moment – before I share information about my personal development. What if I am judged on the basis of sharing this information? Still, I go ahead and write:

Alongside my professional formation I have also invested extensively in my own personal development throughout my career. As well as working with professional coaches I have also chosen at times to invest in therapeutic interventions including cognitive behavioural therapy and the physical therapy known as rolfing. My trainings in NLP and NVC have brought both personal growth and insights which inform my work as a professional coach, consultant and trainer.

I recognise the part of me that fears judgement. It is an old, old fear. I remember a period before I began to invest in my own learning in this way. This was a period in which I yearned to make this investment and yet was so fearful – what if I make this investment only to learn that I really am as flawed as others seem to be telling me I am? This was my greatest fear. This is the fear that still sits behind my fear of being judged by the people I have not yet met and who may become clients.

And yet I know how valuable these experiences have been to me and just how important they are to my work as an Executive Coach. For they give me something that the most effective leaders have in spades – the ability to stand back and observe myself, to notice my thoughts, feelings and emotions, to connect with my motivations in a given moment and to choose to respond to them in ways which serve me and those around me. For how can our leaders respond effectively in a given moment if they lack awareness of the choices they are already making, let alone of the wide range of choices available to them?

There’s more. For I draw on the depth of my own learning and experience when I ask questions of clients and make observations that open up new pathways for them. In the same way, the leader who has a deep self awareness is uniquely placed to coach those he or she leads. Though I am not a therapist, it comes as no surprise to me that some of the most effective coaches have a background as a therapist or experience of therapy as clients.

Perhaps, though, the most fundamental benefit I can offer to my clients based on my own experiences is this. For sometimes clients struggle in their current way of thinking, yearning to make changes and wondering if they will ever find a way to free themselves from the thrall of their habitual ways of thinking. Sometimes clients soar to reach new heights that they could not have believed possible and for which role models are few and wonder if they can make the journey. Sometimes they both struggle and soar. On these occasions I can come to coaching with a confidence that the journey they are setting out to make is possible for them. I can bring compassion for the journey. I can support them as they slow down to take just one step at a time.

For there is nothing to fear in supporting clients in their journey when your own journey has taught you that, yes, you can.

Joseph Campbell and the hero’s journey

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In April 2005 I wrote a brief introduction to the hero’s journey as described by Joseph Campbell, author of The Hero With A Thousand Faces and (with co-author Bill Moyers) The Power of Myth. Of all the articles I have written in my regular newsletter this is the article to which I return most often. Why? Because Campbell’s description of the hero’s journey captures something universal, something about the human experience. And, what’s more, because as a coach, I am often a witness to the first steps people take on their own hero’s journey.

Whether or not people choose to commission coaching or to take some other step, their first contact with me and our early discussions often represent a crossing of a threshold. This threshold will be unique to the individual concerned and often comprises bearing witness to a challenge they face which they have, up until now, chosen to down-play or even ignore. This is the time they say “I recognise this is a problem for which I would like to find a solution” or “I am allowing myself to share the dream which – until now – I have barely dared to voice to myself”.

In our lives we are likely to face many such thresholds, for with the crossing of a threshold a new journey opens up. Just as when we reach the top of one hill we see another before us, so also when we cross a threshold we have already made our first steps towards the next threshold. Of course, we need not cross the threshold that faces us and may choose to stay eternally in one place – be it a physical location or a single mindset or way of being. The consequences of our choices (either way) are captured in Harold Ramis’ witty and compassionate film Groundhog Day.

What are the steps in the hero’s journey? This is how I described them in 1995, drawing on the work of Joseph Campbell and of others such as Robert Dilts in the field of neurolinguistic programming (or NLP):

1. The Call to Adventure: this is the first sign of the hero’s journey and may come in many forms. The hero hears it – and may choose to accept or refuse this calling.

2. Crossing the Threshold: On accepting the calling the hero steps into new territories outside his or her past experience and ‘comfort zone’. In this new arena the hero is forced to grow and to seek assistance on the journey.

3. Finding a Guardian: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears”. Only when the hero has crossed the threshold will the guardian or mentor appear.

4. Facing a Challenge (or ‘demon’): often the demon is within. The hero has to face the challenge or demon in order to progress.

5. Transforming the Demon: By facing his or her demon the hero acquires a resource which is needed to complete the journey.

6. Finding the Way: Building on the work of Campbell, Robert Dilts highlights that Finding the Way to fulfil the calling is achieved by creating a new set of beliefs that incorporates the growth and discoveries brought about by the journey.

7. Returning Home: Finally, the hero completes the journey by Returning Home as a transformed or evolved person.

A conductor’s duty is to cross the line

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“A conductor’s duty is to cross the line, take risks.
If you want to please the critics, you shouldn’t conduct“

Valery Gergiev
Conductor

Saturday morning. It’s been a punishing week and I savour a leisurely start to the day. Six days after I bought my Sunday paper I open the review section of the Observer to read an article I know is there: about Valery Gergiev, Principal Conductor of the London Symphony Orchestra.

The fact that it has taken me so long before reading this article reflects the very reasons I have to be interested to read it. As a member of the London Symphony Chorus I have been balancing my work commitments this week (and somewhat precariously) with the commitments I made to the chorus when I signed up to sing in three concerts in a single week. It all looked so easy – so tidy – on paper! Gergiev has been our conductor for these concerts: two performances of Ravel’s Daphnis and Chloe and one of Berlioz’ Damnation of Faust.

As I read, I recognise so much of journalist Ed Vulliamy’s description of Gergiev the conductor. In our rehearsals Gergiev has paid close attention to particular phrases, passionate about the phrasing or volume or speed. At the same time, other parts of the pieces have barely been touched. It did not go unnoticed, for example, that the time we spent on the final movement of Damnation of Faust gave Kate, member of the chorus, only a little time to acclimatise to singing her solo role.

I am also curious to read Vulliamy’s account of Gergiev’s choice to abandon the baton: “So many batons have flown from Gergiev’s hands into audiences and orchestras over the years that he now conducts with a toothpick, or with an inimitable flutter of the fingers“.

Of course, in response to what we see and how we experience what we see, we all form our own story. Reading Vulliamy’s account it is easy to conclude that the orchestra’s members enjoy the precarious fairground ride which is performing under Gergiev’s leadership. In the chorus, responses vary. Some respond with wry amusement to his “inimitable” (should it be “unfathomable”?) “flutter of the fingers“. Some weave tales of a man for whom the chorus simply does not matter and fall prey to anger or despair. Others are excited by the very qualities Vulliamy describes.

The critics, too, form their own story. I heard of Geoff Brown’s account in the Times of our Damnation from outraged colleagues: “Gergiev’s fingers fluttered busily, but his grasp was intermittent. He ignited Berlioz’s orchestral explosions nicely enough, and graded speeds winningly during Act I. Recklessness elsewhere, though, and a bland Dance of the Sylphs“.

Perhaps my own choices reflect a wider choice to be “at choice”. For it is by choice that I sing with the chorus and it is by choice that I sing under Gergiev’s – toothpick. I want to recognise and own that choice and I don’t want to wallow in self-pity or anger when I yearn for a signal that doesn’t come when our time comes to enter. As an observer of leadership, I also want to approach my experience with curiosity – what does Gergiev’s approach and our various responses tell me about what it means to lead?

Above all, though, it is my choice to enjoy the music. Ravel’s exquisite writing never fails to seduce me and I can hear the flute’s evocative solo even as I write. In the Berlioz the cor anglais was perfectly poised and hauntingly beautiful at the beginning of the fourth act and Joyce DiDonato’s Marguerite left me wide-eyed with admiration.

Thinking about leadership

Developing as a leader

Today I take a moment to track down the article Leadership That Gets Results, written by Daniel Goleman more years ago than I care to remember and published by the Harvard Business Review. The article summarises the research that underpins Goleman’s book The New Leaders.

Sometimes technology doesn’t deliver with the ease intended. When my order doesn’t register, I am directed to contact customer services – except that there’s no link on the same page for customer services. I decide to do it the old-fashioned way and fish out a slightly battered copy for my client.

Still, I get a welcoming e-mail from Harvard which points to their blog: Looking for savvy commentary, engaging analysis, and the latest thinking on management from around the globe? Follow our lineup of Voices that includes Scott Anthony, Peter Bregman, Clayton Christensen, Tom Davenport, Tammy Erickson, Stew Friedman, Marshall Goldsmith, John Quelch, Bill Taylor, Michael Watkins, and more at: http://blogs.harvardbusiness.org

I decide to make a note – and to share with the readers of my blog.

When does “not having learned yet” become a positive choice?

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Last week I fielded a call from a colleague in the world of Nonviolent Communication. He let me know that I’d taken some actions that hadn’t met his needs and made some requests of me to support him in meeting his needs. So far, so good – this was what sometimes gets described as “classical” Nonviolent Communication.

There was something else, too. I sensed anger and I asked my colleague if he was feeling angry to which he replied that he was. I found it difficult to have a productive conversation – one that met both our needs and served to build and maintain trust – as long as my colleague was speaking from a place of anger with its implicit belief that I was responsible both for his angry feelings and for taking actions to meet his needs.

Marshall Rosenberg, the originator of Nonviolent Communication often teaches that some forms of expression are a “tragic expression of an unmet need” – tragic, because as strategies for meeting one’s needs go, they are highly likely to fail. As an alternative, Rosenberg invites his students to transform anger into a deeper understanding of their needs. So, when another’s action stimulates anger, you might choose to ask for help in transforming your anger or to do this work yourself. Having done that, you are in a strong position to share your needs in ways another person can hear. In this way, you are more likely to have a productive conversation.

My experience with my colleague raised an important question for me – one that I bump into from time to time: at what point does “not having learned yet” become a positive choice for which one is solely responsible? If I accept that we are all doing the best we know how at a given point in time and acting from a positive intention (no matter how effective or ineffective our strategy) my choice of response might be wholly different to the response I might choose if I take a different view – that the person concerned has the tools he or she needs to speak in ways which are supportive to us both and has chosen not to use them.

Looking forward, I’m wondering whether I might, in future, begin a conversation like this by asking for clarity: dear colleague, are you asking for me to support you as you seek to transform your anger and clarify your needs? Or are you – from a place of anger – wanting me to take responsibility for your feelings of anger and for taking some actions that might make you feel better? And having clarifed my colleague’s requests I might choose to say yes – or no.

This example is but one of many and it’s focused on those people who have studied what it takes to be effective (whether via a professional coaching training, Neurolinguistic Programming, Nonviolent Communication or some other training). This is before one even considers a further question: and what about those people who choose not to hear the feedback that might lead them to embark on a course of learning?

I wonder, what are your views?

Leadership competency: understanding what drives outstanding performance

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I’m just back from a couple of days out of the office and catching up on e-mails.

One e-mail is a request, from a member of the Training Journal Daily Digest, for templates and ideas to support the process of identifying soft skills needed across the organisation as the basis for a Training Needs Analysis. I offer a super-simplified description of the process I would often go through with a client:

– I use either in-depth interviews or focus groups to elicit data about the behaviours shown by effective and outstanding performers. Either way, this involves a process of understanding what effective and outstanding performance look like in a particular job (often leadership or sales) or across a whole organisation;
– This process elicits mountains of data! So I look for themes across this data. (In my case it helps that I have a specific training in conducting this kind of research. Still, if you have the skills to discern themes and if you also have the skills to be alert to the difference between behaviours that lead to effective or outstanding performance and “nice to have” behaviours which don’t affect performance, this is a process that you can go through within your organisation);
– I have a specific process or way of describing behaviours so that they can then be used as the basis for the kind of gap analysis my correspondent describes. I include a definition of the competency: what is it all about? What are the intentions that underpin it? I look for levels of competency – what is the most common manifestation of this competency? Then what additional levels are shown by increasingly successful performers? Some organisations like to include contra-indicators – what do people do who lack mastery of this competency?
– Gathering data allows me to describe competencies in the language of the organisation I am working with, whilst drawing on much wider research. For anyone conducting this research (whether as a third-party consultant or in-house) it helps to validate the competencies and competency descriptions, e.g. by asking your management group for feedback.

I view this as a highly specialist process – and of course I would, because I have that specialist knowledge! So I know that organisations do work in house that I look on with horror – and still it’s a great step forward for their organisation! Maybe the heart of this process – the core question – is to be asking: What behaviours differentiate effective from outstanding performers in our organisation? Unless research is strongly anchored to performance it is unlikely to benefit the organisation.

Of course, there are also a number of books out there to draw on, including:

Goleman: Emotional Intelligence at Work
Mitriani, Dalziel and Fitt: Competency Based Human Resource Management
Spencer and Spencer: Competence at Work: Models for Superior Performance

As I write I am only too aware that my description reflects my training and experience as a consultant with the Hay Group. This in turn reflects the Hay Group’s relationship with Professor David McClelland whose pioneering work in this area provided both the basis for the Hay Group’s approach and the underpin of work done by many other organisations and consultancies.

For my part, I am immensely grateful for my long and deep apprenticeship in this methodology. As a consultant I continue to draw on this work, to help organisations to describe the competencies that drive outstanding performance (especially amongst their leaders) and as the basis for assessing candidates for senior leadership posts. As a coach, this understanding also informs my work so that I work with senior executives with the understanding that the patterns of behaviour they adopt will determine the outcomes they achieve. It is so simple – and yet so often overlooked.

Vulnerability? Bring it on!

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Readers of my blog may know that I am a regular reader of, and contributor to, the Training Journal Daily Digest. This is a forum where a diverse group of in-house and independent trainers, consultants, coaches and sundry professionals come to share views with and seek help from their colleagues. It’s also a place of abundance! There’s so much that I enjoy about it.

Recently, there has been a discussion thread about how different people are experiencing the recession. Is it all doom and gloom? Clearly not. Still, the question implicit in such a discussion is: “how honest are we prepared to be?”

One posting caught my eye and resonated with me. It has messages for those of us who work as coaches – those to whom others look for an example. It has messages for those of us who lead – again, to whom others look for an example. The message was from Hilary Cooke (see http://www.merlin-consultancy.com/) and, with her generous permission, I reproduce it here:

To reply to your question, my biggest learning has so often been, and still is, around how I handle myself and certainly managing my own anxieties and vulnerabilities is an important part of that. John Heron (one of my heroes) is red-hot explicit on how we cannot safely take clients to areas we have not been to and do not dare visit ourselves.

I work a lot with people who are in jobs or roles where it has become important to fake what you feel and then manage the emotional labour that it creates. It takes huge amounts of energy to deny feelings and I don’t choose that for myself.

I have my own lightbulb joke about consultancy – how many consultants does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer – I don’t know, and I’m too busy to think about it now, but I’ll send you a proposal when I get time at the weekend.

So – we become seduced into our own brand of “macho” (I think) – and it’s about success equating to being raftered with work. Ask any colleague at a networking do and they will shake their head from side to side, tut like a plumber looking at a leak and adopt a pained expression whilst proclaiming how soooooo busy they are. That’s the facade for clients too – after all, if we are not busy, the unspoken rider is “well you can’t be very good then” and so we come to believe our own propaganda.

The risk to ourselves is building our dream-life – and then becoming too busy to benefit from it or enjoy it – and then have the temerity to advise other people on how to live theirs??? (Talk about “take my advice – I don’t happen to be using it myself!”)

Personally, I wouldn’t employ a coach or developer who couldn’t prove and quantify their own time and income expenditure on objective self development – I certainly do and expect the same from my partners. I also think it’s a shame that there is not a compulsory supervision practice to support consultants and coaches, as there is in psychotherapy. I choose to go in to supervision if I feel I am approaching or bumping into the coaching / therapy boundary with certain clients, and maintain my coaching tribe for different purposes. It’s knowing my own limits that enables me to create and hold the safe space that you talk about and that we know to have such value in our work – both with groups and individuals.

So yeah – vulnerabilities, anxieties, fears, – bring them on – and acknowledge that they are there. Only then can they be managed. It’s the ones I don’t yet know, my blind spots, that are the dangerous ones – so if you spot any, I trust you will tell me!

Taking time off

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In my recent newsletter article about thriving in hard times, I suggested that it’s good to take time off. I also highlighted how different types of time off come with different outcomes. I wrote:

Lesley’s response to her fear of redundancy has been to work longer hours. Over time, the return on this investment has been poor. Although Lesley is working longer hours she is increasingly exhausted so that her productivity during the hours she is working has gone down rather than up. At the same time, she is now so close to her work that she is increasingly losing perspective. This lack of perspective is adversely affecting her performance at work. What’s more, increasingly, she sees keeping her current job as the one and only way of meeting her needs and this in turn increases her sense of stress.

John has taken a different approach. Taking time out with friends has provided a distraction from his concerns. Smoking and drinking has also been providing a welcome break. However, this approach has had its downsides. As well as increasing risks to his health, John’s approach has led to tension at home where his wife, also worried about the possible impact of the economy, sees John’s approach as irresponsible and has started to criticise him.

Carl’s approach reflects his confidence that he is doing what he can to make progress towards his goals. During the time he works, he focuses on making progress in the areas in which he has set himself targets. Away from work, he gives his full attention to activities which are also meeting his needs. Carl is clear, for example, that he wants to create – together with his wife – a relationship that enriches them both. He also wants to maintain health and physical fitness. Far from being a distraction from work, his other-than-work activities also contribute to his well-being in other areas of his life.

Where do you start if you are tied up in work and don’t know how to take time off? Here are a few clues:

  • Step 1: Notice where you’re starting from. Perhaps you’re working hard and you don’t believe it’s possible to take time off and survive. In this case, you might want to go straight to Step 2 below. Perhaps you are taking time off and at the same time you notice how you don’t feel any better for it. In this case you might want to skip to Step 3. At this stage, you may like to check for any signs that you are taking actions to block out your emotions – to take the edge off your fear of failing at this critical time, for example, or of losing your job. If this is true for you, you might like to ask yourself “do I want to live my life this way?” If the answer is no, it may be timely for you to reach out for help;
  • Step 2: Replace “I don’t have time” with “I have all the time I need”. The belief that you don’t have time to take time off is just that – a belief. At some level, it’s a belief that you’re choosing. If you want to explore the theme of choosing you might like to read Choosing to Choose (http://dorothynesbit.blogspot.com/2009/05/choosing-to-choose.html) or Choosing Beliefs that Empower (http://dorothynesbit.blogspot.com/2009/06/choosing-beliefs-that-empower.html), also in this series of articles. Or you might like to try on two contrasting beliefs, for example “I don’t have time” and “I have all the time I need”. Take time with each belief, noticing how you feel when you try on each belief. Which one is the most empowering? Once you choose the belief “I have all the time I need” the question becomes not “Have I got time…?” but “How do I make time..?”
  • Step 3: Notice what you want from your spare time. What do you want your spare time to do for you? Carl was clear about what he wanted from his spare time? Are you? The more you get clear about what you want from your spare time the more you can plan activities that are likely to give you what you want. Carl’s aims, for example, require ongoing and sustained investment to come good. Sometimes, though, it’s enough to notice that you need to take a break to refresh your thinking in the workplace or that you’re hungry and need “brain food”;
  • Step 4: Plan an action or course of action that meets your needs. Once you know what needs you want to meeet, you can identify and take the action or actions to meet your needs. It’s possible that at this stage you may identify multiple courses of action to meet different needs and you may even feel overwhelmed as you try to fit everything in. So it may help to approach this stage as a time of experimentation;
  • Step 5: Check: is it working? Meeting your needs requires a constant awareness of how well your chosen actions are working – both in meeting individual needs and in supporting you in meeting all your needs. Planning a lengthy round of golf each week may meet your need for regular exercise, for example, but how does it contribute to your need to sustain a healthy and loving relationship with your partner? Make a point of checking how effective your plans are in meeting the needs you have identified and make adjustments.

Adjusting and adapting

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In my recent newsletter I wrote about what it takes to thrive in hard times and today’s posting touches on the essential quality (which we can all develop and increase) of flexibility:

One of the most significant differences between those who are thriving in the current economic downturn and those who are not lies in their willingness to adapt. Carl is clear about his goals and, at the same time, highly flexible in the means by which he achieves them. Because he is so clear about what outcomes he wants to achieve, he is constantly adapting his approach to secure progress in each new circumstance.

For Carl, and others like him, the aim is to keep trying new things until he succeeds. He is happy to see what does and doesn’t work. In this way, there is no such thing as failure. When something doesn’t move him towards his goals he knows, simply, that it’s time to adjust his approach.

Carl’s commitment to his goals, coupled with his belief that he will find ways to reach them and his willingness to adjust, combine to create a sense of lightness and play. After all, if success is only a matter of time and if there are many ways to achieve success, why would he feel gloomy?

Today, rather than offer a step-by-step process to support you in increasing your adaptability, I offer a mixed offering of things you might like to consider along the way:

  • Know the difference between the means and the end: Many people confuse the end goal or underlying need with the means by which they hope to secure the end goal. The buyer of a high-status car may be unaware of how his or her purchase meets a need for self esteem for example. Or the man or woman who wants to have an intimate relationship may get stuck when things go wrong in relationship with his or her “one and only”. Unearthing your underlying need means going beyond any strategy that is specific to time, place or person. If you want to understand your end goal ask yourself “what would that do for me?” when you think you want something – and keep asking;
  • Take one step at a time: You may want to have the whole route planned out ahead of time. At the same time, some of life’s highest achievers start out with a goal and then take just one step at a time. They focus on the end goal, notice where they are starting from and ask themselves: “what’s the next step?” This is far easier than focussing on the big gap between the goal and the starting place and lifts the spirit considerably;
  • Select beliefs that support you: Perhaps the most helpful belief, one of the presuppositions of neuro-linguistic programming (or NLP) is “there’s no failure, only feedback”. When we adopt this belief, we often find it easier to experiment and to try things out, knowing that whatever the outcome, we’ve made a step forward. If our action doesn’t work, we know more about how (or how not) to make progress. Another helpful belief is “you can’t change the others, you can only change yourself”. This can help you to avoid the inflexibility that comes from looking to others to make changes they are unlikely to make. Paying attention to your beliefs can help you select presuppositions that support a flexible approach;
  • Take a break: It can be easy to get stuck in a single track of thinking, especially when the going is hard. This can lead to frustration – the belief, for example, that the only way to achieve a goal relies on something or someone who’s not co-operating. Taking a break – a walk, for example, or a conversation with someone about something quite different – can loosen up single track thinking and open up new possibilities;
  • Ask for help: I wrote about asking for help in a recent posting as part of this series (see 29th May 2009). Adjusting and adapting relies on flexibility in the way you look at a problem so asking for help may include asking others to help you identify multiple ways of looking at a situation. Equally, it may be that someone can provide just the help you need to take your next step forward.

Choosing beliefs that empower

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The beliefs we choose can restrict or empower us and are often the subject of scrutiny in coaching. Our beliefs can contribute to – or undermine – our resilience in hard times. In my recent newsletter I wrote:

The resources that empower us include the beliefs we hold. Carl’s belief, for example, that he has what it takes to succeed no matter what raises his energy levels and encourages him to access the resources he needs to succeed.

This is different to Lesley. Holding the belief that losing her job is in some way a sign that there’s “something wrong” with her generates a sense of fear. This fear undermines her current performance as well as reducing her capacity to thrive in the event that her job is indeed made redundant.

On the surface, choosing beliefs that empower may make no difference in the near term. Currently, for example, Carl and Lesley are both at risk of losing their jobs. At the same time, their different beliefs are likely to lead to different responses even when their circumstances are the same. Over time, with different underlying beliefs, you can expect that Carl, Lesley, John and others will each create different lives.

But what if we want to examine our beliefs – perhaps to notice where they are holding us back or to adopt more helpful beliefs? Here are some ideas for you to play with:

  • It helps to notice what beliefs you already hold. This implies recognising that different people – including you – hold a variety of beliefs. So a great place to start is to get curious and playful in noticing your own and others’ beliefs. What are the beliefs – or presuppositions – tucked away behind the comments people make or the actions they take? My invitation here is not so much to change anything as to notice beliefs and the impact they have in your and others’ lives;
  • A great question to ask yourself as you examine your own beliefs is “what is the mother of all beliefs I hold?” Often, our beliefs boil down to one of two extremes – that there is abundance or scarcity in the world, for example, or that people are either loving and generous or mean and selfish. What is the mother of all beliefs for you?
  • You might want to pay particular attention to the beliefs held by people you in some way admire or whose lives you’d like to enjoy yourself. What beliefs do they hold and in what way do those beliefs play out in their intentions and actions? And with what outcomes in every area of their lives? Doing this can provide both a raised awareness of the role of beliefs and a library of beliefs that you might want to adopt for yourself;
  • Don’t be afraid to take a variety of beliefs and to try them on for size. You can do this ahead of time by simply sitting with them and seeing what impact they have on you as you imagine living your life according to a variety of different beliefs. It’s likely that you’ll be able to notice which beliefs empower you and which beliefs undermine you. This may lead you to make changes to your own beliefs;
  • It’s possible that you’ll try on a new belief and find it opens up a whole new range of possibilities – and still you’ll find you resist adopting it in practice. In this case, you might like to spend some time getting to understand your current beliefs more fully. What is your positive intention in holding the belief you’d like to let go of? What does it do for you? You may want to ask this question repeatedly until you get to the root of your reasons for holding a belief. Once you have this understanding you can ask yourself how you can fulfil your intentions in a different way.

Perhaps it’s worth adding that changes in behaviour often come from changes in belief. So if you find you are choosing behaviours you’d like to change and you don’t know how, it may be that you need to examine the beliefs that are driving your unwanted behaviours.