All posts by Dorothy Nesbit

For your holiday reading: The Hare With Amber Eyes

It’s two years since my dear friend, Len Williamson, recommended a book I had not yet heard of – Edmund de Waal’s The Hare With Amber Eyes.  Of course, having been recommended to read it, I started to notice the window displays of this book, the winner of the 2012 Costa Biography Award.

My first response was to dip into the book and, discovering the book’s focus on a set of Japanese netsuke (tiny carved figures that would sit easily in the palm of your hand), I think immediately of my brother Alan, whose years of working with a Japanese company have made him a willing student of Japanese culture and language.  So, 18 months or more before reading it myself, I gave it to Alan as a gift.  More recently, I bought my own copy and started to read it, discovering far more than I had imagined in this biography of de Waal’s family, mediated via the journey of the netsuke through generations of the Ephrussi family.

Early in the book I am transported into familiar territory – it was Charles Ephrussi who first assembled the collection of netsuke in Paris in the second half of the 19th century.  Charles lived amongst artists and writers with whom I am familiar via my own studies so that I am transported back to the literature I loved so much in my late teens and early twenties.  I am intrigued to learn that Charles was one of two men who were the model for the book’s subject, Charles Swann.  There is something about this period of the netsuke’s lives that brings to life in a very vivid way the era in which Proust was writing, anchoring his work amongst the work of other writers and artists.

When the netsuke move to Vienna – as a wedding gift to Charles’s cousin Viktor and his wife – I am similarly transported into the territory of my studies, gaining new insights into the work of Robert Musil, Arthur Schnitzler and other contemporary writers.  De Waal writes of the opulent lives of his forbears in ways which remind me of his own life as one of the world’s leading ceramic artists – there is something about his use of language which renders it almost physical, as if one were feeling his words in one’s hands.  As well as writing an intimate portrait and memoire of his family, De Waal captures the sweep of history as it unfolds.

And it does unfold, into the territory of twentieth century anti-Semitism and warfare.  I did not expect to make this journey, though it makes perfect sense when I do – how could it be otherwise for de Waal’s Jewish ancestors?  Charles’ cousin Viktor invests heavily in the war effort in World War I, only to have his life and fortunes over-turned in the horrifying events of World War II.  Suddenly I am in a reading territory which has become familiar to me (through such books as Katrin Himmler’s The Himmler Brothers and Christopher Browning’s Ordinary Men) only this time, I am seeing it through the eyes of those who were the target of Nazi violence and anti-Semitism.

There are moments throughout the book when de Waal’s reflections of his own experience of researching his family history remind me of the great therapist and author, Irvin Yalom, who has the same ability to be present both to the subject of his writing and to his own response to those things – people, events etc. – he writes about.  It is these moments that help me to connect with de Waal and to connect the history I have so often read about elsewhere with real people whose lives have been so materially altered by historic events.

If you want some thriller to keep you company on the beach this book is definitely not for you.  For me it was a rare and unforgettable read.    

When it’s time to harvest your dreams

I’m away on holiday this week – on the day this is published I shall be tucked away in Kent on a five-day meditation retreat.  It will be good to turn off the mobile for a few days and to leave all sorts of modern technology behind for a few days.

Preparing for my holiday I wanted to give you something to read whilst I’m away, and decided to borrow the photo above from my dear friend James More.  James and I were briefly at school together and had something in common – farming.  My parents farmed and James also came from a farming family and has gone on to make his career as a consultant to farmers under the name More Rural Consultancy Ltd.  Recently, James was involved in a successful attempt to create a new World Record – with fifty Case Quadtracs (that’s big tractors to you and me) spending five minutes ploughing just one field.

As a farmers’ daughter, this event touches something in me – a part of me which is deeply connected to the land.  But there’s more than this – this successful attempt at a World Record was the fruit of a vision.  I don’t know much about the vision, but I do know that someone had the vision and, having had it, set about making it happen.  This meant finding a suitable site and farmers willing to travel from across the country to join in.  It meant inspiring them to join in.  And it meant handling all the bureaucracy that is involved arranging an official (and yes, in this case, successful) World Record attempt.

If you’re on holiday, too, and even if you’re not, it’s harvest time.  This is a time when you can look at the fruits of your labour and say, it happened because I followed my dream.  It can also be a time when you look forward and ask yourself, what are my dreams for the future?

May your dreams be worthy of you.

When it’s time for the big leadership speech

Singing Berlioz’s Grande Messe des Morts
St. Paul’s Cathedral, 2012

Thursday, 2nd August, 2012.  It’s a date that members of the London Symphony Chorus have been urged to earmark.  It’s a date that some have been waiting for.  Simon Halsey, recently confirmed as Chorus Director for both the London Symphony Chorus and the London Symphony Orchestra, is due to address members of the chorus.

I come to the meeting with both excitement and trepidation.  I am excited because I remember the standard of the chorus when I first joined and yearn for a return to the same high standards.  I am trepidatious because I am not as young as I was when I joined the choir in 1986/7 and I’m wondering if I have what it takes to commit – this is both about the “will I pass my reaudition?” question (and in my case, “should I be moving to sing with the altos?”) and about the time and commitment the choir has demanded.  It’s quite something to sustain this level of commitment year after year after year.

Starting at 6pm, Simon addresses the choir for about half an hour before taking questions.  He sets out his stall in terms of aspiration – in summary, that the Chorus under his leadership will be a world class choir that consistently produces staggeringly (I think the word was staggering) good performances.  He has also anticipated questions, and lays out his stall in terms of how he thinks we might get there – this is not the time for the big cull, but rather, a time to invest in voice coaching and careful preparation.

This doesn’t mean that every question has been answered.  So, when it comes to the question that is on many lips (reaudition), Simon is candid in saying that, whilst he has yet to agree an approach to reauditions with the Chorus’s council, he won’t be reauditioning existing members of the chorus until he has worked with them for a number of months.  He talks about the approach he has taken with other choirs and also about the principles which underpin his approach.

Listening both to his speech and to his answers to questions, I notice that I am excited and reassured.  I have such a sense of relief that our new Chorus Director has aspirations for the chorus that take us beyond our (albeit rather good – at times) current standards.  I am excited when I think of the possibilities that this opens up for us and I am excited about the possibilities for me.

There’s also something else going on for me, remembering the many leaders I have interviewed over the years who have started their tenure in a new role or organisation with the ‘big speech’.  Halsey is continuing a long tradition which embraces leaders of all kinds, from teachers in the classroom (“when I tell you to put your pencils down, I also want you to stop talking and listen to what I have to say”) to the CEOs of significant organisations and yes, to men and women who have made history.

The big speech is not about charisma or grand, sweeping gestures – it’s about substance.  It’s about setting out a vision for the future which engages and a way to get there.  It is an invitation to sign up to a clear direction or to notice that this is not your path – to commit or to stand down.  It says things are going to be different – and this is how.

Of course, as such, the vision is the beginning of a journey.  Its impact depends on the leader’s commitment to making that journey.  Ahead lies the difference between real progress and “we’ve heard it all before”.

I am looking forward to making real progress.

Yeah! It’s holiday time!

I had a sweet moment on the London underground last Thursday, when I had the briefest of brief encounters with this man.  Walking slowly in one direction amongst crowds of commuters seeded with Olympic visitors, I suddenly recognised him coming the other way.  Before I even realised I was smiling, he beamed back.  And then he was gone as we both moved slowly forward and in opposite directions in the crowds.

And in case you don’t recognise this man, he’s Burt le Clos, father of South African swimmer Chad le Clos.  As if his son’s victory wasn’t enough (against le Clos’s swimming hero, America’s Michael Phelps) audiences were moved, both by le Clos’s barely contained emotion as he received his first gold medal and by his father’s impromptu interview with BBC’s Clare Balding which, memeburn reports, has quickly become an internet sensation.

London is gripped with Olympic fever.  And despite everyone’s worst fears (wrapped up as cynicism and criticism) it’s all going well.  The fact that I have had to negotiate a bit of a round London tour to get from the underground to London Bridge’s Platform 4 is amply compensated by tiny moments like the one above.  I knew they would be.

In the next couple of weeks I shall be taking time off to enjoy these and other experiences.  As I write – ahead of my holiday, though scheduled to be published as my holiday begins – I am thinking, I can’t wait!  So this is my ‘sign off’ for the next couple of weeks.

Just in case you want some reading, I’ve programmed some postings for you to enjoy whilst I’m away from my desk.  Have a great time.

When you need permission to see the wood from the trees

Every now and then I like to do something that coaches call ‘claiming a client’.  It’s a bit like asking someone you fancy to join you on a first date – letting someone know that you’d really like to work with them in coaching partnership.

In 2007 I reached out to an organisation whose service I have enjoyed for more years now than I care to remember:  Pret a Manger.  I wrote to the company’s co-founder, Julian Metcalfe, and told him how much I would like to contribute to the company’s success in my role as a coach.  As a result of reaching out I was asked to work with Glenn Edwards as part of his ongoing development.  Glenn has been Operations Director at Leon Restaurants for over 18 months now, though I first met him whilst he was still working at itsu – Pret a Manger’s sister company.  He had already had eight years with itsu when I met him and had built a strong relationship with Julian Metcalfe and with Clive Schlee, the company’s CEO.

Even so, when I started to talk with Glenn, I sensed that there was a risk for him of seeking to grow faster than was comfortable with itsu and I started to ask questions to find out what was going on.  As you can tell from Glenn’s later CV, he did indeed end up leaving itsu to join a growing brand which shares the Pret/itsu passion for good fresh food and for a level of service which, together, drew me to Pret a Manger in the first place.  (Recently, Pret’s new restaurant on New Oxford Street has become a regular haunt for members of the London Symphony Chorus before rehearsals.  You’ll often see me there on a Wednesday or Thursday evening at around 6pm).

The conversations I had with Glenn are an example of something coaches face on a regular basis – the possibility that the outcome a client and/or his or her sponsor most desires is not, ultimately, the right outcome for everyone concerned.  An individual may think his place is in such-and-such a role or with company X and still, when he looks more deeply, the role is only a partial fit to his or her most heartfelt needs.  The company concerned may want to retain a key member of the team and still – if only his or her manager will entertain the possibility – it may be that what’s right for my client is to move on.  This carries the risk for the coach of being seen as the agent of an unwelcome change.  It carries the risk for the coach that – by raising the question – he or she will be seen to be sure of the answer (which is always the client’s to determine).  Still, and even in the full awareness of these and other risks, it is the role of the coach to raise the questions that have not yet been countenanced, bringing them to consciousness for the client to consider.

Meeting with Glenn more than three years after we completed our coaching, I was curious to know how he looked back on our work together as well as how he was getting on in his new role.  He was kind enough to tell me and agreed to allow me to share his thoughts on LinkedIn as well as here on my blog.  He told me:

“When we finished our work together I honestly didn’t know how I’d benefitted from coaching.  A lot of things happened during and after coaching and yet I wasn’t making the link.  Later, I realised that the message from coaching was this:  it’s time to move on.


I realised I’d maximised my potential with itsu – coaching helped me to see it was time to move on.  I’d met the owners of Leon when they visited one of our restaurants so once I was ready to move it was the most natural thing in the world to make contact.  Working with itsu was formative for me – an important part of my career.  At the same time, I needed a new challenge and the opportunity to leverage my strengths to make a real difference to the business.  I’m glad to have found that with Leon.


Sometimes, people need the help from someone who’s one step removed from the situation.  You provided that through our coaching – and that’s why I’m happy to recommend you to others who need help to step back and see the wood from the trees”.

Glenn Edwards
Leon Restaurants

Reading Glenn’s testimonial I don’t want to take any more credit than is mine to take – at its best, coaching works because it helps the client to open up to truths that are already there if only the permission is there to see them.

(And yes, in case you’re wondering, I remain a fan of Pret a Manger, of itsu – and of Leon Restaurants, too).

Preparing for longer working lives: time for a revolution in the way we work?

Every few weeks I write a blog posting for Discuss HR.  The posting below will be published today:

Recently Nick Hewer and Margaret Mountford, who have both served alongside Sir Alan Sugar in the BBC’s Apprentice, explored what it might take for people to continue working into their 70s in The Town That Never Retired.  I found myself wondering to what extent the HR profession is at the vanguard of shaping a way of working in the future which reflects the life expectancy of modern British men and women.

I confess that, for purely personal reasons, I have long been interested in the question of what happens as people get older.  Not surprisingly, my interest starts at home:  I was just 18 when my parents retired, my father aged 70 and my mother aged 51.  My mother, who had always managed home and family as well as working alongside my father on the farm, continued to thrive whilst my father struggled to adapt.  Years later, when he was well into his 80s or maybe even 90s, my father continued to make references to his contribution to the family as a farmer, as if his sense of identity was still vested in his bygone work.  My mother, on the other hand, continued to bring up her children, looked after her parents in their old age and then my father in his.  She has been a church warden for many years, organised an annual concert for 25 years, still organises the bookstall in the monthly village market and even – now aged 81 – continues to cook for the “old folk” at the village lunch club.

As an amateur singer I have also had cause to be aware of just how well some people thrive well into their old age.  I sang under the baton of Leonard Bernstein until he died in 1990, aged 72.  In 1997, I was deprived of the opportunity to sing under the baton of Sir Georg Solti when he died shortly before a concert, aged 85.  I am pleased to say that Sir Colin Davis continues to delight in his 85th year.

But what about corporate Britain?  Some employers have long since cottoned on to the value of older employees.  As early as 2001 The Grocer ran an article entitled Asda and Sainsbury take a positive view of older workers.  The article highlights how, in response to the then government’s Age Positive Campaign, Sainsbury “now offers arrangements which allow older staff to reduce the hours they spend at work gradually, and a new pension plan which allows staff to contribute until they are aged 75”.  In my own local Sainsbury it was Norma, who must be about 70 years old, who served me a few months back on the day that snow had caused travel chaos and staff were still struggling to get in.  I value the older staff in my local supermarket because they have an ease in interacting with people of all ages and experience of using the products they sell – which is sometimes obviously lacking amongst the “youngsters”.

As I sit and muse I realise I do have a vision, albeit barely considered, of a way of working which takes far greater account of the needs of workers and the natural rhythms of life.  For young people there might be opportunities to work longer hours to earn that elusive mortgage deposit.  For parents there might be opportunities to work less and spend more time with children.  For older people there might be opportunities to work shorter hours whilst still making a valuable and valued contribution in the workplace (and, yes, earning a living).  Perhaps, in time, there will be a degree of choice throughout our careers which supports employees in contributing to their place of work and to their family.  To put it another way, the more we need people to work well into their 60s, 70s and 80s, the more we need to design ways of working throughout people’s careers that support health, fulfilment and longevity.  We also need to do our research – one interesting fact from The Town That Never Retired is that research shows, in a way that may be counter-intuitive, that employment prospects for young people are better when older people work longer.

As you’ve no doubt already discovered, I don’t have all the answers, but rather want to ask the questions.  My main question to you is this:  as an HR professional, how far ahead are you looking and how do you envisage the future for the older people of this country?

Covey’s first habit: be proactive

Following the recent death of Stephen Covey, I have been revisiting his most famous of books, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  On my way to meet a client I take time on the train to read about Covey’s first habit:  be proactive.

In this first habit, Covey targets the opportunity for self-determinism that sits between stimulus and response.  This is about the difference between an unconscious reaction and a carefully chosen response.  Covey uses the story of Viktor Frankl who, in the Nazi death camps in World War II, realised that (in Covey’s words) “he could decide within himself how all of this was going to affect him”.  Covey is careful to differentiate between being proactive and taking the initiative.  He says:

[Proactive] means more than merely taking the initiative.  It means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives.  Our behaviour is a function of our decisions, not our conditions.  We can subordinate feelings to values.  We have the initiative and responsibility to make things happen.
This assertion tests me – because I hold the view that emotions have a wisdom to which we need to listen.  But quickly I settle into an understanding of what Covey is saying.  Given my own values for example, I would choose to view the emotion of anger as a sign that some need is not being met and to recognise that I am telling myself some story about how someone else is responsible.  If I act on the stimulus – react – without thinking, I am likely to lose my temper.  If I respond in line with my values, I am bound to take time out to process my emotions before choosing my response.  So far, so good.

Covey offers a further idea which is the consequence of taking this kind of responsibility and which challenges me greatly:

[…] until a person can say deeply and honestly “I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday”, that person cannot say, “I choose otherwise”.

Later he refines this idea by adding:
It’s not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us.  Of course, things can hurt us physically or economically and can cause sorrow.  But our character, our basic identity, does not have to be hurt at all.
And further:
Any time we think the problem is “out there”, the thought is the problem”. 
When we think the challenges in our businesses are down to the market, when we think we have a “problem” member of staff, when we complain that our wife/husband/boss/sister doesn’t understand us… when we wish that things outside us were different, we are not being proactive in Covey’s use of this term.  When we focus our attention on  those things we can do something about, we are being proactive.
Covey offers a number of ways to apply this first habit, of which I highlight just one:
1.  For a full day, listen to your language and to the language of the people around you.  How often do you use and hear reactive phrases such as “If only,” “I can’t,” or “I have to”?
Please let me know how you get on.

Stephen Covey – the death of a leadership master

News has been reaching me from various sources of the death of Stephen Covey on Monday, aged 79.  He died as a result of complications following a bicycle accident in April and with his family around him.  As much as I feel sad about those complications  I can’t help thinking that Covey’s was a good way to go.  If you’re still cycling-fit as you approach 80 and have the love of your family, well, it’s not a bad life – or death.

Covey is most famous for his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  First published in 1989, Covey’s book has provided guidance for conscious living which has had its application in the workplace and at home.  USA Today, in a blog posting about Covey, highlighted something I didn’t know – or had forgotten – about the origins of Covey’s work:

Covey said he developed the 7 Habits after studying hundreds of books and essays on success written since 1776. He noticed that the literature of the 20th century was dominated by gimmicks or “social Band-Aids” to improve the personality.


In contrast, the literature of the first 150 years — in the writings of Abraham Lincoln and Benjamin Franklin, for example — was based on character and principles such as integrity, courage and patience.

Covey said of his Seven Habits:

“(Live by) your own set of principles, your sense of vision of what your life is about. Maybe in a few months or year and a half, two years, you’ll be in an altogether different world.”


I make a note to revisit this book which has had so much influence across the world – selling over 20 million copies in 38 languages since it was first published.  (As I write I am setting myself the challenge of writing a blog posting on each of the seven habits in the course of the next three weeks).  For now, though, I just want to take a moment to honour the man.  As much as I feel for his family at the time of his death, my own heart is filled with gratitude for the gifts he shared with the world during his life.

Managing up and across

Increasingly, business takes place within a “matrix”.  Managers manage the work of people who are not their direct reports.  People manage projects whose success depends on the inputs of people across the organisation.  Priorities shift and change.  Priorities compete.  Work styles clash.  And that’s before you factor in the boss – have you noticed yet that the boss also needs to be managed?  Not surprisingly, this new reality is rarely reflected in the literature.  A wide range of good research was conducted in a bygone era – before the matrixed organisation gained ground.


So, I was intrigued to notice recently that the Harvard Business Review is due to publish the HBR Guide to Managing Up and Across.  This is what they say about it:



Does your boss make you want to scream? Do you have more than one boss? Do you spend your day corralling people who don’t report to you? Do you work across departmental silos? Collaborate with outside contractors?


Then you know that managing up and across your company is critical to doing your job well. It’s all about understanding your boss’s and colleagues’ priorities, pressures, and work styles. You need to manage up and across not just because you may have a problem boss, an incompetent colleague, or fabulously hairy projects that touch all parts of your organization. You need to manage up and across, for example, to get your marketing and sales folks to see that your project will help them meet their goals, too; to establish authority with higher ups so they’ll bless your new product ideas; to secure people’s time for a new team when they’re already feeling overextended.


The Guide to Managing Up and Across will help you get the information and resources you need to solve your challenges, increase your effectiveness, and make your day-to-day worklife more enjoyable.

The Guide to Managing Up and Across will help you get better at:


• Getting what you need from people who don’t report to you

• Coping with micromanaging, conflict-aversive, or generally incompetent bosses

• Discovering what drives your colleagues

• Partnering with your boss

• Selling your ideas up and across your company

• Making the most of your boss’s influence

• Establishing a shared vision and commitment

• Juggling multiple bosses’ priorities

• The art of persuasion—tailoring your pitch based on your audience

I haven’t read it (yet) and still, I do know that it’s addressing challenges that we increasingly face in the workplace.

Wanting to influence your staff? Listen up!

Research at the Columbia Business School has recently highlighted the role of listening in being influential.  Researchers asked co-workers both to assess their colleagues’ skills and habits and to assess how influential they are.  They conducted this research with students on MBA programmes as well as with executives in organisations.

The research findings do not entirely dispel the myth of the charismatic leader.  Rather, researchers found that the most influential people had strong skills both in listening and in expressing their point of view.  Why is listening so important?  On the one hand, listening helps leaders gather information about those they lead which they can use to tailor an influencing approach.  On the other hand, listening – really listening – builds trust amongst staff.

In truth, I am reminded of Gary Chapman’s little book The Five Love Languages:  The Secret to Love that Lasts.  Although its intended audience is a long way from the world of business, Chapman’s thesis – that we all like to give and receive love in five different ways – offers insights which – surely – can equally be applied in the workplace.

And if you want to learn more about the research from Columbia Business School, including five key ways in which you can listen effectively, just follow this link to read a summary.