All posts by Dorothy Nesbit

Reflecting on the importance of perceptions

Emotional Intelligence

5pm and I’m walking through the market in Lewisham on my way home from a meeting in the City.  It’s always a good time to pick up a bargain and cucumbers are especially cheap right now – five for a pound.  Our continental cousins have been saying no to salad since a number of deaths from e-coli have been attributed to poor hygiene in the vegetable department (follow this link if you’re curious to read more).  It seems it doesn’t matter that the underlying reasons for the outbreak have not been determined – the rumour was enough to make the difference to sales, and with devastating impact on agriculture in Germany.

As it happens, I have had several conversations today about marketing for small businesses.  Here, too, it’s the rumour that makes the difference.  Many people who start their own businesses are unprepared for the reality that it’s not enough to do a great job for your clients to be successful – you have to attract clients in the first place (and, yes, retain them) in order to do a great job for them.  How many small-time entrepreneurs have fallen on the sword of their own pride when it comes to sharing with others what they do, believing that “the cream always rises to the top” and “if I do a good job, the business will come”.  Maybe it will, but if it doesn’t:  what then?

This is often an extension of the beliefs they held when they were working in the organisations they left behind (and in which my clients mainly work – so, yes, there’s a thought here for you, too).  Somehow we tell ourselves that it’s in the interests of our employers to spot and nurture talent and, yes, I agree.  But if you’re looking for new opportunities – to broaden your skills or gain your next promotion – it’s good to remember that it’s not always enough to have what it takes.  Other people have to know that you have what it takes and that you want that opportunity.  As long as you’re sitting there thinking someone else ought to be doing something to further your career, you’re giving away your power to make things happen.

One place where this fundamental difference – between being “good” and being seen to be “good” shows up is in the 360 degree questionnaire.  (I use the Hay Group’s Emotional Competence Inventory from time to time, for example).  Such questionnaires do not give an objective insight into the competencies you display at work and still, they do give an objective insight into the competencies you are seen to display at work.  Like the German cucumbers you saw if you followed the link above, it doesn’t matter that you have all the skills and attributes needed to progress if nobody knows you do.

I wonder, how willing are you to openly share what you want at work?  And if you’re not, what stops you?  (And here’s a clue:  if you’re looking outside yourself for answers to that second question, try again.  The answer sits with you).

Leadership and the art of getting people on board

Developing as a leader

A few weeks ago I posted a link to an article by Scott Adams, creator of “Dilbert” and observer of our life at work.  The article, How to Get a Real Education, reads like a 10-minute MBA and is full of examples from Adams’ own experience as a student of entrepreneurship at Hartwick College in Oneonta, NY.


One of them hit the subject of influencing – and boy!  do you need to be able to influence if you want to lead others!  Adams writes:


The dean required that our first order of business in the fall would be creating a dorm constitution and getting it ratified. That sounded like a nightmare to organize. To save time, I wrote the constitution over the summer and didn’t mention it when classes resumed. We held a constitutional convention to collect everyone’s input, and I listened to two hours of diverse opinions. At the end of the meeting I volunteered to take on the daunting task of crafting a document that reflected all of the varied and sometimes conflicting opinions that had been aired. I waited a week, made copies of the document that I had written over the summer, presented it to the dorm as their own ideas and watched it get approved in a landslide vote. That was the year I learned everything I know about getting buy-in.


I wonder how it lands with you.  What is your experience of influencing others?  And with what challenges?  With what success?

Speaking candidly about Candide

All articles

Soon after I joined the London Symphony Chorus it was my privilege to perform Leonard Bernstein’s Candide under the leadership of the great man himself. This experience was captured on camera by Deutsche Grammophon and I still have the DVD.  You can find extracts on YouTube (my, we were younger then!)

Approaching a performance some 20-plus years later a certain nostalgia sets in amongst members of the chorus and the London Symphony Orchestra as we share memories and recollections.  They are not all flattering to Bernstein who was not always an easy man – one soprano reminds me of how critical he was of our then pianist in rehearsal.  I recall Bernstein smoking on the concert platform during rehearsal and remember how staff had to approach him to ask him to stop.  We all remember how the cast was besieged by flu.  At the same time, many memories are treasured.  This was our last performance with Bernstein who died soon after.  The cast was superb.  Even some of our own chorus members had solos to sing.

These memories don’t augur well for our present-day conductor, Kristjan Jarvi though he may not know it, predisposing us to make comparisons and to resist his approach.  This is coupled with a certain pre-concert anxiety which compounds the effect:  we look for clearer directions than we are given (especially as we are asked to make movements, grappling with our scores, watching the conductor and dying… dancing… waving).  And even as we get clear about those movements we wish for more rehearsal time than we have.

Come the night, though, everything comes together and we – I at least! – enjoy ourselves hugely.  Our present day cast is also superb.  Rory Kinnear as narrator holds the story and engages the audience so that we are laughing from the very beginning and don’t stop until we have finished the piece.  Andrew Staples in the role of  Candide has the kind of guileless quality the role demands.  Kiera Duffey, as Cunegonde, puts on a superb performance of the song Glitter and Be Gay, scaling the song’s great heights with ease as well as conveying its comedy.  Kim Cresswell throws all vanity to the wind to give a hilarious performance in the role of the old lady.

Can we forgive Jarvi for not being Bernstein?  In the end it is the old man who prevails – not necessarily as a conductor but because he composed this wonderful piece with the same quality of tunes-manship that we enjoy so much in West Side Story and with orchestration which adds to the beauty of every note.  So, it will take something more from Mr Jarvi to usurp him.

Oh!  And PS:  we award “man of the match” to David Jackson, percussionist, for his athletic sprints between various instruments in the piece’s overture.

    

Exploring the inner game of leadership

Developing as a leader,

I confess, today I’m in book heaven.  I have been drawing together reading recommendations to supplement my own research and thinking about the inner game of leadership.  In particular, I’m exploring the key attributes, characteristics, competencies that provide the foundations for effective leadership at director level.  I’m especially interested in those characteristics that are often unseen and still essential to succeed at this level.  These characteristics are often conspicuous by their absence:  you don’t notice when someone has them but – oh boy! –  you do notice when they’re absent.

Right now, I’m planning to write a paper on the subject and gathering together a number of books to read.  In case you’d like to join me in my reading, here’s my list as it stands today.  Some books I have already and know well.  Some have been landing on my doorstep in recent days.  (And of course, in case you’re like most senior leaders and only get to read a book if you’re on a plane well, then, look out for my brief paper which I’ll be publishing later this year).  Here’s the list:

Right now, I’m beginning to explore the findings in Jim Collins Book, Good to Great.  I’ll keep you posted.  Meantime, what thoughts do you have about the hidden characteristics of the most outstanding leaders at director level?  And what has it taken you to succeed at this level?

Speaking the unspoken

Developing as a leader

Last week I returned to a topic of interest to me – Joseph Campbell’s work around the hero’s journey.  You can read  a brief description of the hero’s journey by following this link.  As leaders, we are called at times to embark on a journey for which we feel ill prepared.  The journey begins with the seed of an idea and yet the precise destination may be unknown, as is the “how” of the journey.  Joseph Jaworski wrote a compelling account of his own hero’s journey in his book Synchronicity:  The Inner Path of Leadership.  As I mentioned in my blog posting last week (On the threshold of change), leaders also face another challenge:  that of having to decide how to respond when those they lead are saying no to their own personal call to adventure.  Over the years, and even at the most senior levels, I have seen men and women baulk when it comes to addressing the symptoms they see that an employee is saying no to this call.


How do you know that an employee is saying no to some journey that is opening to them – if only he or she would take the first step?  Sometimes, you can see that an employee is doing a great job and could easily progress – if only he or she would own the talents which everyone else can so clearly see.  Sometimes an employee is clinging tightly to a role in which he or she is performing badly.  This may be a role which has grown faster than the role holder or perhaps a role to which the role holder was never well suited.  Sometimes the employee is doing a perfectly good job for the organisation and still, he or she never quite sparkles (even though his or her eyes light up when talking about a hobby or some other activity outside work).  Sometimes an employee has something to face which may be nothing to do with work – an illness, for example, or the breakdown of a marriage or intimate relationship.  Whatever the situation, you are witness to another’s call to adventure when you can see some incongruity, some discrepancy, between the “where I am now” and the “where I might be” or even “where I need to be” of an employee.


Maybe this issue is yours to address as a responsible leader, as it is, for example, when an employee is failing to deliver the minimum requirements for a job.  Sometimes there is no requirement on you to speak with an employee and still…  Either way, your self talk is highly instructive, highlighting what you fear most about addressing the issue with your employee.  Often, the fear expressed on the surface is a fear for the leader’s employee.  Underneath it, however, lies some fear for yourself.  Typical examples of leaders’ self talk (together with examples of the kind of the thing the leader is not saying) include:

  •  He’s done so much for the company I owe it to him to make it work in this job.  (I’m scared of speaking honestly with him about his performance for fear of being criticised after all he’s done for me);
  • She’s been such a loyal friend over the years – how can I do this to her?  (I’m scared of being seen as a poor friend if I tell her plainly that she’s not doing a good job);
  • If he get’s promoted what will I do without him?  I owe it to the company to hold onto him as long as I can.  (I’m scared that my boss will be angry if he finds out I’ve encouraged him to move on);
  • Her marriage is not my business – how can I possibly talk to her about it?  (I’m scared of putting my foot right in it and being held responsible if the whole thing goes wrong).
I have also seen how the most outstanding leaders have a different kind of self-talk, which propels them into action.  Here are just a few examples:
  • He’s done a great job so far but now the job is growing faster than he is.  I owe it to him to be straight about this and to help him find a way forward;
  • Knowing her as well as I do, she may well not want to hear it and still, I need to let her know this isn’t the right job for her.  What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?
  • I know my boss might not like it, and still, I owe it to John to support him in moving forward – he’s got such outstanding talent.  And yes, that will also leave some headroom for other members of the team to grow;
  • I can see how hard she’s working right now when she needs to take care of her marriage.  It’s time for me to check in with her and explore what support I can give right now.
The truth is, we might be criticised – up, down or sideways, we might lose a friend, our performance indicators might suffer for a while, the list goes on…  And still, when we are able to know this and still to take action we offer a gift to those we lead, whether or not they choose to take it.  This supports those we lead on their own hero’s journey.  It’s also part of ours.

On the threshold of change

Developing as a leader, Emotional Intelligence, ,

In April 2005 I wrote an article which I subsequently published here on the blog under the heading Joseph Campbell and the hero’s journey.  It is a posting to which I return again and again in my work with leaders.  In the meantime, Robert Dilts (from whom I learnt about Campbell’s work) and Stephen Gillighan have added to the literature in this area by writing their own account of The Hero’s Journey, which I have recently added to my Amazon wishlist.

Campbell discovered a number of key steps in the hero’s journey, reflected in myths and stories from around the world.  It’s easy to wonder why these are of relevance in our modern world (who do you know, for example, who has recently slain a dragon?) until we recognise, quite quickly, the metaphorical significance of the hero’s journey.  It is, fundamentally, about our human experience and reflects the invitation that faces us all at some point in our lives to step out beyond our comfort zone in response to some kind of call to adventure.

The leaders I work with, being human, face the challenge that every other hero faces:  the challenge of being called to embark on a journey without knowing where it will take you;  the challenge of being drawn towards outcomes you don’t know how to achieve*.  This is the very nature of the hero’s journey.  Over my years of conducting research into what differentiates the most effective leaders I have found that one of the attributes of the most outstanding leaders is the ability to combine both an appetite for results with a tolerance for risk.  It is by risking failure that we are able to do things that have not been attempted before.  Such a leader is able to respond to the call to adventure (step one in the hero’s journey) and to step over the threshold (step 2).

But what if you are hearing the call to adventure and feel unable to respond?  Maybe it helps to know that you are not alone – or maybe not.  The truth is this:  life calls us repeatedly to step over the threshold and the signals it sends us get stronger and stronger.  The longer we wait the more likely they are to include those things we most fear – illness, job loss, the break up of our most intimate and valued relationships.  We may know this and still, we fear what may come on our journey every bit as much as we fear what may come if we say no to the call.  Saying no to a call to adventure comes, fundamentally, from our most heartfelt desire for safety.  This is the time when our yearning for safety competes with our desire for change.  The paradox is this:  as soon as we cross the threshold, our guardian or mentor will appear.  This is the nature of the hero’s journey.  At the same time, as long as we refuse to cross the threshold there is no guardian, no mentor.  It’s a lonely place to be.

Sometimes, as coach, I am the guardian whose student stands before me and for whom still, the time has not yet come.  I can offer many options and ideas to explore and yet… it takes a commitment to cross the threshold – it takes having crossed the threshold –  before these options carry any weight.  And you?  If you are the hero, called to a journey for which you are not yet ready, what can you do?  I wonder if a starting point is simply this:  to notice – and stay with – where you are;  to ask yourself “where am I?”, “what is true in this place?” and “how is it for me to be here?”

*Leaders also face another challenge:  that of having to decide how to respond when those they lead are saying no to their own personal call to adventure.  I say more about this on Friday.

On the rise of women to the board room

Developing as a leader, Emotional Intelligence,

The Apprentice is back.  For anyone who’s not familiar with this particular brand of car crash television, the viewer gets to watch groups of young people attempt tasks set by Sir Alan Sugar before taking a drubbing in the Board Room.  A shortlist of participants from the losing team then take a further drubbing before Sir Alan Sugar identifies his loser of the week with the words “You’re fired!”

This week, Gavin left the programme, but it was not Gavin who caught my eye.  No, it was Zoe in the following interaction:

Zoe:  “I did what I was told but didn’t get a chance to shine”

Sir Alan:  “Well, that could have been your fault!”

This interaction brought to mind the recent recommendations by Lord Davies:  that UK listed companies in the FTSE 100 should be aiming for a minimum of 25% female board member representation by 2015.  Follow this link for more information and to download a copy of the report.

Some people I have spoken with have expressed the view that it’s time to influence the men, as if it’s a change on the part of the men of this world that will make the difference.  (After all, are they not the turkeys who have no incentive to vote for Christmas?).  My own view is that the truth is more complex.  Either way, in case you are a woman aspiring to fulfil a director level role, I invite you to pause a moment to reflect on the interaction above.

What are the implications of Zoe’s comment?  It seems to me that, tucked away in Zoe’s assertion that she didn’t get the chance to shine is the implication that her chance to shine is in the gift of someone else.  In truth, many times in our careers, others do have it in their gift to help us to shine.  At the same time, the higher we go up the ladder, the more (it seems to me) we need to own that we, too, have it in our gift to shine.

As long as we look to others for some kind of opportunity or even permission to shine, the more we give our power away.  As long as women give away their power so easily – expecting something of others but not asking for it, for example – it can be said that they are not ready to step into the role of director.  But then, “power” is in itself a concept that women struggle with – and men, too.  A subject for another posting, perhaps.

I wonder, how do you respond to this vignette from The Apprentice?  And how do you respond to the recommendations of the Lord Davies report on women in the boardroom?

From the school of NLP: the “problem” and the “outcome” frame

Developing as a leader, Emotional Intelligence,

If you listen to Radio 4 in the morning, one of the questions you will commonly hear is “Who’s to blame?”  I confess, my heart sinks when I hear this question.  I have such a yearning for a life without blame.

It’s possible that this question is common in your life, too.  If you have children it may be a daily discussion.  Perhaps you take the view that when a fight break’s out there’s someone to blame.  Perhaps your children want to prove themselves blameless by blaming each other.  In business, too, the same question is often lurking in the environs of a problem or issue.  In many organisations, the idea that some is to blame is woven into the very fabric – the culture – of the organisation.

The way we view a problem or issue has a significant effect on the way we experience it.  We experience the difference:  in the way we view things, in the way we feel (our emotions, our bodily responses), in the stories we tell ourselves.  Neurolinguistic programming (NLP) has captured this difference in the problem and the outcome frame.  As you read this posting, you can test this difference by taking a problem or issue, applying the questions below and noticing your responses.

What sort of questions do we ask when we are thinking of an issue as a problem?

  • What’s the problem?
  • Why is it such a problem?
  • What are the implications of not solving it?
  • Why haven’t you solved it yet?
  • Who’s to blame for the problem?
  • Why are they to blame?
Before you move on, just take a moment to notice the effect on you of viewing an issue through the lens of these questions.
What sort of questions do we ask when we are thinking of an issue in terms of our desired outcomes?
  • What do you want?
  • How will you know when you’ve got what you want?
  • What will be the best thing about getting what you want?
  • What other benefits will it bring?
  • What resources do you already have to help you achieve your desired outcome(s)?
  • What is your next step?

Again, I invite you to take a moment to notice the effect on you of viewing an issue through the lens of these questions.  I also invite you to notice, which set of questions (or style of questioning) is more familiar to you?  This will vary from person to person.

This is not to suggest that you abandon either set of questions entirely.  If you’re working with someone who has a strong problem focus, for example, exploring the problem with them helps to build rapport.  Only when they know you’re hearing them will they be willing to look at the problem or issue through another lens – the outcome frame.  Equally, if you are seeking to encourage change amongst people who want things to stay as they are, it may (just may) help to explore the problems associated with not changing before you even attempt to explain the benefits of change.  For me, what’s key here is the awareness that you do have an option.  You can look through either lens at any moment in time.  Building an awareness that you have an option opens up new possibilities.
I wonder, how do you experience the difference when you use a problem or an outcome frame?

Sometimes it’s all in the framing

Developing as a leader, Emotional Intelligence, ,

One of the achievements of neurolinguistic programming (or NLP) has been to identify the impact on our experience of the way we frame things.  I am reminded of this by a conversation with a client who is grappling with a particular issue*.

At the outset of our conversation the camera is up real close.  The focus is on the response of a particular group of staff who are just not producing the goods.  It doesn’t feel good to be the person who is battling away to get things done and constantly faced with the question of “what can I do differently?” when staff in a matrixed organisation seem always to be too busy, to lazy, or too inept…  The word “impasse” springs to mind.  I notice that it seems quite lonely, too:  being the person – the only person – who has a role to play in making things better.

Take the camera back a little and different parts of the picture begin to emerge.  The organisation has decided to drive higher levels of performance out of this particular group of staff.  This implies raising their skill levels so that they can do work which is currently beyond their capability.  It also implies increasing levels of efficiency (getting the same people to do more work per day or week).  Is it possible?  I don’t know.  Is it the sole responsibility of my client?  Well, actually, more people come into view when we view the issue from a distance.   My client’s boss.  The line managers of the individuals concerned…  Something else comes into view – or perhaps into focus.  It’s the question, “what’s possible?”  It’s not that the goal is impossible, it’s more about the “hows” and the “whens”.  It’s the question of “is the current plan a good one – or does something need to be changed?  And how might my client find out?”

In other words, when we take a few steps back we expand the scope of our vision so that we can see more and, by seeing more, we have greater insight into a problem or issue.  Sometimes, it’s all in the framing.

Back to NLP.  One of the classic ways of framing a problem or issue is by using a problem or an outcome frame.  Look out for a posting on this on Friday.  Meantime, I invite you to take an issue that’s current for you and to step back a few paces to see what you can see from a distance that you can’t see up close.  Are you willing to share?

*I’ve taken care to keep my description vague so as not to share any information which is confidential or can identify my client.

Learning from the squirrels in my garden

Emotional Intelligence

I have been watching the squirrels in my garden this weekend, burying nuts in my garden which will in time begin to sprout.  I’m not sure the squirrels ever seek to retrieve them.  I was discussing this with a friend recently, laughing with her about the fact that squirrels have extraordinary ingenuity when it comes to penetrating “squirrel proof” nut dispensers which means that they have an unlimited supply of nuts – and still they haven’t worked out that they no longer need to bury them.

In truth, we are all in some way the recipients of the kind of programming that perpetuates behaviours that no longer serve us.  Some of it is handed down from one generation to another (telling your children not to put coats on the bed long after the era has gone when other people’s coats might mean head lice and other unwelcome creatures).  Some of it may well be as ancient as the squirrels’ (is it possible that our propensity to obesity in the modern era reflects the same survival instinct in an era of abundance?).

A good way of checking in with ourselves is to ask, simply, “do I know why I am doing this?”  If the answer is no, we have the opportunity to change our actions.  If the answer is “no, and still I feel compelled to do this” the path to change may require intervention at deeper levels – in our beliefs, for example, or even in our sense of who we are.

It’s easy to beat ourselves up for doing things we don’t understand and still, it’s natural.  The bigger mistake is to imagine that all our actions are totally rational.  One reason not to deny this aspect of our humanity is that it takes up time and energy to perpetuate this belief in the face of over-whelming evidence to the contrary.  Another reason is that the unintended consequences of this form of denial are many and not very pleasant or life-serving.

I wonder, what are the behaviours that you find hard to change, even though they seem to be serving no purpose?