There has been a certain amount of laughter in recent weeks in my Mastermind Group as we recognise something we have come affectionately to refer to as a “different kind of business development”.  These are the moments when something in our lives seems to take us away from those activities we have on our “to do” lists – when a major decision brings up emotion we did not expect, for example, so that the last thing we want to do is to “set to” and work our way through our well-honed plans, or when the needs of a loved one – an illness, operation, or a death with everything that it brings – reminds us of priorities which seem to have nothing to do with business, or when the pain we feel about past events in our lives stands up and demands attention.

There’s a task that no headteacher wants to face and yet, when it comes, recognises that it is the most important task of the day.  The death of a child who is a pupil in your school cannot be ignored.  Instead, it requires your attention and that of the children in your care.  Assemblies represent an opportunity to remember the child who is lost, as do books of condolence.  Teachers know to look out for signs that children are distressed and not coping and to make time for conversations or just to be present to each child and his or her experience.

In the adult world, there is a risk that we fail to see that we still need the same kind of love and care.  There is also a risk that we fail to recognise the myriad moments when such love and care is needed.  Perhaps the time comes when we lose a loved one through death or separation and divorce.  Equally, it may be the events in our business that stimulate emotion – the threat of redundancy, for example, or even the uneasy guilt that comes with keeping your job when others have lost theirs.

Sometimes the stimulus for distress or some other emotion is in the minutiae of our daily working lives.  It is some task we find ourselves postponing even though we know, rationally, how urgent or simple it is.  It is the fact that, “yet again”, our colleagues in XYZ department have… well, you get the gist.

In a culture that favours logical thinking and purposeful action, we can tell ourselves that we have to power our way through these tender moments.  Yes, we have suffered a death, but we have to do our bit at work, people will think ill of us if we don’t, we have a mortgage to pay, and who will do it if we don’t?  These and other thoughts lead us to put aside our feelings and move quickly to action.  Some may even encourage this approach, teaching us to favour action over reflection or to dismiss those parts of ourselves that are not on board.

Powering through does have its downsides.  Sometimes, the failure to slow down and reflect means that we fail to get to the bottom of a problem or issue and find ways to handle it that work.  Sometimes, powering through causes the accumulation of stress and leads to illness.  One friend powered through against all advice following first the death of her father and then the breakdown of her marriage – only to come to a complete halt when she succumbed to ‘flu.  A fellow user of the Hogan suite of tests, which are often used for recruitment and development at the most senior of levels, is always alert to clues in the tests’ results that might point to stress or illness.

Powering through can also have another effect – the effect of reinforcing old messages from childhood.  Your needs don’t matter.  Part of you is worthy – but another is not.  The very denial of our feelings and experience evokes unmet needs, the pain that goes with those unmet needs, and ways to cope that we designed when we were just two, or three or six years old.

It takes faith to respond effectively to the business day.  I am not talking about religious faith – though this may be important to you.  No, I am talking about an ability to attend to the business of today in the belief that it will move you forward in ways you cannot yet see.  This is about understanding that your staff need to attend to their grief following your most recent round of redundancies as part of coming to terms and even engaging with a new organisation with a new agenda.  This is about trusting that supporting John in caring for his dying wife will not only help him through but also lead to the best, albeit as yet unknown, outcome for your business.

As a leader, responding effectively to the business of the day begins with you.  It begins with you being aware of and taking care of your own business.  You need to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help those you lead.  Take time to notice those things in your life that really are your business for today.  Take time to respond to the needs you have that may not fit easily into a “to do” list or 30-day plan.  And yes, take time to notice those times when your team or members of your team have business to attend to and think carefully about how to respond.

And whether you are dealing with your own business or responding to the needs of your team, think carefully about the implications of powering through and ask yourself, instead, how you can bring a quality of compassion that brings healing to a person or situation.

I wonder, what is your business for today?