Recently a friend sent a card by (if I remember rightly) Daily Telegraph cartoonist, Matt.  The card depicted a boardroom scene and the caption was along the lines of “That’s an excellent idea, Miss Smith.  Would one of the men like to put it forward?”  It must have spoken to some real or perceived truth – it made me laugh out loud.

As to that “truth”, it may have been about sexism in the workplace or it may, equally, have been about influencing others – whether you’re a man or a woman, and whether you are seeking to communicate with your seniors, your peers, or those you lead, there will be times when your message isn’t being heard.  When this is the case, what do you do next?

All too often, the key reason our message isn’t being heard is this:  we are expressing it in our own language (be that logical persuasion, using facts and data or by some other means) and assuming others will think about the same issue in the same way.  So, a good place to start is by putting ourselves in the shoes of our audience.  How do those we want to influence think about these things?  This can be hard – if all your boss ever thinks about is how to catch people out who are doing things wrong, you may be reluctant to speak his or her language.  Still, to speak the language of your audience may be enough to transform the conversation into one in which you get heard.  More than this, it may be enough to transform an important relationship, so that you are heard with ease again and again and again.

The Matt cartoon also speaks to a deeper truth – that sometimes you’re just not the person to put forward a message or idea.  If your agenda is to attract approval or appreciation, you may find it hard to stand to one side and still, letting someone else deliver an important message can be an effective way to be heard.  This is one reason why organisations (or rather, people in organisations) commission outside consultants to do research and then deliver a message which isn’t easily heard from people inside the organisation.  It’s hard to speak up as an individual and say “you ask for our ideas but you always shoot them down so we’ve stopped putting them forward”.  It can be more compelling to hear that “members of your board expressed the widespread view that whilst you ask for ideas, you are highly critical of ideas such that people feel it’s not worth offering ideas”.

There are ways to promote an idea without going to the expense of hiring in external consultants (which is, in any case, a rather hit or miss affair).  Savvy leaders know that ‘socialising’ an idea before making a formal presentation is an important part of gaining support for a proposal.  If you’re going into a meeting wondering if your proposal will be approved, you probably haven’t done your homework.

Sometimes, effective leaders make some dramatic gesture to get their message across, like the leader who, after several months of seeking unsuccessfully to engage staff in dialogue about the need to turn their part of the business into profit, announced the closure of the department.  Suddenly staff were ready to talk and, what’s more, to contribute ideas to enable a radical re-shaping of their department and, in this way, to secure its future.

Why is influencing important?  Because the more senior you are, the more you need to work with and through others.  And the more you need to work with and through others, the more you need to be able to gain support for ideas, proposals and plans of action.

I wonder, how does this idea land with you?  It could be that you understand the need to influence and still, you don’t know how – for you, the challenge is in turning this intention into effective action.  Equally, it could be that you find the ideas above uncomfortable and even repulsive – for you, the challenge is squaring the need to influence with values around openness and honesty or even with your preference for getting the work done.

I’d love to hear from you in via the comments box below – how does the idea of influencing others land with you?  What has worked for you?  And where are you stuck and still needing to make progress?