It has long been my view that accountability – including accountability to ourselves – works best when it rests firmly on a compassionate foundation. It’s all very well to harangue ourselves when we are not making the progress we crave or think we ought but somehow, the haranguing doesn’t make the progress any faster. Indeed, it tends to depress our spirits and to make us more cautious about or resistant to taking our next steps.
Given this view, I am not the best coach for any client who wants to be “whipped into shape”. When it comes to checking progress at the top of a coaching meeting I tend to prefer curiosity over any metaphorical flagellation. If a client hasn’t taken the steps they thought they would (maybe if they still haven’t taken they steps they thought they would) I prefer to explore than to judge or condemn. Often, the exploration brings new clarity or insights. Perhaps a client needs help to overcome some inner resistance or to plug a gap in their skills or resources. Perhaps s/he needs to check if a course of action really does hit the spot.
It’s always a matter of celebration for me when this philosophy is reflected in feedback from a coaching client, as it is below. For why would we take the hard road when there is a more compassionate route which takes us more quickly to our destination? And who wouldn’t want a client to achieve outstanding results within a framework of compassion?
This is what one client said about her experience of coaching:
I signed up for weekly telephone coaching with Dorothy following a recommendation from one of her clients who is also a friend of mine. Initially I thought we’d work for three months or so but several times I extended the coaching and we ended up working for about eight months.
Dorothy facilitated the coaching each week, helping me to identify areas in which I most wanted help. I thought coaching would be far more instructive than it was but it was me who came up with the answers and next steps. I valued her empathy – she was extremely caring and supportive which, in hindsight, I needed more than a “crack of the whip”. She was objective and constructive, and helped me to get clear on what I needed and to take steps forward. I particularly valued the way she helped me to notice and congratulate myself on some of my achievements, which gave me added motivation and momentum.
As a result of our work together, I’m much clearer than I was about the kind of culture that I want to work in. I decided to move from a contracting role to a senior corporate role where I’m now adding value and feeling good about myself. I’ve also taken a look at the leadership qualities I want to exhibit and am taking steps to develop in key areas.
Celestine Hyde
Vice President
Investment Banking