If you’re locked in conflict and don’t know which way to go, take a moment to watch this short clip on YouTube.  I offer it because it may help you to reconnect with your sense of humour (it’s funny!) and also because it offers a key insight into conflict and why it persists.

A number of thinkers in the fields of negotiation, mediation, communication and conflict highlight the need to let go of positions and focus on interests.  Maintaining a position involves taking the view that only one course of action – often requiring a particular response from another – will work and seeking to persuade that other to follow your path.

When you can understand what needs will be met by your preferred course of action you can find alternative ways of meeting those needs.  Equally, if you’re willing on both sides to understand each other’s needs, you can explore ways in which both people’s needs can be met.  Strangely, when you identify actions you can take to reach your desired outcomes and which do not depend on a particular response from another, the conflict tends to go away.  In case you need it, remember the mantra “you can’t change the others, you can only change yourself”.

Marriages can be saved, business deals can be struck, countries can avoid war by letting go of positions and connecting with underlying interests.