Recently I shared my response to an on-line discussion entitled What is a sign that you have a bad manager?  The discussion goes on with many people (393 responses so far) willing to list the many signs.  Today, I decided to write again, as follows, in response to this thread:


I feel so down-hearted as I read this thread because I have such a yearning for compassion towards ourselves and others – including those fellow human beings who agree to take on the role of manager.  I am not experiencing that compassion here.


What needs are we trying to meet by engaging in a discussion in which we list all the behaviours we don’t enjoy in a “bad” manager?  And how effective is this strategy in meeting those needs?


In particular, I wonder how much of our own power we give away when we see the problems we have in the workplace as down to a “bad manager”.  For example, when Irfan says a bad manager is someone who “makes you feel mediocre regardless of how well you perform” it seems to me that he is attributing responsibility for his feelings to another person.  He could instead recognise that his feelings arise from his own response to the actions of his manager (the thoughts he has when his manager behaves in a certain way – it’s my belief that his own thoughts stimulate his feelings).  I believe this is a more empowering response for us as people being managed and a more compassionate response to our manager.


And if this is a strategy we are using in relation to our managers at work I am guessing that we might also be using it with our spouse, our children, our siblings, our parents… the list goes on.  I wonder how much unhappiness is created by this kind of discussion.


I wonder, how does this response land with you?  And would you be willing to share what needs you are meeting in this discussion and how well?