Have you noticed how, when you are in conflict with yourself, there’s a part of you you champion and a part of you you like to tell to p*ss off?  Which part you champion depends on the values you espouse and still, you are unusual if you champion yourself in the full glory of all your parts.  So, a part of you basks in the light of your approval whilst another part of you prowls around in the shadows.  And guess what, it is rarely the part you champion that “wins”.

The result can be a kind of inner stasis, even whilst you are seeking to move forward.  You want to write that proposal or to phone that client or to stop eating chocolate or… or… or…  And yet, somehow, when it comes to the crunch, you are guided by the part of you you most condemn.

Some thinkers view these “shadow” parts as gremlins to be conquered – overcome by force in order to make way for those parts we most favour.  I prefer to view them differently.  For each part has a positive intention even if the means by which that intention is made manifest is unhelpful at this stage of our lives.  When we respond to the different parts of ourselves we can afford to champion them all, to take time to ask “what is it that you really want for me?” and to thank each part for acting as the guardian of this positive intention.  Only from this position of embracing our different parts can we begin the journey towards finding new ways to fulfill old intentions.

In case you want to take a new approach and to connect with your parts in conflict, here are some steps you can take to get started:

• Start by saying hello to each part in turn.  You may be surprised and still, they will answer back;
• Let them know that you’d like to spend some time with each part in turn and ask them, will they let you do this without interrupting each other?  If you get a “no” you might like to ask what’s needed before each part feels comfortable to give the other space;
• Take time with each part in turn – how about five minutes with one and then a break before five minutes with another?  Let each part know that you trust that it has positive intentions and be honest with either part if you have not understood what its intentions are.  If you don’t know, ask!
• You might like to take time every day for this over several days.  Notice how open you are to hearing what each part wants for you;
• Say “thank you” to each part for his or her good intentions for you.  When you can say thank you with full sincerity you are ready to be the champion of your inner parts, just as they have been seeking to champion you.  And guess what!  Since each part is just that – a part of you – you are, in this way, championing yourself.

As a footnote, I would add that whilst you may value the intentions each part has for you, you may find its way of fulfilling its intentions highly frustrating.  At the same time, if you want to agree new ways to fulfill those intentions, you will need to do this from a place of mutual respect and appreciation – that’s between you and your different parts.