When it comes to feedback, there are some key issues that are out of sight in terms of our beliefs and values. It can help to get clear about these before deciding on approaches to feedback.
We live in a society whose coverts beliefs are about right and wrong, reward and punishment. This is variously labelled, for example, as the “domination society”, or “patriarchal” or “unilateral control”. In organisations this can be (though it doesn’t need to be) reinforced by hierarchy, where “I am more senior than you” can equate to “I am right and you are wrong”. I am wondering as I write if the (in)famous “feedback sandwich” comes from this model – whilst it recognises and attempts to shield people’s feelings from negative feedback the feedback still comes from the idea that I have perceptions that are correct.
There is another approach which sees both parties as having needs which need to be met, having a contribution to make, having things to learn. Again, there are various terms which get used to describe this such as the “mutual learning model” (Roger Schwarz), “nonviolent communication” (Marshall Rosenberg) and no doubt more besides. In these approaches feedback is, frankly, as much about the person giving feedback as it is about the person receiving it, recognising that both parties have needs to be met and both parties have things to learn. Hierarchy plays a role in terms of job function and responsibilities but not in terms of who is right and who is wrong.
So, when it comes to seeking out an effective model for giving feedback, it helps to be clear about your aspirations in terms of the underlying principles – beliefs, values etc. – that you want your preferred model to meet. One way of understanding the implications of different approaches (in this case leadership approaches) is to read Goleman’s The New Leaders. Essentially, leadership styles which come from the domination model can be valuable in certain specific and limited (especially crisis) situations but tend to undermine performance in the long term. Douglas McGregor’s X and Y Theory (outlined in The Human Side of Enterprise) also points to this distinction as does Alfie Kohn’s Punished by Rewards.
If you want to understand the different underlying approaches read Goleman, McGregor, Kohn. If you want to explore how to give feedback in line with the second (Goleman and colleagues call it “resonant”) approach, read Rosenberg and Schwarz.
PS Just to let you know, as a member of Amazon Associates UK, I shall receive a referral fee for any books you buy using the links in this posting.