Sometimes, the words and phrases which are so well understood in one sphere require translation in another. I was reminded of this last week when I shared with a coaching client the idea of taking a meta-position and was asked to explain this term. It seemed like a good opportunity to write a posting.

The prefix “meta-” from the Greek seems to refer to a change e.g. of position or form. Various definitions point to something that refers to itself or something that is one step removed. In the world of neurolinguistic programming (or NLP) this prefix has been used in a variety of ways and it is from this use in NLP that I borrow the term. One powerful process in NLP is called the “meta-mirror”, a process by which the individual steps fully into his or her emotions and the script that accompanies these emotions about another person (“first position”), then steps into the metaphorical shoes of the person about whom he or she is talking (“second position”), then steps into the position of observer of self and other (“third position”) before stepping into a “fourth” position to observe the initial self (in “first position”) and the second self (in “third position”) and to decide which version of the “self” is more resourceful in responding to the original stimulus.

In nonviolent communication (or NVC) the metaphor “jackal” is used to refer to the kind of things we say when we are in first position and without awareness of our self-talk and the term “giraffe” is used to describe the thoughts and speech that come when we have stepped back to observe our feelings and to connect with the needs that underpin our feelings. The point about our “jackals” (or gremlins as they are often called in wider circles) is that they guide our lives in certain directions whether we want them to or not. At the same time, when we develop the ability to stand back and observe them – well, frankly, they often don’t stand up to close inspection.

So why is the NLP “meta-mirror” process so powerful? Precisely because the ability to step out of one’s shoes and observe oneself at one step removed opens up choices and possibilities which are not there without this ability to self-reflect. In our own shoes for example, we might say “John is so irritating. He always arrives late at meetings and he is never prepared”. In saying this, our attention is on John and John alone. The minute we are able to take a meta-position and to become an observer of the self we add all sorts of information to the picture. We can learn for example, that we feel angry. And we can examine whether John’s behaviour is the cause of our emotion or simply a stimulus, recognising that the cause of our anger is actually the thoughts we have about John’s habitual lateness. With this comes the ability to reflect on our response to John’s lateness and to adopt a different approach – if we want to.

So much for the jargon, what does this mean in practice? The “jackal” or “gremlin” has an inbuilt belief (which he does not recognise as such) that his belief is the truth. If you like, in the absence of being able to step back and observe himself, the jackal can hold the most questionable beliefs and maintain a story as if it were a truth. This means that he acts as if his belief or story were true. This could be beneficial or not depending on the nature of the belief or story. Everyday examples include the person who believes he will never get far because he didn’t do well at school versus the person who believes anything is possible. Good stories or bad? You decide.