In recent days I have been exploring what constitutes a prejudice, wondering why we might (or might not) choose to identify and manage our prejudices and identifying some common examples of terms which are widely used without any sense that they may be inherently prejudicial.

Now though, it’s time to get closer to the question: “How do you manage your prejudices in a coaching situation?” It seems to me that the way we manage our prejudices in coaching is a reflection of our approach more widely in life. So I begin by reflecting on the approaches which, together, constitute my response to my own prejudices:

• Keeping my beliefs under observation: Perhaps my starting point for managing my prejudices has been to develop the ability to notice my beliefs and to examine them on an ongoing basis. I like to think that some of my more rough-edged prejudices are long since gone and still, I continue to notice and examine my beliefs;
• Broadening my experience: My beliefs are rooted both in my education and in my experience. Over the years I have embraced many opportunities to broaden my experience, both for the inherent pleasure and interest new experiences can provide and with a view to broadening the “database” on which my beliefs are based;
• Testing my beliefs against reality: Many beliefs are simply generalisations and I’ve found it helpful to test generalisations against new information – again, and again, and again… I’ve also found it helpful to notice how much research there is to suggest that the beliefs we hold predict our reality. A belief is just a belief;
• Letting go of being “right”: At any point in time I hold beliefs and still, I lay no claim to being right. I may stand true to my beliefs over a considerable length of time and debate them robustly with others. At the same time, it is my choice to hold the belief that my views may or may not be “right”. From this place, I have no investment in maintaining a belief and can easily review it and replace it in the light of new insights or information;
• Choosing my prejudices wisely: Since I am bound to hold beliefs, it is my aim to choose them wisely. For me this implies gaining clarity about the purpose I have for holding a given belief and examining my beliefs to ensure that each one is fit for purpose. Perhaps one of the most fundamental beliefs I have chosen to adopt is that we all have needs and communicate in order to meet our needs and to contribute to the needs of others (this is the essence of Nonviolent – Compassionate – Communication or NVC). This means that I am guided in my communication by this belief and I hope that adopting this belief makes it more likely that needs will be met;
• Being present to individuals and to their experience: Nothing pains me more than seeing a child being “forced” to say hello to an adult. For whilst it may or may not be “polite” to say hello, it seems to me that over time everyone pays the price for enforcing such general rules. You could say that one prejudice I choose to hold is to favour connecting with individuals and their experience over holding general rules;
• Responding with compassion, humour and insight: Am I without prejudice? Absolutely not. And even whilst seeking to choose beliefs that honour my needs and the needs of others I am sometimes taken by surprise by my own prejudices. Since one of my prejudices is that I must get things “right” it’s taken me time to be able to come to such moments with humour and compassion and to take from them the learning that will help me to move forward.

Having identified my preferred ways of managing my prejudices I wonder, what does a coaching situation require over and above these approaches? What might be needed that’s different? This is the question to which I return tomorrow.