This question, from a client commissioning coaching, has been deeply thought-provoking such that I have decided to explore it here. I notice that I have no easy answers even whilst wishing to come to coaching without prejudice. The first thought that comes up for me as I engage with this question is, in turn, a question: what is a prejudice?
It isn’t often that I take my Shorter Oxford English Dictionary (that’s just two volumes) off the shelf but now I do. Amongst the definitions it offers are the following: 1. a previous judgement; esp. a premature or hasty judgement. 2. preconceived opinion, bias favourable or unfavourable […] usually with unfavourable connotation.
I wonder just how far to take this. One way of looking at it is to describe a prejudice as a generalisation which may or may not be injurious to the person(s) who are the object of the generalisation. If we take this definition, we might want to ask ourselves what difference there is between a prejudice and a belief. It seems to me that the answer to this question is a matter of degree and is generally in the eye of the beholder. It may equally be held in the eye of a group of beholders: such groups might include nations, or people of a common profession, or members of a single family.
An example of one such prejudo-belief is that homosexuality is in some way wrong, erroneous, sinful… the list of such judgements is long. It’s easy to see that different groups hold very different views about sexual preference and/or the choice to act on sexual preference. It’s also easy to see that different groups hold opposing views with equal sincerity and equally positive intentions. Whilst some groups campaign for acceptance of homosexuality and equal rights for homosexual men and women, for example, other groups seek to surpress homosexuality and even to heal people of homosexuality.
When it comes to homosexuality, it’s easy to identify different groups with deeply held, sincere and opposing views. But what about prejudices or beliefs that are so widely held that they are never questioned? Perhaps beliefs against homosexuality have fallen into this category at various times and in various cultures. (Quite recently I met someone who told me that homosexuality does not exist amongst the men of her country of origin. It is my guess that it does). What is received wisdom for one group or generation may be seen as a myth by another. It is the nature of prejudice that it is often unconsciously held.
It is easy to see how prejudices come about. For it is in the nature of human experience that we construct a map of the world around us and beliefs about what’s true or not true, what works and doesn’t work etc. We need this map or Weltanschauung to simplify the act of living. It helps to hold certain beliefs in order to save time in making choices based on diverse and complex data, for example. Equally, living in society and negotiating our interactions with others implies negotiating a path between many options and ways of interacting. Life can be simpler – or at least appear to be simpler – if we have shared beliefs which guide everyone’s behaviour.
So how do we differentiate between a belief and a prejudice? Perhaps the act of owning a belief goes some way towards making it conscious though it may still be prejudicial. This is the simple difference between saying “X is true” (or simply “X”) and “I believe X is true”. In addition, the closer a belief is to the data it seeks to reflect (the closer the map to the territory) the further we are from a prejudice and the closer we are to a belief. Or are we? I wonder if, insofar as there is any gap between the map and the territory, there is always the risk of prejudice, of bias favourable or unfavourable.
I wonder, what are your views?
I'm grateful for the comments below which reached me via the Training Journal Daily Digest and which I share here with Meg's permission:
Hi Dorothy,
A good question.
I was recently trying to explain the difference between stereotyping and prejudice and I'm not sure how well I did:
Stereotyping is when you make assumptions about what a person is like based on certain characteristics based on the following examples – race, accent, age, sexual orientation, physical appearance, nationality etc. These stereotypes are usually learnt through life, from the way you were bought up to your experiences through school or work etc. Stereotyping in its self is not a problem it is only when you start to act or behave differently as a result of a stereotype that it becomes a problem meaning that you are prejudiced.
Prejudice is therefore when you apply the stereotype you have learnt to everyone in that group or category of people. You assume that all the people share the same characteristics and will judge/behave in the same way as your experience tells or has shown you. Prejudice can be verbal or non-verbal it’s not just what we say, it’s the way that we say it and the body language we use.
So to try to help I provided them with a credit card showing the following simple question to ask themselves when faced with a situation/decision:
"If this person was from the same town as you, had the same coloured skin, was the same gender, shared your religious beliefs, was a similar age to you and had the same physical and mental capabilities as you, would you behave any differently?" If you can answer no to all of these then hopefully you are managing your prejudices.
I think this question would work with a coaching relationship?
Hope this helps – I'm sure you will get lots of replies.
Meg
I'm grateful to Ben Sheath for his permission to post here the comments he made on the Training Journal Daily Digest:
Hi Dorothy,
What a fabulous question and I am really looking forward to the responses. Especially around the definition of prejudice. For me prejudice is a preconceived idea or preference for something/somebody which has been formed through our personal experiences (either directly or indirectly).
The first thing that this triggered for me was a reference to a book I read sometime ago titled 'The EQ Difference' by Adele B Lynn. It follows the same principles as most of the literature on Emotional Intelligence but had a particular section on 'training your self-coach'. This takes you through a number of steps to help you observe your triggers in relation to your prejudices (as well as number of other reactions), interpret these, and consider your next steps.
I would certainly recommend the book but ultimately managing your prejudices I think is all about personal choice.
I'll watch with great interest for the other responses.
Warm regards,
Ben
Great question. This leads into unconscious bias – something I've been doing some work on (doing some web pages for programmes on tackling unconscious bias). It's a fascinating subject and accepts that our natural prejudices are addressable, we can change our behaviour if we understand our natural bias (and prejudice) and acknowledge that we want to change.
Here's a good article from the web called 'the bigot in your brain' by Scientific American http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=buried-prejudice-the-bigot-in-your-brain&sc=rss
One thing the company I am working with say is that 'no matter what the policies of a company – the behaviour of the individuals and the inherent culture are what makes the difference'. In other words, no matter how much legislation we have, as we all know (for an example), executive boards in the FTSE top 100 only have 12 per cent female members. Not exactly representative of the workforce, or the talent within the organisations, but representative not only of career choice, but bias (maybe some of it not so unconscious).
Are you prejudiced? Try this little test: https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/
I'm grateful to Anne Marie Crowly for her permission to publish her comments as follows:
Hi there Dorothy,
You ask: "How do I manage my prejudices when I'm coaching? How do you define the word 'prejudice'? And how do you manage your prejudices when coaching, training, leading etc?"
I think for me, being prejudiced is when I am not truly open to the client's self and then because of feeling prejudiced, I tend to want to offer options to the client that will steer them in a direction that I think is best for them based on my own experience or beliefs. This of course is not helpful to the client at all because they need to find their own solutions (with my support), so I work hard at ensuring it does not happen. I now know, after about one year of coaching, what my triggers are, and I am extra vigilant when they come up. I am especially vulnerable to my own prejudice when I have a client who has no spiritual life or no belief in God.
I don't think, for me, that prejudice in coaching is the urge to judge the client in anyway, although, sometimes I think that the client may react to a body language message because they are expecting a reaction from me, eg when a client recently told me that she keeps a strict daily calorie counting diary she saw me glance very slightly at her body and she immediately said 'I know, you think why am I doing that?' The client is very slim indeed. Also, I really do not think that holding onto my own position on something is helpful to the client, on whose side I am firmly placed, and therefore prejudice has never had any real impact on my coaching (to my knowledge – clients may have a different view of course!).
How I manage this is by using the four agreements (from Don Miguel Ruiz)
1. I avoid making assumptions
2. I am impeccable with my communication – both verbal and non-verbal
3. I always try to do my very best as a coach
4. I take nothing personally
These work well for me in holding back on my advice or sharing my experience with the client when I feel that prejudice trigger coming up!
With best regards,
Anne Marie
PS I would like to add, that as Coaches and also as Trainers, we are very conscious of how our thinking may affect the client/trainees. My 21 yrs experience as a HR/Training professional in business would tell me that prejudice can have a negative effect in the manager-employee relationship and in organisational culture/'the way we do things around here (no matter how vigilant diversity and equality policies). One of the ways to manage this as a Manager, would be to take the time to reflect often and spend more time on self-development/self-awareness. Coaching and mentoring support for managers would be helpful here because they can be open and honest about their prejudices without fear of judgement (once the Coaches/Mentors have their own prejudices in check!).
With thanks to Hilary Cooke who gave me permission to post her comments from the Training Journal Daily Digest:
Hi Dorothy
A great source of inspiration is Gordon Allport who wrote about prejudice in the 50s and 60s – can't recall the exact title but Google will!
One definition is to consider our socialisation and beliefs that then result in bias and stereotypical thinking – usually unconscious. The reaction or feeling is prejudice and the output or behaviour is discrimination. Discrimination can be the obvious stuff, but more commonly is displayed as micro-behaviours that still have negative impact. I am beginning to use a selection of Implicit Association Tests (IAT) with clients to help bring unconscious bias to awareness, so that behaviour in certain situations can be adapted in order to achieve a better result. I have found it helpful in identifying and raising my awareness of my own. Knowing our prejudices is an important part of knowing ourselves and working with them rather than denying them, they are natural and an unavoidable part of our development.
So, as with so much of coaching and facilitator practice, self-awareness is the key. It is also key for managing self and others and being able to embrace diversity in all its forms.
Best wishes,
Hilary