I am newly returned from The Barn, where I have been spending five days as one of a group of people who all have an interest in Nonviolent Communication (NVC). Vicky Peirce, our host, defines Nonviolent Communication in the following way on her website (at www.cometolife.org):

NVC (Nonviolent, Compassionate or Peaceful Communication) is a simple, yet profound and enjoyable process which teaches and encourages us to speak and listen to each other without blame, judgement, criticism or guilt. Over time, it can break patterns of thinking that cause pain and conflict for ourselves and others and open our hearts to mutual respect, acceptance and understanding.

To live in this way is not without challenges – not least the challenge of putting aside the ways of thinking in which we have been educated and amongst which we live in order to live from a place of acceptance and understanding. Five days at the Barn is an excellent opportunity to build this muscle of compassion – for ourselves, for others – and I come away with a deep sense of inner peace.

As I reflect, the thought that is uppermost within me is that, at any time, we come as we are. We do the best we know how in every moment and with whatever skills and resources we can muster. Of course, as Goleman has so clearly highlighted in his writings on emotional intelligence, we are vulnerable to what he calls the amygdala hijack – the moment when some comment or event triggers pain that is already within us and prompts an immediate and oftentimes ineffective response. NVC provides the tools to handle our own moments of pain as well as to meet others with compassion.

More than this, I notice that the more I am living from a place of compassion, the more I am able to meet my own needs at such moments. What’s more, the more my own needs are met – if you like, the more my own cup is full – the more I am able to bring love and compassion to my dealings with others. From this place, it matters not that others around me may bring blame and judgement, nor that they may lack skill or compassion. For I am able to be compassionate with myself and to be present to others – no matter what.

I am grateful for the experience I have had with its many, many gifts. I am grateful to Vicky for providing this space of learning, fun and nurture. I am grateful to my fellow group members for more acts of kindness than I can possibly list. I am restored – and ready for bed.