Des Lichts und Lebens Quelle

About Dorothy

Sometimes, the experience of singing is so rich that it’s hard to know what to write following a concert – so many threads to be followed, so much that could be said.

Of our concert on Sunday (Haydn’s Seasons) it’s true to say that I didn’t anticipate at the beginning of our rehearsal schedule the joy I would experience in singing this piece for the first time, as the early grind and impossible “note bashing” of our early rehearsals (“will I ever get my head around this piece?”) gave place in time to the deep delights of performing it under the beloved baton of Sir Colin Davis and alongside the exquisite singing of our three young soloists, Miah Perrson, Jeremy Ovenden and Andrew Foster-Williams.

It is not unusual, when we sing a piece that is not part of our ongoing repertoire, for the chorus to come to our first rehearsal with the conductor with anxieties about our preparedness.  This was true last week when it seemed to us that there were corners of the piece we had barely sung before.  And still, during our final week we rehearsed every day and grew in confidence.  And when we grow in confidence we often grow to love the piece we are singing as I did Haydn’s Seasons.

There were moments of humour, too.  When we sang our pleas for rescue from the summer storm (“Wo ist Rettung!”) our dramatic intent was just a little too dramatic for Joseph Cullen, our Chorus Director, who reminded the sopranos that we were not singing Tosca.  Sheepishly, a number of us confessed to each other during our break that we wondered if this remark was addressed at us (“was it me?”)  And because I know I have one of the larger voices of the section I was quite happy to come back after a rehearsal break to find a leaflet for Tosca perched on my score (thanks, Eileen!) and to pipe down just a little when Joseph let me know that yes, I could be heard above the rest of the section.

It would be a great omission to write without mentioning our regular partners, the London Symphony Orchestra.  I particularly noticed the commitment of the orchestra’s leader who could be seen (and heard) practising some of the intricacies of the piece in the breaks and whose exhortations to the players revealed a passion to go way beyond simply playing the right notes at the right time.  (If only our national football team could play under such a coach!)

Our own coaching included some fine tuning by Norbert who brought a singer’s understanding of what it takes to project the German text as well as a native speaker’s knowledge of the language.  Amongst the vocal coaches we have worked with Norbert stands out as being both fun and effective to work with.

So, as I write, I am still singing extracts from this piece I have come to know and love in recent weeks and I find myself relfecting on the deep sense of priviledge I continue to feel after half a lifetime (yes, half my lifetime) of singing as a member of the London Symphony Chorus.

Even as I yearn to catch up with last week’s sleep deficit, my gratitude is heartfelt.

 

Can you absolutely know that what you’ve chosen to believe about yourself is true?

Developing as a leader, ,

Going through my e-mails I come to a short film shared by coaching colleague Emma Chilvers from Nik Askew’s website at http://www.soulbiographies.com/.  I haven’t come across the site before, which sends out short films (this one three minutes) by subscription on a Monday morning.

They are not films to watch in a hurry even though they’re short:  this three minute film has brief content that bears deep thought and unrolls at a pace which requires ease rather than haste.

The message, delivered by Katies Byron, is thought-provoking and points to the way we can limit ourselves by holding beliefs about ourselves as if they were true.  I wonder about the implications for us as we develop.  I wonder about the implications for us as we develop as leaders.

The message?

Most of us believe the thoughts we hold about ourselves to be true.  Without question.  Even though they diminish our capacity for life.

Few ever wonder if ‘such thoughts’ are true.

Can you abolutely know that what you’ve chosen to believe about yourself is true?

The perennial leadership challenge: how to give feedback to staff

All articles,
When it comes to feedback, there are some key issues that are out of sight in terms of our beliefs and values.  It can help to get clear about these before deciding on approaches to feedback.
We live in a society whose coverts beliefs are about right and wrong, reward and punishment.  This is variously labelled, for example, as the “domination society”, or “patriarchal” or “unilateral control”.  In organisations this can be (though it doesn’t need to be) reinforced by hierarchy, where “I am more senior than you” can equate to “I am right and you are wrong”.  I am wondering as I write if the (in)famous “feedback sandwich” comes from this model – whilst it recognises and attempts to shield people’s feelings from negative feedback the feedback still comes from the idea that I have perceptions that are correct.
There is another approach which sees both parties as having needs which need to be met, having a contribution to make, having things to learn.  Again, there are various terms which get used to describe this such as the “mutual learning model” (Roger Schwarz), “nonviolent communication” (Marshall Rosenberg) and no doubt more besides.  In these approaches feedback is, frankly, as much about the person giving feedback as it is about the person receiving it, recognising that both parties have needs to be met and both parties have things to learn.  Hierarchy plays a role in terms of job function and responsibilities but not in terms of who is right and who is wrong.
So, when it comes to seeking out an effective model for giving feedback, it helps to be clear about your aspirations in terms of the underlying principles – beliefs, values etc. – that you want your preferred model to meet.  One way of understanding the implications of different approaches (in this case leadership approaches) is to read Goleman’s The New Leaders.  Essentially, leadership styles which come from the domination model can be valuable in certain specific and limited (especially crisis) situations but tend to undermine performance in the long term.  Douglas McGregor’s X and Y Theory (outlined in The Human Side of Enterprise) also points to this distinction as does Alfie Kohn’s Punished by Rewards.
If you want to understand the different underlying approaches read Goleman, McGregor, Kohn.  If you want to explore how to give feedback in line with the second (Goleman and colleagues call it “resonant”) approach, read Rosenberg and Schwarz.



PS  Just to let you know, as a member of Amazon Associates UK, I shall receive a referral fee for any books you buy using the links in this posting.

Moments of truth on the path to learning

Coaching, ,

A client in coaching has the first inkling that their current employer may not be able to meet their current or future career needs or perhaps that their marital partner of many years may not be able to meet them as the person they have become.  It is a moment of great challenge for the client:  a moment when he or she opens a door that, in truth, has been held firmly closed for some time and against a growing body of evidence.

This can become a time of “yes, but… no, but…” as the person seeking coaching dances between two different parts of self.  One part yearns to live life fully and to explore and pursue every need.  Another part has many concerns, from fear of the unknown to some lurking sense of disloyalty at the thought of leaving a job or a lover, preferring stasis to the uncertainties of an as-yet-undiscovered future.

Sometimes the coach gets caught in the crossfire, as if the first inkling that something might be true is equal to the final decision to leave.  As the client back-pedals from his or her own insights the coach may be left holding the idea of change as if it were his or her own.

The truth is such moments, whilst they look like the end of one path are always the beginning of another.  And whilst the coach may be able to say, “ah!  I’ve been here before with other clients on other journeys”, he or she is at this stage as ignorant as the client of the outcomes that may in time come from their work together.  It could go either way.  For who knows what needs might be seeking expression until the client reaches a point of readiness to explore?  And only when those needs have been identified and understood can the client decide how best they might be met.

(And here’s a note to clients everywhere:  if your coach claims to know the outcome of your journey ahead of time – beware!  For even when there are trends and likelihoods, your coach needs to be guided by you, supporting you in forging your own path.  The coach who leads you down a path that is not your own does not serve you well or support you in seeking out and understanding your own wisdom and guidance).

Seeing the unseen: truths about the society we live in

Developing as a leader, ,

Last week I wrote about the context in which we give feedback and this week I want to point to two more resources which supply insights into the society we live in.  Both provide insights for leaders about the context in which we lead.  This is not just about organisational culture.  It’s also about a wider culture.

The first resource is Walter Wink’s book The Powers That Be:  Theology For A New Millenium.  Winks has written extensively about what he calls the “powers” and this book draws together key points from a number of his books.  Maybe one way to understand Wink’s book is to imagine as a human being without knowledge of the overall size and shape of our planet being taken into space and shown, for the first time, that our planet earth is round and part of a much wider system.  Wink’s provides a compelling case for the idea that we live in a culture which favours violence (he calls it the domination system) and offers an alternative both to using violence to respond to violence and to a passive acceptance of domination by others.  He calls this alternative to classic fight or flight the third way or nonviolence.  I have heard that this book provided inspiration for Marshall Rosenberg’s book Nonviolent Communication:  A Language for Life as well as for Rosenberg’s lifetime commitment to teach nonviolence.  As a fan of Rosenberg’s work I found Wink’s book informed my understanding of this thing called NVC, too.

(Maybe it’s important to recognise in this posting that the subtitle of Wink’s book Theology for a New Millenium points both to Wink’s Christian faith and to the source of his interest.  If you are what often gets called a practising Christian you may find that this book challenges you in your understanding of Christ’s teachings, providing new insights into some key events in Christ’s life based on an understanding of the historical context in which Christ taught people – for example – to “turn the other cheek”.  And if you are not a Christian but simply someone who is seeking to understand the context in which you live and work I hope you will still read Wink’s book and draw insights from it).

Alongside Wink’s book, I recently came across the work of Anne Wilson Schaef and decided to read her book When Society Becomes An Addict.  Schaef is also stepping a long way back to identify a systemic culture she initially called by gender-related names and in this book calls the addictive system.  What fascinates me about this book is the link Schaef makes to the behaviours of the alcoholic.  These include such things as seeking to control, lying, denial and confusion.  And this makes sense to me both as cause and effect of living in what Wink’s calls the domination society.  For if you are seeking to dominate you are unlikely to say “I’m telling you that I’m right and you are wrong because that gives me power over you and encourages you to comply” or “I am dismissing you or your ideas rather than look into them because I know my case is built on foundations that don’t stand up to close examination”.  Equally, if you are subject to domination by others you may well experience confusion when faced with the obfuscation of a dominant other (from parent to boss) and you may well lie in your attempts to protect yourself from the punishments that are built into the system.

What’s this got to do with leadership?  In truth, I hope this is readily apparent:  as leaders, we may choose to perpetuate the domination system or to create something different.  Goleman and his co-authors write about the impact of different leadership styles in their book The New Leaders.  Perhaps another way of looking at it is this:  Wink’s writing together with Wilson Schaef’s provide a context in which to read all sorts of writings about leadership.  If you like, a planet earth view.

PS  Just to let you know, as a member of Amazon Associates UK, I shall receive a referral fee for any books you buy using the links in this posting.

    

Nonviolent communication: finding out more

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As they often are, my post for today has been written in advance.  As I sit and write, I am looking forward to taking a week away on a Nonviolent Communication retreat, with Vicky Peirce at The Barn.  As you read, I am mid-way through our five days together.  My past experience tells me that I can expect to be both stretched and nourished by the experience.

Recently, colleagues in the UK community of NVC practitioners have launched a ning group – a kind of social network cum website.  The membership is growing and I expect it to grow further.  You will find it at http://www.nvc-uk.com/ or equally at http://nvc-uk.ning.com/.  This is in addition to a simple information page at http://www.nvc-uk.info/.  There’s also a wealth of information available via the official site of the Center for Nonviolent Communication at http://www.cnvc.org/.

Marshall’s book is also the book I recommend most often to my coaching clients.  Having imbibed BBC Radio 4 all my life, I sometimes call it my Desert Island Disc book.  This is Nonviolent Communication:  A Language for Life.

If you want to find out more about Nonviolent Communication or connect with others who are seeking to practice this approach to relationships with self and other, these are all good places to start.

PS Just to let you know, as a member of Amazon Associates UK, I shall receive a referral fee for any books you buy using the links in this posting.

When your self image takes time to adjust to your new role

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As much as I am passionate about my work, I rarely watch television drama with a professional eye.  This evening, though, a classic workplace drama caught my eye:  the promotion.

Mark, senior nurse at Holby City, is encouraged by colleagues to apply for – and gets – the vacant CEO post.  Whilst his colleagues are already looking at him through new eyes, Mark is unsure about his ability to do the job.  His sense of self or self image is out of kilter with his understanding of his new job.

It’s possible that Mark does not have the capabilities to do the job.  (In truth, given my understanding of the job he is leaving behind and the role of CEO, I think this is likely).  Equally, it’s possible that Mark has everything it takes to carry out his new role effectively.  It’s simply a question of aligning his self image to his full capabilities in the context of his new post.

Sometimes, candidates for a new and senior job have a self image which tells them they have everything to do a job and yet this sense of self is not matched by their true capabilities.  These candidates are the recruiter’s nightmare – a kind of headhunter’s Lorelei.  Presenting every appearance of having what it takes they draw others in and they may even present a great front for a while once they are in post.  However, there are only so many times they can blame others for mistakes in their new role before those around them start to see beyond their brash and confident facade.

If you are the employer seeking to fill that critical senior post you will do well to invest in a thorough Executive Assessment.  At Learning for Life (Consulting) we place a three-hour competency based (“behavioural event”) interview at the centre of our assessments.  This helps us to make confident risk assessments of short-listed candidates and to see through any false impressions.  If you let through the over-confident candidate you may find it hard to invite changes, for the over-confidence may be rooted in the candidate’s refusal to face the evidence of their limitations.  Yes, they lie* to themselves – habitually.

If you are one of the Mark’s of this world, you may find that working with a good Executive Coach will help you to adjust your sense of self so that you can step fully into your new role, knowing in every fibre of your being who you are in the context of your new role.  This will boost your confidence even whilst helping you to understand and leverage your strengths – and recognise and manage your limitations.

*And in case you think “lie” is a strong word (in this or any other context) you might like to look out for Dorothy Rowe’s recent book Why We Lie.  I added it to my wishlist on Amazon recently after hearing my namesake talk about her book on BBC Radio 4.

Making the case for a “coaching culture” in your organisation

Coaching, Developing as a leader,

Today a request (on the Training Journal Daily Digest) for input on how to make the case for creating a coaching culture moved me to write. The person making the request had been charged with making the case by her line manager after suggesting it would benefit her employing organisation. Given the level of experience (as best I could judge from a brief posting) I decided to go right back to the fundamentals. This is what I wrote:

There’s plenty I could say on this subject – creating a coaching culture across organisations (also known as a “high performance culture”) is close to my heart and to my professional interests. First though, I thought I’d suggest you get really clear about the outcomes you desire from preparing a business case – and also about the outcomes your manager wants from this activity.

I’m guessing there may be several, including:

  • Making and testing the case for going down this road, i.e. outlining what this might do for your organisation together with credible evidence to support your assertion and testing what it might take to achieve those outcomes. Together, this constitutes your compelling case;
  • Beginning the process of building support and commitment across the organisation for some kind of investment in this;
  • For your manager there may also be other elements which s/he may not express, such as letting you be the person who tests the idea and fails rather than taking on this risk or beginning to coach you in how to build the case and make it stick so that it turns into a viable proposal which achieves great results across the organisation.

These objectives are illustrative – and just to say that if you overlook any one of your key outcomes you may direct energies ineffectively as you set about making your case.

Derrick Bird: more than a “killer”

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Wednesday, June 2, 2010.  As the day unfolds the news begins to emerge of a number of acts of violence in Cumbria.  What began as an ordinary day in an area beloved of holiday makers for its tranquility and outstanding natural beauty ends as another Hungerford, Dunblane, Omagh.

Thursday, June 3, 2010.  The news of the day is dominated by reporting of the shootings as each new detail is sought out and shared.  Wondering why we are drawn to report in such detail and why I am drawn to watch it, I recognise the shock we all experience at events which are so far outside our mental maps of the world and our need, somehow, to make sense of the tragic events of the day.  Talk of the fact that the weapons used were lawfully held blends seamlessly into questions about our UK gun laws as if, somehow, there must be a way of preventing every such act of violence.

The reportage is – to my mind at least – sensitive and respectful, recognising the shock of a whole community and the need to grieve both individually and as a community.  The events of the previous day will need to be processed and the community will need to find some way of coming to terms with the experiences and the heartfelt losses of the day.

Of course, one option is easy to reach for and already reflected in the language used to describe Derrick Bird, the man who killed 12 people and injured a number of others.  On the one hand witnesses describe him in his full ordinariness:  the man who was a regular in his local pub, sometimes quiet and sometimes joshing with his mates;  the man who had dedicated significant time to caring for his mother.  On the other hand, journalists reach for the descriptions which set him apart – the gunsman, killer.  It is not only that he committed acts of violence.  The language suggests that he was the acts he committed.

I am reminded of a story told by Marshall Rosenberg about teaching nonviolent communication in a prison, when a man convicted of murder told him:  “If I’d known about this [nonviolent communication], I would not have needed to murder my best friend”.  Whilst we may never know for sure the motives that drove Derrick Bird to shoot so many people before killing himself, we can be sure that his was the tragic expression of his unmet needs – needs that he lacked the skill to meet.  His tragedy has become the tragedy of his family, the tragedy of a whole community, the tragedy of a nation.

So, as my heart goes out to everyone involved, I choose to believe that Derrick Bird was more – much more – than the acts he committed on Wednesday, 2 June 2010.  I choose to embrace him in my thoughts with as much love and care as I have for his bereaved family, for those he injured and killed, for their loved ones and for those around them affected by the terrible events of the day.

His is not a legacy I would wish for anyone and yet it can be transformed by our ability to love and to heal.

“Executive” and “Life” Coaching: choosing the right coach for you

Coaching

Coaching’s leading international body, The International Coach Federation, offers tips for selecting a coach and, well, more tips for selecting a coach, so I think I need to start this posting by answering a question which may or may not be in your minds: why am I providing thoughts when guidance is already available?

The answer is two-fold or maybe three. Firstly, my recent series of postings on “life” and “executive” coaching doesn’t seem complete to me without addressing the question of how to find the right coach for you. Secondly, you’re here reading this blog and you may or may not know about the ICF’s guidance: at the very least, I wanted to supply the link. And thirdly, it’s possible that I may have some thoughts to add.

The ICF’s Tip 2 is know your objectives for working with a coach. I’m going to put this in pole position and adapt it slightly, to know what you want. When you are seeking help and support it helps to know what outcomes you want from your investment. It’s also possible that the help and support you need right now may or may not be coaching. (I want to add a note of compassion here: from some people at least, exploring what you want is the work in which you invest with your partner of choice).

The ICF Tip 1 is educate yourself about coaching. I’m inclined to adapt this, too, to – simply – educate yourself. I have written about a number of different approaches elsewhere on my blog and as I write I am making a mental note to write an overview of some of the approaches that are out there, though this posting is for another day. The bottom line is this:  coaching may or may not be the right next step for you. Meantime, if you do want to read about coaching, the ICF Research Portal also hosts coaching research articles, case studies, journals, etc.)

There’s a tip the ICF doesn’t highlight: know how you want to work with your coach. As well as knowing what outcomes you want from coaching, it helps to know how you want to work with your coach to make progress towards those outcomes. In practice many clients don’t know the answer to this question until they have their first experience of coaching. Still, thinking through this question helps you to decide whether coaching is the right investment for you and also to find the best match for you. (And in case you want to explore what coaching requires of the coach, you might like to read “Executive” and “Life” Coaching: What does each require of the coach?)

The ICF Tip 3 is to interview three coaches before you decide on one. Professional coaches are used to responding to requests of this kind and benefit from it: just as you want to find the right coach for you they want to find the right clients for them. This part of the process helps you to deepen your understanding of what you want as well as to test the match with your potential coach. It also reassures your coach that you come to coaching from a place of commitment and having “done your homework”.

The ICF Tip 4 follows on from Tip 3, highlighting that when you choose the right coach for you, there should be a connection that feels right for you. In other words, trust your instincts. This is true when you make your initial choice and it’s also true when you start your work together. If your instincts are telling you this isn’t the right person for you to work with, it probably isn’t. Don’t be afraid to draw your coaching to an end and go in search of a better match.

By the time you have gone through these steps, the labels (“executive”, “life” etc.) that have helped you draw up your initial shortlist of coaches should have served their purpose. By now you have had the opportunity to explore in greater depth the match between you and your coach and find the right coach for you. I wish you well with your search.