On being right – or wrong

Developing as a leader, Emotional Intelligence, ,

Once more www.TED.com has come up with a great resource in the form of a talk by Kathryn Schulz On Being Wrong.  This reached me via Stuart Reid* who commented: 


There is quite a lot in this TED talk from Kathryn Schulz that helps to explain why the ‘unilateral control model’ is so powerful.  Schulz has a view that one reason why we care so much about being wrong is that we often feel that if we are wrong there is something wrong with us – so we insist instead that we are right.  And she also makes the point well that feeling we are right is often not a reliable guide to what’s going on out there in the real world.

Leaders who are attached to always being right are easy to spot.  They rarely ask for input from those they lead in order to form a plan and even when they do it’s their own ideas that prevail.  They have people reporting to them – sometimes very senior people – who think twice before putting forward an idea for fear of the public humiliation that will follow.  They think their staff are rubbish (“they have no ideas to offer at all”) and they may overlook the fact that some very talented people come and go from their watch.  They are often disappointed with the outcomes from their staff and rarely take responsibility.  Of course, it’s not just leaders who have this kind of experience – it’s colleagues, spouses, parents and children…

I want to add that, in our culture, this is not uncommon.  Take a moment to notice when you have wanted to be right even though you knew you were wrong, when you were really hard on yourself or on someone else for the things that didn’t go to plan, when you were afraid of the consequences of a mistake or escaped into your head to think about it instead of to feel it.

How much compassion do you have for your own mistakes?  And for the mistakes of others?

*And yes, if you follow Stuart’s link, you’ll find all sorts of additional treasures to explore.

Preparing for interview: it’s your mindset that counts

Emotional Intelligence

How often we give our power away when we are preparing for an interview (or to make a presentation, or…, or… or…).  It seems the world is setting out to remind me of this right now.  I have been assessing a number of people for senior leadership roles recently. It’s a topic that has cropped up recently with a coaching client (as it does from time to time).  And I have been following a discussion thread on the HRUK group on LinkedIn with the heading:  What’s the one piece of key advice you would give to a candidate preparing for an interview?


I make an initial response as follows:


This is a question I find myself exploring with coaching clients – i.e. in a situation in which I am the advocate of the person being interviewed.
What I often find is that the interviewee holds the mindset “I need to prove I’m capable of doing this job” rather than I mindset of “I’d like to establish whether or not this is the right employer and the right job for me – whether we are well matched”. The energy that goes with the first mindset is quite different than the energy that goes with the second.

So, for the interviewee, my first piece of advice would be to explore and choose a mindset that serves them in fulfilling their intentions.



I particularly notice the response of another correspondent with which I tend to disagree:  

However, taking Dorothy’s point a stage further, it all starts wih having the right positive mindset to win the interview.
Around 90% of my clients have previously failed at interviews because of self doubts, excessive nerves and negative thoughts. The focus then becomes on ‘I hope I don’t freeze’ etc rather than I will make sure I impress!

My concern is this:  setting out to “impress” can set up the idea that somehow all the power is in the hands of the interviewer.  When we hold this point of view, we are liable to think we have to do something more than be ourselves, to wonder exactly what the key is to being successful, to feel increasing levels of anxiety (because, after all we don’t know).  In other words, self doubts, excessive nerves and negative thoughts are the natural corollary of thinking we have to impress.

On the other hand, when we view an interview as a mutual exploration (are we well matched?) our attention is not only about any decisions a potential employer might make (which are out of our hands).  It is also with our own needs, helping us to think about what information we need in order to know to what extent the job we are discussing might meet our needs.  This is a more balanced perspective and tends to leave us feeling more powerful.  And yes, it helps to hold the belief that the right opportunity is out there – and this may or may not be it.

There is a paradox at work here – as there so often is.  Some interviewees with skills in influencing will set out to impress – and be empowered by this.  These are people who have the ability to put themselves in the shoes of a potential employer and to understand precisely what they need to do to influence or have an impact on their interviewer(s).  If you know you have these skills – then yes, set out to impress. Either way, the aim is to choose an approach which empowers. 

 



On my own side of the street

Emotional Intelligence,

I have been facilitating an on-line discussion amongst former colleagues in recent weeks and I notice just how hard I have been finding it to stay on my side of the street.

What do I mean when I use the term “on my side of the street”?  I have to give credit here to Anne Wilson Schaef.  It’s hard to characterise Wilson Schaef whose career has taken her through working as a therapist and dealing with women’s issues to looking more widely, looking at organisations and whole societies.  A theme that runs through her work (as I understand it) lies in her concern for wholeness and health and her belief that individuals, organisations and even whole societies are susceptible to the dysfunction of addiction.  Wilson Schaef also explores those ways of living that she sees as more natural and healthy and it was in her book Living in Process:  Basic Truths for Living the Path of the Soul that I came across and enjoyed her concept of living on your own side of the street.

What does the person do who stays on their own side of the street?  Let me illustrate this with my experience of the discussion I mentioned right at the beginning of this posting.  When I stray from my side of the street, for example, it would be easy to notice how Person A, who opted not to comment until after a decision had been made expresses his discomfort with the decision and to feel frustrated – why did he not express his views as part of the initial consultation?  Or to be horrified by the way Persons B and C are expressing their views and to feel somehow responsible.  Or to wonder if, in the light of the debate that has ensued, I got something wrong when I consulted colleagues in the first place.  To stray from my side of the street is to focus on what’s going on outside of me and to be guided by it – leading to confusion and a sense of being a victim.  It also carries with it the temptation to move from victim to perpetrator (“if you felt so strongly about it, why didn’t you express your view when you were asked?”, for example).

To stay on my side of the street, on the other hand, is to notice what’s going on in me and to take responsibility for my own experience.  It is to notice that, yes, I opened up a question and I wasn’t entirely prepared for the response – not so much the range of views but the manner in which they have been expressed.  Equally, I wasn’t quite prepared for the reality that even having consulted with colleagues the ultimate decision would sit in my hands because navigating a discussion amongst 75 members of an on-line group who have no prior agreement about how to take decisions is unlikely to lead to 75 people saying “yes, let’s go with that”.  To stay on my side of the street is also to choose my response.  I have, for example, wondered about saying, “having consulted with you and taken my decision, I’m now signing off this discussion”.  It’s an option, though for now, I have decided to hang on in there.  One reason for staying is because I want to stay abreast of the body of opinion in the group and by guided by it.  Another reason is because I know that, in so far as I am triggered by others’ behaviour or am taking it personally, it is guiding me towards valuable learning.

Wilson Schaef points out how tough it is to stay on our own side of the street precisely because we equate taking responsibility with having caused something and assign blame (as if, for example, I am somehow responsible for the fact that there are diverse views amongst the group or for the way group members have expressed their views).  At the same time, she highlights how, when we can let go of viewing human behaviour in terms of cause and effect (and assigning blame) we empower ourselves.  I would add that, by example, we offer a way for others to empower themselves.

I wonder, do you aspire to stay on your own side of the street?  And to what extent are you succeeding?

Leadership levels: knowing your job

Developing as a leader
Finally, I’ve embarked on my reading regime – the one I mentioned in my post Exploring the inner game of leadership.  I’m starting with a book which continues to attract warm recommendations, Jim Collins’ Good to Great.  In it, Collins shares findings from research into those companies who have gone from showing solid performance to showing outstanding performance in the marketplace.

Early on, Collins lays out a neat hierarchy of work levels.  It’s not rocket science or even entirely new and still, it serves to remind us of levels of work with which we are familiar and also to highlight an additional level, the Level 5 leader, which is the subject of Collins’ book.  I highlight it for another reason – but first, let me share Collins definitions:

Level 5 Executive:  Builds enduring greatness through a paradoxical blend of personal humility and professional will.

Level 4 Effective Leader:  Catalyzes a commitment to and vigorous pursuit of a clear and compelling vision, stimulating higher performance standards.

Level 3 Competent Manager:  Organizes people and resources toward the effective and efficient pursuit of pre-determined objectives.

Level 2 Contributing Team Member:  Contributes individual capabilities to the achievement of group objectives and works effectively with others in a group setting.

Level 1 Highly Capable individual:  Makes productive contributions through talent, knowledge, skills, and good work habits.

What does this hierarchy evoke for me?  I want to highlight the role that adaptability plays in success.  The more strategies you have to meet your goals the more likely you are to succeed (and yes, I’ve been there, too – using a strategy that didn’t work last time either and hoping that by trying harder, it will work this time).

As you move through the hierarchy of work levels to which Collins refers, it helps to know clearly which level of work you are employed to do and to develop strategies that work at that level.  It also helps to know how the level to which you aspire differs from your current work level.  Oftentimes poor performance stems from applying habits from the level of work below the level at which you are employed to contribute.  Oftentimes the promotion you feel frustrated you have not have yet achieved is withheld because you do not yet show you understand at what level you will be required to contribute in the job to which you aspire.

I wonder, what comes up for you as you read Collins’ Level 5 Hierarchy above?

  

Reflecting on the importance of perceptions

Emotional Intelligence

5pm and I’m walking through the market in Lewisham on my way home from a meeting in the City.  It’s always a good time to pick up a bargain and cucumbers are especially cheap right now – five for a pound.  Our continental cousins have been saying no to salad since a number of deaths from e-coli have been attributed to poor hygiene in the vegetable department (follow this link if you’re curious to read more).  It seems it doesn’t matter that the underlying reasons for the outbreak have not been determined – the rumour was enough to make the difference to sales, and with devastating impact on agriculture in Germany.

As it happens, I have had several conversations today about marketing for small businesses.  Here, too, it’s the rumour that makes the difference.  Many people who start their own businesses are unprepared for the reality that it’s not enough to do a great job for your clients to be successful – you have to attract clients in the first place (and, yes, retain them) in order to do a great job for them.  How many small-time entrepreneurs have fallen on the sword of their own pride when it comes to sharing with others what they do, believing that “the cream always rises to the top” and “if I do a good job, the business will come”.  Maybe it will, but if it doesn’t:  what then?

This is often an extension of the beliefs they held when they were working in the organisations they left behind (and in which my clients mainly work – so, yes, there’s a thought here for you, too).  Somehow we tell ourselves that it’s in the interests of our employers to spot and nurture talent and, yes, I agree.  But if you’re looking for new opportunities – to broaden your skills or gain your next promotion – it’s good to remember that it’s not always enough to have what it takes.  Other people have to know that you have what it takes and that you want that opportunity.  As long as you’re sitting there thinking someone else ought to be doing something to further your career, you’re giving away your power to make things happen.

One place where this fundamental difference – between being “good” and being seen to be “good” shows up is in the 360 degree questionnaire.  (I use the Hay Group’s Emotional Competence Inventory from time to time, for example).  Such questionnaires do not give an objective insight into the competencies you display at work and still, they do give an objective insight into the competencies you are seen to display at work.  Like the German cucumbers you saw if you followed the link above, it doesn’t matter that you have all the skills and attributes needed to progress if nobody knows you do.

I wonder, how willing are you to openly share what you want at work?  And if you’re not, what stops you?  (And here’s a clue:  if you’re looking outside yourself for answers to that second question, try again.  The answer sits with you).

Leadership and the art of getting people on board

Developing as a leader

A few weeks ago I posted a link to an article by Scott Adams, creator of “Dilbert” and observer of our life at work.  The article, How to Get a Real Education, reads like a 10-minute MBA and is full of examples from Adams’ own experience as a student of entrepreneurship at Hartwick College in Oneonta, NY.


One of them hit the subject of influencing – and boy!  do you need to be able to influence if you want to lead others!  Adams writes:


The dean required that our first order of business in the fall would be creating a dorm constitution and getting it ratified. That sounded like a nightmare to organize. To save time, I wrote the constitution over the summer and didn’t mention it when classes resumed. We held a constitutional convention to collect everyone’s input, and I listened to two hours of diverse opinions. At the end of the meeting I volunteered to take on the daunting task of crafting a document that reflected all of the varied and sometimes conflicting opinions that had been aired. I waited a week, made copies of the document that I had written over the summer, presented it to the dorm as their own ideas and watched it get approved in a landslide vote. That was the year I learned everything I know about getting buy-in.


I wonder how it lands with you.  What is your experience of influencing others?  And with what challenges?  With what success?

Speaking candidly about Candide

All articles

Soon after I joined the London Symphony Chorus it was my privilege to perform Leonard Bernstein’s Candide under the leadership of the great man himself. This experience was captured on camera by Deutsche Grammophon and I still have the DVD.  You can find extracts on YouTube (my, we were younger then!)

Approaching a performance some 20-plus years later a certain nostalgia sets in amongst members of the chorus and the London Symphony Orchestra as we share memories and recollections.  They are not all flattering to Bernstein who was not always an easy man – one soprano reminds me of how critical he was of our then pianist in rehearsal.  I recall Bernstein smoking on the concert platform during rehearsal and remember how staff had to approach him to ask him to stop.  We all remember how the cast was besieged by flu.  At the same time, many memories are treasured.  This was our last performance with Bernstein who died soon after.  The cast was superb.  Even some of our own chorus members had solos to sing.

These memories don’t augur well for our present-day conductor, Kristjan Jarvi though he may not know it, predisposing us to make comparisons and to resist his approach.  This is coupled with a certain pre-concert anxiety which compounds the effect:  we look for clearer directions than we are given (especially as we are asked to make movements, grappling with our scores, watching the conductor and dying… dancing… waving).  And even as we get clear about those movements we wish for more rehearsal time than we have.

Come the night, though, everything comes together and we – I at least! – enjoy ourselves hugely.  Our present day cast is also superb.  Rory Kinnear as narrator holds the story and engages the audience so that we are laughing from the very beginning and don’t stop until we have finished the piece.  Andrew Staples in the role of  Candide has the kind of guileless quality the role demands.  Kiera Duffey, as Cunegonde, puts on a superb performance of the song Glitter and Be Gay, scaling the song’s great heights with ease as well as conveying its comedy.  Kim Cresswell throws all vanity to the wind to give a hilarious performance in the role of the old lady.

Can we forgive Jarvi for not being Bernstein?  In the end it is the old man who prevails – not necessarily as a conductor but because he composed this wonderful piece with the same quality of tunes-manship that we enjoy so much in West Side Story and with orchestration which adds to the beauty of every note.  So, it will take something more from Mr Jarvi to usurp him.

Oh!  And PS:  we award “man of the match” to David Jackson, percussionist, for his athletic sprints between various instruments in the piece’s overture.

    

Exploring the inner game of leadership

Developing as a leader,

I confess, today I’m in book heaven.  I have been drawing together reading recommendations to supplement my own research and thinking about the inner game of leadership.  In particular, I’m exploring the key attributes, characteristics, competencies that provide the foundations for effective leadership at director level.  I’m especially interested in those characteristics that are often unseen and still essential to succeed at this level.  These characteristics are often conspicuous by their absence:  you don’t notice when someone has them but – oh boy! –  you do notice when they’re absent.

Right now, I’m planning to write a paper on the subject and gathering together a number of books to read.  In case you’d like to join me in my reading, here’s my list as it stands today.  Some books I have already and know well.  Some have been landing on my doorstep in recent days.  (And of course, in case you’re like most senior leaders and only get to read a book if you’re on a plane well, then, look out for my brief paper which I’ll be publishing later this year).  Here’s the list:

Right now, I’m beginning to explore the findings in Jim Collins Book, Good to Great.  I’ll keep you posted.  Meantime, what thoughts do you have about the hidden characteristics of the most outstanding leaders at director level?  And what has it taken you to succeed at this level?

Speaking the unspoken

Developing as a leader

Last week I returned to a topic of interest to me – Joseph Campbell’s work around the hero’s journey.  You can read  a brief description of the hero’s journey by following this link.  As leaders, we are called at times to embark on a journey for which we feel ill prepared.  The journey begins with the seed of an idea and yet the precise destination may be unknown, as is the “how” of the journey.  Joseph Jaworski wrote a compelling account of his own hero’s journey in his book Synchronicity:  The Inner Path of Leadership.  As I mentioned in my blog posting last week (On the threshold of change), leaders also face another challenge:  that of having to decide how to respond when those they lead are saying no to their own personal call to adventure.  Over the years, and even at the most senior levels, I have seen men and women baulk when it comes to addressing the symptoms they see that an employee is saying no to this call.


How do you know that an employee is saying no to some journey that is opening to them – if only he or she would take the first step?  Sometimes, you can see that an employee is doing a great job and could easily progress – if only he or she would own the talents which everyone else can so clearly see.  Sometimes an employee is clinging tightly to a role in which he or she is performing badly.  This may be a role which has grown faster than the role holder or perhaps a role to which the role holder was never well suited.  Sometimes the employee is doing a perfectly good job for the organisation and still, he or she never quite sparkles (even though his or her eyes light up when talking about a hobby or some other activity outside work).  Sometimes an employee has something to face which may be nothing to do with work – an illness, for example, or the breakdown of a marriage or intimate relationship.  Whatever the situation, you are witness to another’s call to adventure when you can see some incongruity, some discrepancy, between the “where I am now” and the “where I might be” or even “where I need to be” of an employee.


Maybe this issue is yours to address as a responsible leader, as it is, for example, when an employee is failing to deliver the minimum requirements for a job.  Sometimes there is no requirement on you to speak with an employee and still…  Either way, your self talk is highly instructive, highlighting what you fear most about addressing the issue with your employee.  Often, the fear expressed on the surface is a fear for the leader’s employee.  Underneath it, however, lies some fear for yourself.  Typical examples of leaders’ self talk (together with examples of the kind of the thing the leader is not saying) include:

  •  He’s done so much for the company I owe it to him to make it work in this job.  (I’m scared of speaking honestly with him about his performance for fear of being criticised after all he’s done for me);
  • She’s been such a loyal friend over the years – how can I do this to her?  (I’m scared of being seen as a poor friend if I tell her plainly that she’s not doing a good job);
  • If he get’s promoted what will I do without him?  I owe it to the company to hold onto him as long as I can.  (I’m scared that my boss will be angry if he finds out I’ve encouraged him to move on);
  • Her marriage is not my business – how can I possibly talk to her about it?  (I’m scared of putting my foot right in it and being held responsible if the whole thing goes wrong).
I have also seen how the most outstanding leaders have a different kind of self-talk, which propels them into action.  Here are just a few examples:
  • He’s done a great job so far but now the job is growing faster than he is.  I owe it to him to be straight about this and to help him find a way forward;
  • Knowing her as well as I do, she may well not want to hear it and still, I need to let her know this isn’t the right job for her.  What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?
  • I know my boss might not like it, and still, I owe it to John to support him in moving forward – he’s got such outstanding talent.  And yes, that will also leave some headroom for other members of the team to grow;
  • I can see how hard she’s working right now when she needs to take care of her marriage.  It’s time for me to check in with her and explore what support I can give right now.
The truth is, we might be criticised – up, down or sideways, we might lose a friend, our performance indicators might suffer for a while, the list goes on…  And still, when we are able to know this and still to take action we offer a gift to those we lead, whether or not they choose to take it.  This supports those we lead on their own hero’s journey.  It’s also part of ours.

On the threshold of change

Developing as a leader, Emotional Intelligence, ,

In April 2005 I wrote an article which I subsequently published here on the blog under the heading Joseph Campbell and the hero’s journey.  It is a posting to which I return again and again in my work with leaders.  In the meantime, Robert Dilts (from whom I learnt about Campbell’s work) and Stephen Gillighan have added to the literature in this area by writing their own account of The Hero’s Journey, which I have recently added to my Amazon wishlist.

Campbell discovered a number of key steps in the hero’s journey, reflected in myths and stories from around the world.  It’s easy to wonder why these are of relevance in our modern world (who do you know, for example, who has recently slain a dragon?) until we recognise, quite quickly, the metaphorical significance of the hero’s journey.  It is, fundamentally, about our human experience and reflects the invitation that faces us all at some point in our lives to step out beyond our comfort zone in response to some kind of call to adventure.

The leaders I work with, being human, face the challenge that every other hero faces:  the challenge of being called to embark on a journey without knowing where it will take you;  the challenge of being drawn towards outcomes you don’t know how to achieve*.  This is the very nature of the hero’s journey.  Over my years of conducting research into what differentiates the most effective leaders I have found that one of the attributes of the most outstanding leaders is the ability to combine both an appetite for results with a tolerance for risk.  It is by risking failure that we are able to do things that have not been attempted before.  Such a leader is able to respond to the call to adventure (step one in the hero’s journey) and to step over the threshold (step 2).

But what if you are hearing the call to adventure and feel unable to respond?  Maybe it helps to know that you are not alone – or maybe not.  The truth is this:  life calls us repeatedly to step over the threshold and the signals it sends us get stronger and stronger.  The longer we wait the more likely they are to include those things we most fear – illness, job loss, the break up of our most intimate and valued relationships.  We may know this and still, we fear what may come on our journey every bit as much as we fear what may come if we say no to the call.  Saying no to a call to adventure comes, fundamentally, from our most heartfelt desire for safety.  This is the time when our yearning for safety competes with our desire for change.  The paradox is this:  as soon as we cross the threshold, our guardian or mentor will appear.  This is the nature of the hero’s journey.  At the same time, as long as we refuse to cross the threshold there is no guardian, no mentor.  It’s a lonely place to be.

Sometimes, as coach, I am the guardian whose student stands before me and for whom still, the time has not yet come.  I can offer many options and ideas to explore and yet… it takes a commitment to cross the threshold – it takes having crossed the threshold –  before these options carry any weight.  And you?  If you are the hero, called to a journey for which you are not yet ready, what can you do?  I wonder if a starting point is simply this:  to notice – and stay with – where you are;  to ask yourself “where am I?”, “what is true in this place?” and “how is it for me to be here?”

*Leaders also face another challenge:  that of having to decide how to respond when those they lead are saying no to their own personal call to adventure.  I say more about this on Friday.